by Lee Wardlow
I sighed and wiped away the tears. I wore the locket that belonged to Adam’s mother. That was my something old and borrowed. Ryan wore it last. I would give it to the next bride in the family. The girls picked out a charm bracelet for me like they all received. That was my something new along with my dress. In my flowers were blue violets, my mother’s idea because they mean love and faithfulness. I thought they were beautiful tucked into the center of greenery, lace and pearls along with the white roses. Only I could see them as I looked down on them. They were my something blue.
“Let’s get me married before Luke comes,” I declared.
“Is there something you aren’t telling me?” Daddy asked. His eyes were wide and concerned.
“No I was just exaggerating.”
“Oh good,” he replied. Aine laughed as she walked down the stairs in front of us.
We wore matching hairstyles. Long and curly with the front pulled back and secured with ribbons trailing down our backs. It looked pretty. Something simple like everything else about this day.
I saw him turn as my dad led me down the center aisle of chairs. Ronan smiled at me. When Dad stopped with me at the fireplace where Ronan waited, Reverend Bob asked who gives this man. My father was getting good at this having given away three daughters in two years. Ronan took my hand and tucked it into his arm. The Reverend asked us to repeat our vows and we exchanged our cheap but meaningful wedding rings. I couldn’t stop looking at mine. Then he pronounced us Mr. and Mrs. Ronan Moore. I turned my head towards Ronan and he dropped my hand. He cupped my face in his big hands and kissed me with such tenderness that the ladies in the room all oohed and awed at our sweetness. If only they knew just how sweet Ronan Moore could be.
We headed towards the dining room for dinner that was catered by the diner. A fabulous meal of chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans with bits of ham and bacon. Fresh biscuits with butter and honey. We stood together and cut our wedding cake. Again something simple. A sheet cake from the local grocery store with soft, pink flowers and ivy draping across one corner. The middle said, Congratulations Ronan and Sky. It was all I needed. We toasted each other with sparkling wine juice. I couldn’t drink. He didn’t want to and shouldn’t. We were happy.
**
Ronan carried me from the truck to the front porch.
“I think you only have to carry me over the threshold?” I told him.
“Hush.”
I opened the door for him and he carried me inside. Then he set me on my feet. It felt weird to think that he was my husband and I was his wife. We were married without his parents. I turned my back to him and asked him to unzip me. I felt his fingertips brush against my skin as he lowered the zipper.
Ronan followed me to the bedroom where I slipped out of my dress. As I hung it up in the closet, I asked. “Are you upset they didn’t come?”
He shook his head at me. Not that he was saying no. He didn’t want to talk to about it. “Let’s not spoil tonight.”
I slipped out of my bra and into a tank top; there was little left that I could wear. Aine gave me some of her maternity clothes so had my other sister, Ryan. We still needed to get a few things just for me like pajamas and underwear. Things that even sisters didn’t share.
“You need a few things don’t you?” Ronan said as I slipped into bed.
“I do,” I replied.
He rose from the bed and stripped out of his own clothes. “We’ll go tomorrow after practice instead of me working on the farm.”
“Will Fionn mind?”
“No, not at all.”
He laid his clothes on the chair in the corner and dropped his boxers by the bed. Then he crawled naked into bed with me. I was rubbing lotion on my hands with when he pulled me down beside him.
“I just want to hold you Skylar.”
“You don’t want to make love?” I was almost disappointed even though I was exhausted.
“You’re tired baby. Let’s do it tomorrow. I just want to hold you.”
He wrapped me in his embrace and I laid my head on his chest. Luke was active tonight. He hadn’t slowed down at all today. Ronan could feel him against his side. “Does he keep you awake?” I asked him.
“No,” he replied. “I like feeling him between us. I wonder if he’ll look like me.”
I laughed. “The others all look like Moores which was one of the reasons Ryan was so eager for me to tell you. She thought everyone would figure it out when he was born.”
“Yeah, they do.” He chuckled.
