That’s all the note said, but I knew what it meant. The Dragon Knights were sending me a message to let me know that I was always being watched. I clenched my jaw and dropped the brick to the floor and ran a hand through my hair.
I went over to the window to check again, but I couldn’t see anybody anymore.
Just shooting me wasn’t enough. The Dragon Knights wanted me dead.
I went over to the kitchen and picked up my gun, making sure that it was loaded.
I wasn’t surprised that the DKs had picked me to threaten. I was the guy who had taken shots at their men. I was there during the prostitution raid, and I was the one they had come very close to killing that night in the docks. They wanted me to be frightened, they wanted to scare me into thinking that they could kill me whenever they wanted. And now, they had seen Noelle and me together.
I brought a broom and dustpan into the living room and stuffed my gun into my jacket on the couch. I tried to get all the glass shards out of the carpet, trying to spend as much time out of the bedroom as possible. I needed some time to myself, I needed to think.
I should have predicted something like this happening. From the moment I realized that I was being watched by the Dragon Knights when they had seen Noelle with me, I should have known that they would try and use her as leverage. She was bound to make me seem weak.
I brushed the glass shards into the dust pan and took it to the garbage can in the kitchen and emptied it. Back in the bedroom, Noelle was still waiting for me. I had been content in the morning when I woke up with her in my arms. I wanted her body, I wanted to get to know her better…I wanted to give her more opportunities to make me laugh.
But this was too dangerous. For Noelle. By being with her, I was going to put her life in danger. If the Dragon Knights were going to keep spying on me, I needed to prove to them that Noelle Peters meant nothing to me. That was the only way I could get them off her back.
“Tank?” I heard Noelle’s voice, and I whipped around to find her at the door of the kitchen. She had wrapped herself in bed sheets, her hair was ruffled, and she looked bright and beautiful and curious.
“What happened?” she asked, and I clenched my jaws.
“A glass broke,” I said, and she arched her eyebrows.
“Oh, did I place mine too close to the edge last night?” she asked, referring to the glass of water she had poured herself.
“I don’t know,” I snapped and pushed past her out of the kitchen.
Noelle followed me back out in the living room, still clutching the sheets to herself, they were trailing after her now.
“What’s going on? Did I do something?” she asked, in a soft voice and while I had my face turned away from her, I tried to normalize my breathing. How was I supposed to explain to her that I was afraid that her life was in danger? That I could be responsible for causing her harm.
I turned to her again, meeting her gaze firmly.
“Get ready. I’m taking you back to your apartment,” I said, and Noelle parted her lips in surprise. I could see it in her eyes, she wasn’t expecting this sudden change in mood. Not after the way we had woken up and made love, only a few minutes ago.
“Okay…but, it’s only six in the morning,” she said, in a meek apologetic voice.
“Get ready, now, Noelle,” I snapped, and she could see the rage in my eyes.
Whipping around, she rushed out of the living room and back in the bedroom. I went to the washing machine and started pulling clothes out to wear because I didn’t want to follow her into the bedroom. If I did, I knew that I was going to cave. I wouldn’t be able to resist her, and I would want to hold her again.
But the best thing I could do for her now was to keep my distance.
On the bike, Noelle had her arms loosely wrapped around me. I knew I had been wrong for being short with her earlier, but I had no other choice. I needed her to hate me, and I needed her to realize that she had no future with a guy like me.
She had grudgingly given me the address of her apartment when we got on the bike, and now I was riding to it in silence. I couldn’t help but recall how the previous night, on our way back from the restaurant, Noelle had held me tightly. She had placed her chin on my shoulder, and I was able to breathe in her sweet floral perfume. Noelle had her breasts pressed against my back when we rode together the previous night. Today, she was sitting with a distance of at least a few inches between us.
I had made it very obvious to her that our little slice of paradise was quickly coming to an end.
Outside her apartment, I parked the bike, but I didn’t get off. Noelle hesitated before she jumped off the bike, tucking her clutch under her arm and walking around to the front to face me.
Her red cocktail dress was crumpled, her hair was ruffled and messy, and her makeup from the previous night was smudged and rubbed off. She still looked radiant, she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. And I knew that sex with anyone else wasn’t going to be the same again.
“I guess this is it then?” she asked in a meek voice and looked over her shoulder at her apartment building. Noelle’s face was pinched tense, her blue eyes were narrow and small as she tried to avoid my gaze. It was breaking me to see her like this, to do this to her. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and stroke her hair and apologize for everything I was doing wrong.
“This is it,” I said instead, and I could see her studying my face.
“Can I expect you to call?” she asked and I clenched my jaw in response. I didn’t want to actually say the words, but she was staring at me with her eyes widened and hopeful.
“Tank, I have no idea what is going on. One minute we were in bed, happy to be with each other and within a few minutes everything changed. Now it feels like you’re forcefully pushing me out of your life,” she said, and I could hear the strain in her voice. I wished I could tell her the truth, but that would be a mistake. I had promised her that I would never do anything to hurt her and I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to keep that promise.
