by Hart, Eve R.
“We’ll see. Let’s just go look at a few places first.” He winked at me as he pulled out his phone and began to search for some places he would be more comfortable with.
His eyes lit up a few minutes later and then he was making a call.
We decided to grab a quick lunch and then an hour later, we were back on the beach and pulling in front of what looked like a tall apartment building.
“It’s not right on the beach but it’s close to Ky and me. These are privately owned condos, but two of them are available to rent right now.”
“Chris, this is too much,” I told him knowing that something like this was way out of my budget and probably would always be.
Though no one had said it, I got the feeling that Chris didn’t have to worry about money much. He didn’t flaunt it or buy things excessively but I was smart enough to know that working at the bar didn’t buy him a beachfront house. And I suspected the only reason he did work was because he wasn’t the type of person to sit around all the time.
That said, I didn’t want him spending that much money on me.
“What do you think, buddy? Want to live real close to Uncle Ky and Uncle Chris?” Chris turned in his seat so that he could look at Chry while he spoke.
“Yeaaa,” Chry said as he clapped his hands excitedly.
I decided to indulge him for now.
Both condos were pretty much identical. As much as I hated to admit it, they were beautiful, though. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, a cute little kitchen. Basically, perfect for Chry and I.
The lady that showed us around certainly knew how to show them off, too. I was sold even though I kept saying it was too much in my head.
Chris told me he thought it was a good idea but didn’t push me too hard. The smile on Chry’s face as we stood in the second condo was really tugging on my heart. He even told me which room was going to be his.
“Ahhh. Okay. Fine. But only until I feel more secure and get more hours. Deal?” I told Chris, my body vibrating with nerves and excitement. I had a feeling that I would probably never be able to afford this place on my own, but right now I decided to let go and take the help because I felt so happy at the moment.
The woman pulled the paperwork out to get the ball rolling. I stood there while she explained everything to Chris and they talked out the situation. We all agreed that it would be best to put it in Chris’ name because of his credit and income and other things that I wasn’t all that sure on yet.
Chris grabbed the pen with a smile and leaned over the kitchen counter, ready to sign his life away.
Something washed over me right then and it felt like I had lead filling my stomach.
“Wait,” I said as my hand wrapped over the Chris’ that held the pen.
They both stared at me as if I’d gone mad.
“Something is not right,” I whispered and my eyes went a little unfocused. I had nothing to follow that up with because I didn’t know what was wrong. But I was smart enough to know that I needed to listen to my gut. Something I’d learned recently.
“Ingram?” Chris asked and I could hear the concern in his voice.
“I-I don’t know. I have this weird feeling. I do not think this is the right time. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. Calm down. We can talk about it. Show it to Ky if you want.”
“Yes,” I said though I knew whatever was going on had nothing to do with Ky.
I apologized to the woman for wasting her time. She smiled at me and told us to keep the paperwork in case we decided we wanted the place.
Chris drove us back home and once we were inside, he asked me if I was okay again.
“I don’t know, Chris. I just got this weird feeling and it was like something was telling me to hold off for now.”
He wrapped me up in a hug and told me that it was good to listen to my gut. He wasn’t mad at all but I still felt bad that I’d basically wasted our day.
For some reason, I was desperate to talk to Mouse. I needed him to work through whatever was going on and I had a feeling he would know just what to say.
Only as I dialed his number for the second time in a row and instantly got sent to voicemail, I knew I was on my own.
I might have cried myself to sleep that night. Which was stupid because I shouldn’t let anyone make me feel that way. I shouldn’t give him the power to hurt me that badly.
I thought we had something. I really thought that he’d shared a big part of himself with me that night like I had with him.
I guessed the only thing I could say was that getting your heart hurt a little was a part of life. And I had been so desperate to experience life, right?
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Mouse
I couldn’t get the smile off my face. Not that I wanted to.
The night before with Ingram had been mind-blowing. I’d never felt anything like that and I didn’t want to lose it. So I had to make sure I did things right.
I knew I probably wouldn’t see her for the next couple of days but I had the urge to let her know that I was thinking about her. Maybe I needed to know that she was thinking of me too. The text had been simple but meaningful. The woman had my damn heart and I was alright with that.
I was in such a good mood that I decided to hang out with my brothers that night. A bunch of us headed up to the bar and though I didn’t drink, I was having a really good time.
My phone was ringing in my pocket. I couldn’t hear it but I could feel it vibrating like crazy letting me know it wasn’t just a simple text.
I was hoping it was Ingram but I doubted it because she’d sent me a goodnight text over an hour ago. I knew she was more than likely asleep right now.
I saw the local number right before I swiped to answer.
“Hello?” I said as I walked out of the packed, loud bar.
It wasn’t much quieter outside and so I kept on walking toward the dark path that led to the compound.
“Is this a, um, Mouse?” the woman asked me.
“Yeah. Who’s this?” I semi-barked out.
