by Kate Wendley
Feeling unbearably wounded, she forced herself to be civil because she wasn’t one of his immature friends, no matter how much she wanted to act like one right now. “You’re not like that anymore?”
“No. I stopped living that life a while ago.”
She stilled. This was… not what she expected to hear. “When?”
His grip eased, then pulled away. “I moved out of the house where the crew lived about five and a half years ago. I wouldn’t let anyone know where my new place was because, well, you’ve seen how they are. Someone obviously found out, though.”
She pursed her lips in irritation.
“But even after moving out, I didn’t give up the wild parties completely until maybe a year and a half ago.” He cringed at his own words and his expression seemed tortured as he carefully watched her.
She tried to keep her temper under control. A year and a half wasn’t a terribly long time to have made a supposed life change, and especially not when she knew he still hung out with those people. If he was trying to get sympathy from her, it wasn’t working very well. Still, he was at least opening up, something she just now realized he’d never really done before. They’d always talked about her problems when they were together, never his. In fact, the topic had never come up.
Oh God. She felt like an idiot. She’d asked him questions about himself, but he’d always deflected. And since she was so wrapped up with her wolf issues she never thought twice about it. Ugh. At least some of her heartache was her own fault for not paying attention to the clues that’d been there all along. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She knew better than to let a pretty face reel her in…
Still, here was this pretty face acting tortured beyond belief as he shared things with her that he’d been keeping secret this whole time. But the video of him having sex with that woman ate at her insides.
“How long ago was that video from? The one playing when we got to your place? The one of you having sex with that woman.”
Marc went eerily still as her temper flared. She couldn’t help her rising fury. He was supposed to be her man, not someone else’s.
“About three years ago.”
“And was she there? Do you still hang around her?”
“I’m not hanging around any of them anymore. I’m done.”
“So you’re saying you weren’t with another woman when you and I were together?”
Confusion swept his features before his expression went carefully neutral again.
In irritation she grumbled, “Never mind. I’d have smelled someone on you.” Someday she’d get used to the fact that she was werewolf now. Really. Any day now would be good. She felt a calming wave come over her, and she realized in surprise that it was from her wolf. This was the first time her wolf was actually urging her to chill out instead of the other way around.
So she tried to be nicer to Marc by asking him a more neutral question. “Why did you give up the parties and free for all’s?”
He sat up a little straighter now, though he still looked worried. “Because I wanted to be able to look in the mirror and know that I was… good. I didn’t want to be ashamed of myself anymore. I wanted my relationships to mean something for once.”
Her stomach dropped as he leaned forward as if he would take her hand again. He stopped short of that though. “I wanted to be able to meet someone that I’d be proud to call my own. And… I wanted to be with someone who’d love me for me, not just for the nights of craziness we could have together.”
Well that stung. So no more crazy nights for her, even if they did make up?
Wait. Did he say love? He wanted someone to love him?
“So… you haven’t done that kind of stuff with another woman in three years?”
He shook his head, then abruptly stopped. “Besides kissing Lyndsey in the bar that one night, which you unfortunately saw me do, no. I haven’t done anything with anyone else.”
She remembered the kissing all too well, and not because she was mad that Marc, a sexy stranger at the time, was kissing a beautiful woman, but because he did it with such finesse. It was what got her attention in the first place. He knew how to hold a woman, how to taunt and tease and make her feel good.
He knew how to let a moment just be a moment and enjoy it for what it was. Something she usually had no idea how to do.
Thoughts of waking in his arms after he’d watched over her and her wolf, night after night, made her heart squeeze tight in her chest. He felt like home to her, but that nice, cozy feeling now felt like a delicate, tainted illusion after seeing his prior life on the oversized TV in his apartment.
According to him that was his prior life, though, not what he was living now. She needed to remember that. People made mistakes sometimes. Even her. Like having a one night stand and getting turned into a werewolf. So maybe this was a moment she needed to let be for what it was. An apology for doing something stupid, and him taking responsibility for his mistakes.
Maybe she still needed to do that, too. Before meeting Marc, she had, after all, been trying to control and ignore the fact that she was now a werewolf. So maybe she’d been hiding from her mistakes as much as he had. Maybe they both needed to work on being honest about and making the best of their lives despite everything they regretted about their pasts.
“Ok.” She held her breath, hoping she was making the right decision.
He frowned. “Ok?”
“Ok. That’s the past.”
She was still tense as he watched her with a mixture of uncertainty and suspicion. In the meantime a server came by and brought a plate filled with two cheeseburgers.
“Hi, I’m Larry. Rena… went on break. I’ll be taking over your table. Is there anything else I can get you?”
Marc flicked a knowing glance at Helena before telling Larry they were fine. Crap. Marc obviously caught her growling at beautiful Rena. He didn’t say anything about it though. Instead he grabbed an extra plate at the other end of the table and put one burger on it, then slid it towards her looking like he expected her to lambast him with her real thoughts about him very, very soon.
