by Laura Ward
“Oh, Scott,” Mom’s voice tripped, her smile slipping before she caught herself. “I love it!”
Scott unclasped the necklace, securing it around Mom’s neck. “It’s a heart, because you’re my lady. And the stones are our birthstones.”
Mom placed her hand over the heart, her eyes searching mine across the room. For what? Understanding? Acceptance? I had always been the second choice, why stop now?
I walked into my bedroom, grabbing my clothes before showering in the bathroom. Ten minutes later, I walked out in jeans and a flannel shirt.
“Good boy. You put on a shirt. Now keep up the respect, and I might let you have a beer with me, all right, Jonny?” Scott stood in the kitchen chewing on a donut, with his arm around Mom’s shoulders.
Something in me snapped. I stormed over, slapping the donut out of Scott’s hand and lifted him off the ground by his shirt. “Call me boy one more time, and I’ll pummel you.” I shook him back and forth, shocking myself at how easy it was to lift him and that he didn’t fight back. His eyes were wide with shock, his face so red it was almost purple.
“Jon, stop it! Put him down!” Mom screamed, pulling at my arms.
“And I don’t owe you a goddamned thing, let alone my respect. I’d rather eat shit than share a beer with you.” I pushed him back into the counter.
He lunged forward, but my hand slammed him back. “Try it, Scotty.”
He growled, but he knew I was stronger. He looked at my mom, fury in his eyes. “Him or me, Peg. Choose now.”
Mom turned to me, her cheeks red, and eyes hard. “Go to Dean’s right now. Before you cause any more trouble.”
I grabbed my jacket and keys, the door making a cracking sound as I closed it with the force of my rage.
I’d go to Dean’s. They’d take me in.
They always did.
~~~
Three weeks of not speaking to Daisy other than the required ‘hello’ or ‘thank you’ was so freaking difficult. I missed my friendship with her. But I was also worried that Dean would catch on to us when he, Grace, and Finn, were in town for Christmas.
Last night I texted Dean that I was spending Christmas Eve with Ricky, just to give myself a reprieve for a few hours. But if I didn’t come back to Dean’s and sleep on the couch, it would raise questions. And since I didn’t want to share my answers, I played along like nothing changed.
Ha! Daisy became my best friend over the last six months. But she was also more. And while I knew it couldn’t go anywhere, I had never been attracted to a girl like I was to her. I craved her scent, her touch, her taste.
I was miserable. Merry fucking Christmas.
From my bed on the couch, I could hear feet shuffling upstairs. Mrs. G bumped around in the kitchen down the hall, and I smelled coffee brewing. Despite myself, I grinned. I loved being here.
For just a minute, I allowed myself to wonder about my mom. Was she still dating the guy she was with on Thanksgiving? Had they moved in together? Was she celebrating with his family today? A damn lump formed in my throat. As crappy a mom as she could be, I missed her today, too.
“Merry Christmas, Jon!” Dean yelled. He was carrying Finn and jumped on top of me on the couch.
“Christmas pile on!” Finn shouted, jumping alarmingly close to my head.
“Oomph!” Air rushed out of my lungs as two more bodies, Damian and Devin, I guessed, landed on top of Dean, smashing me deeper into the couch.
“Get your coffee or juice, knuckleheads!” Mrs. G shouted. “Presents in five minutes!”
The boys climbed off me, and I sat up, smoothing my white undershirt and rolling my neck. Two minutes later Christmas music filled the air, and more Goldsmith’s entered the room. Daisy came last, her cute plaid flannel pajamas matching the ones Delilah, Dianna, and Grace wore. She grinned at the chaos, her smile falling when she caught a glimpse of me.
“Jon, you haven’t always been here for the presents, but here’s how we do it. I’m Mrs. Claus, and I hand gifts out one by one. Then you all open them at the same time. But no one can move onto the next present until everyone is caught up. Got it?” Mrs. G instructed with a short nod, marching over to the tree and calling out names.
