“You gotta get tougher. Outlast her. She won’t stay quiet forever. You’re not that lucky. She’s got more to say to you.” Bernie hopped down off the desk. “How about we go out this weekend? Saturday?”
“I can’t,” said Teresa. “I’m going over to Robbie and Karen’s.”
“I haven’t seen them in ages. I could go with you,” Bernie suggested.
“Um, not this time. Sorry. Robbie needs to talk to me about something.”
Teresa tried not to squirm under Bernie’s gaze.
“Okay,” said Bernie, watching her. “Maybe next weekend.”
“Yeah. Next weekend would be good.”
CHAPTER 9
When Teresa and Ellie arrived at Rob and Karen’s house, Karen greeted them, taking their coats. She looked elegant—her blonde hair carefully styled, her slimness accentuated by tailored slacks and a cashmere sweater. “She always looks that way,” Teresa whispered to Ellie while Karen hung the coats in the closet. “Not like the rest of our family, that’s for sure,” Teresa added, looking down at her own baggy sweater hanging down over her hips to hide as much of her figure as possible. Ellie, she noticed, looked almost as dressed-up as Karen, wearing nice slacks and a tucked-in blouse.
“I love this neighborhood,” Ellie said.
“Thank you,” Karen said. “We really like Shadyside.”
When they entered the kitchen, Teresa had to stop and stare at her brother standing there in an apron, tasting from a pot simmering on the stove.
“Hey, Resa,” he said.
“Oh, my gosh,” Teresa said, reaching out to steady herself against the table.
“What?” he asked.
“You. In an apron. Cooking.”
Karen laughed. “You can train them if you’re patient and consistent.”
“Thanks,” said Rob with a droll smile. “You make me sound like a dog.”
“Not a dog, hon, just a spoiled male with bad habits we needed to break,” said Karen, winking at Teresa. “Rob, this is Teresa’s friend, Ellie.”
“Hi,” he said, reaching out to shake her hand, while continuing to stir the contents of the pan with his other.
Teresa noted how much thinner his hair was getting. “He didn’t get that from my side of the family,” Lou always said, running his hand over his own thick hair. But Teresa thought now that it made her brother look more handsome, with flecks of gray starting to show at his temples.
“Can we help with anything?” Ellie asked.
“Oh, no,” said Karen. “Just pour yourselves some wine and keep us company.”
Teresa went to the counter where a few bottles of wine were sitting. “White or red?”
“White, please,” Ellie said. “Whatever is cooking smells wonderful.”
“Thanks,” Rob said. “We’re having roasted lamb with cannellini and spinach salad.”
“Wow,” said Teresa. “I’m impressed.”
“I have managed to expand his culinary horizons beyond lasagna and gnocchi,” Karen laughed.
“Better not let Ma hear you say that,” Teresa said.
“Little danger of that is there?” Rob said, and even though his tone was light, there was a hard set to his jaw.
“When was the last time you heard from them?” Teresa asked, pouring Karen a glass of Merlot.
“My birthday last July. They sent a card. Ma signed it for both of them.”
An awkward silence filled the kitchen.
“Your home is lovely,” Ellie said.
“Let me show you around,” Karen said, taking Ellie by the arm and leaving Teresa and Rob alone in the kitchen.
He turned to look at her. “Karen said you were having a bad day when she saw you.”
Teresa shrugged. “I don’t know why I let it get to me. It’s the same old stuff. You know how it is. Gianni gets away with whatever he wants and they expect me to pick up the slack. The dutiful daughter.”
He gave her a sympathetic glance. “I didn’t know how true that was until I was away from them.” He nodded toward the living room where they could hear Karen’s voice. “She doesn’t let me get away with any of that. Sometimes I don’t even know I’m doing it, but she always calls me on it.”
“Like what?”
“Anything. From leaving my socks on the bedroom floor to expecting her to get me a drink. All those things we watched Ma do for Pop. Karen’s right. There’s no reason I shouldn’t pick up after myself, and I can pour a drink as well as she can. It shouldn’t be her job because she’s my wife.” He opened the oven to check on the lamb. “It won’t change for you unless you make it change.”
“How? I can’t make him pay me more.”
Rob gave her a look.
“What?”
“You’ve got to be ready to walk,” he said.
“You mean, leave the store?” Teresa stared at him.
“You might not have to leave, but you’ve got to be ready to. Leave the store and move out. I did it.”
