by Dyanne Davis
“Not this time.” He shook his head. “Am I the man that you want?”
“I answered that question already.”
“That was when we were making up.”
“Are we done making up?”
“We’ve taken the edge off.” He couldn’t help smiling. “And that’s permitting me to think clearly. I know that we need to talk.”
“Simon, come on, please, let’s not fight.”
He laughed aloud. “I don’t believe it, you, the queen of fights, don’t want to fight.” He chuckled. “Don’t worry baby, I don’t want to fight either. But we have to get some things straight between us.”
Janice sighed. “Okay, what?”
“First, about my leaving, I meant it. I would never abandon you. I hate to keep repeating myself but I want to make this perfectly clear to you. I’m getting tired of paying for Tommy’s sins. I’m sure I don’t know everything that happened with the two of you but I’m not him and I refuse to continue in this relationship and allow you to walk all over me. What I told you before I left I meant. We’re not doing this dance between us anymore. Now back to my original question. Before we pick a date, am I the man that you want for the rest of your life? I plan to do this only once. You marry me and that’s it,” he said seriously, “I will not leave you and you will not leave me. Till death do us part.”
“You’re the man that I want,” Janice admitted, not looking directly at him. She knew if she didn’t admit to at least that much she would lose him. Her throat tightened. She didn’t want to lose Simon from her life.
“Can you look at me and say it as though you mean it?” Simon said, pulling her closer.
“I meant it,” she said.
“Look at me, and tell me again,” he ordered, his voice not leaving any room for kidding.
“Simon,” she whispered. “You know that you’re the one that I want. Haven’t I shown you that?”
He looked backwards at the bed. “You mean that? No, baby, that’s not showing me.”
She lifted her brow.
“That was showing me you needed me, wanted me, maybe even missed me and believe me, I love it. But that’s not showing me that you love me.”
“What do you want from me?”
“I want you to share your soul with me.”
Chapter Fifteen
Janice shivered. Simon wanted her soul. She’d known it would lead to this. What had happened to the man that she fought with, the one that she could depend on to fight with her, the one who didn’t have the look in his eyes that Simon did, as if his entire life was riding on her answer?
She wanted only to see his passion, his lust; she didn’t want to see his love. And it had gotten so that lately love was always in his eyes. A part of her wanted to grab onto that love and beg him to never stop loving her. But she remembered how fragile love was, how easily it could change. And she never wanted to hurt that way again.
“Simon, what happened, what changed you?”
“You did.”
“How?”
“I don’t know.”
“I liked the way we were together.”
“So did I, but I’m not getting any younger. Neither are you,” he said pointedly. “I want more in my life. I want that one special person. I want to know that I can depend on you, that no matter what happens, no matter what secrets we share, we can weather the storm, that we will be there for each other. And I can’t count on that if you aren’t willing to share your soul with me.”
“There won’t be any going back from that, Simon, and life doesn’t offer any guarantees. If I do as you ask, open myself up to you, expose my soul, bare it all, can you guarantee me that I won’t regret it?”
He swallowed. “No, I can’t guarantee it. But I’d like to think that we can build a future where we can work past any obstacles.”
“What if I promise you that I will try?”
Simon swallowed. He thought of Harold telling him to tell Janice his secret. But now was not the time; it might never be the right time to tell her.
“Did you tell Tommy that you loved him?”
“What?” Janice asked.
“When you were with Tommy, did you tell him that you loved him?”
“That was such a long time ago.”
“Did you tell him?” Simon persisted. “I want you to give to me what you gave to him. No,” he stopped and shook his head. “I want more than you gave him. I want more than you’ve ever given any man. I want all of you.”
“Do you want me to tell you simply because I told Tommy? Look where that relationship ended. You want my soul, you said. What do I get in exchange, Simon?”
“You get all of me. You get my soul.”
“Simon, I’m not playing games with you, I promise. I’m only trying to protect myself from being hurt. When I give you my soul, I give you the power to hurt me. I know how I’ve been treating you, Simon. I didn’t want to love you because then you would be able to hurt me. But I knew you wanted more and that alone made me want to run away.”
She swallowed and blinked, trying to blot out her pain. He wanted her soul. She’d see how much he could really take.
“When I thought you might not come back,” Janice whispered, “it hurt. I didn’t like it. No one has been able to make me hurt in a long time.”
“Don’t you trust me?” Simon asked.
She wanted to tell him yes, but she couldn’t say it because she didn’t trust him not to hurt her. He was human and humans were flawed. She was flawed.
She wondered how he’d ever started loving her in the first place when she’d purposefully treated him like shit. Now he wanted her to join him, to step out on a branch that was already creaky and without a safety net. She needed her net.
“Simon, give me time,” she pleaded.
“Is it so hard for you to tell me that you love me?” he asked, a wry smile on his face, his hope in his eyes. “I can tell you.”
“One river at a time. That’s all that I can cross.”
