“I’m sorry for that. I just really didn’t know what to do. Then I finally realized that you’d made a mistake. I could tell it was eating you up inside. And as soon as I got over my anger, I just felt empty. The truth is, I’ve been going crazy without you, too.”
She looked up at him, love and forgiveness shining in her eyes, and Cole felt his heart swell. He didn’t deserve this beautiful creature in his arms. She was too good, too loving, too perfect for his flawed, fallible self. He would never be good enough for her, but he was going to do his best to be worthy of her love.
Her eyes darkened with desire as she gazed up at him, and his body responded joyfully. He captured her lips, and proceeded to show her how much he loved her and how much her forgiveness meant to him. Their kissing intensified, and he felt her love and mounting desire. Unable to bear anymore separations between them, he lifted her and carried her to his bed, where he proceeded to make up for all of his stupidity.
Bri stayed all afternoon, since they had the place to themselves, and Cole relished just spending time with her. But eventually she had to go, and after walking her home, he headed to Jordan’s frat house to confront him. He hadn’t said anything to Jordan yet, he’d been too worked up about Bri to focus on anything else. But now that he could think straight, it was pretty messed up of Jordan to sabotage Cole’s plans, and even more messed up to just leave him wandering around drunk.
Of course there was a party going on when Cole walked up to the house. Pushing his way inside, he finally found Jordan sitting on a couch, sandwiched between two girls.
“Cole!” Jordan waved him over happily. “Come to have a little fun?”
“Not exactly. I need to talk to you.”
“Can’t it wait? It’s a party, go grab a drink and join us.”
“This can’t wait, Jordan. I need to talk to you, now. Outside.” Cole cocked his head towards the door, demanding that Jordan follow him.
“Okay, okay. Excuse me, ladies, I’ll be back shortly.” Jordan disentangled himself from his admirers and followed Cole outside. “So what’s so important that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”
“What you did last Saturday was seriously messed up, man. You knew I had plans with Bri, and you deliberately sabotaged them. We could’ve broken up over this.”
“You didn’t?” Jordan looked surprised. “Hmm. Well, look, I’m sorry I ruined Bri’s precious plans. It was your birthday, and I just wanted to show you a good time. That’s the kind of good time that guys without girlfriends get to have all the time. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t missing out.”
Cole eyed him incredulously. “You mean you did that on purpose? What kind of friend does that?”
“A good friend. You have the world at your feet, man, and you don’t even realize it. You could have whatever you want, whoever you want. But you’ve got your mind stuck on this one chick, and it’s going to ruin you. You should be living it up. This isn’t going to last forever, you know. You have to take advantage of it while you can. Look at me. I’m having the time of my life. I don’t want you missing out, that’s all.”
“Jordan,” Cole sighed. “Not all of us want that kind of lifestyle.”
“Yeah, right. Everyone wants that kind of lifestyle. And when we get to the NBA, it’ll only get better.”
Cole shook his head, and Jordan held up his hands.
“Look, I’m sorry about messing things up with Bri, okay? I won’t interfere again. But I’m not going to stop trying to show you that there is more to life out there, if you’ll just reach out and grab it. I’d be a terrible friend if I gave up on you.” Jordan smiled engagingly, and Cole couldn’t help but laugh.
“Whatever, man. Just do me a favor and lay off Bri. I really like this one, and I don’t need you screwing it up for me, okay?”
“Okay,” he conceded. “Plus, you’ll find a way to screw it up all by yourself. And when that happens, your old buddy Jordan will be there to make everything better.”
“Shut up,” Cole laughed. “But seriously, no more sabotage.”
“Yeah, I got it. Now are you coming inside for a drink?”
“Not tonight, but you go have fun.”
“One of these days you’ll take me up on my offer.”
“Don’t hold your breath. Later,” Cole waved him off and headed home. He really hoped that the coming week would be much better than the previous one.
Cole had gotten his wish. He’d made it through a whole week without any problems or crises arising. He was even surprised to get a call from his mom.
“Hi, sweetie, how are you?”
“Good, Mom. How are you?”
“Oh, I get a greeting this time. I’m moving up in the world,” his mom quipped.
“Mom,” he warned.
“I’m kidding. I’m calling to see how you’re doing. How’s practice going?”
“It’s good. We start our full time practice schedule next week, so things are going to get really busy, but it’s good.”
“Good, glad to hear it. How is everything else going? Dating anyone new?”
“No, Mom,” he sighed. “I’m still with Bri, and I will be the next time you call, and the time after that, and the time after that. You know that, so I’d appreciate it if you’d made an effort to get to know her. You might find you actually like her.”
“Well, you know how I feel about you two getting so serious already, but if it will make you happy, I’ll give her a chance. How’s Jordan doing? Are you guys getting excited for all those nationally televised games?”
“Jordan might be, I don’t know. We don’t really talk about it. I, for one, am focused on this season, and taking it one game at a time.”
“Of course. That is what’s important now. Maybe Carl and I can come watch one of your games. Could you get us some good seats?”
