‘Good. All we can do is hope that everything settles down.’ He turned to Amanda, determined to get a grip on himself. No matter how long it took, he knew what he needed to do. ‘I’ll be here for another hour at least so call me if there’s a problem.’
‘Will do, although it won’t be me you hear from.’ Amanda stood up. ‘Thanks to Lucy, I am going home.’
‘Lucy?’ Max queried, wondering what she meant.
‘Yes. Lucy has only gone and volunteered to work nights over Christmas and New Year.’ Amanda picked up the timetable and showed it to him. ‘I’ve been struggling to get this finished for days and now it’s all sorted, thanks to her. She’s a real star, wouldn’t you agree, Max?’
‘I…um…yes, of course.’ Max summoned a smile, wondering why it bothered him so much to learn that Lucy had offered to work over the holidays. Surely she would want to be with her family at this time of the year, he thought. It was what he planned to do, spend time with his parents and brothers, and he couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to do that too…unless she preferred to remain in Dalverston rather than to go home and face whatever situation she had run away from.
His heart ached at the thought of what she must have been through but there was nothing he could do about it. He left the office and went to check on the two mums who’d been admitted that afternoon. One had just delivered a baby girl and there was nothing he needed to do except congratulate the parents. The other was well advanced with her labour and once again his services weren’t needed. Diane was on call that night so technically he was free to leave. However, there was paperwork that needed doing first.
He went to the desk and entered Fiona Walker’s notes into the computer. It was a job that Diane would normally have done but he’d never been one to worry unduly about protocol. He sighed as he printed out a copy for the patient’s file, aware that it was merely an excuse. The truth was that he was filling in time because he didn’t want to go home and spend the evening thinking about what had happened that day.
It was pointless going over it, time and time again. The fact was that Lucy wasn’t right for him and he most definitely wasn’t right for her. He had already taken the first step towards addressing the problem by asking someone else out and, hopefully, that should be the end of it. Once he got back into the swing of dating, he would forget about Lucy and the danger she presented to his peace of mind.
Lucy took her time getting ready on Saturday night. She had a long soak in the bath then washed and dried her hair, brushing the chestnut curls until they gleamed. It had taken her ages to decide what to wear but she’d finally decided on a jade-green top teamed with a pair of black trousers. High-heeled black patent shoes added a touch of elegance to the outfit as well as adding a welcome couple of inches to her height. When she stepped in front of the mirror, she couldn’t help thinking that she looked more like herself than she had done in ages. The past six months had taken their toll but it felt as though she had turned a corner now. Moving to Dalverston had been the right thing to do, even if it had posed a few problems she had never anticipated.
Lucy clamped down on that thought as she fetched her coat and left the flat. There was no way that she was going to start thinking about Max again tonight. The restaurant was in the high street and she was able to walk there. Margaret and Joanna had already arrived and they decided to go inside to wait for the others rather than stand in the street. Amanda was the last to arrive, full of apologies for keeping them waiting.
‘Sorry, sorry! My taxi didn’t turn up and I had to phone for another one.’ She draped her coat over a chair and sat down. ‘Anyway, guess who I saw on my way here?’
‘No idea,’ Cathy piped up, handing her a menu. ‘So come on, tell us—who did you see?’
‘Only Max with that new nurse from A and E.’ Amanda grinned when everyone gasped. ‘That’s not the best bit either. I saw them going into Franco’s.’
‘Franco’s?’ Margaret’s brows shot up. ‘It costs an arm and a leg in there. I should know because Jim took me there on my birthday and he’s never stopped moaning about how much it cost him ever since!’
‘It’s the most expensive restaurant in town,’ Amanda agreed. ‘Max must have high hopes for the evening if he’s coughing up that sort of money!’
Everyone laughed but Lucy found it impossible to join in. The thought of Max wining and dining the other woman as a prelude to spending the night with her was almost more than she could bear.
