by Lisa N. Paul
“That sounds great, Lyla, thank you. But I can’t stay long.” He swore he heard her smile even though she made no verbal response to his statement. He followed her quietly to the kitchen.
“Ryan, I didn’t invite you and I’m not trapping you here. You can leave whenever you want. Although, the fact that you turned up on my door with raspberry truffles means you’ve been talking to Max and, knowing him, that can only mean one thing. You need my help.” She shrugged, “So stay, leave…whatever.” Her shrug of indifference was like the shiny, sharp curve at the end of a fishing line. Hook, line, and sinker. There was no way he was leaving without some advice from this sly vixen.
Ryan could understand why Ashley had grown to love this woman as quickly as she had. They were very similar creatures—both smart, both tough, and both hiding something painful on the inside. He knew Ashley’s secrets but he wondered if anyone knew Lyla’s.
He watched as she moved fluidly around her kitchen. She looked different today. Usually she was the image of perfection from her hair to her toes—even when he saw her at the gym and she was sweaty from her workout she seemed purposefully put together—but today he saw a different Lyla. It could’ve been because she wasn’t expecting company, or maybe she wasn’t feeling well, but her hair was piled on the top of her head, with a pair of black-rimmed glasses perched at her crown. She wore a battered Batgirl t-shirt that looked like it had been around since the first Gulf war and a pair of tattered sweats. Without any make-up on her face, she looked much younger—more innocent, more vulnerable.
“Ryan, what are you staring at?” She ran her hands over her face and up her head. She quickly pulled off her glasses and placed them on the counter behind her. He watched as her cheeks turned a pale shade of pink just before she turned her back to him and poured their coffee.
Hmm, that was an interesting reaction from their tenacious friend.
A loud whistle drew Ryan’s eyes to the picture window that filled the kitchen wall. Large gusts of wind whipped through the trees, swiping the remaining colorful leaves off the Oak that stood proudly in the yard that faced the breakfast nook. The sound of Lyla clearing her throat reminded him that he was here for one reason and one reason alone.
“I was told that you were the lady that knew how to fix stuff,” he grinned just before he sipped his coffee.
“I may be,” she answered while opening the candy box and removing one dark chocolate morsel from its sleeve. “Max is a smart man, sending you here with my kryptonite. He knows I can’t say no to raspberries and dark chocolate.”
Pure bliss overtook Lyla’s features as she bit into the sweet confectionary. “This has been a long time coming, Ryan. But the weather won’t hold out for long, and you and I both know Ash won’t wanna be left home alone once this shit gets worse, so let’s make this quick, okay?” Surprise rippled through Ryan. Had Ashley opened up to Lyla and Janie? How much did they know? He absently squeezed his hands around the coffee mug, trying to find the right place to start.
“Ryan,” Lyla called his name firmly but kindly. “I know your history, okay,” she confirmed. “What I don’t know is why you’ve been acting like a ride for the penetrated-impaired.” Her face stayed somber but her eyes glimmered with humor.
How could he not laugh at that? The woman came up with the best one-liners he’d ever heard. His whole body shook with the force of his laughter until he felt stinging in his eyes. He was an emotional wreck. He felt his amusement turn to despair as the past steamrolled through his mind.
“I had it all.” Ryan tried to rein in the overwhelming sadness before it threatened to flatten him. He cast his eyes back down at his mug as he admitted. “And I fucked it up. I lost her. No, that’s an understatement. I lost everything…and cost her everything in the process.”
He felt the familiar weight of his failures settling firmly on his shoulders. “But here’s the thing, Lyla. I’ve spent years repenting for my sins, years trying to earn her forgiveness—hell, trying to forgive myself. But I can’t keep living in the past. Leo, would…”
Just saying Leo’s name to anyone but Ashley felt like awkward and unjust. “Leo would be so pissed at what’s happened between Ashley and me.” He looked blindly out the big picture window. “Stubborn, that’s what she is. Her own brother said it time and time again. He said that she was stubborn both ways. He said that when she got angry she stayed pissed, but when she loved, she loved forever. I guess he got the first part right.”