He looked at her, stunned. A flash of pain filled his eyes and he turned from her. Janice moved with him, laid her head against his back and pressed her hand to his chest. “I’ve never planned a wedding,” she said, hoping that somehow he would interpret it the way she meant it, that she was committed to marrying him. She would not cheat on him. What more could he ask?
To hear the words, ‘I love you.’ The words pounded at her and she pushed them away. She was willing to share the rest of her life with him. Surely that weighed more than words.
“Can we set a date?” she asked, teasing him, pulling on his hair, noticing how long it was, knowing that he hadn’t cut it since he’d been gone. “I like your hair long,” she said, tugging on it gently, swaying her hips, grating her front to his rear. “I can’t wait to marry you,” she tried again.
Simon turned to look at her, saw the pleading in her eyes, the worry, the unspoken words. She loved him. God, how he wanted to hear her say it. He held her in his arms. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll do as you ask for now. But I will eventually want to hear you tell me.”
“What’s the deal?” she asked, smiling.
He knew she thought she’d gotten her way. She had no idea that what he was about to propose would be equally difficult.
“I want to meet your family.” He saw her start to protest and narrowed his eyes. “Take it or leave it.”
She should have known. “When do you want to meet them?”
“No time like the present.”
Janice stared at him. Surely he didn’t mean he wanted them to fly somewhere tonight. “Now?”
Simon laughed, picked up the phone and handed it to her. “Call your parents.”
Now what the heck could she do? “Shouldn’t we at least have the date?” she asked.
“I have it. We’re getting married in six weeks, on your birthday. September first. Dial,” he said.
She sighed. Nothing to do but make the call. Janice waited while the phone rang,
praying it wouldn’t be her mother who answered. But it was. Janice blew out her breath. “Mom, hi.”
“Mary Jo.”
Janice cringed at the way her mother said her name, making it a reprimand for her having changed it.
“I have some news, Mom.”
“You mean that you’re getting married? I heard it on the newscast and I saw you on that talk show.”
Janice waited a moment, counting, knowing what was coming.
“It’s nice that you remembered you had a family and called to tell us. I thought I’d have to read the entire thing in the paper.”
“I didn’t call to fight. I called to introduce you to Simon.”
“By phone?” her mother screamed. “You can’t even come home to introduce him?”
Janice glared at Simon and let out an overly-exaggerated sigh. “This is what you wanted,” she quipped as she handed him the phone and attempted to move away. He pulled her back into the shelter of his arms and smiled down at her.
“Mrs. Adams, how are you? I’m Simon Kohl, I’m sorry that we haven’t met formally or spoken sooner but…”
“Yeah, I understand. My daughter didn’t want you to meet us.”
Simon laughed easily. “Nothing so dramatic. She’s really been busy.”
“Too busy to come home for a visit, Mr. Kohl? Too busy to pick up the phone?”
He glanced down at Janice and saw the look in her eyes. She wanted to run away. For a moment he wished that he’d not forced this but it was the right thing to do. They were getting married; her family should be involved.
“Maybe that was my fault. I’ve kept her pretty busy. When you’re trying to spotlight an author, you have to strike while there’s momentum. Between writing and doing promotions you wouldn’t believe how little I get to see of her.”
“Well, it seems she’s been having a lot of time to spend on television and radio lately. I saw her on that talk show with Tommy.”
Simon heard the woman hesitate, then laugh a little.
“You do know Tommy, don’t you, Mr. Kohl?”
“I know him, Mrs. Adams. Janice has been working with him.”
“Did you know that I didn’t name my daughter Janice Lace? I named her Mary Jo. Guess she’s too good for that name.”
“Lots of writers use a pseudonym to protect their privacy.”
“From their family? No one wanted anything from her.”
“That wasn’t what I meant. I do apologize for keeping your daughter so busy and I would like to make up for that. I would like to bring your entire family here for a visit so that we can all get to know each other.”
Janice pushed away from Simon with so much force that she toppled backward. “No,” she said in a loud whisper, “not here.”
Simon shrugged; he was stuck. “I can put you up in the best hotel in town, the penthouse if you like, and you can live like royalty.”
“You want us to visit to get to know you?”
“Yes,” Simon said, “yes, I do.”
“Then why do you want to put us away from you in a hotel? I hear you live in a mansion. Why can’t we stay there? How many bedrooms do you have in that place?”
Simon grinned as he shrugged his shoulders again to let Janice know he didn’t have a choice. “Ten,” he answered honestly.
“Are they all taken?”
Simon saw the look of panic that came over Janice and he hesitated. “No, all of the rooms aren’t filled but we’re having work done. It would be more comfortable for you at a hotel or I could rent a house for you, if you’d like.”
“Is Mary Jo’s standing in front of you shaking her head no?” the woman asked.
Simon couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing. The woman was nothing like her daughter.
“Don’t lie, Mr. Kohl, or you and I will not have a chance in hell of getting along.”
“I wish I could answer that question for you but you must understand I’m about to get married. I’ve waited my entire life to do this. I’m not going to ruin it now by shooting off my mouth.”
