Slowly Lexia rubbed cream onto her fingers and reached out for the cat. He stayed frozen as if fighting a war inside his head. Her fingers brushed fur and his body tensed but she managed to cover the wound without having her arm ripped off.
“Okay,” she said with a sigh, “shall we go?”
The leopard ran off in front, he never came too near her but then never strayed too far. She hoped that was a good thing, that somewhere inside that leopard Caden wanted to keep his distance just in case but be near enough to protect her if the need arose. Not that she needed protecting but she knew how shifters worked.
As she walked her mind wandered over everything that had happened, her father, Alice, meeting her mother, falling in love with Lincoln.
Her mother had said she’d called her Maura for the darkness she would bring. Lincoln, Caden, and even Alice had told her she wasn’t dark just because her powers had awakened, that didn’t mean she’d become evil.
But the further she walked, alone, lost in the forest, wondering what she was supposed to do next, she couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe she was darkness. She’d not meant to bring darkness to the people she loved but she had, no matter what they told her, she’d destroyed every one of their lives.
She paused as something rustled up ahead. As she was about to send out her sense Caden shot off with a snarl. “Caden!” she yelled running after him.
But when she found him, he’d just taken down a doe. She froze, shocked at seeing the dead animal in the jaws of the leopard. “Caden,” Lexia gasped.
The leopard dropped the doe, her neck flopping to the floor and then turned on her; he snarled, his teeth showing, and slowly prowled towards her.
“Caden, no! Come back!” The cat ran at her, a loud growl ripping from his chest that made Lexia step back. He stopped a foot away from her snarling and hissing, his paws lashing out at her and Lexia could do nothing but back away.
When she’d backed away enough, the leopard turned back to its prey. She caught one last glimpse of Caden sinking his teeth into the doe’s flesh before she turned and ran, tears slipping from her face.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d run, vines whipping at her and tripping her feet before she sunk to the ground and sobbed.
It was dusk when the leopard found her again. He growled low at her and then disappeared from view. Lexia sat upright and wiped at the tears still left on her face. When she sent out her sense she could feel Caden nearby but his energy felt different somehow, more wild, untamed. Closing her eyes she felt for Lincoln, thought of his golden eyes, his sweet cheeky smile, the way he cocked his head to the side when thinking and then she thought of his panther, black, sleek and deadly but she couldn’t find him, no matter how far she pushed her powers, she couldn’t find him.
When she opened her eyes her head swam, the energy drained from her body and she fell forward onto her hands. “Where are you, Linc? I need you.”
She heard a soft rumble and looked over her shoulder at Caden. “I’m okay, sweet leopard, I’m okay,” at least I think I am, “just hungry, I haven’t eaten... Well, I can’t remember.”
Lexia picked up Caden’s bag and started to rummage about in it. “Did you pack food? I didn’t even think of food, I’m so stupid... Energy bars, of course you packed them, ay? You think of everything, Doc, and water, too.”
Lexia gulped down a bottle of water and ate two energy bars. She felt a bit better once her stomach had food in it and she got up. “Shall we move on? Do you think Linc will find me?”
The leopard moved off, always keeping his distance from her. Lexia walked until she couldn’t see anymore and then she dropped to the ground. Her body felt sore and cold laying on the hard ground, as she rolled onto her side she felt a sharp stab, sitting up she looked at her hip to find the small cut she’d received fighting the Hunter’s hadn’t healed. That’s weird, why haven’t you healed? She thought.
Rummaging in the backpack she pulled out Caden’s jumper and slipped it over her head, then used the backpack as a pillow; being careful not to knock the cut she gazed up at the starlight sky.
“You still out there, Caden?”
He answered with a growl.
“Want to come keep me warm? I don’t have fur like you and I didn’t pack any clothes for me.”
He never answered and Lexia fell into a restless sleep, the cold biting her skin, the hard ground digging into her back.