It didn’t take long before I was sound asleep. We were getting up early because Ronan had practice at seven a.m. I met him in the kitchen at six where I found him sipping his coffee. I kissed him, standing on tiptoe.
“Does it feel weird to be married?” I asked.
“Very weird but I’m happy Sky.”
“I’m glad. You’re ready to go?” I asked.
He nodded. He guided me outside to the truck and opened the door for me. I could tell he was not himself. I didn’t want to ask. I thought it was because of his dad and mom not coming to the wedding. He let me out at the farm at six fifteen with a quick kiss. I was worried about him.
I talked with Adam about it. He patted me on the back. “You can worry. You can love him but you can’t prevent him from using again if he wants to Skylar. You have to trust and hope that he’ll make the right decision.”
“Aren’t you worried?”
“I am. I think it stinks that they didn’t come last night.”
“Want to go with me to pick up Maddie and Nickolas?” I asked him.
“Sure, I’ll go.”
We used Aine and Fionn’s car to pick up the kids at the football field. They were waiting with Dom when we arrived at six forty-five. Ronan was already on the field with part of the team. I waved to him when he turned to glance at me. He waved back but that haunted look remained in his eyes.
I took the two kids and told Dom we would see him later. There were only three more days of this and then the kids would be in school. “What do you want to do today?” I asked them.
“Take them to the pool,” Adam suggested. I looked at him as if he had lost his mind. We didn’t have a pool. Then he told me about the pool in the woods on the farm. We went for breakfast then we stopped at Target to see if they had swimsuits. They were still trunks for Nickolas but we settled for a tank top and shorts for Maddie. I bought a couple of cute beach towels for the kids. I also picked up the clothing items I needed. Maddie helped me pick them out while Gramps and Nickolas looked in the sporting goods section. Something Nickolas wasn’t really interested in but he was interested in Gramps. There was a definite change coming over the two children I spent time with while Dom practiced. Ronan noticed a change in Dom when he didn’t have to worry about his siblings.
When Ronan and Dominick arrived at the farm we were still deep in the woods. This was such a peaceful place. Like Maddie, I was wearing shorts and a tank top. I was too big for my bikini. They didn’t have any maternity bathing suits for me either. The three of us were splashing around in the water when Ronan and Dom came looking for us.
When you first enter the clearing on Moore land, you can hear the faint trickle of water over rock. You can also reach this place from a side street off the back side of the property or by walking a long distance across fields into the woods, through thorny bushes and thick brush. Then suddenly you hear it. Just a faint sound. Then you see it. A tiny hill side covered in rocks and moss, water flowing over it from a creek into a pool of water so clear you can see the bottom also covered in mossy rocks.
Wildflowers surrounded it in some spots. Woods were all around. Wild animals. It was quiet except for us. We were making lots of racket right now. Nickolas climbed up on a rock and was jumping off while Maddie and I watched. I just prayed he didn’t fall. He didn’t go high and he avoided the slippery looking rocks. “What are you guys doing?” Ronan asked.
Maddie and I were treading water. I turned
and looked over my shoulder at Ronan and Dom. “Watching Nickolas. He’s the bravest of us. Jumping into the pool.”
“Watch me Dom,” he shouted. He proceeded to make a big splash jumping from about five feet above the pool.
“You didn’t try that did you?” Ronan asked.
“Pregnant,” I replied. “No climbing allowed.”
“Good girl,” he answered me.
Maddie put her arm around me. I swam to the side and handed her up to them. Ronan wrapped her in one of the towels. He reached for me to help me out and I slipped my hand in his. I didn’t think that I could do it but I was feeling mischievous. I gave him a slight tug and Ronan toppled into the water, gym shoes, shorts and t-shirt. He broke through the water’s surface shaking his wet hair at me scowling. I giggled. He did not. He grabbed me around the waist. “Lucky for you, you are pregnant.”
“Don’t hurt her,” Maddie cried.