Laughter greeted Simon and he was delighted that he had not angered Janice’s mother. He looked across the room to where Janice was scowling at him and wished that he could say the same for his fiancée.
“If you let us stay at your place I promise I’ll behave,” the woman coaxed.
This time it was Simon who laughed. “I’ll let you know. I’m looking forward to meeting you.”
“And me you. Now may I speak to my daughter?”
Simon walked to Janice and hugged her, kissed her cheek, then handed her the phone. “Be nice,” he whispered. “I’ll make it worth your while.”
Janice took the phone. “Yes, Mom.”
“I like him.”
“So do I.”
“Why didn’t you ever introduce us before?”
“There was no need. Simon and I weren’t committed.” Simon tilted her chin until she was looking directly at him. “It’s different now, Mom. We’re committed and we’re getting married on my birthday.” Janice couldn’t help grinning as Simon kissed her lightly on the lips.
“Mom, you’re not talking. Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“Congratulations. If that man can put up with your cold ways, he’s bound to make you a wonderful husband.”
Her mother hung up before she could think of a retort. “She likes you,” she said. “Me, well, not so much, but you won her over. You should be happy.”
“I would be more happy if you told me the deal with your family.”
“Can’t you let anything go? You’re becoming…” She thought about it and smiled, though not amused. “You’re becoming demanding. Is this what you’re going to be like after I say ‘I do’?”
For an answer Simon smirked.
“What do you think getting married means?”
“A hell of a lot more than our co-habiting,” he answered.
“What, for instance?”
He laughed then, a huge belly laugh. “Please, I want kids. I want babies, lots of babies, and I don’t want them until I’m married.”
“How did you ever get to be so old-fashioned? Simon, you’re an enigma. Here you are, one of the richest, most powerful men in the world. You can have anything and anyone that you want and what do you want? A baby,” she said and smiled, this time amused.
“Not just any baby,” he corrected. “I want babies with my wife. I want a family with you.”
“Why me, Simon? With so many women wanting you, why did you choose me? Anyone taking bets would have thought it a sure thing that our relationship would end on the battleground, not in church.”
“That’s anyone looking on the surface.” Simon stopped smiling and became serious. “Maybe that’s what you’ve been doing, looking at the surface. I have to look deeper. I make my living by knowing people, by knowing what they think, how they really feel, what they’re going to do. I need to be two steps ahead of them. I can’t afford to make mistakes.”
“So you think you’re two steps ahead of me?”
“If you have to ask me such a silly question as why I want you, then yes, I’m a lot more than two steps ahead of you. I love you because you love me.”
He saw her look of panic. “What do you think is going to happen because I said the words? Do you think the world is going to collapse? I know what happened with Tommy turned you off love, but you were young and so was he. And even if you hadn’t been, not every man is Tommy.”
“You know all of this because it’s your business to know? Simon, you’re a fake.”
He could feel the blood drain from his face. “What do you mean?” he asked softly.
“Your so-called insight needed to make a living. It’s all bull. You don’t have to make a living, Simon. You were born into money, tons and tons of it. You could make bad decision after bad decision and you would still be rich.”
For a moment he allowed the quick relief to wash over him. Janice didn’t know about his family. But he
couldn’t enjoy that fact because the crux of the problem was his cursed family fortune and at some point she’d have to know.
“I work very hard at what I do,” he admonished. “I don’t just lie around on my butt living off money that I didn’t earn. I’ve made my way since I was a kid.”
“A rich kid,” Janice amended.
“I have always worked for my money.”
“That doesn’t matter. You didn’t have to.”
“Is that really what you think of me, that I had this privileged life because I was born into a wealthy family?”
Simon stared over her head, closing his eyes and swallowing. “You know none of us have a choice in the family we’re born into. And money is not always a blessing. Sometimes it can be a curse. I’ve never wanted to be known for my family’s fortune. I’ve always been driven to make my own and I have.” He added, “I’m very proud of everything that I’ve accomplished.”
“And you don’t think your family’s fortune opened doors for you?”
“I’d rather believe I did it all on my own.”
“Why?”
“Maybe I’m not proud of the way my family made its money.”
Janice noticed the sudden sadness that permeated Simon’s voice and wondered why. “We’re not responsible for what happened before we were born. We can’t take the burden of generations that came before and put that on our shoulders. I was just teasing you, Simon.”
“You were asking me a question, and then you made an assumption. I always want to be honest with you, as honest as you’ll let me. I want to share everything with you.” He smiled and tilted his head to look at her.
“I want to tell you my every secret, my every thought. And I want you to love me in spite of my secrets. But you won’t even say you love me. So how can you prepare yourself to know my every thought? How do I stand a chance of telling all?”
She simply smiled at him.
“You’re evil, woman. Do you know that?” He smiled more broadly this time. “Do you hold out purposefully to torture me?”
“You’re the expert on people, at least that was your boast, Simon,” she laughed. “Besides being an enigma, you’re a sweet, gentle man.”