And maybe that’s what he was used to with women. A fast and furious, crazy relationship. But that’s not what they’d had together. They’d had, dare she say, love, and peace, and yeah they had some incredibly sexy times, too, but they’d always been respectful of each other. They’d had a caring relationship. Could things go back to the way they were? Just like that?
“Marc, I need you to know that I will never live that kind of crazy life. And if that stuff ever comes back into your life, I won’t be comfortable with you in my life either.”
He was motionless as he stared at her. It was as if this was the first time a woman had ever calmly communicated something important to him. Maybe it was.
“I don’t want that life, Helena. I’ve been trying to change for years now. You’re the push I need to make it permanent.” He grabbed her hand and held tight. “I felt like when we were together, everything was perfect. I didn’t want any of the mindless partying and craziness when I was with you.”
A swell of pride surged through her that he thought so much of them as a couple, especially for all the times she’d kept him at arm’s length. Besides, being with Marc had made her more accepting, more forgiving of her wolf self. He’d opened her eyes to how badly she’d been restraining what was unfortunately now a permanent part of her. Her wolf was never going away, so learning to live with and be at peace with the beast inside was a tremendous gift Marc had given her.
And part of that gift was learning to be ok with how she showed affection, too. She picked up his hand and kissed his palm, then lightly nipped him. His eyes sparked and he growled low in his throat. “You’re killing me.”
She pressed his hand to her cheek, nuzzled him, then released him.
“You’ve taught me a lot about being a wolf, Marc.”
He cautiously watched her.
“Now tell me about the rages.”
&nb
sp; He frowned. “The rages?”
“I thought I was learning control over my wolf urges, but after seeing you and your friend fight, that’s all a lie, isn’t it? There is no controlling this thing, is there?”
She took a bite of whatever this burger was, trying to calm her rising temper and anguish. She didn’t want to be a wild beast.
He sighed and slumped a little in his chair. “I lost my temper, that’s all it was.”
“It was more than that.”
He toyed with the edge of his plate while he watched her. “Ok, it was more than that. I… knew I’d lost you. I was furious. My best friend had destroyed this new life I was trying to create for myself, and I knew once you got a look at what my life used to be like, you’d be gone. I knew it before you even left. You’d already been holding back from me in so many ways, I knew after you saw all that, that you’d leave for good. And it sent me into a rage. And, as it turns out, he did it on purpose. He was trying to sabotage my relationship with you.”
Her face felt hot all of a sudden. His rage was because of her. And yeah, she’d been holding back from him, and for the exact reason he worried about, too. That she’d find out exactly what he was really like.
“Your friend was in a rage, too. Why?”
“We’ve been friends since we were kids. I think since we were about three years old. After doing everything together for all these years, I suppose he can’t stand to see me breaking off on my own.”
“Would my beast ever be like that? As violent as that?”
He leaned closer and more quietly said, “I think it depends on if there was ever something you wanted so badly in your life that you felt like you’d die if you lost it.”
They locked eyes and her wolf suddenly wanted to bite him. She wanted to give him a good, hard nip. Not to hurt him, but to tell him that yes, she wanted him so badly she thought she’d die without him.
But her human self couldn’t form the words, so instead she took the coward’s way out. “Fresh start then?”
A slow smile spread all the way to Marc’s eyes, and her heart calmed its frantic beat.
“Yeah, fresh start.”
As they ate their veggie burgers, Marc looked as if he was working up to something. It wasn’t long before they’d both scarfed down their food, something she’d be embarrassed about if it weren’t for the fact that ever since she turned wolf she seemed to always be hungry.
“Have you ever been to the club?”
She frowned. Hadn’t she just said she didn’t want the partying life? “The club? What club?”
“It’s the family club. In Brookhaven.”
She shook her head. “I don’t go to clubs anymore.”
“It’s not like you’re thinking. It’s more like a community center for all the supernaturals in Atlanta. I’ve never actually been there, even though I go to Brookhaven all the time to the gym upstairs. Rio just gets so psycho sometimes.” He flicked a worried look at her and quickly said, “Anyway. I’ve always wanted to go. Can I take you out tonight? I heard they have a restaurant there.”
“Rio’s your best friend?”
“Was.”
A ripple of sadness washed through her that he was giving up so many things for her. No, scratch that. He wanted this for himself, and she was the kind of person he wanted to have this new life with.
“Yeah, let’s go.” A nice, neutral place sounded good for them to relax back into each other, plus she wanted to learn more about the community she’d been trying her hardest to ignore.
Marc gave her one of his easy going smiles that made her belly flutter with warmth. Yeah, she could love this man. If only the larger than life image of him having sex with another woman wasn’t still burned into her brain…
Chapter 14
Back at work, Marc’s afternoon went by in a blur. Helena was on his mind, but this time it felt like things were real between them. No more secrets.
It should feel great, but he was still worried. She’d been more than a little upset about the party. And then she showed up at lunch just as the waitress was hitting on him.
He was cautiously optimistic as he finished his workday, and luckily things were smooth sailing on that front. He aced every one of his calls, he got a compliment from a couple of the people he’d helped out on the floor, and they even copied his boss Brett for good measure. Now if tonight could just have no screw-ups.
