by L. J. Smith
I have to see it.
The tension in her muscles had become unbearable. With her left hand, Kaitlyn pulled the goggles and headphones off.
Her right hand was still moving, like a disembodied hand from a science fiction movie, without her mind having any idea of where it was going to go next. It didn't seem part of her. It was horrible.
And the drawing-the drawing was even more horrible. It was . .. grotesque.
The lines were a little wobbly, but the picture perfectly recognizable. It was her own face. Her face-with an extra eye in the forehead.
The eye had dark lashes all around, so it looked almost insectlike. It was wide and staring and unbelievably repulsive. Kaitlyn's left hand flew to her own forehead as if to make sure there was nothing there.
Only skin puckered with worry. She rubbed hard.
So much for remote vision. She'd bet anything Fawn wasn't out there concentrating on a picture like this.
Kaitlyn was about to sit up and tell Joyce that she'd ruined the experiment when the screaming began.
CHAPTER 6
It was very loud even though it seemed to be coming from far away. The rhythm sounded almost like a baby's crying-the frantic, desperate howls of an abandoned infant-but the voice was much deeper.
Kait dropped the clipboard and vaulted out of the chair. She darted around the folding screen.
Joyce was opening the door to the back lab. Everyone else was staring, apparently frozen. Kait dashed up behind Joyce-just as the screaming stopped.
"Calm down! Just calm down!" Marisol was saying. She was standing in front of the blue-Mohawk guy, who was cringing against the wall. His eyes were wild, his mouth loose and wet with saliva. He seemed to be crying now.
"How long?" Joyce said to Marisol, approaching the Mohawk guy with hands outstretched in an I-mean-no-harm gesture.
Marisol turned. "About forty-five seconds."
"Oh, my God," Joyce said.
"What happened?" Kaitlyn burst out. She couldn't stand to watch this college-age guy cry anymore.
"What is going on here? What's wrong with him?"
"Kaitlyn, please," Joyce said in a harassed voice.
Kaitlyn looked around the room-and saw that the door to the steel room was opening. Gabriel stepped out with a sneer on his arrogant, handsome face.
"I warned you," he said coldly to Joyce's back.
"This volunteer is a psychic," Joyce said in a thin voice.
"Not psychic enough, obviously," Gabriel said.
"You don't care at all, do you?" a voice said from behind Kaitlyn. She felt herself start-she hadn't heard Rob walk up.
"Rob-" Joyce said, but just then the Mohawk guy made a movement as if to dash away, and she broke off, fully occupied in restraining him.
"I said, you really don't care," Rob was saying, stalking up to face Gabriel. To Kait he looked like a golden avenging angel-but she was worried about him. In contrast to Rob's light, Gabriel looked like dangerous darkness. For one thing, Gabriel had been in jail; if it came to a fight, Kaitlyn would bet he'd fight dirty. And for another, he'd obviously done something to that volunteer. He might do it to Rob.
"I didn't arrange this experiment," Gabriel was saying in a frightening voice.
"No, but you didn't stop it, either," Rob snapped.
"I warned them."
"You could have just said no."
"Why should I? I told them what might happen. After that, it's their problem."
"Well, now it's my problem, too."
They were snarling right in one another's faces. The air was thick and electric-feeling with tension. And Kaitlyn couldn't stand it any longer.
"Both of you-just stop it, "she exploded, reaching them with three long steps. "Yelling at each other doesn't help anything."
They went on glaring at each other.
"Rob," Kaitlyn said. Her heart was pounding. He looked so handsome, blazing with anger like this- and she could sense he was in danger.
Strangely, it wasn't Rob who responded to her. Gabriel turned his dark, cold gaze away from Rob's face to look at Kaitlyn. He gave her one of his disturbing smiles.
"Don't worry," he said. "I'm not going to kill him-yet. It would violate my parole."
Kaitlyn felt a chill as his gray eyes looked her up and down. She turned to Rob again.
"Please?"
"Okay," Rob said slowly. He took a long breath and she could feel the tension go out of his body. He stepped back.
