“Hey.” I undid my ponytail and ran my hands through my messy bedhead. “Where—” I paused, looking at the posters again. “Is this your room?”
“Yep.” Rafe nodded. “How’d you guess?”
His voice was light, teasing, and at that moment I was so grateful for that, so grateful to him for trying to distract me from the pain and memories of the day that I had to choke back tears before answering. “Mmm, I think the posters gave it away.”
“Don’t forget these.” Rafe turned on a small lamp on his bedside table and pointed to a shelf across from the bed. It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the light, and when they did, I saw that the shelf was crammed with baseball trophies.
I pulled my knees up to my chin, wrapping my arms around them. “Is it hard, being here?”
“A little,” Rafe admitted. “Even though I use the money my parents left me to pay the rent every month, I haven’t been back in years—didn’t think I’d ever be back, in fact, but this afternoon…”
“I didn’t leave you much choice.” I gingerly rested my head against my knees, which I must have bruised when I’d fallen to the floor, and regarded him with my head cocked sideways. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”
Rafe stared at me, stunned. “Why are you apologizing? After what happened, you would have to be made out of stone not to react!”
“Do you even know the whole story?” I asked. “Did you talk to Phil?” I wondered where my brother—it was still so weird calling him that—was and if Kain had managed to calm him down, or if he’d gone on a rampage.
“I got a short text from Kain.” Rafe tapped his phone, which was resting next to the lamp. “They’re at his place. He said not to worry. Told me I needed to concentrate one hundred percent on you. Which,” he said, reaching over to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear, “is pretty good advice.” He kept his hand by the side of my face, and I leaned into him, absorbing the warmth and feel of his callused fingers on my skin.
The tears came then, fast and furious. “She’s dead,” I choked out. “All this time, I thought she was alive. I didn’t know what she was doing, but I always felt like she could walk right back into my life at any moment. And, meanwhile, she’s been dead, probably from the moment she walked out that door. Charles—Charles killed her, Rafe.”
Rafe’s eyes were full of pain. “Gabi, I’m so sorry.”
I reached for him, crying too hard to speak, and he pulled me right out of the bed and into his lap, tucking me safely in his strong arms. He rocked me like a baby, and I cried like my life depended on it, burying my face into his chest and clutching his shirt in my hands.
***
Exhausted, I pulled away to run a hand over my tearstained cheeks. I’d been crying for what felt like hours, and I knew I probably looked a wreck, with my eyes all bloodshot and my nose red and snotty. It was amazing, wasn’t it? I was absolutely devastated over my mom, and I still worried about how I looked. What is wrong with me?
I slid out of Rafe’s lap, although he seemed reluctant to let me go. But his muscles—not to mention his side—must have been hurting from staying in one position for so long. Not that he would ever complain.
I was so glad I had him here, with me, right now, during this awful moment. Facing this alone?
I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t that strong.
“Can I use the bathroom?” My voice came out small and shaky, revealing how tired and upset I was. Without a word, Rafe led me outside the bedroom and pointed out the bathroom next door. I shut the door behind me before splashing ice-cold water on my face as I ignored my dismal reflection in the mirror.
When I emerged a few minutes later, Rafe was still in the hallway, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. I immediately went to him, and he placed his arm around my shoulders as we walked back into the bedroom. I sat down on his bed, and he joined me, leaning against the headboard and pulling me back into his lap. Again, I worried about hurting him, but I was afraid he’d let go if I voiced my fears aloud. I had to admit, at that point, I was acting selfishly. Even with my worries, I wanted to stay in his embrace. Forever, if I could.
In that same, small voice, I told Rafe what Charles had said. He remained silent, running his fingers up and down my arm soothingly. To my surprise, I didn’t cry again. Maybe I’d cried myself out. Or, maybe I’d just used up all of my tears.
When I finished, I turned so I could see his face. He was sad, I could tell right away, and once again I was struck at how lucky I was to go through this with him by my side. “I wish…” He trailed off and sighed. “I wish I could take your pain away, Gabi. I know exactly how you feel, know exactly what you’re going through, and it’s killing me that you have to feel this way.” His hands cupped my face between them. “I never want to see you sad, or heartbroken, or devastated. What’s the point in having this strength, this power, if I can’t even help you?”
“But you are,” I protested. “Rafe, you being here, right now— You’re helping me more than you realize. I can’t do this alone, and it hurts me thinking about how you had to deal with this on your own. Without me.”
Rafe paused. I watched him, gazing at the warring emotions playing across his features. Finally, he swallowed nervously. “When you told me about Silver Moon’s involvement with my parents, you, and everyone else, expected me to rush over to HQ to avenge my parents, right?”
I wondered why he was bringing that up now. “Yeah, and…?”
“I know you said you would support whatever choice I made, and I believe you, but my decision to not do anything surprised you, right?”
“Because—”
“Because you know how I can get,” Rafe said gently. “With you. When you’re hurt or in danger, I lose sight of myself. I forget, for a moment, who I really am, because the thought of losing you like I lost my parents scares me more than anything, Gabi. I can’t lose you. That’s why I won’t go to HQ, or go looking for Collins. If he finds you because of me, I will never be able to forgive myself.” His eyes were brimming with sadness as he spoke.
