by Lisa N. Paul
“Yes, Ryan, I can see what you’re thinking, it’s written all over your face.” She knew she was being unkind, she knew her words were cutting him, but she couldn’t hold back any longer. With clenched fists and a trembling lip she continued. “Yes, after everything you did to ensure my first time would be special…magical, I lost my virginity to some random guy I just met.” Anger and heart-break welled in her belly when Ryan broke eye contact and looked away. “Oh, no, Ryan, you brought this up. You came here, you opened this box, too late to close it, remember?” She repeated his words from the previous night. “So after a few drinks, the name ‘Reagan’ started sounding a whole lot like Ryan. He was sexy and wild, he didn’t care that I was a virgin—hell, he didn’t know until he was deep inside of me. When we were done he offered to hold me through the night. I slipped out while he slept and was gone the next day. After all, I got what I needed. A little bit of my brother on my skin and a little taste of you under it.” She tried and failed to reign in the anger from her tone, all the while knowing that Ryan could read her and would surely see the pain in her eyes.
“Ashley, I’m so sorry. I can’t put into words how sorry I am. How knowing that your suffering was caused by me has been eating away at me since the night Leo…” Ashley put up her hand to stop him from saying the words out loud. “That’s why I stayed away for so long. You said if I loved you I should let you go. I let you leave…even though every fiber of my being told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life when I watched you drive away.”
“So what, Ry? You done loving me now?” She quipped, praying for the strength to keep the tears at bay until she could make her escape.
“No, Princess, that’ll never happen. I just spent the past three years figuring out the root of all my anger and jealousy, and I learned how to control it. Now, I can love you the way you are meant to be loved. Now, I can give you what you deserve.” His eyes begged forgiveness as he reached out his hand to touch her. Ashley jerked back, avoiding his contact.
“What I want, is for you to get out of my house.” She couldn’t contain the shrill sound of her voice. “I’m going for a run before work. Be gone before I get back.”
Ryan let his outstretched hand fall to the bed. “I was in that bed with you last night, Princess, and you don’t want me gone anymore than I want to leave. I won’t be in your house when you get back. But you should know that as of yesterday, I am an official employee of Danny’s on Main, so get used to seeing me because I’m in it for the long haul.”
She tied her running shoes with a growl before jetting out of the room. “Have a nice run, Princess.”
“Don’t call me Princess, asshole,” she relayed as she slammed the door behind her. What the fuck just happened? She thought to herself, standing on the other side of her bedroom door. Just before she walked down the hallway, she heard Ryan chuckling in her room.
“Spicy, I think I’m beginning to understand the nickname,” she heard as he spoke out loud through private laughter. “And I think I kind of like it.” Ashley rolled her eyes and left her house.
Wrinkle-Lover
Two months later…
“I’M SORRY, BUDDY, that sucks. You can crash at my place for a couple of days, but I don’t do roommates. Been there, done that, prefer to go it alone.”
Hearing male voices, Ashley paused at the back door of the near empty bar. Ryan had been in Charistown for a couple of months and other than their one night of scorching sex, she’d managed to keep her distance…at least physically. Late at night lying in her bed, alone, Ryan starred in her dreams and she frequently brought herself to orgasm with her own hand, all the while wishing it were his.
Following a mild meltdown where Ashley expressed her…distaste at the fact that Danny and Julie had hired him to work at her bar, she had requested that they schedule Ryan different shifts so they wouldn’t have to work together. In fact, she wondered, why was he even there? Thursday’s were her nights, damn it. She stayed hidden so she could eavesdrop on the guys’ conversation.
“No, that’s totally fine, Max, I appreciate the offer—even if it’s only temporary.” The fact that Ryan’s laugh caused a shiver to run up her body pissed her off.
“I don’t understand,” Kyle, the other bartender and her good friend, piped up, “they’re just kicking you out without any notice?”
“Look”—Ryan’s voice was laden with defeat—“the rental house is a piece of shit so I’m not surprised they’re tearing it down. I’m just happy they are letting me back in to get my stuff. Unfortunately, it was all I could afford when I got to town. I’m waiting on payment for some songs that I wrote to come through but until then, I’m screwed. It cost me a lot of money to find her.” What did that mean? Was he talking about her?
