by Lee Wardlow
“We came to see Siena.”
He gazed around the room. I was sure wondering why everyone was looking at us. Mom and Dad came through the door with Gracie right behind Liam and Harley. She was excited to see her sister. I held her lower or tried to. It wasn’t easy with my big belly. “Gracie, this is your sister Siena.”
She looked puzzled. I don’t know what she was expecting. She saw Asia when she was born. Gracie knew what a baby was. Then she went to Adam and climbed into his lap. He held her close and kissed her. Gracie didn’t say another thing. “She’s more like Fionn every day,” Liam remarked.
“She has to process it first. What it means to her world,” her daddy informed them.
“Ah, is that it,” Liam replied.
He nodded. He understood his child better than anyone. Jamie arrived. Then Noah and Lexi came. I handed her off to someone else. I couldn’t hog her when next week I could hold her as much as I wanted to while I stayed here with Aine while Ronan went to practice.
I could feel Mom watching me. I looked around Ronan at her and arched my eyebrow in question.
“Could I see you in the kitchen Skylar?” She asked.
I rose and followed Mom then I realized that Ronan was coming too. She looked over her shoulder at him. “If you have something to say you can say it to both of us.”
I was shocked that he spoke up to my mother that way. No one not even Daddy did that. He always gave her everything that she wanted except for when the tornado tore down the house and she didn’t want to leave him. The rest of us fit through the basement window Fionn had kicked out. Daddy wouldn’t fit. She kicked him hard in the face fighting him every step of the way, not wanting to leave him.
In the kitchen, my mom leaned against the counter arms crossed over her chest. I heard footsteps and realized that Daddy was joining us. “I thought I might be needed as a referee,” he advised.
“What is going on? I’ve known you two a long time. Something is up.”
She waited. I glanced up at Ronan. He put his hands on my shoulders and squeezed them. I put my hand on top of his. “We’re getting married this week. We haven’t nailed down the plan yet but I’m sure Skylar would like for you and Tegan to be there.”
“I would,” I agreed.
My mother frowned then her mouth formed a perfect O. She wasn’t sure what to say. She looked at Daddy. “It’s their life. They can do what they want,” he informed her.
“You don’t have to get married just because you made a mistake,” she said.
I felt his hands get tighter on my shoulders. “Luke isn’t a mistake, Rhett.”
Mom and Daddy looked at each other. Then she said softly, “I’m sorry Ronan. I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I’ve thought about this for a while.”
“The entire six weeks that you’ve known?” Mom said interrupting Ronan.
“Rhett,” he said her name with hurt in his voice. “It’s Skylar.”
“What does that mean?” Dad put his hand in hers to quiet her and calm her.
“It means that I care enough about her and respect her enough that I want her to have my name when she gives birth to my son. I want to give her what our siblings have.”
“Do you love her?”
“You know I do.”
Mom dropped her head. I knew my mom, she wanted to contradict Ronan but she wasn’t going to. “Marriage is hard Ronan. I love Tegan with everything in me and there are times when I want to smash his head in but I would die if something happened to him.” My dad chuckled. She glared at him.
“I’m not expecting it to be easy but Rhett what better foundation do we have to spend a happy life together than the love and respect that we already have for one another? Plus, add to that we’re going to share a son. I want Luke to know that he is wanted by both his parents. Loved by both his parents.”
“You don’t have to get married to do that.”
He sighed. “But I do. I want him to have everything that we’ve had. Don’t you see?” He was so impassioned about making his point. “I don’t want him to come to our family parties and wonder why we aren’t a family. I’m committed to making this work with Skylar. I’m getting the better end of the deal, Rhett. I know that.”
“Honey, I didn’t mean that. You’re a good man. You’ve just gotten lost along the way but you’re getting better. We all see that. You hurt no one but yourself.”
“I hurt Skylar,” he insisted. I glanced up at him and shook my head no. “I’ll be a good husband to her. A good father to Luke. Will you give us your blessing?” He asked my parents.