“But now, watching you hurt so badly, I do want to go to HQ and break something. Or someone. For you, and for what they did to your mom. And it’s not because I’m over-protective and crazy.”
I didn’t know what he was getting at, so I rushed to say, “Rafe, I know—”
“It’s because I love you.”
“I kno—Wait, what?” My mouth dropped open, and my heart began pounding so hard I could barely hear myself think. “You—what?”
Rafe chuckled at my reaction. “I love you, Gabi. You make me happy. You make me feel… alive. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel like that again, after what happened with Mom and Dad, but then you literally stumbled into my life, dressed in your pjs and screaming about how you were going to kill me, and my life was never the same. You stole away the dark shadows that have been haunting me all these years like you’re my own personal sun.”
He leaned forward to kiss my forehead. “I love your sense of humor. You always, always make me laugh.” Another kiss, this time on my nose. “I love how fierce you are. You’ve come face-to-face with so much crap, and you’ve never once backed down.” He kissed my eyelids, each one in turn. “I love how honest you are. With me. With everyone. You always speak your mind. And not only that, but you listen to me, too. You worry that you’re not doing the ‘girlfriend thing’ right, but you’ve been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And maybe I’m rushing this and I know you’re only sixteen and I’m only seventeen, but seeing you like this, with your heart broken… I need you to know. I need you to know how much you mean to me, and how much I’m hurting because you’re hurting. You’re my everything, Gabi, and I love you.” Rafe fell silent, watching me with both love and fear in his eyes.
Fear that I was going to take his beautiful, beautiful declaration and hurt him. As if any girl could listen to what he just said and not melt into a pile of blissful goo.
“Oh my god,�
� I whispered. “I can’t believe you said all of that and didn’t kiss me on the lips. Rafe Fitzgerald, what is wrong with—”
He shut me up with a hard kiss on the lips, only pulling away once to say, “Evil girl.”
We resumed kissing for a few wonderful minutes before I banged on his shoulder with my fist. “Wait. Rafe, wait.”
“Making me stop again.” He groaned. “Even after all this time, you still make me wonder if I’m the world’s worst kisser.”
“No, you dummy!” I rearranged myself in his lap, placing my hands on his shoulders. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.
Rafe saw how nervous I was and shook his head. “Gabi, you don’t have to say anything you’re not ready to say. I know things are different for you. I get it. It’s okay.”
Maybe a few weeks or months ago, I would have listened to him. What he was saying was true, after all. Thanks to Mom, I had serious trust issues. Penny had always been my only close friend, and I’d never had a boyfriend. And he was right, I was only sixteen (for another month, anyway). Love was for older couples, who’d been together for years, not months, right? And did love even exist? I thought it had with my parents, but then Mom left, and I couldn’t help but wonder if the whole thing was a farce.
But also thanks to Mom, and the truth behind why she’d vanished without ever contacting us again, I now saw how fleeting life was. Here one moment, gone the next. I’d nearly lost Rafe twice. Silver Moon would come looking for me if they knew what I could do. We still didn’t know if healing could kill me. I was safe, even content, right now, in Rafe’s lap, on his bed, in his room, in this apartment tucked among thousands upon thousands of other apartments, but that could all change tomorrow. I knew all about how quickly life could change from one moment to the next.
And I would be the biggest moron if I didn’t seize life for all that it was worth now, rather than waiting for later.
Rafe watched me. He watched me struggle with my inner turmoil, and I think he realized before I even did what I was about to say. His green eyes brightened, and he leaned forward in anticipation.
“I love you,” I said simply.
And he kissed me.
Not simply.
Oh, no, definitely not simply.
Chapter Fifteen
Things got a bit hot and heavy after that, but only a bit. Rafe’s bed was small and cramped, and I banged my elbow hard against the wall and began cursing up a storm as my whole limb was engulfed in pins and needles. Then I saw Rafe stretched out across the length of his bed, and how his feet were hanging over the edge because he was freaking longer than the bed, and I started laughing. Loudly. And it took me a long time before I was able to stop.
Rafe, laughing as well, pulled me into his arms and rearranged his extra-long limbs so he wasn’t quite falling off the bed. “I guess I should have put you in my parents’ bedroom. But that would have been weird, right?”
“Hmmm.” I studied his face, grinning wickedly. “It depends on what you planned on doing in their bed.”
Rafe’s face turned red. “Gabi!”
Aww. Even after his declaration of love, Rafe was still shy. It was nice to know some things never changed.
Love. How could one little word make me feel so stupidly giddy? It was so weird. And awesome. And probably stupid. I was acting stupid, wasn’t I? With this big grin on my face and my heart soaring and—
And my pain over the loss of my mom not as sharp as it was, only hours before. Huh. I wondered if that was why Rafe had told me he loved me now. To distract me.
I brushed my lips against his, so very happy that the universe had given me the sweetest boy ever to love. “Rafe, can—”
The sudden sound of glass shattering stopped me midsentence. I looked at him. “Um. I think someone is robbing your apartment.”