She told me her name was Amanda and that she was calling me from the hospital.
And that I was listed as Amber Smith’s only emergency contact.
My heart stopped at the same time my feet did.
“Sir?” she asked when I hadn’t responded for a long moment.
“I’m here. I’m sorry, can you tell me what’s going on?” The words were raw and cut like glass as they crawled up my throat.
“Miss Smith was brought in about an hour ago. If we could get some information from you, please.”
Information? What the hell had she been brought in for? And why the hell was I her emergency contact?
“Why is she there? Was there an accident?” I asked.
“No, sir. She was having chest pain and her blood pressure was elevated. But with her cond—”
“Should I be there?” I knew that sounded a little cold but my head was still spinning. I didn’t even realize that I’d cut her off until after I’d spoken.
She let out a long, sad breath.
“I think that would be a wise choice.”
“I’ll be there in five,” I said and dropped the call.
I was on my bike and tearing off and away from the compound in less than two minutes.
As my boots pounded to the front doors of the emergency wing, I caught sight of Amber’s roommate, Carla, sitting there. She met my eyes and I didn’t miss the flair of her nostrils or the intense hate in her eyes.
I had no fucking clue what her problem was.
Amber had been the one that walked out on me. She told me that I wasn’t fun anymore and basically said that I meant nothing to her.
But I didn’t have time to deal with that right now.
If Amber was in the hospital, then I needed to do everything I could to help her out. I wasn’t a complete asshole and if she had me listed as her emergency contact then that must have meant she trusted me more than anyone else. Besi
des, I knew she was pretty much alone, Carla being the only person she ever really talked about and all. I didn’t care how shitty we had ended, I’d be there.
There was a line of people waiting to get checked in. I didn’t want to be rude so I waited. My eyes scanned the lobby and waiting room. The place was pretty busy, there wasn’t a single chair free. Nurses were dashing about like crazy, most of them looking frazzled or tired.
“Sir?” I heard someone call out and my head whipped to the left. “Sir, can I help you?”
“Someone called me. Amber Smith,” I said as coolly as I could manage.
She turned her attention to her computer and started typing. Her eyes cut up to look at me then drifted down to my cut. The expression of her face said that she was ready to give me all kinds of hell.
“My name is Mouse. They said I was listed as her emergency contact.” I added.
“We’re going to need your real name,” she huffed. Clearly, she saw my road name there on her screen and wanted to make some kind of hassle. And I realized then that Amber didn’t even know my real name. She’d never asked and I hadn’t thought to tell her on my own.
Instead of fighting her and causing a scene, I whipped out my driver’s license and handed it over to the huffy nurse.
A few keystrokes later, she handed it back.
“She’s in surgery. Take a seat and a doctor will be with you as soon as she’s stable.”
“Stable?” I asked confused as hell.
“Have a seat, please, sir.”
“When they called, they said they needed some information.” I pressed, wanting to make sure I helped as much as possible.
“It looks like her roommate was able to fill out most of the information. Our systems were down and we weren’t able to link into the other offices on the network. But it looks like we’ve got everything we need now.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled and stepped to the side.
She was already moving onto the next person.
I looked up and saw Amber’s roommate again. Her posture was stiff and her eyes were on the wall opposite her. In other words, she was trying her best not to look my way.
But fuck that.
“What’s going on?” I asked after I made my way over to her.
“Like you would care.”
“I don’t need your attitude right now,” I told her, somehow managing to keep my tone calm.
“I told them not to call you,” she bit out and folded her arms over her chest.
“What is going on?” I repeated a little more slowly this time. “Why is she in surgery?”
That seemed to snap her out of her anger.
“She said she wasn’t feeling well. I told her to take a nap but it only got worse. Then she was sweating and saying her chest hurt. And with—” Her eyes moved to look into mine. They pinned me with an icy glare. “She’s made her decision. Now that you’re here, don’t try to change her mind.”
Before I could ask what the fuck she was talking about, someone called my name. I whipped around to see a woman in blue scrubs who I’d say was a good ten years older than me. Beside her was the woman that I had just talked to and she was pointing my way.
“How’s Amber?” I asked as I stepped up to her.
She silently guided me away to an area that was a little more private. Which was hard to do seeing as there were people fucking everywhere.
“Mr. Ramsey,” she started and the look on her face told me so much. “I’m sorry, but Miss Smith came in experiencing chest pain and high blood pressure.”
“Just get to it, Doc, please. I’m not going to understand a thing you say.”
“Right,” she said and nodded her head. “We weren’t able to get her blood pressure under control. I’m sorry, Mr. Ramsey, we weren’t able to save her. We had no other choice but to perform an emergency c-section, but we were able to save the baby.”
My head whipped back right as my eyes went wide with shock.
“I’m sorry, what?!” I sputtered out.
“The baby, sir.”
What fucking baby?
She looked at me like I was the crazy one here.