The thought seemed to cast a shadow over the evening. Far too often, she found herself wondering what Max was doing. Was he turning on the charm, steering the evening in the direction he wanted it to end? She sighed because it had nothing to do with her what he did. Max was a free agent and if he chose to sleep with every single nurse in the hospital that was up to him. She had no right to feel hurt when he was simply living up to his reputation, no rights at all where he was concerned. For some reason that thought made her feel even worse.
The evening proved to be less of a success than Max had hoped it would be. Normally, he enjoyed getting to know the women he dated. He genuinely liked women and was interested in finding out what made them tick. However, he found it hard to summon up any real enthusiasm that night.
He did his best, of course, but he was very aware that he was merely going through the motions. It was a relief when he could bring the evening to an end and drive his date home. He could tell that she was disappointed when he refused her offer of coffee but there was nothing he could do about it. The truth was that he wasn’t interested in coffee or anything else that was on offer. Although sex may have been enough of an inducement at one time, it held little appeal for him now, and it was worrying to admit it.
He drove home and let himself into his apartment. Tossing his keys onto the sideboard, he took a long look around the place he’d called home for the past three years. Everywhere was perfect from the gleaming, pale wooden floors to the stark, white-painted walls. He’d bought the furniture as part of the package when he’d moved in: chunky black leather sofas; chrome and glass side tables; a state-of-the-art entertainment system. It was the archetypal bachelor pad and all of a sudden he loathed everything it represented.
This wasn’t him, not the person he really was inside. He had been hiding behind this façade for the last three years and he couldn’t hide behind it any longer. Discovering that he could never father a child had been a devastating blow. It had left him feeling as though he was less than a man and he had tried to compensate for that by having all those affairs. However, in his heart he knew that sex was no longer the answer.
He sank down onto the sofa as he forced himself to face the truth. He could sleep with a million women but it wouldn’t change the way he felt about himself, certainly wouldn’t change the facts. He would never be a father, never experience the joy of holding his own child in his arms. There would always be this huge gap in his life and nothing he did could make up for that.
It might have been different if he could have shared his sorrow with someone who loved him enough to bear the burden with him, but it wouldn’t be fair to expect any woman to give up her dreams of motherhood for him. It was why his marriage had failed. Becky’s feelings for him hadn’t been strong enough to compensate for them not having a child. While Max didn’t blame her for feeling that way, it hurt to know that he hadn’t been enough for her, that she’d needed more. It made him see that it would take a very special woman to love him purely for himself.
Just for a second an image of Lucy appeared in his mind’s eye before he dismissed it. There was no point going there. What he needed to do was to focus on the positive aspects of his life. He loved his job and couldn’t wish for a more fulfilling career, but maybe it was time to set himself a new challenge. Once Anna was back from maternity leave, he would start applying for a permanent consultant’s post, he decided. It would be a wrench to leave Dalverston, but a change of scene would do him good. He would make a fresh start somewhe
re else, maybe even think about moving abroad. His skills were in demand all over the world and he wouldn’t have a problem finding a job. He would concentrate on his career and on making sure that the women who came to him delivered healthy babies.
It would be some compensation for what he could never have.
Chapter Six
LUCY was on lates the following week, so she went into work at lunchtime on the Monday to find the maternity unit a hive of activity. With just two weeks left before Christmas, the staff had decided to put up some decorations and everywhere looked very festive. She smiled as she stopped to admire the nativity scene that had been arranged on the end of the reception desk.
‘This is gorgeous. Where did you get it?’
‘The husband of one of our mums made it for us,’ Margaret told her. ‘He’s a carpenter by trade and he makes these in his spare time.’
‘It’s beautiful,’ Lucy said, picking up one of the figures so she could admire the intricate carving.
‘Apparently, he has a stall at the Christmas market,’ Margaret explained, unravelling a shiny foil paper chain. ‘I think I’ll see if he has any left when I go into town tomorrow night. My grandchildren would love one.’
