“I need to understand my power and learn how to use it properly, or I will have a very limited resistance to anything that Master has in mind. I know we don't have the ability just to chat, but is there a way you can help?” Chandra knew it was a long shot, but she didn’t see that she had many options. Something in her, like a memory of a dream or something she had once known, told her that there was more to Frostwhite than just a unique magical creature.
As if that's not enough? Perhaps you should also change colors at random and turn everything you touch into gold or translate ancient spells.
Chandra smiled at the thought. The bird did not respond but launched himself off the bed and out the window. Chandra felt doubt and dread pool in her stomach, making her nauseous.
"I was only joking," she said. She had followed and pressed her hands against the wall so she could lift herself enough to look out the small opening at the bottom of the window. She tried to feel faith that her friend would return swiftly and with some form of answer. It was hard to think regarding hope when fear was whispering in her ear.
She exhaled and trusted that Frostwhite would not abandon her.
If there were any equilibrium in the world, it would be windy and dark with a continuous threat of rain.
Chandra's mouth pulled down at the corners as she eyed the bright sunlight that made her room glow.
When she had awoken, Frostwhite was nowhere to be seen. She had known before she called softly to him that the hawk was not present. He remained absent even after she opened and called out the window.
She couldn’t bring herself to go to breakfast despite the freedom to do so. Chandra couldn't muster the triumphant look she always assumed she would have when her magic came to the fore. She had always imagined that she would one day be able to look at the other students and know she belonged. Once that happened, Chandra could push past their hatred with some magnanimous gesture. Sometimes, she had even daydreamed that something would happen, and she would come in and save them all with some impressive magical display that, though it left her exhausted, would save them all. They would cheer and all want to be her friends and Master would look on with a smile while Deakon skulked in a corner.
It had been a typical daydream. Chandra had the magic now, even if control was still an issue, but it wasn't the same. Too much had changed and Chandra didn't want to face the other students and Deakon in the dining room. She was sure they would see the uncertainty in her.
Chandra also dreaded leaving her room and going to the Master's study for lessons or further testing. Most students looked forward to their testing and up until yesterday, Chandra had been like them. Today, she would have rather mucked out the stables or scrubbed the kitchen floors on her hands and knees. At least the only surprises she would find there would be a mouse or the stablehand making out with a kitchen maid.
Instead, Chandra settled at her desk to read the only book she hadn’t finished. It was a history of the people of the icy North. It spoke of the vegetation and export of Malofa as well as some of the basic traditions. It was so dry and dull that she felt herself settle in the chair so deeply that she would likely have an imprint of it on her body when she stood.
A drowse pulled at her eyelids and stretched her mouth wide when her eyes caught on the word “spell” in the text. Her body regained a more upright posture as her eyes went back to cover the previous sentences that had slipped away with the yawn. It described a ritual the queen of the realm performed at the start of sowing season to ensure a good crop yield. Chandra reread the paragraph several times before believing it was real. No book she had read had ever mentioned spells or magic except in a dismissive way. The tone of the book showed that the writer not only believed in the magic but welcomed it as beneficial to the wellbeing of the land.
Chandra rested her thumb between the pages and closed the book. She turned it in her hands and looked at the cover, but if there had been any markings, they were gone. She slid her finger between the top board that worked as a cover and gingerly separated it from the first page. There, she found the date of the book to be just shy of one hundred years ago and some curved script that she couldn't quite read.
She rubbed her fingers in circles on her forehead while still keeping her place in the book with her other hand. She mulled the information around in her mind. Malofa had not always been without magic. In historical terms, the change had been somewhat recent, perhaps even having come about with the current monarchical rule.
Her eyes bounced back and forth across the ideas that came to her and the questions they heralded: Had she missed this information in her studies? Master had said that the world had more magic before the monarchy, but he had always said it as though it were something small and hidden. Had he misinformed her or had he mindfully kept from her that the countries had welcomed magic before? Why had he made it sound like it was something that people feared or hated?
Master had told her that the lands welcomed the King and Queen's abolishment of magic as though it was some killing disease that they had quelled with their rule. The thought that the Ice Kingdom had once welcomed, and practiced magic was staggering. Even former queens had been active participants and activators of magic for the good of their people!
Chandra opened the book to where her finger kept the place. She started off reading every word carefully until she realized it was a listing of crops, animals, and general farming items. Her eyes scanned to see "spell" again or something about magic, but Chandra made it through almost the entire book without another mention of it. As she reached the final few pages, her heart grew heavy, and she considered putting it aside. A nagging feeling of excitement at having found something once would not go away, so she continued.
