I had been here so many times that I could walk the place blindfolded. I stepped carefully past the tattered flags and broken stone. My boots didn’t make a sound on the soft grass. I knelt down by a double stone that had two names carved on it.
“Hi, Mom,” I said, and kissed my fingers. I pressed them to her name. “How are things going there?”
I stopped for a second. I wasn’t really sure what to say. I forced a smile, just in case she could see me. And it made me feel braver, more confident. The last thing I wanted to do was curl up and cry on my parent’s graves. I am not an orphan in a Charles Dickens story. I’m more…Buffy the Vampire slayer. Only not cute and perky. Or very effective at slaying anything.
Hmm. Perhaps I’m more Dickens than I thought.
“Lydia is so big now, Mom. You’d be really impressed. Sweetest little thing. Smart, too. She’s a typical Masterson lady, that’s for sure. But she’s missing. With her demonic mother, and that’s no exaggeration. I don’t know how to find her just yet, but I will. And Seth…well, he’s going through a hard time, but I’ll figure out how to pull him through. You know I will.”
I gave Mom a daylily, Dad another, and stuck the third behind my ear. This is how we shared flowers when I was young. There was always a flower for Seth, too, but he never wanted anything to do with them.
Daylilies didn’t bother him. Dad bothered him.
I sighed. “Dad, I’m not sure what to do. There’s this mouthy little demon that keeps popping up everywhere. He tells me things are going down, that they’re going to get really bad. My natural tendency is not to believe him, of course, because, well, he’s a demon. But there’s something about him. His earnestness, maybe. I think he’s telling the truth, and I’m not sure what to do about that. Because if things are getting bad…” I snorted. “What am I saying? They are bad.” I turned to Mom’s side of the grave. “Cover your ears, Mom. This isn’t for you.” I turned back to Dad. “Sparkles just waltzed in out of nowhere. Said she wanted Lydia, and Seth just lost it, or something. I found him in the bathtub today and he had taken a whole bottle of pills. Sounds like Sparkles took her before Seth did it.”
I lay down between them on their grave, my arms behind my head. The moon was large and luminous, and faintly sinister. I couldn’t get over the feeling it wanted to lean down and bite me. Perhaps there is evil inside the moon, and has been all of this time, and we never knew about it.
“I don’t know what to do, Dad. Everything is so messed up.” I paused and bit my lip. “There’s a boy, though. A guy. His name is Reed Taylor, and I sort of dig him. Mom, you can listen to this part. He’s something special, he really is.” I thought about my parents, about their bodies moldering in the ground all of these years. What would be left, really? I closed my eyes to keep myself from thinking that. Things were bleak enough.
“I didn’t want to talk about bad things, only. That’s why I mentioned Reed Taylor. I wanted you to know there are good things going on, too. Always. Anyway.” I stood up and dusted the dirt off of my back and legs. “I love you guys. Just wanted to let you know.” I walked away from their graves without looking back. Ever since I had been a child, I never looked back.
I intended to head for my motorcycle, but I surprised myself by taking a turn and walking toward the rose garden adjacent to the cemetery. It was full of peace and beauty, and maybe I needed that right now. Plus Lydia loved roses, and this was a way to feel closer to her while I thought of where to look. I found a white stone bench that gleamed dully in the moonlight. I sat down and pulled my knees up to my chest, content to just look at the sky.
“Beautiful night tonight,” Mouth said conversationally.
I groaned and pulled my knees in tighter. “Why did you have to show up? I just want to be alone. It seems I’m never alone anymore.”
If I thought Mouth would apologize, I was certainly wrong.
“What do you expect?” he said. He shrugged, not caring. “You’re Marked. You’re a popular girl nowadays, Luna, and popularity has its price.”
“Ugh, the great Tracing that turns me into demon bait. What can you tell me about it, anyway?”
His voice remained level. “I can smell it a mile away. I can feel it in what used to be my bones. It’s everything I can do not to throw you down and push into your soul right here right now, and I’m one of the good guys.”