Mom looked at Daddy. There were tears in her eyes. Daddy responded. “Of course, we give you our blessing. Just let us know where to be and what time.”
I heard their voices at the same time that Ronan did. Stevie and Declan came to see Siena too. He turned and looked towards the living room. He hadn’t seen them in weeks. The longer the separation I thought the harder it would be to mend their relationship. I grabbed his hands which had fallen to his sides. He was still staring at the living room. “Go talk to your Mom and Dad. Say hello,” I suggested.
“Are you sure?”
“I am,” Mom agreed. “You have to mend this broken relationship sometime. Another grandbaby is coming Ronan. Don’t you want them to see him? Don’t you want them at your wedding next week?”
“I do,” he agreed.
“Then go talk to them,” Mom urged him.
We followed Ronan to the living room. His dad was a proud man. I was beginning to think it was a Moore trait. Declan was holding Siena now, low enough that Stevie could see her too. They were both cooing over her then everyone got quiet.
“Hi,” Ronan said to them.
His father ignored him. His mother gave him a weak smile. “Ro, how are you?”
“Fine Mom.”
Nothing else was said. An awkward silence ensued. He took my hand and pulled me through the living room behind him. When we reached the porch he stopped a step below me so he could look me in the eye. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking or doing.
He leaned in until our foreheads touched. “I’m going home,” he said. “You stay here. You’ve missed enough Sunday dinners because of me.”
“I’d rather come with you. I kissed his nose. His eyes closed at the touch of my lips.
“I’d rather you stay,” he said softly.
“Don’t do anything stupid.” I regretted the words as soon as I said them when I saw the hurt in his eyes.
“Trust me,” he said.
“I do.” He didn’t look convinced.
“Call me or have one of my brothers bring you home when you’re ready to come.” He patted my back just above the curve of my ass.
I nodded. I watched him walk to his truck then I ran down the stairs. “Ronan,” I shouted his name.
He hesitated at the door. I went to his open arms and he held me close. Then he tipped his head down and Ronan kissed me. Warm soft lips. A kiss with a little fire behind it. A girl could get used to this. “That’s better,” I told him when he lifted his head.
“I’ll see you in a little while.” He winked at me. His old, charming self was back.
“Okay,” I told him. I released him and he got into the truck. As he drove away I wished I had told him that I loved him because I did but it just wouldn’t have made sense to him, I knew that. Ronan was in a different place than me but I wanted him to love me.
I ran up the porch steps and into the house. I stood in the entry for a moment watching the interaction of my family enjoying Siena. Then I cleared my throat. Everyone turned to me. “He went home,” I said. “We’re getting married next week. You can decide who is coming and who isn’t. That will let me know who is on our side and who isn’t.”
“Skylar,” my mother interrupted me and Adam interrupted her.
“Let her speak,” he said gruffly.
“Thanks Gramps.” I knew then that Adam Moore was on our side. He smiled at me
giving me the encouragement I needed to continue.
“Not on our side don’t bother thinking you’ll be a part of Luke’s life. There’s no room for you there. So Declan you better fix your shit with your son before December because I can’t imagine you don’t want to be a part of your grandson’s life.”
I stomped through the mass of people that was my family. Noah stepped aside to let me into the kitchen because he was blocking the doorway. He looked at his brother and said, “I guess she told you.” I didn’t even hear Declan’s response to that statement.
Gramps joined me in the kitchen a few minutes later. I was sitting at the table about to cry. He sat beside me in one of the high backed, wooden chairs. The set ancient and as familiar as the house. “What can I do?” He asked.
I shook my head and burst into tears. “You’re in love with Ronan?” He asked or told me. I wasn’t sure which. It didn’t really matter when it was the truth.
“I am.”
“Does he know that?” He asked resting his cheek in his hand.