Everyone seemed to feel the change in atmosphere and relax. Kaitlyn had almost forgotten about the volunteer in the last few minutes, but now she saw that Joyce and Marisol had coaxed him into a chair.
He sat with his head bent nearly to his knees.
"Oh, man, what did you do to me?" he was muttering.
"What did you do to him?" Rob said to Gabriel. Kaitlyn wanted to know, too-she was wild to know -but she was afraid of another flare-up.
Instead, Gabriel just looked grim-almost bitter. "Maybe you'll find out someday," he said significantly, making it a threat.
It was then that Kaitlyn heard Lewis's hesitant voice calling from the front lab.
"Uh .. . Joyce, Mr. Zetes is here."
"Oh, God," Joyce said, straightening up.
Kaitlyn didn't blame her. All the experiments disrupted, everybody standing around, one volunteer practically writhing on the ground ... It was a lot like getting a visit from the school principal when the class is in a total uproar.
Mr. Zetes was wearing a black coat again, and the two dogs were behind him.
"Problems?" he said to Joyce, who was quickly smoothing down her short blond hair.
"Just a slight one. Gabriel had some difficulties-"
"It looks as if that young man had some, too," Mr. Zetes said dryly. He walked over to the Mohawk guy, looked down at him, then up at Joyce.
"I was going to call an ambulance," she said. "Marisol, would you-"
"There's no need," Mr. Zetes interrupted. "I'll take him in the car." He turned to look at Gabriel, Rob, and Kait, who were all standing by the steel room. "The rest of you young people can take a break," he said.
"Yes, go on. Testing is finished for today," Joyce said, still flustered. "Marisol, why don't you escort Fawn back home? And ... make sure she's not upset about anything."
Marisol headed for the front lab without changing
her sullen expression. Gabriel went, too, with the smooth, long steps of a wolf. Rob hesitated, looking at the Mohawk guy.
"Can I maybe help-"
"No, thank you, Rob. If you want some lunch, there are cold cuts in the fridge," Joyce said, in such a voice that Rob had to leave.
Kaitlyn followed, but she paused in the doorway as if trying to shut the door very quietly. It was sheer curiosity; she wanted to know if Mr. Zetes was going to yell at Joyce.
Instead, he said, "How long?"
"About forty-five seconds."
"Ah." It sounded almost appreciative. Kaitlyn got one glimpse of Mr. Zetes, tapping his cane thoughtfully on the ground, and then she had to shut the door.
Gabriel was already gone. Marisol and Fawn were leaving, Marisol looking sullen and Fawn looking back at Rob. Rob was chewing his lip, staring at the floor. Lewis was looking from one person to another. Anna was petting a white mouse she held in her hand.
"Where'd you get that?" Kaitlyn asked. She felt someone ought to say something.
"He was in my experiment. See? This box has different-numbered holes, and I'm supposed to make him go into one of them. Whichever number the monitor shows."
"There must be a sensor inside the hole to register whether you get it right," Lewis said, coming over.
Anna nodded, but she was looking past him. "Don't worry, Rob," she said. "Joyce and Mr. Zetes will take care of that guy. It'll be all right."
"Yeah, but can Mr. Z take care of Gabriel?" Lewis said. "That's the question."
Kaitlyn smiled in spite of herself. "Mr. Z?"
"Sure. 'Mr. Zetes'
is too long."
"I just don't think he should be here," Rob said broodingly. "Gabriel. I think he's trouble."
"And I think I'm going to go crazy wondering what it is he does," Kaitlyn said. "But I don't think Joyce is going to tell us."
"Gabriel has a right to privacy, if he wants it," Anna said gently, putting the mouse in a wire cage, "I think we ought to do something to get our minds off it, since we have the afternoon off. We could go into town-or we could finish setting up the common room upstairs."
As always, just being around Anna calmed Kaitlyn down. Serenity drifted from the Native American girl and filled the room.
"Let's do the room," Kaitlyn said. "We can take lunch up there. I'll make sandwiches."
"I'll help," Rob said, and Kaitlyn's heart gave a startled leap.
What do I say, what do I say? she thought in the kitchen. Lewis and Anna had gone upstairs; she and Rob were alone.