It was a discussion of the anointing of a royal family member for coming into the age of power. Master said that all mages, no matter their race or birth, entered into power by twenty or were doomed to be weak or powerless. The book said that, though the royal family celebrated the age of twenty as magical maturity, the child would not be allowed to rule until all abilities had emerged. Her studies told Chandra knew that the princess was coming near that age, but hadn't heard Master say anything about her power. He always liked entailing power or failure of the Royals since they were the only ones who were supposed to have power. He especially enjoyed discussing how the queen hadn't shown power since she was married. Chandra had likened the look in his eyes to that of the cook when she talked about the housekeeper's daughter.
Chandra arched one eyebrow. Powerful or not, the royal family had all the magic they needed because they had killed everyone else. And in the murder of all mages, the king, queen and princess could be sure that there would never be a mage who would try to overtake their throne.
Except Master Dreys.
Chandra paused at the thought that he would ever do something like that, but she wasn't sure anymore. But if that were the case, why hadn't he done so? The only thing that she could think of was that, if Master were going to do something, he either would have by now or he couldn't. He had told her the story about how King Rawland had frozen a small army of bandits when they attacked his caravan. That was not magic anyone would want to tangle with, even Master Dreys.
Chandra shook her head and set down the book. She heard footsteps in the hall and hastened to slide the book unobtrusively into the middle of the pile on her work table. The borrowed books had not been returned, and she could no longer be sure that Master would be forgiving. Even though she had gotten some control of her magic, she doubted that anything she did would make Master happy with her or change his mind about whatever he planned to do with her.
The door made a quietly whispered protest that seemed unusually loud. Chandra lifted her body and chin, drawing herself into the tallest she could bring her body to be. She imagined a mask of hauteur falling across her face, bringing her age and dulling her hazel eyes. She didn't feel that it was in her best interest to let Master see the fear wrapped around her like a
cloak. Deakon entered the room, and the hauteur became real and mixed with contempt.
In her mind, all Chandra could see is Deakon sneaking around for Master Dreys. Her hands twitched as though they wanted to come to her defense without her asking.
“Master Dreys would like to see you in his study, right away,” Deakon told her and made no immediate move to leave. He made himself comfortable, sitting on her work table shuffling through the pile of books there.
“Is there something I can help you find?” Chandra asked. With the maelstrom of emotion that was welling through her, the rush of anger and a focal point were welcome. Her hands longed to reach over and slap his away from the books.
Slapping his face would probably feel better, she thought.
“Nah, I've already found what I need,” Deakon said. He lifted his head to smile at her. One of her writing quills rolled between his fingers as he watched her.
“You aren’t going to last long, you know.”
Chandra trapped her tongue in her teeth to keep from speaking. She knew he was picking at her to make her react, and she didn't want to give him anything he wanted. Unchecked, her temper might cause her to say something she shouldn't.
“Your little spurt of magic, which I have no doubt was some trick will not last long. Master Dreys will see you as you are.” Deakon glared down his nose at her while he continued to twirl the quill. “A powerless nobody. When that happens, he will choose a real apprentice.”
“I suppose you think that will be you?” Chandra hissed.
“I don’t think, I know.”
Chandra didn't respond. She looked over at Deakon.
Deakon had always looked the saim other than height. His appearance was like the most average of people. Nothing, from his lank, brown hair to his unobtrusively blue eyes had ever caused Chandra to think anything special lurked within him. He looked like he would be at home on a farmer’s field as much as at Master's estate. If she had seen him in a random village somewhere, she doubted she would remember it later.
The only thing that Chandra thought she would ever remember about Deakon would be the expression of contempt and hatred he had always given her. When he looked at her, his bland face shifted: his eyes narrowed with dark eyebrows drawn in above and his mouth drew down at one corner below flared nostrils as though he thought there was a foul smell.
Chandra realized that she preferred the bland look that would make him so forgettable.
She reached over and took the quill from him before putting it on the table and turning for the door. She lifted her arms and gestured into the hall with both raised and a small smile.
“I’ll thank you for leaving now so I can meet Master Dreys,” she told him. “In my role as his real apprentice, I’m sure he impatiently awaits my arrival.”
Deakon's lip curled. He snatched up the quill and threw it at her, adding force to the throw with magic. Chandra raised one hand and stopped it in the air between them. He gaped for a moment and then glared. Chandra flicked her wrist as if swatting a fly and the quill flopped back onto the desk. Pride and not a little surprise caused her mouth to go wide with a smile which only darkened Deakon's face further.
One of the kitchen girls, scolded, had stomped away as loudly as possible but had still made a more mature exit than Deakon did at that moment. Chandra watched him go with a shake of her head. She looked back at the bright red feather that Master bought in droves for quills. It sat just as it had been before Deakon picking it up to twirl it in his fingers, the red like blood that trailed across the table to pool at the large feathered end.
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Chandra frowned and looked down the hall where Deakon had disappeared and thought for a moment about the sound of Master Dreys striking him. The smile slid away like butter on a hot griddle pan.
She closed her door and turned away. Chandra knew that there was some pity in what she felt for Deakon and wondered when she had begun to care what happened to him. She chewed her lip and decided that it didn't matter: Deakon was going to continue to be as big a problem as he could for her.
