by Lee Wardlow
“Ronan, he has to let this go,” she told me.
We talked on the way home. She wanted to name the baby after me. Luke Ronan Moore. We were trying to make decisions and soon, the seven weeks would fly by. Mom purchased the baby’s crib set. I knew that wouldn’t be all that she would buy. That was how she was with my brother’s kids too. We picked up paint early this week. If Skylar wasn’t too tired after dinner tonight we were painting one of the rooms at the cabin for a nursery and Skylar wanted to help. I didn’t understand why she didn’t just let me paint the room but she wanted to be a part of all of it.
I drove down the lane to the cabin, there was a car that I didn’t recognize. Skylar glanced over at me and I shrugged. We were looking forward to a quiet evening at home together. I parked to the side of the vehicle and stepped out. “Ronan, it’s Delilah,” Skylar shouted to me. She was already pulling open the door before I got to her side of the truck.
Skylar was at the door to her car and peering in. I took slower steps; afraid of what we would find. She stepped back so I could look at Delilah. “Ronan.” Delilah’s eyes rolled up in her head. Her next words slurred. “My kids like you better than me. You should just take them.”
“She’s all right,” I sighed. “Higher than shit but all right.”
I guided her out of the car. She staggered against me so I lifted her into my arms and carried her up the sidewalk. Sky ran ahead of me and when I say ran, I mean she literally did a waddle-jog that concerned me. “Sky, I would prefer you not do that.”
“Do what?”
“Attempt to run,” I told her.
Skylar scowled at me over her shoulder. Then she unlocked our front door and held the screen door open for me so I could carry Delilah through the door. I laid her on the couch. “Now what?”
“The kids will be expecting her,” Skylar told me. “Call Fionn or Aine and ask if they can pick them up and keep them.”
I did that very thing. My brother went to get the kids. They knew him well enough to be comfortable with him. Maddie would be ecstatic about spending time with Aine and the girls when he got her back to the farm. Gramps would keep Nickolas occupied. Dom, well he just always went with the flow it seemed to me.
I called Sam because I was too new at this thing to know what to do with Delilah. He offered to come over to the cabin and help us with her. While we waited on him, Fionn called to let me know that he had picked up Nickolas and Maddie but Dom was on his way to our cabin.
“Thanks for letting me know,” I told him then I hung up the cell phone.
The second surprise was my mother and father showing up with my grandfather right after Dominick arrived. Dom sat on the coffee table and stared at his mother, pretty much passed out on the sofa. My grandfather walked in when Skylar opened the door to him, Mom and Dad.
Dad stood back not speaking to me. Mom hovered near the sofa with Gramps, Dom and me. “What is going on?” She asked. Sky took a seat in the overstuffed chair to the left off the sofa. I parked my butt near her. She laid her hand on my thigh, reassuring me.
“Delilah is a drug addict. Dom has been keeping things together for them,” I explained to my parents. I heard my father’s grumble beneath his breath. I could imagine what his words were but chose to ignore them. He would always have his opinions but I couldn’t let him get to me.
“Mom had a guest over last night when Ronan and my brother Nick stopped by to leave a note for her and get some clothes for him and my sister Maddie.”
“I tried to push him behind me so he didn’t see anything but she was on the sofa with him. Half naked so Nickolas still got a glimpse of her. Then I shoved him through the door and shut it so I could explain to her that we were taking the kids home with us.” I scrubbed my hands across my face. “That is what prompted him to go off on her this morning at the diner.”
Mom laid her hand on Dom’s shoulder. “Have you eaten?” He had not eaten since the pizza I paid for that morning so Mom suggested that he go to the kitchen with her and my dad. “I bet Declan and I can find something to feed you in the kitchen if I know my son.”
He followed them. Mom was good with him but she was good with any kid because she had lots of practice with us, her five rowdy boys and her friends’ kids who were constantly at her house. I looked at Gramps. “Now what?” I asked. Skylar’s hand slipped into mine. I glanced down at her fingers interlaced with mine.