I wasn’t sure I had ever seen her so strict. Christmas was serious business around here. I couldn’t imagine I had any presents to open. Dean and I never exchanged gifts, and I was damn sure Daisy didn’t get me anything. I got all the Goldsmiths a small gift as a thank you for allowing me to be here, but that would be at the end. Grabbing my bag, I headed to the bathroom to wash up.
“Jon Roberts!” Mrs. G called ten minutes later. “We’re waitin’ on you and Christmas morning waits for no one! Let’s go!”
I wiped my hands and face with my bath towel and hung it on the hook. “Sorry! I’m ready to watch.” I walked into the living room, noticing a pile of presents and an empty spot right next to… Daisy.
“That’s your pile, Jon.” Mrs. G pointed to the presents. “Sit on down next to Daisy.”
My feet remained planted right where I stood. “Whaa…” My voice trailed off.
“Did you really think you wouldn’t be spoiled like one of my own kids?” Mrs. G slapped her hand against her chest. “While you’re a guest in my home?” She looked at Mr. G. “I honestly think I’m offended.”
I walked over to her, kissing her on top of her blonde head. “You just surprised me, Mama G. Thank you.”
I sat stiffly next to Daisy and opened my first of what looked like fifteen presents. Surrounding me was the sound of ripping paper, squeals, laughter, and joy.
So this was what a big family Christmas morning was like? And they wanted me to be a part of it?
Maybe it would be a merry Christmas, after all.
~~~
Thirty minutes later, the lasts gifts were exchanged.
“Thank you, Jon.” Daisy’s smile was genuine when she opened her French cuisine cookbook. I’d hoped she didn’t have it and by the look on her face, I was right.
“And thank you, too.” The leather duffel she got me was too much. I’d argue with her, but I was afraid of drawing too much attention to the gift. The bag was perfect for my travels next year, but I knew it was also expensive.
“Wait! Daisy, there’s one left in your pile.” Mrs. G handed Daisy a small box.
“That’s from me, Flower.” Mr. G smiled as he sipped his coffee, rocking back and forth in his overstuffed recliner.
Daisy removed the paper and opened the box. From over her shoulder, I could see it was a necklace.
She held it up for all to see. “It’s one of those cool bar necklaces. This one says ‘Flower.’ Thank you, Daddy.”
Daisy walked over to her father and kissed his cheek, hugging him, and then laughed as he pulled her onto his lap.
“Want me to put this on you, Flower?” Mr. G asked as Daisy lay back against his chest.
Daisy’s back was to her father, so he couldn’t see her, but I could.
She nestled closer to her father. “A little later I will. I have a necklace on right now.”
I glanced over at Dean, to see him focused on Daisy, his eyes narrowed. I waited, but he left it alone. The rest of the room was busy, collecting trash and reading instruction manuals. Attention was elsewhere, so I focused on her.
Daisy’s fingers clasped the medallion, etched with the face of the sun, and she bit her lip, not looking my way.
She chose to wear my gift, even after I hurt her.
Daisy chose me.
Chapter Seventeen
Jon
STANDING IN FRONT of Daisy’s door, my fist suspended in the air, I never felt like more of a pussy. Fuckin’ do it, asshole.
Knock, knock.
I waited for her to ask who it was or say come in.
Nothing.
For fuck’s sake.
One thing the last thirty-five days taught me was that my Sunshine was as stubborn as I was. And yes, I was counting days. The fact that Christmas passed
without contact from my mom was bad enough, but without talking to Daisy? They were the loneliest days of my life—and I knew some pretty miserable ones as a kid. The irony was, I wasn’t quite sure why we were avoiding each other. But now I had something to say, goddammit.
Knock, knock, knock.
“Come in.”
Walking into her room was like being slapped across the face. My God, she was stunning. Her and Dianna’s room was warm, both in temperature and in décor and the scent of her sweet sugar smell hit me the moment I stepped through the door.
Daisy sat up straight on her bed, tucking her long legs underneath her. Her mouth fell open when her eyes registered who was standing in her room.