Cole was momentarily taken aback. His mom had never wanted to come support him before.
“Um, yeah, I could probably work something out. Why don’t you look at the schedule online and let me know what game you want to come down for, and I’ll get the tickets.”
“That would be wonderful. Oh, I’m so excited! I’m going to go start looking right now. Maybe we could all go out to dinner after or something.”
“That depends. Would Bri be invited this time?”
“Well, I was hoping to keep it a family dinner…”
“Mom! We just talked about this.”
“Okay, okay, of course she’s invited. I’ll even let her pick the restaurant. Happy?”
“Yes. Well, I gotta run. Let me know when you pick a date.”
“I will, sweetie. I’ll talk to you soon.” His mom paused for a moment before adding, “I love you.”
Again, Cole was speechless. “Alright, bye,” was all he could come up with. His mom had never been very big with verbal affection. Or affection of any kind, really. It was hard to be affectionate when she was over three thousand miles away and would rarely call or visit.
But as he walked up to his room, he began to wonder if she’d been sincere about wanting to change. He couldn’t help but hope that maybe she was trying to be the mom he’d needed before, the mom he’d always wished he’d had. Time would tell, but he felt himself smiling as he thought about it.
Chapter 17
By the time Thanksgiving arrived, Cole was so ready for a break. In addition to the intense basketball practice schedule, he’d had events and mini press conferences to attend. He hadn’t had to deal with that last year, but as a starter there was a lot more expected of him. He came home exhausted every night, and had to wake right back up the next day and do it all over again.
His time with Bri had been cut short as well, and while she promised that she didn’t mind, he felt like he was abandoning her. The fact that she was so understanding and accepting only served to ratchet up his guilt. She deserved someone who would be devoted only to her, someone who could put her first. He was acutely aware, even if she wasn’t, that he wasn�
�t in a position to do that anymore. He had his coach, and team, and school all counting on him. Not to mention his dad back home, and now his mom, too. Add on top of that his own dreams and needs, and Bri seemed to fall somewhere beneath all of that on his priority list. And that was not the place she deserved. He promised himself that once he was done with the basketball season, he’d put her first. But the season didn’t end until March or April, and everyday Bri seemed to fall farther and farther down his list, as he felt the pressure of expectation mounting on his shoulders.
He was actually very grateful that she was so supportive about everything, because if he had to deal with a needy, disgruntled girlfriend on top of it all, he just might crack under the pressure. But Bri had been his saving grace through all of this, his sanity, and he would never be able to fully express to her what that meant to him.
So Cole decided that he was going to make their Thanksgiving break special. Knowing that she wanted to spend as much time with her family as possible, he convinced her to take the whole week off and fly into California early with him. Splurging a bit, he got them a room for two nights at the Wrigley Mansion in Catalina, and they spent two glorious days together, just the two of them.
Wanting to spend their last morning in Catalina on the beach, Bri found them a quiet spot on the sand. As they cuddled together on the blanket, she gave a contented sigh.
“This has been perfect,” she smiled up at him, pure happiness shining in her eyes. “I wish we could stay here forever, just like this.”
“Me, too,” he kissed the top of her head. “Maybe one day, we can.”
“One day,” she agreed. “But that day is a long way off.”
“It might happen sooner than you think,” he grinned. “If I go pro, we’ll have enough money to do this whenever we want. Our perfect future might not be too far off.”
“Yeah, but it’ll still be another two and a half years before you’re done with your degree and are drafted. And then you’ll be all busy in the NBA, and I’ll be getting my Masters. It’ll be a while before we can live like this.”
“I could always decide to enter the draft sooner,” he hedged.
Bri pulled back and gave him a searching look.
“You aren’t seriously thinking about going pro before you finish school?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I could be earning the big bucks while you finish school, start saving for our future. I could even buy you a summer home on the beach somewhere.”
“Cole,” she eyed him pointedly. “Finishing your degree has always been the most important thing to you. Why are you reconsidering now?”
“I’m not reconsidering.” He shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny. “I’m just keeping my options open. It’s like Jordan says, you get a hell of a lot more money as a first round draft pick than a third. If I want to go pro, I need to go when I have the most stock.”
“So you’re listening to Jordan now?” she replied incredulously. She pulled out of his arms, distancing herself. “Since when do you care about what he thinks? You’ve never wanted to follow his path. You’ve always had your own.”
“I’m not listening to Jordan,” he defended, his anger rising. “This isn’t about him, it’s about you. I just want to give you everything you deserve, everything you’ve ever wanted. If I get drafted, I can make that happen. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want us to be able to build our life together any way we want to.”
Her eyes widened with shock. “You’ve thought about that? About us, you know… getting married?” she asked weakly.
“Of course,” he smiled, pulling her back into his side. “I think about it all the time.” Fear and panic crossed her face, and he tightened his arm around her. “Not right now or anything, but somewhere down the road, yes, I want to marry you. Does that scare you?”
It scared him, though he tried not to let her see. This was the first time they’d talked about the M word. Even though that was truly how he felt, it was a little surreal actually saying it out loud.