“You amaze me Ronan. You’re caring about someone other than yourself. You know what is next,” Gramps told me.
I took a deep breath. “She needs help.”
“Do you know why she came here?” Gramps asked. He was genuinely concerned for the girl.
“All she said was my children like you better,” I explained. “She suggested that I take them.”
Sam was here, I could see him walking up the sidewalk. I rose letting Sky’s hand slip from mine. She turned her head to watch me as I opened the door for him. “Sam, thanks for coming over.”
“No problem kid,” he told me slapping my back. “Mr. Moore, nice to see you.”
Gramps rose and chuckled. “Sam Clifton, I hear you are staying out of trouble these days.”
“I wouldn’t go that far Mr. Moore. I still manage to irritate people on a regular basis but god willing I’m making a difference in people’s lives instead of getting them high.”
Gramps laughed. “Good to see you, son.” He shook Sam’s hand.
“Good to see you too sir.” My mother and father came from the kitchen with Dom. “Ah Declan Moore,” Sam said. “Good to see you, man.”
“Sam?” I could tell my father was confused as to why he was here.
“My church is where Ronan has been attending group meetings every week,” Sam explained to my dad. “I’m also a recovering addict.”
“Huh, I thought you just dealt drugs,” Dad said to him.
“Still speaking your mind, I see Declan,” Sam teased him.
Dad’s eyebrow shot up. “What kind of church do you run Sam?” He asked.
“It’s Christ Church of Kings. A non-denominational church. I’m the pastor there.” My dad couldn’t hide his laughter even when my mom elbowed him in the gut hard. “Stevie still as beautiful as ever.”
“Nice to see you Sam.” She shook his hand.
“Ronan, why don’t we move her to a bedroom so we can talk,” Sam said.
“I’ll move her,” Dominick said. “She’s my mom.” He laid the plate down on the table and lifted his mom in his arms. Skylar rose from the chair and guided him down the hall to one of the guest rooms. When they returned she took her seat in the chair where she had been with me on the one before I let Sam in.
Gramps took a seat on the sofa. Dom sat next to him. Sam took the chair opposite Sky and me. I glanced over my shoulder at Mom and Dad. “Are you sitting down or standing up?” I asked. Dad took a seat at the bar away from us but Mom sat on the other side of Dominick.
Sam leaned forward on his knees. “I know you want to help this woman, Ronan. I think your concern and compassion is honorable but you need to remain focused on your recovery. It’s too new.”
“I can’t turn my back on her,” I said again Skylar reached for me and I looked down at her and smiled then I took her hand in mine. Sam sighed.
“Okay but you can’t help her if she doesn’t want help. Does she want it?”
“I don’t know,” I replied.
“That is the first step,” Sam told me. “Finding out what she wants.”
I looked at Dominick taking it all in. “Mom, Gramps, I’ve heard the stories about Grams. This is a little bit different. Delilah isn’t physically abusing the kids. She loves them in her way but she’s hurting them emotionally.” I dropped my head. “Tell me what to do?”
Mom looked at Dominick then back at me. “What are you asking Ronan?”
“Dominick deserves to be a kid not a parent to Nickolas and Maddie but I want to be sure that they can stay together. How can I help them? Is that
the right thing to do to help them get away from her?” Dominick’s head swiveled around to look at me. It was the hardest thing I ever asked him. “Is that what you even want Dominick? Do you want me to interfere?”
He leaned over and sat his plate on the table. “I don’t know.”
Sam looked at me hard. “I don’t think you can ask that of a child Ronan.”
“Sam, I have to.” I couldn’t bare it if I did interfere and they were split up. He was all that was keeping them together. “This kid is keeping a roof over their head and food in their stomachs. He’s the one that is making sure their homework gets done. He’s protecting them from her. He’s protecting them from the outside finding out just how fucking bad it is at home.