‘I’m sure they would,’ Lucy agreed, placing the figure back in its place. ‘I’ll just put my coat away and give you a hand if you like. I’m supposed to be showing some new mums around the unit today but they aren’t due to arrive until two, which gives me plenty of time.’
‘That would be great,’ Margaret said gratefully. ‘There’s another box of decorations in the storeroom if you could fetch it on your way back.’
‘Will do.’
Lucy put her coat in her locker then went to the storeroom and switched on the light. The box was on the top shelf and she had to stand on tiptoe to reach it. Hooking her finger under the edge of the carton, she eased it forward then gasped when it suddenly tumbled off the shelf.
‘Careful!’ All of a sudden Max was there. He deftly caught the box and placed it on the floor, shaking his head as he straightened up. ‘Good job it didn’t fall on top of you. It’s really heavy.’
‘I didn’t realise that,’ Lucy said shakily. She cleared her throat when she heard how strained she sounded but seeing Max so unexpectedly had thrown her. Even though she knew it hadn’t anything to do with her, she couldn’t help wondering if he had spent the weekend with that nurse he’d taken out on Saturday night.
‘It’s only supposed to be full of Christmas decorations,’ she said hastily, not wanting to go down that route again. Far too often over the weekend she’d found herself thinking about what Max might be doing and she had to stop. ‘I didn’t think it would weigh so much.’
Max grimaced. ‘It’s heavy enough to give you a nasty bruise if it landed on you. I wonder what’s in it.’ Crouching down, he peeled off the sticky tape and opened the box. ‘Ahah, there he is. I was wondering where good old Freddie had got to.’
He held up a garishly-coloured plastic reindeer. It had an eye missing and one antler was bent at a very odd angle. Lucy frowned when she saw it.
‘Why on earth have the staff kept that thing? It’s hideous!’
‘Shh, mind what you say. You’ll hurt poor Freddie’s feelings,’ Max admonished her. ‘I’ll have you know that Freddie is the unit’s lucky mascot. So long as he’s on duty then it’s guaranteed that a baby will be born here over Christmas.’
Lucy burst out laughing. ‘Bearing in mind how many of our mums are due to give birth in the next couple of weeks, I doubt if Freddie’s services will be needed!’
‘Take no notice of her, Freddie,’ Max said firmly. He held up the reindeer and looked straight into its one good eye. ‘She doesn’t mean to be rude. She just doesn’t understand your magical powers.’
‘No, I don’t,’ Lucy agreed, smiling. The fact that Max was happy to play the fool showed her yet another side to his character and one that she found very appealing too. Richard had tended to stand very much on his dignity, but obviously Max didn’t care a jot about that.
It was worrying to know that once again she had found things to admire about him and she hurried on. ‘So how did Freddie acquire these magical powers?’
‘I’m not sure how it happened. Maybe Santa had something to do with it,’ he replied, completely deadpan. ‘But ever since Freddie appeared on the scene, we’ve had a baby born in the unit on Christmas Day.’
‘That’s some record. I mean, from the look of him he must have been around for a very long time. I certainly can’t remember seeing anything like him in the shops,’ she added wryly.
‘I don’t expect you have,’ Max agreed, grinning at her. ‘Freddie is definitely a one-off.’
‘You’re not kidding! Why is he called Freddie, though? I thought Rudolph was the only name for a reindeer.’
‘Apparently, the staff named him after the head of the obstetrics department at the time.’ He turned the reindeer around and pointed to its nose. ‘Plus he doesn’t have the requisite red nose to be called Rudolph.’
‘Oh, I see.’ Lucy chuckled. ‘Right, so now that I know all about our illustrious Freddie, I’d better take him to Margaret. No doubt she has a special place all lined up for him,’ she said, bending down to pick up the box.
‘I’ll carry that.’
Max gently moved her aside and Lucy sucked in her breath when she felt his hands gripping her arms. It was only the lightest of touches yet she was deeply aware of his fingers pressing into her flesh.