Ronan looked up at Maddie over my shoulder. I could see the horror on his face. “Maddie, I would never hurt Skylar. I love her.”
I heard the words. I tried not to get too excited by them because I knew that Ronan did love me just not the way I wanted him to. I leaned back into his body. We watched Dom put his arm around his little sister. “It’s not like when Mom brings somebody home Maddie that isn’t always nice. Coach Moore is different.”
Maddie nodded but there were tears in her eyes.
“Gramps offered for us to eat dinner with them Dom,” Maddie offered. “Can we?”
“You know we can’t,” he said.
“But Dom, he said we could eat early enough that we could stay.”
Dom rubbed up and down Maddie’s arms. “Okay then.”
“We better get out then and get dried off,” I replied.
Chapter 13
We walked back to the farm together. Nickolas was talking about Adam to Dominick. He was telling him about him and Joey living on this farm and growing up together being as close as two brothers. Dom put his arm around Nickolas’s shoulder. They made me smile because I knew from seeing the Moore brothers how special that bond was.
The three children ate with us. We sat around the kitchen table with Fionn and Aine. Dom asked Fionn a lot of questions which made Aine laugh because Fionn wasn’t a talker. She and I were cleaning up after dinner with Maddie’s help when I realized there was a problem in the living room.
Declan stopped by after work. I’m sure he hadn’t expected us to still be there. He was yelling at Ronan. I left Maddie with Aine and went to see what was going on. Adam was trying to stop the argument. Dominick and Nickolas were wide-eyed and concerned about Ronan. I could see it on their faces, staring at Ronan who was stricken by his father’s outburst.
“What’s the matter Ronan. Don’t you want these children to hear what you’ve done? To know what you are?” Declan was saying when I entered the room. I couldn’t believe how mean his father was being to him.
“Dad, don’t take this from me too.”
His father laughed a harsh laugh. I was shocked. “Declan, that’s enough. You aren’t perfect or have you forgotten that you and your brother both decided that you didn’t need to come to the house after your mother’s funeral to pay your respects? You ended up at the bar in town playing pool. Your wives had to come find you?” Gramps was getting angry too.
Ronan’s head snapped towards Gramps. “What?”
Declan’s hands went to his hips. “Turn this around on me Pop. Make it about me when I’m not the one that has screwed up his life and hers.” He pointed at me.
“Don’t make this about me,” I snapped. “I’m quite happy thank you.”
“How?” Declan declared. “How can you be happy with how things turned out?”
‘Because I love him Declan,” I declared. Ronan turned around and looked at me. He knew in that declaration that I meant those words differently than how we had always said them to each other.
“Boys, could you come to the kitchen with me,” Gramps asked.
“Sure Gramps,” Dom replied. Both he and Nickolas followed him out of the room.
“Do you see what you’ve done Ronan? “Ronan turned to his father. Anger was building up in Ronan’s face. I could see it.
“Why don’t you tell me Dad?”
“You disrespected Skylar. I taught you better than that. Moore men don’t use women and cast them aside but I guess your reputation precedes you. You use them and then you kick them to the curb the next morning without a thought about their feelings. Do you even know their name? Is there a different one every Saturday morning Ronan?”
I knew that wasn’t the case. When he was working hard during school, he didn’t party as much if at all. He was still doing drugs during school. Drugs to stay awake. Drugs to go to sleep. Pot to mellow him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said to Declan.
“You aren’t impartial,” Delcan snapped at me. “I don’t even feel like I know you Ronan. I keep wondering what kind of man you are and how you became this man? I’ve lost all respect for you Ronan.”
“He’s a good man,” I defended my husband.
I could see him about to burst at the seams. “A good man wouldn’t have gotten so wasted that he didn’t remember sleeping with you and getting you pregnant,” he told me.
“Stop it,” Ronan shouted shoving his father.
Declan’s face turned red with anger. He reached back and clocked Ronan in the jaw. I screamed. Adam, Dominick and Nickolas came running from the kitchen. Ronan staggered back into me. He caught me in his arms to keep me from falling. “Did I hurt you?” He asked, his desperation obvious in his tone.