“He could have a full athletic scholarship to several Division II schools but he won’t consider them…maybe even a few Division I schools too. He’s that good but he can’t leave them with her. He deserves to have a life.”
“I hear you Ronan. Are you saying that you would take these kids in?” Sam asked me.
“I would,” I heard my dad’s hand slap against the counter. I wasn’t sure what that meant. I glanced down at Skylar and she nodded her head. She agreed with me.
“Kids, that is really honorable but I’m not sure that you’ve been clean long enough that a judge would allow you custody of them.”
I dropped my head. I wanted to get them out of her care after what I saw last night. I wanted Delilah to care enough to get help. I wasn’t sure that she did.
“What if your Dad and I took them in?” Mom asked.
“Stevie,” Dad snapped.
“We can’t just let them suffer,” Mom said.
“Mrs. Moore,” Dominick said. “It’s all right. I understand. We’re two teenagers and an eight-year-old girl. I get it. Who wants to raise more kids at his age?” My dad snorted. I wanted to laugh. Skylar covered her snickers in my back.
“Is this why you gave up on law?” My dad asked.
I turned my head and looked at him. “What are you talking about?” I asked him.
“I just don’t understand you anymore Ronan. You were going to be so successful. Top five percent of your law class. Some well-known law offices were clamoring for you. You just needed to pass the bar exam. You gave it all up because of a drug overdose to become a teacher making a quarter of what you could make as a lawyer.”
“You sound like I did two years ago when I said something about Fionn becoming a farmer.”
He covered his mouth with his hand. Dad dropped his hand in his lap. “I think this is a little different. Ronan, you can’t save every child who has a bad home.”
“These kids are different. They are family but for the others I can make a difference,” I argued. “I feel like a have a sense of purpose in my life for the first time in forever. Don’t you see Dad?”
“I guess I don’t.”
Why couldn’t he see what the kids were teaching me? They had given me a sense of pride and accomplishment that I could never get sitting behind a desk or in a courtroom. Every Friday night when we took the field as a team, I felt more as an Assistant Coach helping these boys learn to become men than I ever had as a player. I was learning more from them in the classroom as well. At times, it was thankless. There were the smartasses. There were the ones that just didn’t give a shit but there were the ones that were eager to get what you wanted to teach them and go to the next level. College then life. I had a lot about life I could teach them.
“You’re so intelligent Ronan. Your IQ is off the charts. I just don’t get it.”
“Is this why you are so angry at me? You think I’m wasting my life?”
Dad just shook his head at me. “Dad, do you know like Fionn I have my own issues. Maybe that’s why I started with weed.” I stopped talking and thought about it. “I couldn’t shut down. I couldn’t turn off at night. I couldn’t turn off ever. I had to find a way to mellow out or lose my mind. I am happier than I have been in a really long time taking the education courses, getting my teaching certificate so I can teach full-time not just as a substitute.”
I looked down at Skylar watching me. “I’m happier than I have any right to be. I’m lucky this beautiful woman loves me. We’re going to have a son soon and I can’t wait for him to get here. Grams always said things happen for a reason. I don’t like how it happened. I’m still ashamed of how it happened but I’ll be Goddamned that I’ll ever regret again that Skylar is pregnant with Luke.”
He wouldn’t look at me. Dad was staring at the floor.
“Dad, look at me.” Finally, he looked up at me. “Are you any less proud of me that I’m going to be a teacher than a lawyer? It is an honorable profession like a doctor, a farmer or a business manager. An electrician.” I named each of my brothers’ occupations. My grandfather’s occupation and father’s occupation. I waited for him to respond. “Dammit Dad I want you to be proud of me but I also want you to be there for Luke as you have for Ciaran and Fionn’s kids. Don’t you want that?”
The room was silent. No one was speaking. We were all waiting for Dad to answer my question. “He’s a great teacher and coach. He’s also a really good role model,” Dominick put out there for me. “I know what happened. He stands up without shame and says the shit that he did was wrong. A lesser guy would have tried to hide it. That’s all I gotta say.”