He turned to leveling his gaze on Lyla. “She’s never forgiven me, and loving me forever seemed to have had an expiration date. I tried giving her time and space but it was never enough. So I finally realized it was time to move on.
About six months ago, when I was out with Max and Kyle, I told them how I was feeling. Max suggested I move on and Kyle said the best way to do it was get with as many girls as possible. He reasoned that if Ashley saw me moving on, she might change her mind about me.”
Even as the words left his mouth, he knew they sounded childish and asinine, so Lyla looking at him as if he had sprouted a second head didn’t come as a shock.
Her standing up, walking to her cabinet and grabbing a bottle of vodka and a shot glass, sure as hell, did.
“Lyla, I don’t need a drink. I have to drive home and the roads already suck.” If looks could kill, he would have been lying on the cold hard floor.
Her eyes flashed with irritation as she twisted the cap off the bottle. “Ryan, this drink isn’t for you—it’s for me. This drink is so I can deal with the rest of this conversation in a clear and level headed way, so give me a minute, would ya?”
Filling the small glass to the brim she lifted it to her lips and emptied the clear liquid into her mouth. Ryan watched on silently as she repeated the process. Seemingly content with the amount she consumed, Lyla poured one more and then returned the bottle to the cabinet. She brought the tiny glass back to the dining table and took her seat and stared at Ryan wordlessly. After a few seconds, his eyes fell to his lap.
“Seriously, what in the hell would possess you to go to Kyle for anything other than the latest information on cunnilingus?” He knew her question wasn’t sarcastic or disrespectful, and that’s what bothered him.
Frustration coursed through his already tense body. “Look, Lyla, I was out of options and I was desperate, okay? That guy always has women lining up to be with him—”
“Oh well, excuse me,” Lyla cut him off as she threw her hands in the air, her irritation evident in the tone of her voice. “I thought we were talking about Ashley here, not some brainless chick looking to ride the log flume that is Kyle Marx. My God, Ryan, don’t you see? Yes, Kyle has his line of girls looking for a spin, but have you noticed any of them buying a second ticket? No, you do not! Because one ride is enough for any self-respecting woman.” She curled her fingers around her glass and shot back the second splash of vodka.
Ryan could tell that Lyla had more to say, but she kept her mouth shut, as if waiting for Ryan to make the next move. So he did. “Then you tell me, what do I do when the woman I love more than life is completely finished with me? Tell me, Lyla, because I’d love to hear your sound advice on this? I am so sick of playing games and waiting for the right time. When is the right fucking time? I’m sick of hoping that she’ll wake up one morning and decide I’m worthy of her again. I’ve been worthy for years! I love her, but I’m dying inside. This has got to stop.” He scrubbed his hands over his whisker-roughened face as he tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.
“Ryan,” Lyla’s voice had taken on a tone so soft, Ryan found himself quickly looking up to see if it was the same person still speaking. Her gentle eyes captured his attention as Lyla spoke in the way that only she could. “Do you have any idea how smart you are when you aren’t acting stupid?”
He clearly wasn’t as smart as she thought because he had no idea what the hell she was talking about. He shook his head silently and hoped she’d continue to speak
.
“You just answered all of your own questions. First of all—and think before you answer—do you honestly, in your heart of hearts, think Ashley is finished with you? Do you think a woman who hasn’t dated in…well, at least the eight months that I’ve known her but I’ve heard it’s been longer, is done? Is a woman who turns green with envy each time she sees another woman get your attention, over you?”
He was stunned speechless, which was perfect because Lyla continued to talk. “You’re sick of playing games? Well, thank God for that! Because your games suck ass, Ry. Yes, you made her jealous and that probably did work in your favor, but I would venture to guess that, had you just had an honest conversation with her months ago, all of this would have been avoided.”
“That’s bullshit, Lyla.” A new wave of irritation swelled through Ryan’s system. “I’ve tried to talk to her for years but she’s slammed the fucking door in my face every single time. I’ve told her how sorry I am. I’ve begged for her forgiveness. What more can I do?”
