“I’ve come to accept that. Nancy loved being a cop, and she wouldn’t have been happy doing anything else. Except for being a mother, but it wasn’t in the cards for us.”
He flashed a grin, but the sadness remained in his eyes. He walked around the living room picking up the newspapers tossed on the sofa and gathered up a coffee cup and plate, as well. When he turned back to her the smile in his eyes had returned. “Are you hungry? Want something to drink?”
“I could use a soda.”
“Sit down and relax. You’ve had quite the day.”
“That’s for sure. It’s not every day I get shot at.”
“Good thing, huh?” he said as he walked out to the kitchen.
Patti flopped down on the sofa. She laid the envelopes on the coffee table. Her left foot and leg quivered. Pressing down on her leg didn’t stop the shaking. Opening what Jamie left for her would be an admission-one she didn’t want to face.
She lowered her head to her knees. Tears slid down her cheeks.
Oh, Jamie, where are you? How could I have wasted so much time being angry? I just want you back. I forgive you, really I do.
How was she supposed to go on living if Jamie was…was…gone?
She’d had years to forgive her, but hadn’t. Now, she might never have the chance.
Patti wiped away the tears and picked up the envelopes with trembling hands. Dates were marked on each one. The earliest was legal-sized. The last was addressed to her in Jamie’s handwriting.
She held it a long time. Finally, she set it back on the coffee table.
Carter walked in carrying a tray with two plates, two bowls, and two glasses of lemonade.
“Here,” he told her as he sat the tray on the coffee table. “You need to eat something.”
Tomato soup and a toasted cheese sandwich. It reminded her of childhood lunches…and Jamie. Her eyes filled with tears at his kindness. A wave of emotion threatened to overwhelm her. Her body shook.
“Are you OK, Patti?”
She couldn’t talk.
He sat down and his arms went around her. “It’s OK. You’re having a reaction to what happened. It’s normal.” He spoke in a calm reassuring tone. “Come here.”
She moved closer to him. Unexpected sobs rose up from deep inside her. He held her close and talked in soothing tones as she cried. When the storm passed, Patti looked up and gave him a watery smile.
His hand moved slowly to her face and made its way down her cheek in a gentle caress that made her heart yearn for more.
She wasn’t exhausted or overwhelmed any longer.
Fingers glided down her neck and came to rest on her shoulder.
Their eyes met and he pulled her close.
Patti was powerless to break eye contact or to move away from Carter. Her only desire was…
Carter’s mouth covered hers in a sweet, gentle kiss.
Her eyes closed, savoring the moment. She smelled citrus mixed with his own masculine scent, and tasted the tanginess of the lemonade on his lips. The gentle kiss turned to passion. Like waves sweeping the ocean floor, she let the emotions flow.
Patti moved her head slightly and as their lips parted the spell was broken.
Carter took a deep breath.
In spite of her anxiety over Jamie, a part of her wanted to sing.
He pointed at the food. “If you don’t eat something, you’re going to pass out any minute. You need to listen to Dr. Caldwell.”
She smiled and gave him a salute. “Yes, sir.”
Small talk evaporated as they finished lunch.
Patti couldn’t avoid it any longer. With shaky hands and a heavy heart, Patti picked up the brown envelope. She pulled out the papers and scanned them. A will.
She gulped back the tears and handed it to Carter without reading it.
Opening the next, several documents fell out. One was an insurance policy with Sabrina listed as the beneficiary. The second was a typed list of bank accounts with numbers and locations. In the margin, she’d listed names.
Patti assumed the names listed were the beneficiary of the accounts. Patti’s name was on a majority of the accounts, but Anna was listed on several, as well.
After she read each paper, she passed them to Carter.
Finally, there was only one left.
Patti’s whole body trembled. She closed her eyes and bowed her head.
“I’ll give you some privacy. I’ll be outside in the back if you need me.”
She nodded, but said nothing. Minutes passed before she picked up the letter. She unfolded it. Her eyes blurred. The words ran together. She touched the handwritten note.
Jamie had written these words to her.
She wiped away the tears and focused on the words.
Dear Patti,
First of all, let me say I love you. I haven’t done a very good job of showing you lately, but know that it is true. I do love you. I’m sorry I have been such a rotten sister. I didn’t mean to be. Life just got in the way.
Patti couldn’t believe it.
Jamie apologizing to her when it should have been the other way around.
I pray that as you read this, my precious daughter, Sabrina, is safely in your arms and your heart. Sabrina is a wonderful little girl and the light of my life. Having Sabrina was the best thing I’ve ever done. Take care of her and love her, and tell her that her mommy loved her very, very much.
Sabrina’s father doesn’t know about her. Please don’t ever let him know. It wouldn’t be safe for her or for you.
He is rich and powerful and has friends who can and will hurt anyone who gets in their way.
I guess if you’re reading this, it means things didn’t work out exactly the way I wanted. So by now, you probably know I got myself into another mess and this one was a doozey, sis.
I’m not sure how it all happened but I ended up being involved with some unsavory characters years ago. The FBI gave me a choice. I could help them or I could get arrested. I helped them arrest and convict these people. I thought that would be the end, but it wasn’t. I was pretty good at the undercover thing, so they gave me some training and I helped them a few more times.