The walk to Master’s study was the most familiar path she knew. Chandra had walked to his study so much that she could have found it in the fire at the estate if she had so desired.
Students passed her, but she didn't make eye contact with them. The whispers that hissed around the hall, bouncing off of the polished floor before being absorbed by ears or tapestries didn't cause her to pause. The only thing that shifted her focus was the brass-handled wooden door.
Chandra reached forward and traced the various grooves in Master's door. How many times had she rushed through this door as a child only to be sent out to knock properly? As an older child, how many times had she stood just as she was, tracing the patterns and whorls of wood because she was afraid to go in and disappoint him?
Now? She was what he wanted her to be, and she knew it didn't matter. No matter what she did when she entered the room, Chandra knew that Master would continue with his plan and eventually...What?
Her heart thudded slowly in her chest as Chandra slowed her breathing to steel herself enough to raise her hand and three slow beats later to force her hand to tap loudly against the wood with her knuckles. Master Dreys’ voice bid her enter, and she opened the door, ever obedient.
“Sit at the table, Chandra,” Master Dreys stood behind his desk and gathered some papers and a small box. He placed the papers in front of a chair at the opposite end of the table from her before moving to set the box in the center. He angled it with the latch side facing her and returned to take the other seat.
“I would like you to open the box,” Master didn't look to see if she did what he asked. He tapped the papers into a neat pile and inked his quill. Chandra remembered this test as though she were playacting a memory from her youth. Pure power would be needed to open the box, but she had no idea what happened after since she had never succeeded in doing even that much.
She was glad that her stomach was empty with the way it suddenly lurched. Chandra closed her eyes and willed the box to open. She couldn't help but open them to look, though there was no sound other than the scratching of a quill on paper. Nothing happened. She closed her eyes again and concentrated. She pictured the latch and imagined her power reaching out like a hand and lifting it along with the lid. When she opened her eyes, the box was still sitting there, unopened.
Master stared at her and sighed. She saw the cold in his eyes as he twirled the quill between thumb and first finger. His eyes on her felt almost painfully pointed and cold as though he were driving tiny, frozen needles into her skin. Panic rose like a cold balloon filling in her chest, and her fear played along the skin of her arms, raising goosebumps.
Chandra swallowed hard, dry fear that was bitter on her tongue. She closed her eyes again, clenched her fists in her lap and willed the box to open. Her breath didn't move in or out of her body as all effort was on attempting to force the box to do what she wanted. There was no change that she could feel in the room, but a sudden pressure in her head made her open her eyes in surprise.
“It isn't a box,” she whispered.
One corner of Master Dreys' mouth quirked up, and his eyes narrowed. It was not the thing of beauty she had always imagined a smile of approval would be, but terrifying instead. She imagined she was a mouse caught by one of the kitchen cats who was not hungry but bored.
“Excellent, apprentice.”
Chandra lowered her eyes to the table. A whisper of cloth and the tread of his shoes came close to her. He took the box.
“Next: summoning objects,” he told her. “I will give you a coin to summon.” Chandra had never managed this test either. She had felt a well of jealousy when Deakon had once managed it in the dining hall. Green, uncertain eyes lifted to Master Dreys. His usual, blank expression was in his eyes and she recognized the man who had raised her.
In his hand was a coin, like any found in use at the market. The first time he had done this test with Chandr
a, Master Dreys used one of his rare coins. Today, though, it was just a coin and not one that held any value.
Chandra's eyes went a little wider as she realized that summoning this coin would be harder. Any number of people nearby could have the same type of coin in their possession. For her to be able to magic Master's coin would take focus, unlike anything she had ever managed. Chandra fought the urge to drop her head to the table. It wouldn't help. It never had at any point when she had tried to quit. Master always made her try until she was in tears from frustration.
Master Dreys doesn't expect me to succeed.
The realization caught with the bitter fear and began to burn Chandra’s throat. She was afraid to read the truth in Master's face. He remained where he was with his hand outstretched to show the coin. The air had grown thick as though poisoned fumes from Master's intent was filling the air to choke the life out of her now instead of later. She felt that the open-handed gesture was meant to mock her and could almost feel the energy that came from him. He was intentionally pushing her to fail for his amusement. Had he always laughed at her failures?
Her breathing slowed, and she was frozen; unable or unwilling to move forward. She knew that, no matter what she did, she would never please this man. Fail or succeed; it didn't matter to him.
At the moment that her heart felt as though it would burst from so much worry and want to please falling apart around her, she considered walking away. Chandra started to lift her eyes to meet Master Dreys' gaze and tell him so but felt the lightest brush against her cheek and a weight settled on one of her shoulders. Chandra turned her head and saw nothing, but the weight did not lift. It was warm and soothing: Frostwhite was with her. She knew, too, that Master Dreys was no longer going to be able to use her for amusement.
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