"That’s what you are," she whispered. "But, if that's true, then I must have some magic trapped inside me that you're making stronger?"
Frostwhite bobbed his head, and she knew it was more than normal bird behavior. Chandra reached forward and gently stroked the feathers on his head with her fingers curled into her palm.
Keek
She smiled at him and wondered at how soft he was, and great it felt to have the knowledge that she could touch him, and he would welcome it. She felt a pressure in her mind similar to when she had accidentally drawn water up her nose in a bath but without the pain; it was pressure. Her eyes widened, and she looked again at Frostwhite, knowing that the pressure was him, somehow. Slowly, like when she had understood a math problem in one of her childhood classes, the realization of everything that had happened made her breath catch.
“You mean there is actual magic in me? It isn't parlor tricks and randomly uncontrolled ability?”
A well of emotion and thought swelled through the young woman. Chandra had never acknowledged how completely afraid she was of not having any mentionable power. Failure seemed to follow her like a shadow that she could never separate from. A tightness in her chest that she didn’t know was there, loosened. She could do as Master needed her to; she could truly be his apprentice. It made Chandra want to shout her relief and joy.
"Okay, so now I have to figure out how to call and control magic," she ran both hands up the side of her face and tucked stray locks of hair on either side behind her ears. "It's only the thing I've been trying to do since I was little and what will allow me to stay at the estate. No pressure."
Frostwhite cocked his head at her for a moment, turned and flew up to the window. He landed there for a moment and looked back at her before diving out into the night.
A tiny voice in the back of her head told her that no matter if she had magic or not, she would never be able to control it or do what Master wanted. Chandra felt a quick tremor of fear and then a wave of anger.
Childish impatience overran her for a moment, and she slammed a fist on the table as she fought to control the fear that was second nature. The same things children and teachers at the estate whispered about when she went past scraped through her, but they only pricked her pride a little this time.
She wasn't alone this time. Frostwhite was with her. The pressure in her mind felt warm for a moment, and she knew that he had heard her and agreed. She closed her eyes and smiled at the suddenly welcome affection she felt.
With her eyes closed, she saw dark skies that looked so much brighter than she ever thought possible and felt the drag of the wind across her body; it was neither cold nor warm, there.
Chandra opened her eyes slowly. She knew that she had seen what Frostwhite saw for a moment; what he had shared. Chandra smiled and felt her friend acknowledge her again in a way that almost felt like he was giving her a little tug to continue.
"Quit wasting time, I get it," she whispered to the empty room and knew her soft words would float away to her friend as he rode the winds.
Chandra lifted the book and continued to read. Though she still felt the desperation of her tenuous position, she also came to the realization that she deserved this power. This magic was her birthright and was hers and hers alone.
Frostwhite made her want to reach down and keep going. He was part of whatever awaited her. He was meant to be her companion. A part of her warmed at the thought that she would never again be truly alone. Chandra had been alone for too long.
Chandra lifted her head and looked across the table, eying the goblet of water that was sitting there. Her hairs stood on end, and she fought the apprehension she felt any time she attempted to call power. Taking a breath, she reached for it; her left-hand stretching, fingers pointed at the object of her intent.
Chandra stretched but did not stand to move closer to the cup of water. She leaned forward with her hand slightly open as she thought about pulling the cup to her. She pushed her will forward, feeling the pressure in her similar to when she had touched Frostwhite’s mind. Chandra focused, breathing slowly and willing something to happen. For once, she felt a tingling pressure in her hand. The cup jiggled, catching on the table and spilling the contents that came rushing at her like a tiny wave.
Thankfully, it was only water that soaked her pants with its makeshift river. The cold, wet made her jump to her feet with a yell of surprise before she laughed. Chandra stood there with her hands out and remembered that her extra blanket was already wet from drying off Frostwhite. As she didn't have anything else, she pulled it from the table. It did little good when dabbed at her wet pants, but she was preoccupied with the cup lying on its side.
Chandra had never been able to do so much as made a feather move. Magic seemed only to happen for her when her emotions were more in control than she was. It was never something she actively caused. Though it was true that she hadn't achieved the effect she sought, she had managed to make an effect.
In her heart, she felt a swelling of pride and genuine gratitude. Chandra knew that, without Frostwhite, nothing would have changed. Chandra closed her eyes and thought of the hawk before whispering her thanks. A flutter brushed across her, and she imagined his feathers brushing against her hand as it had before.
**********************
Chandra wore a circle on the floor as she attempted to retrace all that she had thought, done and said before the cup had shifted toward her. She needed to be able to make it happen on command, every time if she wanted to get better at it. The point when Chandra had controlled her magic played again and again in her head. She didn't want to try again without making sure she knew precisely how to repeat the action.
The key to whatever had finally allowed her to do magic needed to be in her grasp before Master came back.
"Had I moved my hand a certain way? Was there a particular thought in my head," she mused aloud. The hawk drowsed on the windowsill, seemingly oblivious to the woman's frustrated mutterings.
“Has your inner-dialogue escaped or have you finally lost your mind, apprentice?”