“No,” I whispered. “Are you hurt?” I caressed his jaw where Declan hit him.
He shook his head. “That’s enough,” Adam roared.
“Pop, my son will not shove me.”
“How hard did you push him Declan until he broke and shoved you? Have you forgotten that you were young once? You made mistakes son. How hard are you going to push Ronan? Until he breaks and falls back on his old habits to get through the day?”
Declan turned on his heel and walked to the door. “I’m not sure now why I even came here.” He walked through the door and slammed it shut behind him.
Ronan turned and looked at the three kids. “Dominick could I talk to you for a minute outside on the porch?”
“Sure Coach,” he replied.
Aine, Gracie and Maddie stood in the doorway to the kitchen. When I looked at them Maddie came to me. I wrapped her in my arms needing to hold her. So much for a nice dinner.
**
I wanted to explain to Dominick about what my father was saying about me. I didn’t want to lose his respect. The one thing that I always remembered Mom saying was honesty was the best policy. So I sat with him on the swing. I was concerned that he wouldn’t understand since his own mother was a junkie.
“Coach, you really don’t owe me any explanations. My mom and I fight all the time.”
I turned my head towards him and I smiled a shaky smile. “I really feel like I do. See right now, I feel like I have your respect if you ever hear what I did you might lose that respect for me unless you hear it from me. At least I hope that is the way it will turn out.”
Dom patted my shoulder. “Go on Coach.”
“I have no excuses. You can see that I’ve grown up in a really good family.”
“I don’t know your dad is sort of an ass.”
I laughed. “He’s really not. He was a good father. A loving one but he’s really disappointed in me right now.” I didn’t know how much to tell him. I decided to keep it brief and simple.
“I have a degree in law. I thought my whole purpose in life was to be successful and make money. I haven’t always been nice to people, especially my brother Fionn. Maybe because I was jealous of him. He was great at football. Had a great girl who loved him a lot.”
“Skylar loves you man,” Dominick said confused by that statement.
I
nodded. I was overwhelmed by her declaration of love for me. “Skylar and I have been friends since birth. I love her too but she and I didn’t get together in a romantic way until recently.” I needed to look at my feelings and figure out what they meant because definitely our feelings had changed. Hers had. Her declaration told me so. I thought mine had too.
“I began taking drugs my senior year in high school. It was cool at first. Just pot. Then in college I tried pills to help me sleep, to wake me up.” I looked over to see how he was taking this. His facial expression was noncommittal at the moment. “Then I graduated to even harder stuff. To make a long story short, I OD several months ago on heroin. The one and only time I tried it. I died twice and was revived both times.” I could feel him withdrawing from me. “I see a drug counselor once a week and attend meetings ever Saturday.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” I replied. “I want to be different Dominick. I want clean up my act and be a better man for my son and for my wife. For the kids on the team like you. Coach Gatlin thought it would be good for me to Coach. I have to agree. It has given me purpose that I desperately needed.”
I could sense a difference in Dominick. He was no longer withdrawing. “Why can you want to get help and my mom doesn’t?” He asked. I heard the hurt in his tone of voice.
I shook my head. “I don’t know Dom. I wish I had an answer for you.”
“Thanks for telling me this Coach. I won’t tell anybody. I still think your dad is being an ass though. You’re trying. My mom isn’t trying at all.”
I glanced over at him and looked Dom in the eye. “Sometimes, you have to reach rock bottom to realize you need help.”
He snorted. “If she hasn’t reached rock bottom yet I wonder how bad her rock bottom has to be.”
“Each person’s fall is a little farther than others’,” I told him.
Nickolas appeared in the doorway with Maddie and Skylar behind them. “We have to go Dom. We have twenty minutes to get home.”
Maddie walked out to the porch swing where her brother and I were sitting. She touched my jaw where Dad hit me. “Are you okay Coach?” she asked.