We hadn’t spoken privately since the day after Thanksgiving and avoided one another at all costs, so her reaction was not a surprise. I rarely even showed up for dinner, which was so unlike me and my rabid appetite. I was sure she got the message loud and clear.
We were open and real in front of Amy and Izzy, and they called us on it.
And that could never happen again.
“Hey,” I said, trying to keep my voice flat as I avoided eye contact with the sexiest girl I knew.
But that was impossible. I was drawn to Daisy and as I walked across the room, I looked her up and down. She wore leggings and a long shirt, big fluffy socks on her feet. Her hair was piled up on top of her head, and she didn’t have any makeup on.
I’d never seen her look more alluring.
“Jon.” She narrowed her eyes at me, her voice as sharp as nails. “Why do you seem so…twitchy? Like if you could pick anywhere else in the universe to be, you would teleport there right now? I get that things are weird with us, but we survived Christmas. We have this ignoring thing down pat.”
I huffed out a breath. She was right, and it sucked. I hated that I put distance between us, but I had no choice. I cared too much—wanted her more than I wanted any girl.
And I couldn’t have her.
I rubbed the back of my shaved head. “You, uh, have plans for tonight?”
Daisy shook her head slowly. “Nope. Mom and Dad are at the neighbor’s New Year’s Eve party, Delilah’s babysitting, and everyone else is back at college, or in Dean’s case, Chicago. What are you up to?”
I looked out her window into the dark, night sky. It was late. Almost ten o’clock and I had no desire to be anywhere other than here.
“Ricky has plans. Everyone else is out of town. So, no plans. But I do have something I want you to see.” I sat next to her, balling one fist to keep from reaching out and touching her. With my other hand, I handed her a piece of folded paper.
“What’s this?” she asked, not turning it over.
“Open it.” I motioned with my chin, grasping my hands together in front of me.
She unfolded the paper, her eyes scanning the page. The letter dropped onto her lap, her mouth agape.
“Jon?” One hand covered her mouth and tears swelled in her eyes. “You got into BU’s School of Law? You know already?”
I gave her a crooked smile. “After the LSAT’s in September, I got my results and sent in my application packet. With my GPA from IU, recommendations from professors, and having played for a college championship football team, they made a quick decision. Never thought I’d find out this soon, but yeah. I got in. Thanks to your help.”
Daisy shook her head but threw her arms around me in a hug. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you.” She sniffled afterward, and I smiled at the thought that not only was I holding her, but she was shedding happy tears for me.
She pulled away, wiping her eyes. “What happened to us? Why did our friendship just…end?”
I fisted my hands at my sides. “Because I can’t be near you and fake it. You saw what happened when we were around Amy and Izzy. If we kept it up, everyone would know how I feel about you.”
“And why is that such a problem for you?” she demanded, her eyes flashing with what looked to me like anger…and pain.
“For me?” My voice rose, and I pinched the bridge of my nose. “It’s not an issue for me at all. But for you? You risk your brother’s anger; you risk your parent’s disappointment—the same parents you’ve spent the last months trying to prove your strength and independence to. So, they think you show poor judgment with me? You think they’ll let you go to New York City? And will Dean still be there to have your back, both emotionally and financially? I’d bet not. Not if he thought you lied to him.”
I stood up, walking across the room, my hands laced behind my neck. “I’m trying to do the right thing. To protect you.”
Daisy’s arms wrapped around my middle and her chin rested on my back. I closed my eyes from the sheer bliss of the contact.
“I understand your reasoning.”
I turned around and wrapped my arms around her, too. “You do?”
“Yes, but I really don’t agree. I know we can keep this between us. I missed you. So, so much.” The side of her face was pressed against my chest, and she felt so fucking good in my arms again.
I kissed the top of her head and squeezed her tighter. “Me too, Sunshine. I’ve been miserable.”
She leaned back, her eyes glistening again and my heart beat faster at the look on her face.