‘I can manage,’ she said, quickly straightening up.
‘I’m sure you can but why struggle when you don’t need to?’
Max lifted the box off the floor and she felt her heart give a tiny jolt when she saw the awareness in his eyes. Had he felt it too, she wondered giddily, felt that immediate heightening of the senses that always seemed to happen whenever they touched?
She knew it was true and it was scary to know that once again Max felt exactly the same as she did. As she followed him out of the storeroom she couldn’t help wondering why it kept happening. What was it about him that made her feel this way? What was it about her that made him respond?
She had no idea what the answer was but she knew that she needed to be extra-vigilant. It would be only too easy to give in to this attraction they felt but it would be a mistake to do so. She’d had her heart broken once and she didn’t intend to have it broken a second time. Max may be attracted to her but she had to remember that was all it was. He wasn’t interested in having a real relationship with her or any other woman.
Max carried the carton to the desk then made his apologies and left. He was meeting Diane later to go over her assessment and he wanted to run through a couple of points he needed to cover. He sighed as he let himself into the consultants’ lounge because he knew it was just an excuse. He already knew what he wanted to say, but it had seemed wiser to put some distance between himself and Lucy.
He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down, determined that he was going to master these feelings that kept running riot inside him whenever he was near her. He had enjoyed that brief conversation they’d had more than he had enjoyed the whole of Saturday night and it was worrying to realise the hold she was gaining over him. If it had been anyone except Lucy, he would have suggested they have an affair because it was obvious that she was attracted to him too. However, he was wary of doing that when he knew there could be repercussions.
Although he had no idea what had happened in her past, it was obvious that she had been hurt and he wouldn’t risk it happening again. He also didn’t intend to make the mistake of getting hurt himself. It made him see that the tentative plans he’d made about finding a consultant’s post would need to be put into operation as soon as possible. If he had another job lined up when Anna returned from maternity leave, it would make life much simpler. He could move away from Dalverston and right away from temptation.
‘We’ll start with the delivery rooms first.’
Lucy opened the door to one of the suites and ushered her charges inside. Five mums had turned up for the tour and she smiled when she heard them gasp in surprise.
‘It’s much nicer than I thought it would be!’ Rachel Green exclaimed. ‘I was born at Dalverston General and my mum said the delivery room she was in was really horrible—all dark and dingy.’
‘The maternity unit was rebuilt a few years ago,’ Lucy explained. ‘I wasn’t here then, but I’ve seen photos of the old unit and this is much nicer.’ She led the way to the en suite bathroom and switched on the light. ‘Apparently, the facilities in the old unit had to be shared, but the new rooms are all en suite, so you have your own bath and a separate shower, plus loo.’
‘I wish we had an en suite at home,’ one of the other mums declared. ‘I’m fed up with having to trail along the landing every time I need to go to the loo during the night. I must have got up at least a dozen times last night and I’m worn out!’
Everyone laughed at that. Lucy smiled when she heard them swapping stories about their own experiences. It was good for them to know that they weren’t alone in suffering these minor discomforts.
‘Is there a separate suite for water births?’ Rachel Green asked once everyone had settled down. ‘I’ve been wondering about a water birth but I wasn’t sure if it was possible to have one here at Dalverston.’
‘It is,’ Lucy assured her. She crossed the room and pulled back a folding screen so they could see the birthing pool. ‘Two of the suites are equipped with birthing pools, so it isn’t a problem.’
‘Oh, I’m not sure if I fancy a water birth,’ one of the others said, grimacing.
‘It’s not for everyone,’ Lucy agreed. ‘Some women don’t like the idea and others do. It’s a matter of personal choice.’
‘My mother-in-law is really against it,’ Rachel told her, sighing. ‘She keeps trying to persuade me to change my mind but I’ve read so many good reports about water births that I really fancy giving it a try.’
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