Rafe rolled his eyes. “No, that’s just Alex and Evan.”
As if on cue, I heard Alex start yelling, and Evan responded, shouting as well. Something else shattered and Rafe made a face. “Should I go stop them?”
“No.” I flung my arms around his neck. “You are not going anywhere!”
With a grin, he shifted into a more comfortable position, tangling his legs up with mine. “Good answer.” He kissed me again, short but sweet, before reaching over me to turn off his lamp. “Goodnight, Gabi.”
“Goodnight, person who is in love with me.”
Rafe snorted. “Evil, evil girl.”
“That you love.”
“Yep.”
A pause. Then I whispered, “I love you, too.”
His grip on me tightened in response.
***
I wish I could say that was it. That, with our love for each other, Rafe and I held hands and ran off into the sunset, ready to face our happily ever after together.
Unfortunately, the following morning, I had to face life. And life was full of crap.
A lot of crap.
I stared at my phone, my sense of horror growing by the second as I counted missed call after missed call from my dad. The buttered bagel Rafe had gotten me for breakfast from the neighborhood deli sat like a rock in my stomach. “I’m dead,” I told Rafe. “That’s it. Take me home so Dad can kill me. Nice knowing you, Rafe, and please mourn me properly before you find yourself another girlfriend.”
“Stop.” He put a hand over mine, stilling my scrolling finger. “Listen for a sec. After you passed out yesterday, I called your dad.”
I stared at him. “You did?”
“Yes, because I know him, and I know he was probably ready to call the police.” Rafe winced. “And have them arrest me.”
I shook my head. “No, he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t be able to kill you if you were in jail.”
If I thought Rafe had seemed worried before, now he looked downright terrified.
“What did you tell him?” I asked, torn between wanting to laugh and wanting to hide under the bed with him.
Rafe sobered. “First of all, I told him you were okay, but you were the one who needed to tell him what had happened, not me. I’m not sure if that made a difference; he still seemed really pissed. Especially when I slipped and told him we were in the city and couldn’t come home anytime soon.”
“He probably thinks we rented a hotel room so we could engage in some sexy times,” I muttered. “No wonder he was pissed at you.”
Flushing, Rafe cleared his throat loudly. A number of times.
I looked at the phone in my lap. “I guess I should call him.”
Rafe asked, “Do you want me to stay?”
I did. I really, really did. But I knew this was something I needed to do alone, so I shook my head.
“I’ll be down the hallway, in the kitchen. Call me if you need me.” After kissing me on the top of my head, he slipped out of the room.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. When that did nothing to calm my racing heart, I did it again. And again. Finally, I just stabbed at my screen and listened to the phone ring.
Dad picked up after half of a ring. “Gabiella, where are you?”
Okay, I was in huge trouble, because I honestly could not remember the last time I heard Dad call me by my full name. I was surprised he hadn’t thrown in my middle and last name, too. “Dad, I’m sorry—”
“You’re sorry!” he yelled. “Do you know how worried I’ve been? The only reason I haven’t called the cops yet is because Rafe called me last night to let me know you were still alive, but give me one good reason why I shouldn’t have them arrest him for this little stunt you two pulled!”
Oh. Guess Dad did want to throw Rafe in jail. Although I didn’t think an impromptu trip to New York City with your girlfriend was illegal. Rafe wasn’t even legal yet, and besides that, we hadn’t done anything.
(Not going to tell Dad that the bed we’d slept in was too small to do anything, though. No. No freaking way.)
“It wasn’t a stunt,” I said miserably. “We found—” My voice caught,
and Dad must have heard it because he inhaled sharply. “We found out something about Mom.”
Dad didn’t answer.
“I don’t…” I rubbed my eyes with the palm of my hand tiredly. “I don’t want to tell you this over the phone, Dad.”
“Tell me.” It was a small, quiet plea that nearly broke my heart.
“She—Did you know she had another family?”
He gasped, and now my heart split into pieces.
“She left them, before she had us, even before she met you, but Phil—Phil is my brother, Dad.”
Silence for a full minute. Then, “How do you know this?”
I told him about finding the lost photo in the kitchen, and how Philip had recognized her. How we’d rushed to Manhattan to find answers. “I wanted to find her, Daddy. I wanted to see her again. And I needed to know if Phil was really my brother or not. I knew I shouldn’t have left like that, but I needed to know. I’m sorry.”
“And what did you find out?” His voice was cool, neutral, but I could picture the strain on his face as he asked me that.
“Daddy, I don’t—”
“Tell me.”
“She’s dead.” I bit down a sob, my eyes filling with tears again. I guess I hadn’t used them all up yet.
“She’s…” I could hear him crying over the phone, too, and I desperately wished I could teleport myself to his side, so we could hold each other and cry together. “She’s dead?”
“Daddy, I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “I’m so, so sorry. I never should have gone. Then I never would have known, and I wouldn’t be hurting you right now.”
“Gabi, no,” he said. “You’re not hurting me. This isn’t your fault. Just come home, so we can talk. You, me, and your sister. We’ll handle this together, just like we’ve been handling things all this time. As a family.”
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