Chapter 17
Day past and night came but Lexia didn’t seem to notice. She didn’t move on or worry about the Hunters finding her, she just didn’t care anymore. The longer she was alone with only her thoughts and memories for company the heavier the gloom hovering around her felt.
She’d run out of food and water but she never attempted to find more. Caden would growl at her every so often but he never came close, he never kept her warm, and he never changed back when his wound healed.
One memory played over and over in her mind: ‘You are named Maura for the darkness you will bring.’
Lexia thought her mother was right. She’d never meant to bring darkness but she had, everyone she loved felt the darkness that followed her. Her father had died, he was dead because of what she was. Alice had been kidnapped, her whole life turned upside down, she and her family had to move, had to have new identities, all because Alice was Lexia’s friend.
Then there was Caden. Caden had lost his home, his job, and now he’d lost his humanity. Caden who was so sweet and caring, always there to lend a hand or heal a wound; she’d not known him long but he’d still given up everything for her. He was like a brother to her and now he was gone, lost in the leopard’s predator mind.
Her tears started to fall again as she pictured Lincoln. Her heart burned whenever she thought of him somewhere out there, probably frantic because they weren’t together. Lincoln had mated to her and now he would be forever doomed. She couldn’t see any way out of this. They couldn’t run forever, eventually her mother would catch up with them and then Lincoln would either be killed or have to live with the knowledge that Lexia had been lost to the dark powers she had inside of her. No matter what Lexia did she couldn’t see a way to save him. She thought of maybe killing her mother, an act so evil she wondered if she could ever come back from it. But would it really do her any good? Lucy Hunter was one of many; surely there would be more people ready and willing to kill to have Lexia in their possession.
She tried again to use her powers, to try to feel something out there, Caden even, but no matter how hard she tried, no matter the energy she poured into it, Lexia couldn’t feel a single life force around her and she dropped to her knees as her muscles went limp. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I feel you, Linc? What can’t I feel anything?
Lexia screamed, screamed in frustration, in pain, in anger. Caden came running into the clearing around her, snarling and hissing at her.
“Do it, Caden! Just do it! I don’t want to live anymore! This world would be better off without me!!” Lexia dragged herself to her feet and ran at the leopard.
“Kill me, Caden! Kill me! There is nothing good in me, nothing!”
The leopard jumped and Lexia welcomed the pain. She dropped to her knees and the leopard slashed its claws across her chest, she cried and screamed as he tore into her flesh but not once did she try and stop him. She wasn’t sure she had the energy to stop him; she wrapped her arms around him as he sunk his teeth into her neck and welcomed death.
“Goodbye, Caden, I’m sorry I failed you,” she whispered.
Caden felt something snap inside of him at Lexia’s words. Failed him? How had she failed him? He snapped back into his human body at the sick twisted horror of realizing what he was doing, the taste of her blood in his mouth. Oh god what have I done?
“Lex, Lexi, look at me.” She looked up at him, tears glistening on her cheeks.
Caden gasped but he didn’t gasp at the damage he’d done to her he gasped at the dead defeated look in her eyes, the way they held no
life, no light. Lexia was damaged more than just physically.
“I’ve missed you, Caden,” she whispered with a sad smile.
“Oh Lexi, I never left, no matter how lost I was I never left you, I always stayed near.”
“Linc’s left me.”
“Never Lexi, he’d never leave you. You are his mate, to leave you would be to end his own life.”
“So where is he Caden? Why hasn’t he found me? Why hasn’t he found us?”
“I don’t know but listen, I’ve known Linc all his life and he’ll find you, no matter how hard it is, he’ll find you. He’s connected to you in a way you will probably never understand, he could never leave. You are his life.”
“Then what’s keeping him away? I need him.”
“You can find him just like he found you.”
“But he followed my scent, your scent.”
“He knew the second you needed him, he followed his heart.”
“Use your ability, Lexia... Find him.”