I felt my eyes widen.
“Yeah, that Mark you wear is bad news, girlie. I don’t think you understand the full implication of it.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I leaned my head back against the bench and smelled the roses. They seemed clean and slightly sultry at the same time. I turned my head toward Mouth.
“Can you smell the roses? Is that something demons can do?”
Mouth leaned back, as well. “Well, I’m not your typical demon, I’ll have you know. Most have lost that sense. They’ve lost most senses. Lost most of their minds. I’m more…intact than they are, I guess you’d say.” He flashed his eyes in my direction, and I couldn’t read the expression in them. “Yes. I can smell the roses.”
“Don’t they smell wonderful?”
He didn’t move. “They smell like decay. Like a dying thing.”
Oh. Well. That was cheery.
Mouth obviously felt like elaborating. “You’re just a hunk of meat, Luna. You and everybody you care about. That guy. Your brother. The baby girl. You walk through life, going about your petty little routines, and your bodies are dying all around you. It’s disgusting. It’s what true horror is. I can hardly abide being near the living.”
Normally I would have jumped on that full force, but it had been a hard couple of days. “I’m sorry I disgust you, then,” I said, and I very nearly meant it.
He eyed me. “Man, you’re in a mood. I can’t believe you didn’t take my head off for that. I’ll have to try harder.”
I took the daylily from my hair and held it up so it was centered in the middle of the moon.
“I’ll be honest, Mouth. I don’t know what’s going on. I always say I’ll land on my feet, but I’m not so sure this time.” I turned the daylily around and around, a delicate moon dance. “Sparkles scares me. I’ve seen her demon. I had never seen anything like it. I’m worried about Seth because he’s always so calm, and that was completely… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to…and the house today…”
I couldn’t finish. I swallowed hard and pursed my lips together.
From the corner of my eye, I saw that Mouth was studying me. Normally I’d be embarrassed, but I was too tired to be embarrassed.
“So maybe I’m kind of sorry about taking you to your house today. A little.”
I didn’t say anything, so he continued.
“I wanted to scare you, of course. I wanted you to see how serious things were becoming. You’re always so rebellious and unconcerned, and I’m not sure if that’s how you really feel or if it’s an act. You need to realize, Luna. I…I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
I was surprised at how gentle his voice was. I turned to look at him. His smile was crooked. How could I know he had a crooked smile? I stared hard into his eyes. They had a hint of color.
“Mouth! Are you…you’re not as transparent as you usually are. Are you becoming fully formed?”
I reached out a hand and grabbed at his sleeve. I felt some real substance there, underneath the air and resistance.
He gently pulled his sleeve away. “It comes and goes. It seems to be stronger when I’m happy and calm.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I’m nearly crying my eyes out as I tell you that my life is falling apart around me, and you’re happy and calm?”
“Funny, isn’t it?”
I closed my eyes, tested my energy level. “I didn’t even feel you taking anything out of me.”
“I didn’t.”
That startled me. “You didn’t? You managed to form on your own? But I thought…”
; He looked weary. “I told you I’m not like everybody else. I don’t need to use you like the others. If I’m relaxed enough, I can solidify without even meaning to. Do you know how that feels?” His eyes shone. “To manipulate things in the real world? To actually leave an imprint? That’s why everybody’s after you, you know. Because you can see them. Because they’re finally real to somebody, even if it is a smart-aleck woman.”
“Hey.”
“You can’t deny it.”
He took the flower from my hand. I looked at him in amazement. “You’re formed enough you can actually touch that?”
He held it in his palm. I almost expected it to wilt in his hand, but it didn’t. It held its form and even looked more lovely than usual, if that could be possible. Something serene and beautiful held by something created from despair. It made me want to cry.
“You take this for granted,” he said. “You take everything for granted. Life truly is wasted on the living.”