“And that is where the two of you keep failing.” Now she had his attention, what was he doing that kept the wheels of failure spinning? “Ryan, you’ve spent years apologizing for your mistakes. Yes, you fucked up. Yes, your actions had consequences. But did you ever stop to think that she’d already forgiven you?”
He could have sworn he heard the “click” as Lyla’s words took root in his mind. What she was saying actually made sense. “I can’t sit here and heal your relationship because you two need to do that yourselves, but I can say this. Leo’s theory about her is spot on—she is stubborn as hell. Think about this. Maybe, just maybe, you’re not the one that she’s holding the grudge against. Maybe you’re not the one she’s punishing. Maybe it’s not you she deems unworthy.”
Lyla slowly stood up from her chair and traipsed through the door to the right of the kitchen. She came back a moment later holding Ryan’s clothes. “It’s getting really bad out there, you should get home.”
Ryan stood up and took the warm clothing from Lyla. His mind reeled from their conversation. “Ry.” Lyla stared at him, concern heavy in her eyes, “It’s important you get home safely. So bank our chat until you get there, okay?”
There was so much sincerity in the small package that was Lyla Dalton, he was embarrassed and even a little ashamed that he hadn’t taken the time to get to know her better. Well, he thought to himself, that’s gonna change.
He stood at the opened door and watched the sheets of rain falling sideways from the sky. Turning to her he said, “Thanks for everything, Lyla. Even if I don’t get the answers I want, at least I’ll get the answers I need.” He looked at his booted feet. “It’s time I move forward one way or another.”
“It’s time you got your ass out of my house—you’re letting the rain in.” Her soft smile belied her sarcastic wit and he nodded and ran quickly to his car.
Answer the Call
THE SOUND OF the ticking clock in the hallway could be heard even above the noise from the wind and rain outside. Whether it actually was, or she was just watching the time so closely, Ashley didn’t know. Pacing the floor, she stopped every minute or so to look out of the window, noticing the ever darkening clouds that were closing in around the house. “Where are you, Ryan? Why aren’t you home yet?” Nervousness clawed at her belly as she moved from the den to the kitchen. She ran her fingertips along the granite counter top, the cool stone permeating her skin as memories of the day they installed them played in her mind. She had wanted so badly to upgrade the outdated kitchen but didn’t think she could afford the renovations. Ryan had refused to let her give up and had talked her into making it a DIY project. He convinced her that, since he lived in the house too, he should be able to sink his money into it. After weeks of hard labor and various disagreements, she had the kitchen of her dreams. Leaning up against the refrigerator door her eyes moved to the green digital numbers of the clock on the microwave oven. It had been more than two hours since she’d spoken to him. Where was he? Was he okay?
Since Ashley’s cell phone was completely drained and resting on the charger, the shrilling sound of the land telephone line in the kitchen first startled her and then had her rushing to pick up the call.
“Ryan?”
“No, sweetie, it’s Julie. I just wanted to see if you were holding up alright.” Julie’s voice lowered as the true reason for her call surfaced. “I also wanted to know, if maybe you wanted me to come and stay with you tonight?”
“Thank you so much, Julie, but Ryan should be home any minute. We’ll be fine.” Ashley heard Danny’s voice in the background. She couldn’t make out his words, but she knew that he needed his wife’s attention. “Jules, go be with Danny. I’m fine. We’ll chat later.” She hung up the phone and continued to pace, waiting for Ryan’s return.
The house creaked with the massive gusts of wind, while heavy waves of rain and debris slammed against the side of the quaint, brick-lined house. Anxiety ricocheted through her, sending sweat down her spine and nausea up her throat.
Another half hour passed without word from Ryan. “No,” she said out loud, “there is no way this would happen again.” Pieces that had been held together for so long began to wiggle loose as she felt her body slide down the stainless steel door and into a puddle on the kitchen floor. Quiet sobs wracked her body as the fear and pain swelled within her, shattering the locked box where she kept it hidden away.