At least her hands knew what to do. She was used to fixing meals for her dad, and now she spun the lids off mustard jars and stacked cold cuts efficiently. They were very Californian cold cuts: turkey baloney and chicken slices, low-fat salami, Alpine Lace cheese.
Rob worked just as efficiently-but he seemed abstracted, as if his mind were on other things.
Kaitlyn couldn't stand the silence. Almost at random, she said, "Sometimes I wonder if it's really a good idea to try and develop our powers. I mean, look at Gabriel."
She'd said it because she had a vague notion Rob would agree. But he shook his head vigorously and came out of his brown study.
"No, it is good-it's important for the world. What Gabriel needs is to develop some control-he's bad off for that. Or maybe he just doesn't want to control himself." Rob shook his head and slapped a piece of sprouted whole wheat bread on a sandwich. "But I think everybody ought to develop their talents. D'you realize most people have ESP?" He looked at Kait earnestly.
She shook her head. "I thought we were special."
"We've got more of it. But just about everybody has some. If everybody could work on it-don't you see?
Things might start getting better. And they look pretty bad right now."
"You mean ... for the world?"
He nodded. "People don't care much about each other. But, you know, when I*channel energy I feel people's pain. If everybody could feel that, things would be different. There wouldn't be any murder or torture or stuff-because nobody would want to cause pain to anybody else."
Kaitlyn's heart had picked up. He'd "channeled energy" for her-did that mean he felt close to her?
But all she said, very gently, was, "Not everybody can be a healer."
"Everybody has some talent. Everybody could help in some way. When I get out of college I'd like to do the kind of work Joyce is doing-only try to get everybody involved in it. Everybody everywhere."
Kaitlyn was staggered by the vision. "You want to save the world?"
"Sure. I'd do my bit," he said, as if saying, Sure, I'd do my bit for recycling.
Dear God, Kait thought. I believe him.
There was something about this boy with the golden dreamer's eyes and the quiet voice that commanded her respect. A person like this, Kait thought, comes along only once in a very long time. A person like this can make a difference.
That was what she thought. What she felt was ... was ... well. . .
Anyway, there was no fighting against it anymore, she thought as they took the sandwiches upstairs.
All through the afternoon, which was spent moving furniture, arguing, and arranging things, Kait hugged her new knowledge to herself. It was both pleasure and pain, just as it was both a pleasure and painful to be able to watch Rob, to be in his company.
She would never have believed she could fall in love on one day's acquaintance.
But there it was. And every minute she was around Rob, the feeling grew stronger. She had trouble focusing on anything else when Rob was in the room, her heart began to beat hard when he looked at her, his voice made her shiver, and when he said her name ...
By dinnertime, she was a basket case.
The strange thing was, now that she'd admitted it to herself, she wanted to talk about it. To explain to somebody else how she felt. To share it.
Anna, she thought.
When Anna went into their room to clean up before dinner, Kait followed her. She shut the door, then ducked into the bathroom and turned on the faucet.
Anna was sitting on her bed, brushing her long black hair. "What's that for?" she said, amused.
"Privacy," Kait said grimly. She sat down on her own bed, although she could hardly keep herself sitting still. "Anna-can I talk to you?"
"Of course you can."
Of course she could. Kaitlyn knew that suddenly. "It's so strange-back home I never had any friend I could really talk to. But I know I can talk to you. I just don't know how to start," she added explosively, discovering this.
Anna smiled, and Kaitlyn felt more peaceful, less agitated. "It wouldn't have anything to do with Rob, would it?"
"Oh, my God," Kaitlyn said, stiffening. "Is it that obvious? Do you think he knows?"
"No . . . but I'm a girl, remember? I notice things boys don't notice."
"Yes, well, that's the problem, isn't it?" Kaitlyn murmured, sitting back. She felt crushed suddenly. "I've got this feeling he isn't ever going to notice."
"I heard what Joyce said about him."
Kaitlyn was very glad-she wouldn't have to repeat the story, like gossip. "Then you know it's practically hopeless," she said.