He took the daylily and gently tucked it behind my ear. I was reminded of my father. I was reminded of Reed Taylor. I remembered I shouldn’t be sitting in the moonlight with a demonic presence. It was dangerous. But I couldn’t keep myself from staring at the swirl of color that fought its way up from deep inside of his eyes. His eyes were dangerous and frightening and surprisingly lovely.
“Get some sleep. Be well.” Mouth breathed in deeply through his nose. “Oh, Luna. The Mark. You have no idea how your soul smells. It smells like blood and lavender on ice. I’d better leave now or you’ll be dead by morning.”
This time he didn’t just disappear. He stood up and walked away. I’d hate to say he frightened me. I’d like to think I’m braver than that, but as I reached up to touch the flower in my hair, I couldn’t control the trembling in my hands.
Chapter Eighteen
I had no desire to go home and see if it was still Demonic Central so I slept on the bench. Of course I was cold and cranky and stiff when I woke up. Not to mention I had dreams about demons and daylilies. I was a little more bitter than usual this morning.
Mouth had given me something to think about, I guess. He was a demon and demons were bad. But he seemed good. Ish. If he could just get over his hatred for Reed Taylor, that is.
The first stop was the hospital. The nurse smiled when she saw me.
“Hello. And who are you here to visit this morning?”
Obviously she hadn’t heard anything about me. I gave her my cheeriest grin. “Why, hello, my wonderful and helpful health care provider. I’m here to visit my brother Seth Masterson. How is the sweet boy doing today?”
Her eyes flickered. “Seth. So you’re his sister, then.”
Ah, she had heard of me.
They directed me to Seth’s new room. He was staring at the ceiling when I walked in.
“Hey.”
His eyes floated my way. “Hi, Luna.”
“Now, you be nice,” said the nurse, and she left us. I sighed and threw myself into the uncomfortable chair by the bed.
“So how are you feeling?”
His lips barely moved when he talked. “Better.”
I looked at him. His face was gray and his eyes were lifeless. Maybe this was better compared to being unconscious, but it really couldn’t be better than much else.
“So tell me what happened.” I tried to keep my voice as even and unaccusing as I could. I felt I had done a pretty decent job.
Seth turned his face away from me. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Well. Unaccusing be hung.
“You don’t want to talk about it? You almost kill yourself, leaving Lydia to Sparkles, and you don’t want to talk about it? Well, I have news for you, big brother. You have to talk about it. I can make you! Oh, yes I can, and you know it.” I glared at him with what I assumed was my most regal pose. “My will is much stronger than yours.”
Silence. And then a strange sound. He wiped at tears in his eyes.
“Oh, Seth, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—“
He snerked. “I’m not crying, you idiot. I’m laughing.”
I peered closer. He was right. I felt my mouth tighten.
“What’s so funny?” I demanded. He laughed harder.
“I’m not sure,” he said, and then he fell helpless, laughing and shaking and sending the little beepers on his machine completely haywire.
“Shh, you’re going to get me into trouble,” I said. “Nurse Prissy Pants might be my biggest fear about now.”
He laughed for a minute longer, eyes closed, tears streaming. Then he slowly got himself under control. My brother was a mess of hiccups and sniffles. I turned away, resolute in my dignity.
“Luna?”
I didn’t want to grace him with an acknowledgement, but then I thought of yesterday. His pale face half in the water. The terror I felt when I thought he was gone forever.
“What?”
He rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger. “Thank you. I had almost forgotten what laughing felt like.”
I moved from the chair and sat on his bed. “Seth, this all happened so fast. I never expected this from you. Not in a million years. You really floored me. I don’t even know what to say.”
He sighed. “It all feels like it was a very long time ago. Has it only been a day? It feels like it’s been an eternity.”
“I found you yesterday.”
He looked into my eyes, and I was embarrassed by the emotion I saw there. “Luna, I am so sorry. I’ve been thinking about it all night. What it must have been like to find me. Like when I found Dad. I thought of how Lydia would feel, knowing I did what I did. Feeling like she wasn’t good enough to live for.”