Chandra almost jumped on the table in shock at the sudden voice. She turned to see that the door to her chamber was open, and Deakon stood in it with a tray in his hands.
“Trying for a career in the kitchens?” Chandra spat at him.
"Now, now, don't take your lack of magic frustration out on me," Deakon said smoothly, the note of gaiety apparent in his voice. Chandra narrowed her eyes at Deakon, someone who had always gone out of his way to point out her shortcomings and make her as miserable as was in his ability.
"I would not be the apprentice if I had a ‘lack of magic' as you put it," she hissed. "So, why don't you shut up, set down the tray, and leave me alone?" Less than twenty seconds in his presence and Chandra already felt her hands itching to wrap around his throat.
"Really? Well, if you have magic, why don't you show me, and shut me up?" Deakon said after he had set down the tray and helped himself to one of her rolls.
“I’d like that very much,” she told him.
Chandra glared at Deakon and thought about how it would be sheer bliss to have him eat his words. As soon as the words passed through her thoughts, Deakon choked on the bread. He dropped the uneaten portion of the roll on the floor as he reached for his throat, his eyes wide and fearful as he tried to find his breath. Chandra gaped at him for several moments, unblinking. Then, she moved toward him, thinking to help. She said a silent prayer, hoping she hadn't been the one to cause Deakon to choke.
Before she reached him, however, he stood up straight and smiled.
Bastard!
She stopped less than a foot from him and glared at him for trying to trick her. Chandra knew she should have seen it coming, but she felt a blush spread up from neck to her forehead. She started to turn away, but Deakon smiled, and she wished in the quiet corner of her mind that she was a participant instead of the center of the joke.
Deakon continued to smile and mo
ved his lips, but no sound came out. Chandra's hazel eyes went wide as the smile dropped from Deakon's face, and she burst out laughing. Deakon went red as he opened his mouth wider in a silent shout as he continued to try to force words through his lips. Despite his efforts, no sound came.
“What's that? I'm sorry, could you speak up a little?" Chandra said with a smile.
"Oh, you wanted to tell me what an excellent mage I am and how wrong you've been about me? That’s so much better than what I’m used to from you,” Chandra said. She couldn’t help the smirk on her face and the short sounds of laughter that came out. She wanted to give him nasty looks or dance around him singing like a child, but she felt too good to bother with such pettiness.
Deakon dove at her, arms outstretched. Chandra quickly danced away from his grasp, and the laughter escaped her to echo around the room. She laughed louder and more heartily than she could ever remember having done before. As she scooted past the window and over her bed while being chased by Deakon, she noticed that Frostwhite was no longer on the sill.
The window was open, and the storm had passed. Somehow Chandra knew that Frostwhite would be back if he needed her or she, him.
The door swung open, and the guard stepped in and glared at them.
“You were only supposed to deliver her food, not stay to chat,” he told Deakon, who had stopped chasing Chandra. He had turned purple from the joint efforts of pursuit and speech. “Time for you to go,” the guard said.
Deakon turned to glare at Chandra, who shrugged and wiggled her fingers at him. She gave him a sweet smile and gestured to the door with a cock of her head. Chandra thought she could see a tiny bit of smoke coming out of Deakon's ears as he left.
When the door had closed behind him, Chandra ran over to her bed and fell upon it. She rolled around on the mattress giggling like a child. When her face hurt and she could no longer breathe, she turned onto her back. Up in the rafters, she spied a huge white form. Frostwhite had found a new spot to roost.
"Now I understand why Master is always saying that silence is worth more than gold," she told him and the hawk made a small sound in response.
7
Frostwhite couldn't have chosen a better time to change his roost. A short while after the door had closed, it re-opened, and Master Dreys entered followed by the still-silent Deakon. Chandra could also see several faces in the hall trying to peer around the man-at-arms to see into the room before Master swung the door shut.
“Well, apprentice, some interesting news has come to me upon my return home,” Master Dreys said to her. He was still wearing his traveling cloak which he removed and tossed across the chair.
“Oh? Did the mare have her foal?" Chandra masked her face in her best bland expression as soon as she had seen who it was. Inside, though, her body felt as though the storm had taken root and was shaking everything around.
Master Dreys peered down his long nose at her; he was seldom fooled and never by her. His dark eyes were fiery with some emotion Chandra could not pinpoint. It was not anger but something else.
"Come now. There is no reason to hide what you've done, but it does need to be corrected. Return Deakon's voice to him; his penmanship is horrendous," Master said as he tossed several pages of parchment on the table. Chandra recognized the scribbled writing on the paper and knew that Master was well-versed in Deakon's version of the event.
Chandra eyed the parchment for a moment before raising her hazel eyes to her Master's dark, glittering ones. She looked at him for a moment before turning to Deakon. The look in Master's eyes made her more nervous than she had already been. Once her laughter had died down, when Deakon left her room, she began to worry that she wouldn't be able to undo what she had done. Frostwhite attempted to soothe and reassure her with his presence in her mind, and she had reasoned that she still had time to figure it out before Master returned.
Time's up, she told herself and took a slow breath.