I laughed. “Thanks man,” I said. Mom hugged Dominick to her as tears rolled down her cheeks.
“I think that you need to take Dominick back to the farm,” Gramps said to my Mom and Dad. “When Delilah wakes maybe we can talk to her about getting help. Let that be the first step.”
“I don’t have to leave,” Dominick argued.
“Yeah kid, you do.” I agreed with my Gramps. “It’s time you let adults be the adults and you be the kid.”
Mom rose from the sofa and tugged on Dominick’s hand. “Come on,” she told him. Dad got up from the barstool where he sat and followed her to the door. I realized then that he wasn’t going to answer my question. I thanked Mom at the door and kissed her on the cheek. Dom was leaving his car here tonight. I would come get the kids in the morning when I brought Gramps home. He was staying with us tonight for whatever reason not that I minded. My grandfather was a comfort to me.
Sam left too. He agreed with Gramps. He felt convincing her to seek treatment was the best solution. He also thought the fewer people that were around the better Delilah would take it.
I shut the door behind them and locked it. Skylar was getting tired so she was going to head off to bed herself. I wanted to sleep out here in case Delilah woke and decided to leave. I took her keys out of her purse and hid them. I also found more drugs. My hands trembled as I held them in my hand and I understood what Sam was trying to tell me. It hadn’t been that long. The need for them still strong enough that I was tempted.
Gramps looking over my shoulder snatched the drugs from me and left the room. When he returned his hands were empty. He had flushed them. You weren’t supposed to do that but he was old school so I didn’t correct him.
“Now what?” I asked.
“Want the chair or the sofa?” He asked.
“You take the sofa. I’ll take the chair.”
“Thanks,” he said. “I am old and get stiff. I wouldn’t be walking if I slept in that chair all night but I would have slept in it for you.”
I hugged the old guy hard. I couldn’t explain to him how much I felt loved by him. How much his support meant to me. Support he gave me from day one. “I hope she listens Gramps.”
“Me too.”
“I don’t know what we’ll do if she doesn’t. Those kids can’t stay with her anymore.”
He sighed a heavy sigh. “I totally agree. They can’t stay with her.”
Chapter 18
“Ronan,” Delilah said my name. When I couldn’t seem to wake she laid her hand on my shoulder which startled me. Arms and legs flailing I came up out of the chair. She stifled a giggle. “Ronan, I’
m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“No problem.” I reached over and shook my grandfather’s shoulder. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He had taken his hair down before he went to sleep. His longer-than-shoulder-length, silver hair was hanging around his face. I just shook my head. My rebel grandfather.
He turned and sat up fully shaking the cobwebs out of his head. “Gramps, this is Delilah,” I introduced them. He also saw her at the diner but had never been formally introduced.
“Sit down little girl,” he told her.
She complied. My grandfather had that commanding exterior that made you want to do what he asked without question. Eventually you discovered his secret. He was a big softie.
I leaned forward on my knees, “Want to tell me why you came here to use in my driveway?” I asked.
She drew her knees up to her chest. Her work shirt was pulled out of her pants now and her hair was starting to come out of her ponytail. I could see that Gramps was studying her. I wondered why. She ran her hand over her face, I noticed the tremble. “My kids respect you and Skylar, Ronan.” I waited. There had to be more.
“So that doesn’t explain why you were in my drive using,” I tried to control the tone of my voice so it wasn’t so harsh but her kids were suffering. I couldn’t excuse that.
Gramps got up and I watched him. He looked down at me as he passed my chair. “Nature calls son,” he explained. I nodded.
I decided with him out of the room to be brutally honest. “Delilah, don’t you know what you are doing to them?”
She nodded, barely but she nodded, acknowledging what I said. I was getting exasperated with her. “I was you at one time with Skylar. The kids’ dad adored me.” She trained her eyes on me. They were wide-set and huge in her thin face. So sad. “He has a new family now.”
I dropped my head. “Dominick told me that. He hurt him too.”