His eyes were tearing up again, and this time it wasn’t in hysterical laughter. I took his cold hand in mine.
“Never do something like that again. That goes without saying. I want to tell you Lydia would have made it through, because we made it through, but you know how it would have been. Seth, you know. Why would you have even thought of suicide, even for a second? How could you do that to her?”
He shook his head. “That’s the thing. I have no idea.” I growled and pulled my hand away, but Seth grabbed it in both of his. “I’m serious, Luna. You know how I feel about Dad. How I was angry at him for giving up and leaving us all alone. Feeling guilty, feeling we should have done something, been more. But last night, I just felt…different. I felt like I was doing her a favor, almost. I know,” he said, when I started getting upset again. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, but that’s how it felt. Besides, after Sparkles came over—”
“To our house?” Suddenly my antenna was up. Seriously, talking to Sparkles could make anybody want to die. But this was more sinister than that, and I knew it.
Seth took a deep breath. “Yes. Sparkles came over to the house yesterday. She said she wanted to discuss the arrangement with Lydia. And before you interrupt,” he said, just as I was about to interrupt, “I told her there had been no arrangement with Lydia. She had bailed out on all of us. I actually gave her a pretty good piece of my mind,” he said smugly. “You would have been proud of me.”
“Good. And then?” I was getting nervous. The feel of the house. The demons huddled inside like Russian nesting dolls.
“She said she was sorry. She said she had needed time to think, and she realized she really missed me and Lydia.”
I snorted derisively. This time it was his turn to yank his hand away.
“Luna, whether you like her or not, she is Lydia’s mother. What was I supposed to do?”
I had a few suggestions, but this wasn’t the time for them. “And then what did you do?” Please don’t say you invited her inside, I thought. My stomach felt like I had swallowed a block of ice.
“Lydia was just waking up from her nap. She was calling from the crib. So I asked Sparkles if she wanted to come up and see her.”
That was it. That explained everything.
“So you invited her insi
de.”
“Yes.”
And her demon. And effectively broke the seal. And then everything blew apart.
Seth covered his face with his hand. “She saw Lydia. Sparkles seemed delighted, but Lydia started to scream. I picked her up, and then everything became confusing. Sparkles was telling Lydia she was back, that she was here now, and Lydia was going nuts. I started to tell Sparkles to leave, but suddenly I saw how it looked. Here I am, a single man with a dead end job. I don’t know how to raise a little girl. I’m looking up Youtube videos to learn how to do her hair. I’m living with my crazy sister who is nice enough, but definitely has her issues. What do I have to offer? What do you?”
The ice I had eaten had grown spines. I licked my lips, but it didn’t help to moisten them. “You thought that Lydia was better with her mother.”
Seth laughed, and the sound made me wince. “I did. It seemed to make so much sense at the time. I handed Lydia to her. I handed over her pink star blanket. I kissed Lydia on the forehead and told her I loved her very much. And then I filled the bathtub.”
I didn’t need to hear the rest. I had seen the end result.
“How do you feel now?” I was afraid to ask, but I needed to know. I needed to get a feel for how much internal damage had been done.
Seth stared at the ceiling again. “I feel…tired. And stupid. I can’t believe myself because that isn’t something I would ever plan to do. But I can’t deny it made perfect sense then. If I was right back there, I might make the exact same decision again. It felt so obvious.” He looked at me. His eyes broke my heart. They shone with so much pain and torment that I felt my soul twist. “Why is that, Luna? Why would I do that?”
“Do you really want to know?”
He sighed. Hesitated. Then he said, “I don’t know. Do I?”
I took his hand again. “Seth, listen to me. Sparkles has a demon attached to her. Or perhaps she’s attached to it; I’m not really sure at this point. But either way, they’re together. Sparkles was mean to begin with, but now she is crueler and has a depth that would have seemed impossible before.”
Nameless: The Darkness Comes Page 8