"It's not hopeless. You just have to get him to notice you, that's all. He likes you; he just doesn't realize you're a girl."
"You think he likes me?"
"Of course he does. And you're beautiful-any
normal guy wouldn't have any trouble seeing you're female. With Rob, you're just going to have to do something extra."
"Like take off my shirt?"
"I was thinking of something less extreme."
"I've thought of things," Kaitlyn said. "All afternoon I've been thinking of ways . . . well, like trying to get him into romantic situations. But I don't know if it's right. Isn't that like tricking him?"
Anna smiled-a very wise smile, Kait thought. "See that mask?" she said, nodding to the one on the wall.
"That's Skauk, the Raven. He was my great-grandfather's guardian spirit-and when the missionaries came along and gave my family the name 'White,' he was the one who stuck 'Raven' on, so we would always know who we were. Friends of Raven the Trickster."
Kaitlyn stared at the mask, with its long, blunt beak, in fascination.
"Raven was always doing things for his own good- but they turned out to be for everybody's good in the end. Like the time when he stole the sun."
Kaitlyn grinned, sensing a story. "When he what?"
"He stole the sun," Anna said gravely, only her eyes smiling. "Gray Eagle had the sun, but he hated people so much that he kept it hidden in his house, and everybody else lived in darkness. Raven wanted the sun for his own, but he knew Gray Eagle would never let him inside. So he turned himself into a snow white bird and tricked Gray Eagle's daughter into letting him in."
"Teh," Kaitlyn said. Anna's eyes smiled.
"As soon as she did, Raven grabbed the sun and flew away-but Gray Eagle flew after him. Raven got so scared that he dropped the sun ... and it landed in the sky, where it lit up the world for everybody."
"That's nice," Kaitlyn said, pleased.
"There're lots of stories about Raven. But the point is, sometimes a little trickery isn't so bad." Anna flashed Kait a dark-eyed glance. "And especially where boys are concerned, I think."
Kaitlyn stood up, feeling excitement churn inside her. "Then I'll do it! If I can think of something good."
"You can start with cleaning up a little," Anna said, laughing. "Right now he'll only notice you for the dirt on your nose."
Kaitlyn not only washed but changed her clothes and pulled her hair back w
ith a gold barrette-but she didn't see that it made any difference in Rob's attitude at dinner. Dinner was novel mostly because Gabriel put in an appearance.
"He eats," Kaitlyn whispered to Anna under cover of passing the brown rice. "I was beginning to wonder."
After dinner, Gabriel vanished again. Lewis and Rob went into the common room, which they now called the study, although Kaitlyn didn't think there was much chance of anyone studying in it. Not with U2 on the CD player competing with a horror movie on the TV. It didn't seem to bother Anna, who curled up in the alcove with a book, but Kaitlyn wanted to get away.
She needed to be by herself because of Rob-and because school was tomorrow, her new school, her new chance. Her feelings were all mixed up, flying
around in confusion and bumping into each other and ricocheting off even faster.
But most important, she needed to draw.
Not the ESP kind of drawing. Just regular drawing, which always helped smooth out her thoughts. She hadn't really drawn for two days.
That reminded her of something. The drawing she'd done in the lab-she'd just left it there, behind the folding screen. She should go pick it up sometime; she certainly didn't want anyone else to see it.
"I'll be back in a little while," she said to the others in the study, and then she stopped to be grateful a moment because everybody said good-bye as she left. That had always been one of her dreams, to say to a roomful of people, "I'm going" and have them all say good-bye.
The drawing wasn't in the lab. As she let herself out the back door, she hoped someone had thrown it away.
She took only her sketchbook and a couple of sticks of charcoal-it was too dark outside to really see colors. But there was enough moonlight to see trees, and the air was deliciously fresh and cold.
This is more like winter, she thought. Everything was silver and shadows. In back of the house a narrow dirt road sloped down to a stand of redwood trees. Kaitlyn followed it.
At the foot of the hill was a little, almost dry streambed, with a low concrete bridge crossing it. The road looked as if it were never used. Kaitlyn stood in the middle of the redwoods, breathing in the night and the tree smell.