“Ash, I’m home. Sorry it took so long, the roads are a mess and I have no cell service.” So wrapped up in memories of the past and the horrific thoughts of what could have happened, she barely heard Ryan call out his greeting.
It wasn’t until she heard her name again that she managed to call out her response, “Ry?” Hearing the pounding footsteps scurrying through the house gave her comfort that he really was home and safe.
“Baby,” his voice was soothing and thick with emotion as he settled behind her, wrapping his long legs around her frame, in a position that was all too familiar to her. “Are you sick? What’s wrong, Ash, tell me, I’ll make it better, Princess, I swear.”
His presence was a balm to her tormented soul. She slowly lifted her head from her arms and turned to face him, the anguish in his eyes stealing her breath away.
Tears burned her cheeks. Her teeth gripped the small hoop that pierced through her bottom lip. Snuggling tightly into his arms, she quaked when his thumbs touched her face to sweep away the tears. The familiarity of this moment unleashed a whole new round of tears.
“Princess, please talk to me,” Ryan begged. Then, just like the thunder crashing through the atmosphere her words came crashing through the room.
“I…I thought something had happened to you.” She couldn’t hold back her thoughts, or her fears. They were lava erupting from a volcano—hot, molten, fire that needed to find air in order to cool. She vigorously wiped at her face, trying unsuccessfully to remove any evidence of her meltdown.
“I’m so sorry, Ash. After we spoke, I had a few errands to run. I figured we would probably be stuck in for a couple of days so I wanted to get a few things taken care of.” He pulled her closer to him sitting her on his lap as he stroked her back and whispered comforting words in her ear. After a long while filled with only their warm breaths and rapid heartbeats, Ryan cleared his voice.
“Come on, Princess, let’s get out of here. My legs are beginning to cramp.” She noticed that his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but she didn’t care. Gratitude for his safety was the only thing that mattered to her.
She took hold of his offered hand and on shaking legs followed him towards the den.
“I had a few errands to run. I figured we would probably be stuck in for a couple of days. So I wanted to get a few things taken care of…”
In the space of mere minutes, the meaning of his explanation morphed in her mind. The words evolved, his simple statement turning into a detonated bomb as it ricocheted, leaving shrapnel scattered all over her exposed skin. H
urt and anger pulsed through her and she pulled away from Ryan’s touch, wrapping her arms around herself to protect her body from further damage.
Ryan recoiled at the sudden change in Ashley’s demeanor. “Are you okay, babe? Are you hurt?”
“Oh, so now you give a shit if I’m okay,” she hissed. “You didn’t seem to care while you were ‘taking care of things.’” She hated it when people used air quotes but this seemed like the perfect time for them so air quotes it was.
Ryan’s face changed as he realized what Ashley was saying, but she didn’t give time to react before she continued her hysterical rant, the words flowing from her mouth at break-neck speed. “I asked you—nicely, I might add—not to have any of your lady-friends over here for what, Ryan, a day or two? I didn’t want to be stuck listening to you getting your whistle blown, or hearing how rough Sally can ride…but obviously that was too much to ask. You had to go out and sink your dick in whatever Fun Dip you could get your hands on to hold you over till after the storm.”
Ashley flailed her arms in Kynde Windmill style as she marched past him to the stairs. When she hit the bottom step she turned around to face him, her eyes glistened with unshed tears and her thumb rubbed up and down over her sternum as she stared directly into his eyes and said in a low voice, “Did you even think for one second about me? Did you think about how I was feeling, sitting here in this house worrying about you? Thinking back to the night my world changed? Did you give two shits about me while you were fucking some bobble-headed Barbie, or were you too goddamn busy ‘taking care of things’? I’m gonna guess you were too busy playing Ken.” She spat before turning away from him to head upstairs.
Anger brewed in his already aching chest and with three steps he closed the remaining distance between them clasping her on the shoulder and spun her in his direction.
“Oh my God, you’re unbelievable. Did I ever think about you?” He roared, staring her deep in her bloodshot eyes. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Ashley.”