Carla’s sobs broke through my shocked brain and I knew that she was right behind me and had heard everything. She had the answers, I just knew she did.
“You might want to head over to the NICU,” the doctor said with a hint of sympathy in her tone. “That way, follow the signs.” She pointed and I could tell she was ready to move on.
“Can I see her?” I asked hesitantly. “Can I say my goodbyes to Amber, please.”
I was angry at Amber for walking away from me but I had gotten over it. I knew her story and I hated that she’d died alone. I couldn’t let her go without telling her that she meant something to someone.
“Sure,” the doc said and motioned for me to follow her.
She dropped me at the room and left with a polite warning that they were busy and needed to clear the room as soon as possible.
It sucked and angered me that she talked as if Amber was just something to throw away. To be cleared out so they could move on.
But I guess I got it. What if someone else came in and needed to be rushed into surgery right away? The few moments I was taking to do this could be taking away from someone else’s life.
There were two nurses attempting to unhook things and whatnot. I honestly didn’t know what the hell they were doing.
Amber’s hand was cold and clammy as I slipped mine into it.
“I know you wanted fun. I know that was your shield. I got it even if you never said it.” I bent down and brushed my lips against her forehead then breathed out the words through my clogged throat. “You mattered.”
I blinked the wetness away as I stood tall again. My eyes looked up to the waiting nurse a few feet away.
“The baby?” I asked feeling completely lost at this point.
“Oh, they took her to NICU.”
Her.
“It’s in the Benson Mother and Children building on the west side. But you can get to it from here. Take a left out of here and you’ll see the signs,” she said with a small nod.
I couldn’t speak as I made my way out of the room.
I walked on, my heart pounding in my ears.
All I could think about was how Amber’s body would never breathe life again. How her body would only grow colder with each step I took toward the end of the hall. I left death in one room only to head for a new life. One that I didn’t know. One that I had no fucking clue about. And though the words hadn’t been said, one that I knew was connected to me more than I was ready for.
My steps took me by the waiting room again and before I knew it, Carla was flying at me, her pace matching mine as I kept going.
She was spitting venomous words but I couldn’t hear them over the pounding in my ears.
“Mouse,” she screamed once we stepped into a long hall. Her hand wrapped around my arm and I whipped around to face her.
Anger flamed in my eyes as a stared down at her.
It was enough to have her cowering back a step.
“I need the truth, right now,” I seethed through gritted teeth.
“The baby is yours,” she told me with much hesitation as she looked away from me.
“Why the fuck didn’t she tell me?!” I was barely holding the rage back.
“She was going to give it up for adoption. She’d already talked to an agency. They started the process of finding someone or whatever.”
“My kid? She was going to give my kid up for adoption without telling me?!” I roared, my vision starting to dot with black spots.
“You already have your little family,” she spat out and I didn’t know what the fuck she meant by that. “You didn’t have room for either one of them.”
“Christ,” I said clenching my fists. “I can’t fucking deal with your shit right now. I have to go check on my daughter.”
I spun on my heels and walked away from her without another word.
Numbly, I found my way to where I was supposed to go. I gave my information, signed some things, and got my picture taken though I wasn’t really aware of it. I let myself through the doors with the badge they’d given me and once they closed back behind me, I looked around feeling utterly helpless and lost.
“Mouse?” I knew that voice.
My eyes looked up the moment a warm hand touched my arm. I hadn’t even realized I’d been standing there staring so intently at the ugly floor tiles.
“Gloria?” I asked seeing the nurse that I knew well enough. “I thought you worked upstairs?”
“Normally, I’m up there but they needed help down here so I jumped in.” She paused like she was waiting for me to say something.
This wasn’t right. She shouldn’t have been here. She was the happy face that I saw when I came with my brothers to cheer up the kids in pediatrics. Gloria was always happy and smiling. And that was all well and good, but I couldn’t handle that right now.
“They told me to come here,” I said feeling lost.
Her eyebrows went up to her hairline and I couldn’t find the words to say anything else. I guess she’d been around enough to get that I wasn’t quite right at the moment.
“Baby girl?” she asked like she already knew.
“Yeah.” My head did a little nod. “Smith.” I wasn’t sure why I added that part.
“Come on, honey,” she said and wrapped her arm around me as she guided the way. “They’re still checking her over, but she seems to be doing well considering.”
“Can you tell me anything?” I had a feeling she wouldn’t be able to.
“She’s five weeks premature. And since the mother came in showing signs of preeclampsia, they are worried about what kind of stress that caused the baby.”
She paused and her hand rubbed up and down my back.
“I’m sorry, Mouse, for what happened,” she said softly and I could tell that she meant those words. I couldn’t say anything back. I think I was still in shock. So I just gave her a tiny nod and hoped that she’d keep going. “The main thing at this stage is making sure her lungs are working and that she is able to gain weight.”
“Okay,” I said not getting what that meant. How was I supposed to help with that? I felt pretty fucking helpless right now.