Ashley’s heart raced at the thought of Ryan spending time searching for her. Why hadn’t he just asked her parents?
So here he was tending bar and writing songs for the bands he should be performing in. What gives? She would have to ask him… eventually.
“Dude, I’d invite you to live with me, but I already have two roommates—”
“And you really don’t wanna live with Kyle.” Ashley chose that moment to make her presence known. “He’s a dog, and a slob,” she hip-checked Kyle while tying the cocktail apron around her waist.
“What are you trying to say, Spicy?” That nickname, along with all of the others the men here at Danny’s called her, made her smile. They were so much better than the plain, perfect image she’d been forced to wear her whole life.
“I’m sayin’ if it looks like a dog, acts like a dog, and lives like a dog…WOOF!” She giggled uncontrollably as Kyle lunged forward and tickled her.
“Well, Ash, do you have a better solution to our boy’s problem?” She wanted to slap the smug look off Max DeLucca’s gorgeous face. She knew what he was getting at—everyone who worked at Danny’s did. Ryan had made no secret of the fact that he and Ashley had been a couple. He’d also made no bones about the fact that he’d screwed up and wanted a chance to earn back her trust. They had an unspoken agreement that the specific details of their history would remain between them, so none of the group understood her flat out refusal of any of Ryan’s advances.
Pulling in a lungful of air, she regretted her proposal even before it left her mouth. “Ry, I live in a big house. Really, it’s too big for just one person. I’m not even sure what I was thinking when I bought it…”
That was a bald-faced lie. After more than six months of traveling up the coast, living in and out of her car, she’d seen the quaint house on the beautiful tree lined street and had to have it. She knew it was much too big for just her, but at the time her brain had been blindly hoping that one day Leo and Ryan would surprise her and come knocking on her door. In reality, she knew that neither would happen, but it hadn’t stopped her from buying the house. Nor did it stop her from leaving the lights on by the front door each night. Hope was a terrible thing to lose.
Standing at the bar with a look of sheer shock on his face, Ryan made a display of knocking the side of his head with his open hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. What did you just say, Princess?”
She growled out loud at his attempt to make her say the only thing he knew she’d feared saying. “I’m offering you a place to crash, you big pain in the ass. If you’d like, feel free to move your shit in and stay there. But, I expect rent on time. I am not your maid or your mom—” He leveled a painful stare at her and immediately she apologized and rephrased. “Sorry, Ry, but I’m not gonna cook or clean for you. So, as long as you keep the place neat, you’re more than welcome to dwell there.” She stood behind the bar and stared expectantly at him.
Kyle threw his head back and laughed hysterically, “Wow, Spicy, that was some sweet invitation.”
“Gee, Ryan, how the hell could you turn down something so…warm and inviting?” Max laughed before he threw his arm around a clearly frustrated Ashley, giving her a quick hug.
/> Ashley crossed her arms over her chest trying to hide her anxiety with sarcasm. “What the hell? That’s what I get for being nice.”
“Ashley Kynde, thank you so much for the invitation.” Ryan smiled broadly trying to hold back his laughter. “I accept your proposition, and I am eternally grateful.”
“Whatever. Fuck you guys. That’ll be the last time you see my sincere, heartfelt generosity.” With her bottom lip between her teeth she walked away from the deep, riotous, laughter coming from the bar and she went to her locker in the back room. By the time she returned to the main bar the men had reassembled their game faces.
“Here’s my key, go make yourself a copy.” She tossed the metal to Ryan before heading back through the double doors. “Jerks.” The laughter followed her all the way to Danny and Julie’s office.
“Holy shit, man, I can’t believe she’s letting you move in with her. I’ve been trying for two years to tap that fine piece of ass, but she’s never so much as batted an eyelash at me.” Kyle’s crude words hit Ryan like a punch to the gut. “Kyle, you fucking idiot, you’re like Sophia from the Golden Girls?” Max slapped Kyle on the back of his head before turning his attention to Ryan. “Don’t listen to a word this douche says. There isn’t a female within fifteen miles of here that this guy hasn’t tried to ‘tap’.” Max’s use of air quotes had Ryan laughing. “Seriously, Ry,” Max stage whispered, “rumor has it Kyle Marx here, once got tapped himself by a lady who ended up being not such a lady at all…you hear what I’m saying?” Kyle blushed under Ryan’s gaze.