I shook my head no. How do you tell a man you’ve known your whole life…one who sees you as his little sister that you’re in love with him? “So about this wedding,” I said wiping my face. “Could we have it here?”
“Sure,” Gramps replied. “Want me to see if Bob can do it?”
“I’d like that.” I didn’t really want a courthouse quickie.
“What night?”
“Tuesday night,” I replied.
He arched an eyebrow at me. “Why Tuesday?”
“Because we can get a marriage license, a dress, rings and a cake to cut on Monday so we can get married on Tuesday is a semi-real wedding. Something memorable.” I was in a hurry.
“Sounds good to me.” He gave me a little hug to make me feel better.
**
I was sitting on the deck for the longest time. Just sitting there. Wondering why she cared for me. Skylar knew my reputation. She knew the guys that I was hanging out with. How they leered at her at the bar that night even though I stood between them. I remembered that much although even that was a bit hazy. It wasn’t the first time Stokes had been crude with Skylar.
It was early. I went inside my hair still damp from the shower I took when I arrived at home. I looked up the group meetings that the counselor had given me. There was one in an hour so I dressed and ran out to the car. I don’t know what was driving me to do this. Fear that I would slip and disappoint Skylar for one. Wanting to prove to everyone that I was clean; most of all to my parents who seemed hell bent on believing the worst of me. It hurt, I admitted it.
I drove through town. The meeting was at a small non-denominational church on the outskirts of town. I parked beside another car and stood by my truck. My hand trembled I noticed as I raised the keys to press the lock button on the key fob. I was staring at the ground, at my feet willing them to move forward.
“Are you coming?” A man was standing in the doorway. Probably about my dad’s age. Fifties. Balding. T-shirt and shorts. Flip flops. A big man. He looked like an action hero from a bad movie.
“Yeah, I’m coming.”
I walked across the driveway and entered through the door. “I’m Sam,” he told me.
“Ronan Moore,” I said shaking his hand. He guided me to a circle of chairs. Almost all were filled.
“This is Ronan, everyone. A new member to Saturday morning fun time.”
I received a shout of welcome from the group. I sat next to a younger woman. Mid-thirties maybe. She smiled at me. Sam sat across the circle. “So Ronan, new members usually go first. Tell us about yourself. What brought you here?”
I snorted. Uncomfortable with this shit already. I was hoping to listen and learn not talk about myself. I leaned forward on my knees and clasped my hands together to stop the trembling. “I almost died six weeks ago from a heroin overdose. My first time using it…”
“But not your first time using drugs?” Sam asked. He wasn’t judging me. He was asking for clarification.
I raised my head and looked him in the eye. “No, I’m a drug addict for sure.” It was the first time I admitted it to anyone out loud. Hell, it was the first the first time I admitted to myself.
“Scared you?”
I nodded my head. “My family too. I come from a big family.”
I could see heads nodding out of my peripheral vision. “I think what concerned me most that I learned from my blackouts was that I was missing important details in my life.”
“Like what?”
I laughed humorously. “Like someone taking me home one night. She means a lot to me. Finding out we’re going to be parents in a little more than three months and I don’t want to fail her again.”
“Usually recovery is hard enough without adding a family to it.”
I nodded my head. I rubbed my hand across my face.
“It’s a boy. I don’t want to fail either of them. This girl is a family friend. We all grew up together so my parents are not only devastated about the whole drug scene they have stopped speaking to me when they found out Skylar is pregnant. I came here today to be sure that I don’t fuck up again. Sorry.” I realized I dropped an f-bomb without thinking.
“What are you sorry for?” Sam asked me.
“The f-bomb.”
“You’ll probably hear worse when Dia starts talking. Cocksucker is her favorite word.”
I choked on my laughter. Dia, I assumed was on the other side of the girl sitting next to me. She rolled her eyes and scowled at Sam. She was an interesting woman with hair so black I thought it must be dyed. She was wearing a tank top that revealed a half sleeve tattoo that I couldn’t discern without staring too long. She had all these rough edges but there was a softness about her brown eyes that she just couldn’t hide.