Several months ago, I decided I was being unfair to Sabrina’s father (Of course, I didn’t know then what I know now.) Anyway, I went looking for him. Before I could tell him about Sabrina, I overheard information that made me suspicious. I couldn’t let innocent people die. I had to try and stop it.
All I need to do is find out the ringleader’s name, and then the FBI and Homeland can take over. So far, I haven’t been successful but I hope to know the name of the ringleader soon.
As soon as I do, I’m coming home. I stayed away from you because it was safer for you, and not for any reasons you may be thinking.
Patti, please don’t be hard on yourself. I know you love me. You are probably feeling guilty right now, but don’t. You may think it was you who kept us from having a relationship the past several years but it wasn’t. It was me and my job.
I know with every fiber of my being that had I come to you, you would have forgiven me, so stop feeling guilty.
Patti’s tears turned to sobs as she read those words. When she regained her composure, Patti turned back to the letter.
The fact you are reading this letter means something went wrong. I can only assume my lawyer has been in touch with you and that’s how you got this letter. I wrote this to explain that I was trying to do my best. I was trying to do what was right.
Please forgive me for all my shortcomings as a sister. I know I haven’t been there for you the way I should have been, but I have tried to be the best mother I could to Sabrina. And I’m trying to do the right thing for my country.
I want you to know I have found the most wonderful relationship. This relationship has given me strength and peace and joy. This relationship has sustained me like no other. No matter what I endured in the last moments of my life, don’t be too sad. I have found a personal relationship wit
h my Savior and know that I’m with Him at this very moment.
Tears flooded Patti’s eyes again, but not from sadness.
Peace descended.
I know you will grieve for me, but don’t get stuck in that grief. Life is a wonderful thing and shouldn’t be wasted on too much sadness. Patti, I know you will take wonderful care of Sabrina. Please let her know that her mommy loved her so very much.
All my love,
Jamie
P.S. I’m sure the lawyer told you about my apartment in San Francisco at 1500 Santé Fe Boulevard. All you need to do is call the management and tell them I no longer need the apartment. It’s all been arranged and they will take care of everything, but someone needs to let them know.
I’m sorry I wasn’t the sister I should have been. Please take care of Sabrina and tell her that I love her. And know that I will see you again.
Patti felt a chill go up her spine. It was as if her sister was talking to her from the grave.
20
Carter sat at a patio table talking on the phone.
Green patches of grass mixed with brown sand dotted the landscape. The ocean was just on the horizon.
Patti took in the view, noting fluffy clouds and bright blue sky. Heat shimmered.
“I know, Marcus. It’s too bad I couldn’t catch him. He just disappeared. The man is obviously a pro. His disguise fooled me. Each time, he looked completely different. Who knows what the man really looks like.” A pause. “Patti’s fine, but shaken up.”
She tapped him on the shoulder. “I want to talk to Marcus.”
Carter looked up.
Her heart thumped at his expression.
He nodded in acknowledgement and grabbed her hand.
She moved closer and in one swift movement, he maneuvered her to his lap.
He hit the speakerphone button and interrupted Marcus’s tirade. “Marcus, Patti wants to talk with you.”
As much as she enjoyed where she was sitting, Patti stood and moved away from Carter. “I have an idea. I want you to send me to the people whom Jamie was dealing with. My showing up will shock them so much it will bring the leader out of hiding and I’ll be able—”
Carter exploded. “No way, Marcus. There’s no way that’s going to happen.”
Marcus was yelling the same thing to her from the other side of the phone.
“Just listen to…”
She tossed the phone on the table. “I am going to do this. She may have…have…” Patti took a deep breath and said the words she’d been avoiding. “She may have… I’m not going to let her die in vain. I can find out who the man is and I’m going—”
The two men took turns telling her why she couldn’t do it.
She tuned them out. Her mind was made up.
Carter hung up the phone. “Patti, I know you wanted to…”
“I can’t believe you took Marcus’s side. I need to help Jamie. I would think you, of all people, would understand that. Wouldn’t you have done anything to keep your wife safe?”
“There’s no way I’m going to help you get yourself killed. Nancy and Jamie were trained to handle themselves and things still went wrong. You’re not trained. It’s far too dangerous. You wouldn’t have a chance.”
The argument grew more heated. He didn’t care about her or he’d understand she had to do this—for Jamie.
“I need to go.”
“Patti, let’s get this settled. I don’t want this to affect our…our –” Carter searched for the word.
Patti forced her thoughts back to her sister.
Carter said he wanted to help her find Jamie. Now he was arguing against that. He’d kissed her a few minutes before, perhaps trying to make her forget her quest?
She stared at him, her heart breaking. “I’m exhausted. I need to go to a hotel and get some rest. It’s been a really bad day.”
“You can rest here for a while.” Carter offered. “Or you can go back to the safe house.”
“No, I want to go to a hotel, and you need to return to the station before you lose your job.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“It matters, Carter. Go talk with your boss.”