“She…he…whatever the fuck it was, it was hot. And it was offering a blow job. No reason to turn that shit down.” Kyle shrugged his shoulders and started to wipe down the bar. “And Max, you wanna talk shit about me? You watch the fucking Golden Girls, you pussy. So shut your trap, you wrinkle-lover!” At that point, Ryan’s chuckle broke out into full-blown laughter.
Finally regaining his composure, Ryan reached over the bar and put his hand on the rag that Kyle was using. “Listen up. I don’t care who she dates. I won’t like it, but I can’t stop it. I love her and I intend to get her back. It’s only been a couple of months but I already like you guys, and I see us being friends. That being said, I will mow you down to get to her if the chance ever presents itself. She is not just a piece of ass for me to ‘tap’.” Ryan sneered using air quotes to drive home his point to Kyle. “She’s my everything. We clear?”
Clarity entered Kyle’s usually cloudy green eyes, “Yeah, man, crystal.” Ryan wrapped his fingers around Ashley’s keys and left the bar. Thoughts of living under the same roof together had him giddy like a schoolgirl, yet hard like a teenaged boy. This is it, I’m gonna get my chance. I’m finally gonna get Ashley back, he thought with every piece of hope left in his heart.
We Are Just Friends
Four years later…
TIME PASSED QUICKLY as Ashley and Ryan continued living together, platonically. Oddly enough, it seemed to work for them. Even though he’d spent the better part of that time unsuccessfully trying to win her back, they had managed to build an amazing friendship. Ashley dated various men over the years but it was never serious, and never for long stretches.
Ryan never dated anyone. Ashley tried for a while to convince him to go out with women from the bar or from their gym, but he refused and eventually she stopped trying. Everyone from the bar made fun of them about their pseudo-relationship and it pissed her off. They were not a couple. She couldn’t be with him—she couldn’t ever really be with anyone, no matter how many dates she went on. Why couldn’t anybody understand that?
“Hey Princess, you gonna stand there all night with your head in the clouds or are you gonna serve the customers?”
“Bite me, Ryan,” she snipped shaking the Cosmos for the suits at the far end of the bar.
“What can I get for you two, chickies?” It was a Thursday night in mid-March and the weather was unseasonably warm. Ashley loved the rare warm days Mother Nature tossed out in the still of winter. They reminded her of a lover’s gentle tease before the hot, steamy sex.
“We’ll have two lemon drop shots with our Lemontini’s, please.” The women waiting for the drinks had been sitting at the bar for over an hour laughing, joking and having a great time. Lyla and Janie had introduced themselves the previous week when they’d come in to Danny’s on Main for the first time. Both were beautiful and friendly, and they had included Ashley in their conversation anytime she was close enough to their end of the bar. She’d found herself hoping they would come back so she could listen in on their silly stories. Since moving to Pennsylvania, Ashley hadn’t made that many female friends—in fact, she’d never had a whole lot of friends, even back in Florida.
She wasn’t gossipy or girly. She wasn’t high maintenance or ditzy. She didn’t use a lot of words, and she didn’t require a lot of phone time or communication to make her happy. Add that to the fact that she didn’t want to share any details about her life—none, nada—that pretty much cut her out of any of the girlfriend groups. There were times when she thought the guys—and by guys she meant Max, Ryan, Kyle, and Danny—saw her more as one of them than as a woman, but, that didn’t bother her…too much.
“Janie, I can’t believe you are still seeing that fucktard. Richard doesn’t deserve you. Dump his hairy ass and move on.” Ashley smiled at the candidness of the women’s conversation.
“Here ya go, chickies.” Ashley poured their shots and one for herself.