“How are you doing Ronan?” The girl sitting next to me asked taking my attention away from Dia.
I scratched my check then rubbed that hand across the back of my neck. “You know, no one has asked me that. I’ve fought the urge to smoke weed for weeks after I was released from the hospital. I was doing that a lot to stay calm when the pressure got bad.”
“You can’t,” Sam told me.
I gazed at him across the room. “I know man.”
“It is a drug and most don’t think it is addicting but for some when that high is just not enough we seek something stronger meth, coke, heroin.”
I shook my head agreeing with him.
“Do you drink?” he asked me.
“I had half a beer one night. I didn’t even want to finish it.”
“I would recommend that you stay away from all drugs and alcohol.”
“That half beer was all that I had. With Skylar being pregnant we aren’t exactly partying. She wasn’t much of a party girl before that. After the baby comes there won’t be any big parties then either.”
“So you’ll be one big happy family,” the girl named Dia said with sarcasm.
I looked at her. No, I expected things to be difficult at times. I expected us to have to learn about each other as husband and wife but I adored Skylar. I respected her and I wanted to make her happy. She was amazing and beautiful. She was good for me for sure. I really saw no drawbacks to us getting married. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like some fairy tale but Sky and I have known each other a really long time. We will be happy but no it won’t always be easy. I know that.”
“I’m glad you’re being realistic,” Sam said.
“My father has no problem with helping me be realistic. He’s not speaking to me at the moment. My mother is barely speaking to me. She at least says hello if a little coolly,” I explained to them.
“Is your father Declan or Noah Moore?” Sam asked.
“Declan,” I responded.
He chuckled. “I know him, man.”
I didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing. I sat through the meeting listening to the other’s history’s. To their recent setbacks in some cases and felt a renewed
sense of panic. I couldn’t have a setback. Not with Luke coming. I couldn’t let Skylar down.
After the meeting Sam walked me to the door. He patted my shoulder. “I saw your fear when some of the others talked about setbacks. Don’t be afraid Ronan. You’re human. It is possible to fall into old habits. Talk with Skylar about it so she’s prepared. If she loves you, she’ll be understanding and support you if you fail.”
“I can’t do that to my family again.”
“Ronan, don’t put too much pressure on yourself or you will fail. He handed me his business card. Call me if you need me. Anytime, day or night.”
I nodded. “Does this make you my sponsor or something?”
He chuckled. “I guess, unofficially.”
I tapped the card against my other hand. “I’ll see you next Saturday.” I liked the group meeting better than I thought I would. I knew that I would be back.
“I’ll be here.”
I walked across the parking lot to my truck. Before I even got inside I could hear my phone beeping. I left it behind on the seat of my truck and Skylar was frantic, searching for me. Damn, I should have texted her or left her a note telling her where I was going. I dialed her cell and waited for her to answer. “Where the hell are you?” She snapped at me.
I almost laughed into the phone. Sky wasn’t one to react like this with anyone. This was a Rhett or Ryan reaction. “Hey sweetheart, I went to a meeting. Sorry I forgot to leave a note or text you.” She breathed deeply. I could hear her inhale and exhale and I knew that she was relieved. I hadn’t done anything stupid. I tried not to be offended. My family needed time to be sure that I would not repeat my mistakes. “I didn’t mean to worry you. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m glad you are too.” She hesitated then she said, “A meeting?”
“Yeah, I didn’t want to slip. I want to make you proud of me, Skylar.”
“Ronan, I am so proud of you but you need to do these things for you so you get better.” I could hear her getting choked up.
“Hey baby, don’t cry.”
“I can’t help it,” she sniffed.
I chuckled. “I’ll be home soon.” I looked behind me then backed out of the spot I was in. I talked to her through the Bluetooth in the truck as I drove towards home. “The meeting was in the Christ Church of Kings,” I explained.