“I don’t want to spend the last months before we both leave with this distance between us. Not while we’re living in the same house. I get what you were doing, but it isn’t worth being miserable like this.” She leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine.
My groan was guttural, and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t temper the need in the sound. I kissed her back, deep and demanding and her hands left my waist, wrapping around my neck. Our tongues met, tasting and re-learning, as we attacked each other’s mouths.
I wanted Daisy more than anything else in my life.
Her hands were everywhere. In my hair, rubbing my back, my ass, under my shirt, tracing my muscles and nipples. Our lips continued their assault, pulling, nibbling, sucking, soothing. I was on fire. I had never, not ever, been this turned on.
“Do you know what I want when midnight hits and the New Year begins?” She spoke against my mouth, her hand traveling down to rub against my hardness.
“What’s that?” I asked, my voice raw and eyes heavy.
“I want to be yours. I know it can’t last. We have two separate roads ahead of us, but for one night, I want to be yours. All of me and all of you. There’s no one else in this world who I want to be with for the first time more than you.”
Chapter Eighteen
Daisy
JON STILLED, RESTING his forehead against mine, both of us breathing heavily. “Stop and think about what you just said. Once you give that part of you away, you never get it back.”
I didn’t want it back. I wanted him. Time away from him had only made me want him more. And the time I did have with him… changed me. I no longer hated the body I saw in the mirror because I saw it through his eyes. I felt brave, and sexy, and ready.
For him.
I chuckled as I walked backward to my bed. “Are you kidding me? I’ve thought about nothing else for… years. I’ve always wished, dreamed, hoped, and prayed that I would be lucky enough to have sex for the first time with the kindest and hottest guy I know.” I pulled the covers off the bed and turned back to him, yanking my tunic over my head. I moved quickly, terrified that if I slowed down, he would stop me.
“Lucky for me, he lives in my house, and I think he kind of likes me, too.” I ignored his dropped jaw, as I pulled off my fluffy socks and rolled down my leggings.
Jon brought his fist to his mouth and closed his eyes.
“Open your eyes. Look at me.” The strength and confidence it took to garner the courage to be so bold and my belief that Jon wanted me made my body shake. I pushed away any lingering self-doubt and focused on Jon. Even I couldn’t ignore the look in his eyes when he saw me in my bra and panties in front of him.
Lust. Desire. Appreciation.
The feeling was mutual.
“You’re sure about this?” he asked, barely audible. He opened his eyes and stared straight into my eyes. Concern and respect gleaming back. “Daisy, once it’s done…” His Adam’s apple bobbed violently as he swallowed. “I just don’t want you to regret it. To wish you’d waited.”
I’d never been so sure about anything in my life.
I tipped up my chin, offering him a full view of the body he helped me to appreciate and love. “I could never regret this, because it’s you, Jon. It’s always been you.”
His eyes flashed and he ate up the distance across the room, shedding his shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He stood in front of me with his beautiful chest and ab muscles bared.
“I’ve never seen a more gorgeous sight.” His hand cupped the back of my head, and he brought my mouth to his. The kiss was rough—he almost seemed angry with himself as he pressed his lips hard against mine, his tongue aggressive in its possession of my mouth.
The truth was, I didn’t need him to be gentle. No part of me needed to be treated as though I were fragile. I wasn’t. I was strong, and I could handle Jon.
As long as he didn’t stop touching me.
My hands found his jeans and I unbuckled and slid the zipper down before grabbing the sides and shoving his pants to the floor. As I did this, we continued to kiss, not breaking our connection. Jon’s mouth followed mine as I moved, his hands tangled in my hair.
And then his hands were unclasping my bra. It fell to the ground, and he cupped my breasts in each hand, his thumb circling the nipples. He pulled away from my lips and bent to my breasts, sucking on each bud in turn. The wet warmth of his mouth on these sensitive spots made my blood burn. My head fell back, and I moaned loudly.
“Make as much noise as you want. We’re all alone, and I love knowing that I get to you,” he growled, still focused on my chest.