“Fine, I’ll take you to a hotel and get a cab. You get a few hours sleep and when I’m done, we’ll go out for dinner, later.”
“No, I want to go to a hotel by myself. I need to be alone.”
“Patti, don’t shut me out.”
She turned away from him. “I just need…need to rest.”
On the drive to the hotel, Carter attempted to talk, but she remained quiet. There was nothing left to say
He drove around until they were sure they hadn’t been followed. Then he took her to a nice hotel.
As they were about to get on the elevator, Patti turned with a sad smile. “Thanks, Carter. I can take it from here.” She stepped on the elevator alone and went to her room.
With or without Carter’s help, Patti knew what she had to do.
****
Carter stormed around his house picking up dishes and other clutter. What an idiot he was! He’d blown it with Patti. He’d seen it on her face when he didn’t stand up for her against Marcus. He’d failed the test. But all he wanted to do was keep Patti safe—if she’d let him.
The look in her eyes when he’d left her at the hotel…Patti felt betrayed…by him.
Carter tossed the cup in the sink. He heard the sound of breaking glass. Oh, great. He couldn’t even do the dishes right. Picking up the broken pieces of the cup, he threw them in the trash much harder than necessary. He stomped back into the living room.
Patti had been sweet, kind, and understanding, as he talked about Nancy.
He stared up at the picture for a long time, remembering two women…Nancy…and Patti…
“Nancy, I loved you and I still do, but it’s time to put away the past.” He reached up to take the picture down, but hesitated.
Not yet.
With a sigh, he put the picture back. He hoped Patti understood the next time she came—if there was a next time.
By morning, she’d realize how dangerous it would be to go into the lion’s den, so to speak. Patti was smart. She’d figure that out on her own. He reached for the phone but decided against it. They needed a cooling off period. Then they could talk in a more reasonable way. He’d call her first thing in the morning.
Then they could come up with a plan.
21
San Francisco, California
Patti’s taxi turned off Fillmore onto a side street, leaving behind the bustle of business for the more tranquil residential area of Pacific Heights.
It was one of the trendier areas of San Francisco, the cab driver told her.
The streets were lined with chic boutiques, elegant cafes, and high-priced condos.
Patti ran fingers through her new haircut, then stopped. She wasn’t Patti, the school guidance counselor, any longer. She was Jamie, always confident, always charming, and always the center of attention. If she was to be successful with this deception, she must think like Jamie—not Patti. And she had no choice but to succeed.
Her first act of deception would be to get a key to Jamie’s apartment. She hoped she could pull off the charade that long.
Carter would go ballistic if he knew what she was up to. He’d pretended to be someone she could count on, but when she’d needed him most…Patti shook her head as if that would erase Carter from her thoughts.
She had only one job to do—find Jamie.
Swallowing back her tears, she paid the cab driver. She stepped out of the taxi and sauntered towards the door in true Jamie fashion. It opened as if by magic.
A short bald man with a big smile stepped out of the building. Although he wore a cream-colored linen suit instead of a traditional uniform, Patti assumed by his demeanor he was the doorman. He looked to be in his early forties but it was hard to be sure. His bald head glistened in the last fading sunlight of the day.
“Ms. Jakowski, you�
��re back. I was beginning to believe you were never coming home.” His smile seemed genuine to Patti. He must like Jamie.
“It was a long trip this time.” Patti smiled back at the man. So far, so good.
“That’s for sure.”
Jamie would have used his name, but since she couldn’t she gave him her best Jamie smile. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to be back. How are things?”
The man’s smile disappeared and he leaned in close. His voice was a whisper. “Two FBI agents were here looking for you. Is everything Ok? They had a warrant and made me take them up to your apartment. I tried to stay and see what happened, but they sent me on my merry way.”
Her heart pounded.
The FBI.
Of course, Marcus would have searched Jamie’s apartment.
Stay calm.
Patti desperately tried to think of an answer to satisfy the waiting man. “Did they tell you anything?”
“No.” The man shook his head. “Just asked about you and went to your apartment, but they didn’t mess anything up. I checked afterwards to make sure everything was OK. Tomas was very agitated by the whole matter.”
Who was Tomas? This was getting more complicated by the moment. She would never be able to pull to this charade off. She flashed a Jamie smile at the man. “Don’t worry about it. You did what you had to do. Everything is just fine.” Patti stepped in and spoke in a hushed confidential tone. “The FBI was looking for missing files from my company. They checked every one of the employees. It wasn’t personal.” Patti hoped her answer made sense.
His bald head was nodding up and down.
So far, so good.
“Of course, of course. I knew it was something like that. I knew you’d never do anything illegal.”
Inwardly, she breathed a small sigh of relief. One bullet down. Patti wondered how many more bullets were heading in her direction. She gave him a meaningful look. “Everything’s marvelous. No need to worry. They didn’t ask you to call them when I came home, did they?”
He looked aghast at the suggestion that he might call the FBI on her. “They did, but I always respect tenant privacy, you know that. Where’s your luggage?”
Anna had told her Jamie never took luggage with her. Time to improvise. She sighed with exaggeration.
Jamie had been known as The Drama Queen in high school.
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