“Um, a little,” she admitted. “Not that that isn’t what I want… eventually. But right now the thought of getting married makes my stomach bottom out, and I feel like I can’t breathe.”
“Well, don’t worry,” he laughed. “It’s not like I’m going to propose tomorrow, or next month, or even year from now. To be honest, it makes me kind of queasy, too. So we both have a lot of time to get used to the idea. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t start thinking about it.”
“Wow. Who would’ve thought that play-boy Cole would ever even consider settling down.” She smiled teasingly up at him.
“Yeah, yeah, I was a man-whore, I get it,” he teased back. “Lucky for me, I found a perfect, beautiful girl who knocked some sense into me, and got me to change my ways.”
“It wasn’t easy, either,” she smiled up into his eyes. “But seriously, Cole. You don’t have to worry about giving me everything I’ve ever wanted, because I already have it. I have you, and that’s all I’ll ever need. Okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed.
“So don’t give up school for me. Don’t feel you have to do anything for me. This is your life, and you need to do what’s best for you, too. Don’t forget that.”
“I won’t,” he promised.
Before he knew it, Cole was back at Duke getting ready for basketball season to start. As their first game loomed ever closer, he felt a kind of pressure he’d never felt before. He was used to being the star, carrying the team on his more than capable shoulders. But playing at this level, with the national scrutiny, was a whole new burden he hadn’t been prepared for. He finally understood why Jordan had struggled last year. The pressure, the expectation for greatness, was almost overwhelming, and it came from every direction he turned. From his coach and teammates, everyone on campus, his family and friends, heck, even from his professors. And worst of all, it came from the national media.
All of the sports shows had been talking about Duke’s brilliant starting lineup, and speculating about the season they expected the Blue Devils to have. It was giving him an ulcer. He couldn’t take any more speculation or predictions. There was already talk about Duke possibly winning the National Championship this year, and the season hadn’t even started yet. It was crazy. He finally realized just how big a deal Duke basketball was, and he was right at the center of it.
A few days before the first pre-season game, the basketball team hosted a media day. Writers and reporters from campus and local media were invited to come interview the team and coaches. Cole hadn’t gotten to participate last year, only the starters had been allowed to go, and the amount of people who showed up overwhelmed him. He swore half the state was there. He spent hours doing interview after interview, answering panel questions, and doing photo shoots. By the end of the day he was mentally and emotionally drained. Having to think about everything he said, trying to make sure he didn’t say anything stupid, embarrassing, or offensive, exhausted his already overtaxed brain. By the time he got home, he was done. He had to cancel his plans with Bri that night, and while he felt really bad about it, they hadn’t seen each other much since Thanksgiving, he was just too tired. He got home, went straight to bed, and didn’t wake up until late the next day.
The day of their first game arrived, and Cole woke up a writhing mass of nerves, which only intensified the closer he got to tip off. All of the pressure he’d felt for the past couple months was nothing compared to having to face all those expectations head on. It was show time. There would be millions of eyes watching him, judging him, analyzing every move he made and tracking every mistake.
As he walked to the stadium alone, his anxiety mounted with each step. Everything that could go wrong that night kept looping through his head, all of the ways he could screw up and embarrass himself. His throat constricted, and he was suddenly unable to breathe. He was having a full blown panic attack, and he needed someone to talk him down… fast. His feet automatically c
arried him to Bri’s dorm, and by the time she opened the door he was a panting, heaving mess.
Her eyes widened with worry at his distraught state, and she quickly let him in.
“Cole, what’s wrong?” She led him to the couch and sat him down.
“I can’t… I can’t do this,” he managed between shallow breaths. “The game tonight… I can’t go out there.”
“Oh, baby,” she smiled, “it’s alright. You’ll be fine. But first,” she forced his head down between his knees. “Try to take some deep breaths. You’re going to pass out.”
Nodding, he tried to do as she said. She rubbed his back soothingly, and after a few tense minutes, he felt his breathing evening out. When he was steady enough, he sat up slowly.
“That’s better.” Bri’s smile was full of worry and concern. “Now, tell me what’s gotten you so worked up.”
Feeling embarrassed and self-conscious, he began. “I just… I don’t know if I can play tonight. There’s so much expectation to win, so much pressure to be great. There’ll be so many people watching and judging, I don’t know if I can handle it. I don’t…” he trailed off, unable to finish his thought.
“You don’t want to let them all down,” she finished for him sagely.
Relieved that he didn’t have to voice his fear aloud, he nodded.
“Coleston,” she hugged him tightly. “You aren’t going to let anybody down.”
“But what if I suck? What if I screw up and throw the whole game away. What if I ruin our whole season?”
“So what?” she pulled back and met his eyes. “So what if you guys lose tonight? So what if you never win another game again? It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter, that’s the problem. It matters to a lot of people,” he insisted.
“But not to the people that love you, not to me. You could be the worst player in the history of the game, but the people who matter won’t care. We will always love you, no matter what, and that’s all you need to remember. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”
Certified Disaster (Beautiful Mess Book 2) Page 17