“I can’t... I’ve tried but I can’t feel him... I can’t feel anything.” Lexia could feel the tears burning in her eyes, she couldn’t breathe past the lump in her throat. “I failed him Caden... I lost track of him when we entered the forest... It was chaos. Cops... Hunters and you, you were hurt... I had to protect you and then he was gone. I couldn’t feel him nearby so I went looking and I found a pile of bodies all ripped to shreds. I... I had to decide whether to save you or find Lincoln...” she sobbed. “All I do is get people hurt, I don’t understand why my father named me ‘man’s defender’. All I’ve ever done is cause pain and suffering to those I love, maybe the world would be better off without me? If I’m gone then Lucy has no need to hunt you, to hunt Linc, and Alice could have her life back.”
“Lexi sweetie, look at yourself, I’ve ripped you to shreds and yet you’re still my friend. Why do you judge yourself so harshly? This world would be a dark place without you in it and I believe you may be our only hope at destroying the Hunters. Let’s fix you up and then you’ll feel better. We’ll find Lincoln together. Where is the first aid kit I brought?”
“It’s in that tree.” Lexia pointed but her eyes never left the ground. She could feel the pain now, it was building, throbbing and yet with every stab of pain she felt she deserved it. It didn’t matter what Caden said she felt like a failure...
Caden stood up and walked to the tree Lexia had pointed at. Boy is it good to be back on two feet! He looked around himself at the densely packed forest; Lexia had found a very small clearing for her to stop in. It would be hard for anyone to sneak up due to the noise they would make making their way through the thorns and bush that surrounded them but she’d not made a fire.
Pulling on some jeans he turned and looked at Lexia, frowning. “How long have you been here?”
She looked up, her brows creasing with thinking. “About twenty four hours... Maybe a little longer.”
“But Lex, why didn’t you make a fire?”
“I I don’t know.” She stood, wincing as her torn flesh moved.
“God look what I did to you... Lexia you should have stopped me... I don’t understand, why just sit here?”
She looked at him now, hardness in her sky blue eyes. “Because I didn’t care, Lincoln has left and then I lost you, too... Do I not deserve to die for all I’ve done?”
Caden didn’t know what to say to her. Lexia always put on a strong facade but being alone these past few days had really affected her. He started to clean her wounds, the muscle on her shoulder was all torn from his teeth and he felt a pang of guilt as she flinched away from him.
“Lex I’m so so sorry for hurting you... I don’t know what I can do to repay you for bringing me back, for still believing I was there.”
“I didn’t know you were still there, I...I...”
“It’s okay, Lex, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. Right that’s as good as I can do right now but you heal quickly, we should clean it all when we find water, though. I think we should move we’ve stayed in one place too long. I remember seeing a lake some miles west, fancy a walk?”
“It will be dark soon.”
“Come on, Lex, have faith in me.” Caden flashed a cheeky grin and his eyes lit up when she returned it.
“Okay, Doc, lead the way. Do you remember being a leopard?” Lexia reached for the bag but Caden snatched it quickly away. “Hey, I can carry my own bag, you know. Linc would kill me if he saw you injured and carrying a bag.”
“How can you be so certain?”
“Because I’ve known Lincoln all my life.”
Lexia pulled her blade from her boot and started to hack away at the tangled undergrowth beneath her feet, with each swipe pain washed over her. “Did you know his parents?”
“Yes... I was six, like Lincoln, when they died.”
“So you lived in the same town as Lincoln?”
“Has he told you anything about his childhood? About what happened when we were young?”
“Only that his parents were killed whilst out on a run by Hunters.”
“Do you want my advice, Lexi?”
“You keep calling me Lexi.”
“Don’t you like it?”
“No one has ever called me Lexi that’s all, only Lex or Lexia.”
“It suits you... Sweet, sexy Lexi.”
Lexia laughed, her cheeks flushing. “Did you really just call me sexy? Good job Lincoln isn’t about.”
“Shit... Kinda just popped out, Linc would gut me.”