“Yeah, well, things have changed,” I said, trying to sound as distant as possible.
Noelle’s mouth fell open as she stared at me.
“How? What things changed and how did they change in a matter of minutes?” she asked and I could see her shoulders quaking from the tension in her bones. She was struggling to come to terms with it…I knew it had taken a lot of courage on her part to spend the night with a guy like me. I knew she was feeling for me, everything I was still feeling for her.
“I’ve realized that you’re not the right woman for me, and I don’t want to string you along or use you,” I told her and Noelle’s brows crossed, her lips were still parted and she was breathing heavily through her nose.
“I’m not the right woman for you?” she asked, and I stared back at her, daring her to disagree with me.
“What is wrong with me? Who is the right kind of woman for you, Tank?” she barked, her voice rising in the silence and stillness of the early morning.
I breathed in deeply, and as much as it hurt me to do it, I shrugged my shoulders in response.
“I don’t believe this, this can’t actually be happening…we barely started to get to know each other, and now you’re breaking up with me?” she cried, and I could see tears glistening in her eyes.
My instinct was to pull her into my arms, to protect her and keep her safe by keeping her there in my arms. But that wasn’t practical, and it was never going to work. The only real way by which I could keep her safe was by pushing her away.
“Fuck you!” she hissed and then turning on her heels, she charged up the steps to the door of her building. I watched her go, her ample ass swinging in her tight dress. I wanted her again, the moment my gaze fell on her body, I wanted her…but this was the right thing to do. She was going to be safe from today.
The DKs would lose interest in her when they realized that I wasn’t seeing her anymore. That they wouldn’t be able to use her
as leverage against me.
I heard the door slam as she stormed into the building.
I waited a few more moments on my bike, staring up at the windows, wondering which one was hers. Then eventually, when there was no doubt in my mind that Noelle was safely inside her home, I drove off.
I was gripping the gears too tightly as I rode and I knew I had to get to the Rusty Pelican. It was too early to call Church, but I knew that Axel was usually always there because he was an early riser.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Noelle, and what I had just given up, how much I had hurt her in the span of one hour. But by hurting her and myself now, I was going to save her life, and that was what mattered.
12
Noelle
I shouldn’t have dropped the L word. Now I was convinced that it was what had caused the change in Tank’s mind about me.
I stood by the window of my apartment for a few more minutes, watching the empty space that Tank and his bike had left behind. Surprisingly, even though he had just dumped me, he had waited there till I was inside my apartment before he rode off.
I jerked away from the window, rushing to my couch so I could crash into it. I didn’t care how ruined my dress was, or the fact that I needed to shower and change and leave for my shift at the hospital. All I cared about was how stupid I had been.
I had used the L word too soon. Even though I hadn’t exactly declared my love for him, I had asked him to make love to me. I should have known, that a request like that would have a man like him, running in the opposite direction. I barely knew him. We were sleeping together. Our time together was supposed to be fun and casual, and I had dropped a bomb on him in the middle of that.
Of course, he thought I wasn’t the right kind of woman for him. No matter how sweet and polite he was with me, it was foolish of me to assume that Tank wanted to keep me safe, that he wanted to take care of me.
I screamed into the cushion on my couch, muffling my voice with it. I should have followed the things my parents had taught me, I should have followed my mind…instead, I had followed my heart.
Everything about Tank had signaled that he was going to be the wrong man for me, that he was good at breaking hearts. I should have known that he wanted nothing more from me than my body and when he had that, he was just going to leave me.
The previous night had been magical, and I was foolish enough to believe in that sort of magic. At the restaurant and then at his apartment after we had sex, we had talked. Even though Tank had needed some coaxing and cajoling, he had finally opened up.
Underneath that tough masculine biker exterior, I had discovered a man who had simple needs, and a good heart. That was the impression I had got, and it had made me fall for him harder. To me, as hot as Tank was, he was more than just a hunk of meat. He was a man I was capable of falling in love with, someone I could immediately see returning home to, to waking up beside every morning.
And we’d had that, even if it was only for a few hours…I had experienced waking up in his hours and making love.
That thought reminded me again of what I had said.
Tank, will you make love to me?
I screeched into the cushion again, embarrassed and angry about what I had said. How could I have expected Tank to understand? Why did I think that he was feeling the same way about me, as I was about him? I had no doubts that Tank was well experienced with women. Hell, I knew for certain that no hot blooded woman would be able to resist fantasizing about him if they laid eyes on him. He exuded sex and masculinity and being good in bed. His silence added to his strength and charm, and I knew he could have any woman he wanted.
So, why had I been foolish enough to assume that he had wanted me? That he had wanted me for anything more than as a sex toy for one night? And then I had said something as stupid as using the word “love,” with a guy I barely knew.
I jumped off the couch and rushed into my bedroom, where I stripped myself of all my clothes. They smelt of Tank, and I felt my heart weaken as I was surrounded by the smell of Tank and the feel of his hands on my bare skin.