**
Marc drove Helena down a tree laden street that became more and more densely covered as they went. Finally they arrived at a fortress of an estate with two large, stylized brick buildings. They resembled the old cotton mills that were still found at various place in and around Atlanta. A neatly manicured lawn mixed with lush, full ivy growing healthily up the sides of the buildings gave the enormous buildings a warm, cozy feeling despite the air of old money they gave off.
They turned into the driveway and Marc veered right towards the parking ramp. A lot of people must live here to necessitate having one, and Helena’s heart ached thinking of all the years she’d spent dealing with her new lifestyle all by herself.
They parked and she was keenly aware that Marc had been anxious and worried the entire drive here. She gave his forearm a little squeeze. “We’re putting the past behind us, right?”
He let out a deep breath, and a weary smile made it all the way to his eyes. “Parts of it, yes. Parts of it, I hope not.”
Emotion welled up inside her. “I missed you. So did my wolf.” She chuckled thinking about all the things she’d woken up to after her wolf took control each night with Marc away.
Then, for the first time in days, Marc reached out and pulled her close and kissed her. Just like that, everything felt right in her world again because he was here with her, where he should be.
But she wasn’t stupid. She wanted things to be perfect, to feel like nothing could ever come between them, but they were from two very different worlds. And even if Marc did truly want his life to change and was trying hard to make it happen, she was still getting used to what it meant to be part of the supernatural community in Atlanta. And even more worrisome, what it meant to be comfortable having a wolf inside her twenty four hours a day.
He pulled away as if he could feel her stress, which he no doubt could, and looked deeply into her eyes. “Let’s get some dinner. We can talk more later. Tonight, let’s just relax. Ok?”
It was times like this that she knew she was the lucky one in this relationship. “Ok.”
**
As they approached the outer entrance to the main building, she tensed. There was a hell of a lot of energy in the air, and it was all coming from this place. “Are you kidding me? We’re going in there?”
Marc pulled her close and kissed the side of her head. “Don’t worry. I come here all the time. This is what it feels like when a lot of supernaturals are all in one place.”
“Why do you call them supernaturals? Don’t you just mean shifters?”
He gave her one of those looks that told her he was surprised she didn’t know more than she did. “Vampires live here, too.”
She tensed even more, and with a quieter voice, she said, “Vampires? I mean, I know you said there was a Master Vampire, but how many are there? I’ve never noticed any.”
His eyes sparked and he smirked as if she’d said something funny. “Come on. I can tell you’re hungry. I am, too.”
After passing through two guards at the front door, and descending into the basement of the building, Helena finally relaxed. The club was just a big, high ceilinged room with a restaurant lining the back right wall, a small bar next to it, and some doors to some rooms along the left half of the back wall. The rest of the place was a mixture of lounge type sofas, bar top tables, a small dance floor in front of an equally small stage, and pool tables. People, supernaturals, of all ages were hanging out, and she felt both weird and at home here.
And Marc was right. It wasn’t a club like they had in the human world. It was a
club in the way of a secret society where only those like themselves were allowed.
They wandered around after finishing their meal of nearly raw steak and grilled veggies. She used to be squeamish about bloody meat, but she also used to be fully human. Some things she just had to let go of if she was going to stay sane in life.
And somewhere over the last hour Helena realized the mark on Marc’s neck was almost healed. If she’d given it to him the morning after her full moon shift, and woke up still a little crazed from the night before, did that mean her human self marked him, or her wolf self? She didn’t know, and it suddenly mattered to her. If it was her wolf, then her human self hadn’t fully claimed him yet. And knowing how significant it was to mark someone, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Marc had never lost himself as his wolf around her. Which meant both times when he marked her, he was his human self. So his human self wanted her to be his. Did her human self want the same? Was she ready to commit to him?
He broke her from her train of thought. “Something to drink?”
“Sure.”
Helena settled in at the small bar top table they’d chosen near the empty dance floor. There was no band tonight, but pleasant music streamed out of the speakers overhead, people played pool nearby, and others were scattered here and there, chatting away. It felt… cozy. The place positively hummed with the feeling of magic, and it was reluctantly nice.
Helena people watched as Marc was at the bar getting drinks. Alcohol didn’t affect her like it used to, the buzz much more short lived, but the strong taste was still nice. And as if he felt her watching him, he turned and caught her eye, smiled, then glanced over her shoulder and frowned.
She turned around in her chair to see a dangerous looking man in the far back corner. He had a huge scar on the left hand side his face, was deathly pale, and didn’t look very happy to see Marc.
Helena’s wolf was immediately anxious and unsettled. She didn’t understand why her wolf had so quickly gotten upset, but from the looks of the strange man, whatever was going on might be very, very bad. With his long, dark hair, his rigidly controlled demeanor, and the increasingly angry look in his eye, this man wasn’t just an upset ex-friend of Marc’s. This man was dangerous. Maybe even lethally so.