“You may speak, Deakon,” Chandra said. She hoped words would be enough. Verbal actions had been the only constant other than a desire in the instances of her magic.
Deakon took a sputtering breath as if he had come up from being underwater. The sounds and mutterings that came out of his mouth were indistinguishable, and Chandra wondered for a moment if she had damaged his ability to speak coherently. Once she realized what he was saying, she felt her mouth open, and eyes go wide. Deakon's choice words were worse than anything she had ever heard, and the curses were strung together so that there was no pause between them.
“...goingtogetyouforthisChandra.” Chandra was able to understand among words that were not only offensive but physically impossible.
"Enough," Master said. He didn't shout but spoke in a tone that cut through the room like an icy wind. It was sufficient to silence Deakon as efficiently as Chandra's enchantment had been.
“You may go now, Deakon.”
Chandra watched his mouth drop open for a moment as though he would protest. Deakon looked at Master's face and decided it might not be the best time for it. He glared at Chandra before turning and leaving the room. With the door open, Chandra was given another glimpse of curious eyes and straining necks in the hall. She barely quelled the urge to smile and wave at them.
“I take it that you're now ready to step into your position as my apprentice?”
Chandra lowered her eyes to stare at the table in front of her. Her heart thudded in her chest, and the familiar fear of failure balled in her throat. She forced herself to speak.
"I am ready to try, Master Dreys.”
"Very well. As you are expected to be stronger than any of my other mages, you will prove yourself in a more forceful manner."
Chandra raised her hazel eyes to look at Master. Her brows furrowed as she watched him. She knew better than to speak and waited instead for the ax to fall.
“You will attempt to hit me.”
Chandra blinked rapidly at him. She waited several years and heartbeats before asking for clarification of what he sought.
“Master, I do not understand.”
“You will ball up your magic and throw it at me,” he told her and began to roll up his sleeves. The tone of his voice was so bland he might have been discussing class schedules or meals with a member of the staff.
“I...”
“Do not stutter! Do it!”
Chandra stared at her Master as his face went purple. Anger etched his handsome features into a mask she had never seen before and his eyes glittered with an unfamiliar, bright fire. Chandra was frightened.
As she watched, Master lifted his hand up beside him. Chandra saw the pitcher on the table mirror him and rise into the air. It hovered no more than two feet in front of her face. Instinct made her duck as the pitcher came at her before crashing into the wall. Chandra yelped and dove under the table. She had not thought Master would be enraged at her for her actions at Deakon so much as happy that her latent powers had risen. Apparently, even an apprentice can be called to answer for her actions. She crawled out from under the table in time for one of the books on the table to fly at her, barely missing her head before it crashed into her bed.
Chandra lifted her hands to block anything from hitting her face as she turned back to Master. She had to convince him to stop. She had to make him stop.
All of the sudden, Master was lifted in the air and thrown into the wall behind him where he stayed. His arms and legs spread and pressed against the wall by an invisible hand. Chandra's eyes went wide, and her breath left her in a rush. She realized she had both of her hands up and curled as she looked at Master and realized it was her magic holding him there. She was afraid to continue as much as she feared to drop her arms to release him.
"Well done, apprentice. Though, you did not do as I asked," Master Dreys told her through gritted teeth. The bored expression had returned to the handsome face she knew so well even if it was a bit pink-cheeked.
“Despite that, it was an admirable display of power. You ar
e well and truly becoming what you were meant to be.”
Chandra dropped her arms and went bonelessly to the ground, not even feeling when her knees hit the hard floor, or her chin slapped into her chest hard enough to press her teeth into her lip. The effort of the magic had been a lot for her body to take, but the emotions that rolled over her would forever affect the path her life took. It was an overwhelming combination.
Master landed like a cat when Chandra’s fall released him. He brushed off his clothes as if pushing away magic remnants from his immaculate clothing. Master Dreys eyed her for a moment from where he stood. He did not move to help her to her feet, and the look in his dark eyes was assessing.
Chandra watched him through her eyelashes. Her head was slumped forward as well, and she did not attempt to raise it and meet his eye, though she longed to for a moment. The desire to look up and see that he was pleased with her was suffocating. Chandra wanted him to tell her that it had all been an act to push her to control her power. A lone drop of sorrow slid down the side of her face because she knew it would never be that way.
Heat burned in her chest, like a small ember of fury that had been resting and now wanted to flame to life. Some part of her knew to look up and stare back at him was not a good idea, though she would never have hesitated before.
Master Dreys nodded at her. It was as though her reaction was what he wanted.
“Rest now, apprentice. I will have some food and wine brought to you. It was a significant expenditure of magic, and you need to relax. Meditate as I've shown you and allow yourself to balance with your power.”
Chandra let her eyes go soft and fall with the rest of her. She didn't speak. His soft tread moved across the room and away from her to the door. The hinges made a soft cry that echoed somewhere in the hollow place inside Chandra before the door closed. Muffled voices, Master's tone among them, came through the old wood and the guard's footsteps clapped away from his post. The door did not click as it had so many times before and Chandra knew that it would not resist if she turned the knob.
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