I could feel my pussy quiver from the memory of the way he had laid on top of me, thrusting his cock inside me. The way he was capable of making me come quicker than I had ever imagined possible.
I could feel hot tears pricking the backs of my eyelids as I rushed into the shower.
I stood under the piping hot water, hoping that it would wash away any trace of Tank off my body, but I could still feel him. I could still hear his voice ringing in my ears.
You are not the right woman for me.
He had said that so confidently, unbothered by how those words would affect me. I had been so foolish to expect him to be any different. He had fit the stereotype of the bad boy very well. The kind of guy my mother had always warned me about. There was no point in relying on like a man like him because he would only break your heart.
I patted myself dry with a fresh towel when I stepped out of the shower, and I tried to remind myself that this had been for the best.
Better sooner than later, right? At least now, I wouldn’t have that many broken pieces to pick up, instead of later, when I had fallen completely and madly in love with him, and then a breakup like this would have the potential of ruining my life entirely.
Instead, now, I could try just patting myself dry and moving on. My only hope was that I could get busy with work, and hopefully in a few days, maybe a few weeks, I could forget that I had even met a guy called Aiden Gowan who belonged to a motorcycle club. Or that he had mended and broken my heart in the span of five days.
13
Tank
I could feel the rage coursing through my veins as I parked my bike outside the Rusty Pelican. I had somehow managed to convince myself that I had done the right thing by pushing Noelle away, but it didn’t stop me from hurting.
Even though we had just one night of being together, it still felt like someone had ripped my heart and lungs and gut right out of my body. She meant something to me, this woman. I could feel it in my bones.
I had seen the look on Noelle’s face when I said what I said to her. She was shocked and hurt, and I hoped now that she would never want to see me again. I was going to stay away from her, and if she kept her distance from me; then I knew that she would be safe. It was the only way I knew how to keep her safe.
Saying that she wasn’t the right woman for me was a lie.
If Noelle Peters wasn’t the right woman for me, then nobody could possibly be. No woman had come close to making me feel the way she had, in the span of just a few days. And now she was gone from my life, so there was going to be no way that I could find that kind of happiness again. The kind I had found this morning when I had woken up to her by my side.
I burst through the doors of the bar and found Gunner sitting on a stool. He seemed to be working on something, and he looked up at me when I walked in. The bar was empty this early in the morning, just as I was hoping it would be.
He smiled at me at first, and then realized quickly enough that I wasn’t in the mood to smile back.
“Brother! Good to see you here again,” he swiveled around on the stool to face me, and I had no other choice but to stop in my tracks. I just wanted to speak to Axel and be gone. I needed time to myself to figure out everything I was feeling for Noelle.
“Good to be back,” I mumbled, and he crossed his brows at me.
“What’s going on with you? Are you still in pain, man?” Gunner asked, and I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans. Yeah, I was in pain, but not the kind that he was talking about. I didn’t even remember that I’d been shot, that was the effect that Noelle had on me. The pain I was feeling had nothing to do with being shot, and all to do about Noelle. It was the kind of pain that I wasn’t ready to discuss with people, not even my best friends.
“No, I’m fine. Is Axel in?” I asked him, and he tipped his head in the direction of the back office.
“He has me working on
the last shipment’s accounts,” Gunner said with a slight laugh and held up the papers in his hands. I stifled a laugh. Gunner was great at organizing shipments, but he wasn’t much of an accountant.
“I hope you aren’t dealing with any numbers. Otherwise, we are in a whole hell of a lot of trouble.”
Gunner laughed. “No, I’m just organizing everything so we know what we have so we can decide what we need to keep and what we need to sell off. Axle is in the back.”
“I need to speak to him,” I said and started walking in the direction of the office. At the door, I turned to Gunner again, who was still watching me.
“You coming in?” I asked him, and he nodded his head and jumped off the stool to follow me in.
I knocked on the door once and heard Axel’s voice, commanding us to come in.
He was sitting behind his desk with his glasses on and going through some papers.
“Tank!” he declared, when he saw me, and he sat back in his chair and squared his shoulders.
Gunner and I filed into the office, taking up our usual positions across from Axel’s desk.
“You look well, son,” Axel commented, and I tipped my head once in acknowledgment.
“Your brothers made the right decision to take you to the hospital when they did. Everything went smoothly there?” Axel continued, and I nodded my head.
When I hadn’t said anything, Axel looked at me and then at Gunner expectantly.
“Is something on your mind, Tank?” he asked, and I clenched my jaw and drew in a deep breath.
“The Dragon Knights have been tailing me,” I said, and Axel knotted his brows and sat forward in his chair.
“Have they confronted you?” he asked, and my biceps flexed as I clenched and unclenched my fists. They had put Noelle’s life in danger.
“They followed me last night when I went out, and this morning they threw a brick through my window. This note was stuck to it,” I told Axel and taking the piece of paper out of my pocket, I placed it on his desk.
Tank (The Bad Disciples MC Book 3) Page 8