“Well he’s not here...”
“You’ll get me in trouble, Lexi!” God stop flirting with her idiot! “How about I tell you about where I grew up in case he’s out there listening.”
“Mmm please, it will take my mind off being in pain and hungry.”
“I’m sorry about hurting you, I really am. Why did you not build a fire and cook something?”
“Stop saying sorry and how am I supposed to build a fire?” she laughed.
“Linc has a lot to answer for... He teaches you how to kill but not survive in his world! I bet Lola is rolling in her grave.”
Lexia frowned. “Who’s Lola?”
“He never even told you their names? Lola and Nathan Turner, Linc’s parents.”
“Why does he not trust me enough with his past?”
“Lincoln is a hard man to understand but I think he hasn’t told you because it’s painful for him and also because he feels you will blame yourself for what happened. You take all the blame on your shoulders for what they’ve done, just because you have similar DNA, but you are nothing like them. You have people who love and care about you and they want to help shoulder that weight.”
For a while they walked in silence, Lexia thinking over what Caden had said.
The further they walked, the worse Lexia started to feel; she felt so weak and her throat felt thick and dry, her muscles ached with walking so far and her clothes were torn and dirty. Blood had started to seep through the bandage Caden had put on her, she knew she wasn’t healing like she used to. She’d not eaten or had a drink in a long time and the slower she got the madder she felt with herself. Why had she just sat there, ready and willing to starve to death? I have to stop relying on others to help me.
Chapter 18
Caden could see Lexia was struggling but he knew she’d never accept his help, she was far too stubborn. Night was setting in but he was certain within twenty minutes they’d be at the lake he remembered through his leopard eyes. Everything from the last few days felt fuzzy, he’d been mostly leopard in those days and so his human memories were all jumbled and unclear.
“When I was little, Lex, we lived in the Black Hill ranges.”
“What! Really?” Her face lit up and she picked up her pace so that she was next to him. Caden held out his hand for her. She hesitated but then slipped her small cool hand into his.
“Before Hunters most shifters lived in packs where we didn’t need to hide. The Black Hill pack was
one of the largest in South Dakota.”
“But where did you live?”
“In aeries like Lincoln’s or small wooden houses. Our pack settled between Deadwood and Rapid City. My parents are doctors, they have worked in Rapid City their whole career.”
“I’d love to meet them someday...If it’s ever safe.”
“It will be,” he squeezed her hand. “I followed Lincoln everywhere when I was little. He was always stronger, everything came so naturally to him and me, well, I’ve never been at one with my cat. When the pack split up... Well, I never had chance to be a leopard”
“But I don’t understand.”
“Packs had to split up and hide, be humans so that the Hunters wouldn’t find them. Our pack was one of the last to scatter but in the end it was the safest way. Lincoln lived with his grandfather, David, he had a business in Rapid City. We both went to school together but when Lincoln turned ten his grandfather expanded his business to California. We’ve always kept in touch but Lincoln never stays in one spot long and I’ve never left Rapid City.”
Lexia stumbled, her head suddenly spinning, she gripped onto Caden’s hand trying to steady herself. “Wow, Lex are you okay?”
“I, I don’t feel so good.” She gripped onto him with her other hand. “Can we just stop here?”
“Lexi, you need water, staying here won’t help you.” Caden bent and scooped his arm behind her legs, they gave away and he pulled her up into his arms.
“Doc, put me down!”
“No, you need help; just like I needed help and I never complained whilst you cleared a path through the forest for me and hid me in a tree and you risked your life to protect me. So it’s my turn to take care of you.”
Lexia had never heard Caden speak with such authority. He seemed different somehow since turning back, like a little bit more of the spunky, daring leopard was at the surface, but still she hated that she needed help and most of all she hated that she was in Caden’s arms and not Lincoln ’s. Where are you, my pretty panther?
Whispers of Darkness (The Deadwood Hunter Series) Page 10