“To hot men with tattooed bodies and muscles that flex, but most of all to hot, steamy sex!” Lyla giggled at her own toast before clinking her glass to both Janie and Ashley’s and pouring the clear liquid down her throat. Ashley couldn’t help but laugh at her goofiness as she followed suit.
“Ly, your toasts get more ridiculous each time.” Janie’s eyes watered as laughter bubbled out of her.
“Here’s some water for you ladies.”
Ashley knew, without turning around, exactly who was offering the beverages. Max had noticed Janie last week, and while he was known for his ‘Fuck and Release’ method of dating, he hadn’t stopped talking about the stunning woman all week. Most women threw themselves at him, but not her. She kept her distance and that kept him interested. Typical man, Ashley thought to herself.
Janie’s aqua eyes went round as she accepted the glass from his hand. “Um, thanks…”
“This sexy beast here is Max. Max this is Lyla and Janie.” Ashley watched as sparks zipped between the Greek God and the brunette beauty. “I’ll be right back, I need to go take care of those customers.” She excused herself from the triad, giving them time to get to know each other.
“So the ladies from last week are back, huh?” Ryan looked over Ashley’s shoulder and smirked.
“What’s the look for, Ry?”
“What look?” He asked innocently.
“When you’re up to something you get this smirk, and you have it now, so what gives?”
Ryan shrugged. “It’s just a hunch, but I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of those two. They have staying power.” Ryan ran his hands through his hair catching the attention of a frizzy-haired fem-bot on the other side of the bar practically begging for a little Ryan TLC. Watching them interact, Ashley was surprised to feel a slight stirring in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t name the feeling, but she didn’t like it.
Not one bit.
“This was such a thoughtful idea. Thanks for having all of us to your home, Lyla,” Julie said, handing Lyla a bouquet of roses and a homemade apple pie.
“Thanks, honey, this is much appreciated.” Danny pulled Lyla in for a big hug. Ryan, who had arrived at the same time as Danny and Julie, noticed how Lyla’s body had stiffened at the contact, but she’d accepted it nonetheless.
“It’s our pleasure, really. Janie and I’ve been having Sunday dinner together for years and when it falls on a holiday it’s nice to celebrate. So, thanks for joining our little Memorial Day party. If you wa
nna know the truth,” the sassy espresso haired vixen said, “you’re actually helping us. We buy the same amount of alcohol whether there are two or ten of us, so drink up.” She winked and led them through to her kitchen.
“She’s spunky, I knew she’d fit in perfectly, Danny,” Julie stage whispered.
“Jane, guests are here, time to act civilized.”
Ryan checked his phone for the time.
“You waiting on a train?” Danny was the master of several things and sarcasm was one of them. “That’s the third time you’ve checked your phone since we walked through the door, what’s up?”
“I’m waiting for Ashley.” Ryan popped the top of a beer and took a long pull of the cold drink before continuing. “She was arguing with her mom when I left the house. I offered to wait but she insisted I go on ahead. She usually only speaks to her dad, but today her mother intercepted the call before her dad could even get to the phone. I hate that cold bitch. I hate what she does to Ashley, I just…hate it.”
Over the years, Ryan had heard several conversations between the women where Ashley’s mother had torn Ashley down for pretty much anything—from not graduating from high school, to blowing her scholarship to the University of Pennsylvania, and even going as low as blaming Ashley for Leo’s accident. Ryan knew deep down that Ashley’s inability to find true happiness and her fear of commitment stemmed from all of the pain she lived through in Florida. He also knew that a fair share of that blame lay squarely on his shoulders. While she’d opened the door to her home for him, she had never let him back into her heart and he was running out of options when it came to getting her back.
“Sweetie, I understand that Ashley’s mother is a nasty, unkind, cold woman that hurts Ashley and makes her sad, but you need to understand that it isn’t your job to make life better for her. Every day that sweet girl lets her past dictate her present is a choice that she makes—not her mother, not you, only her. She has to make the choice to decide when enough is enough.” Julie draped her arm around Ryan’s back. “And Ry, think about this. Sometimes, when you know that you’re so protected that there is no possible way you could fail, you don’t even bother to try. Because…what’s the point?” Ryan looked into Julie’s knowing eyes and received her message loud and clear.