“Yeah, but…”
“Look, I know it’s hard. Believe me. It’s still hard sometimes.” He took a big drink of his wine. “I miss you guys. I miss Ma and Pop, but if you keep caving in to them, they’ll never see you as anything but their kid, someone they can tell what to do, and nothing will ever change.”
Karen and Ellie came back into the kitchen.
“Until they accept Karen as my wife, as part of the family, they don’t get me, either. It’s that simple.”
Karen came over and wrapped her arms around his neck. Rob gave her a kiss.
“And that’s why I love him,” she said, wiping her lipstick off his lips. “But he better not let the dinner burn.”
“Shit,” he said, jumping back and checking the pot of cannellini simmering on the stovetop. “I think everything is ready.”
A few minutes later, they were seated at the table.
“So what do you do?” Rob asked Ellie.
“I work at a bank,” she replied. “That’s where I met Teresa.”
“She also moonlights as the window designer at Benedetto’s,” Teresa said.
Rob looked from Teresa to Ellie and back. “And Ma was okay with that?”
Teresa grinned. “I didn’t ask her.”
Rob looked at her appraisingly. “Good for you.”
“So you’ve met the Benedettos?” Karen asked.
“Yes,” Ellie said.
“And what did you think?”
Ellie flushed.
“Don’t put her on the spot,” Teresa said. “Ma was civil, but barely. Ellie’s just too nice to say anything.”
Rob reached for Karen’s hand. “That’s more than she’s been with us.”
“How long have you been married?” Ellie asked.
“Seven years,” Karen said, giving Rob’s hand a squeeze.
Ellie’s fork clattered to her plate. “Sorry. And they still don’t talk to you? Did they come to the wedding?”
Rob shook his head as he reached for another slice of lamb. “In their eyes, I’m still married to my ex-wife. We couldn’t be married in the Church. We had a civil ceremony. Teresa was the only one from the family who came. I wasn’t going to invite them at all, but—”
“But I told him we needed to extend the invitation and let it be their decision,” Karen cut in. “If we hadn’t invited them, we would have been the bad guys. This way, they can’t blame it on anyone else.”
Ellie turned to Teresa. “I’m not surprised that you did the right thing.”
Teresa felt a hot flush creep up her neck to her cheeks. She saw Karen’s sharp gaze flit back and forth between her and Ellie. Teresa focused on her plate.
“Ellie,” Karen said, “is your family all here in Pittsburgh?”
“It’s just me and my brother now,” Ellie said. S
he hesitated a moment. “He’s busy and I don’t get to see him very often.”
“Well, we’re glad you could come with Teresa tonight,” Karen said, and Teresa shot her a look of gratitude.
When dinner was over, Teresa and Ellie insisted on helping with the dishes. Rob poured more wine, but Teresa stopped him.
“I’m driving,” she insisted. “Make mine a Coke.”
Karen invited everyone out to the living room. “So, Teresa, what are you going to do?”
Ellie glanced up. “About what?”
“My folks,” Teresa said. “I’m not sure.” She looked at Rob. “Any ideas?”
“Well, you could try just asking Pop for a raise.” At the expression on Teresa’s face, he added, “Or you could put in a few applications with other pharmacies and see what happens.”
Teresa gave a weak laugh. “Oh, yeah. And when they ask for a reference from my one and only job and they call my father to see if I’ve been a good employee, that’ll go over just fine.”
Rob spread his hands. “I didn’t say it would be easy.”
Ellie shivered in the passenger seat as Teresa drove through streets still slippery with compacted snow.
“Sorry,” Teresa said. “I need to get another blanket for the car.”
“What happened to the one you had?”
“I’m not sure. Guess I used it somewhere else and forgot to put it back.”
“It’s okay,” Ellie said through chattering teeth. “Your brother and sister-in-law are not what I expected.”
Teresa glanced over. “In what way?”
Ellie paused and Teresa had the feeling she was trying to choose words that wouldn’t offend. “I can see how different he is from your younger brother.”
Teresa laughed. “He was different anyhow, but Karen really has changed him for the better.”
“No.” Ellie sounded so serious that Teresa looked over at her again, noting how the street lamps lit up the smooth contours of her face. “Love changed him. He would do anything for her.” She turned to face Teresa. “Have you ever loved anyone like that?”
Teresa returned her attention to the street as she shifted gears, feeling her face grow hot under Ellie’s scrutiny. She shook her head. “No.” She opened her mouth and closed it again. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, but “Have you?” she heard herself ask.
“Not yet,” Ellie said. “But I will.”
“How do you know that?”
Ellie sounded so certain. Teresa had never known any such thing for herself.
“I just do. I know that someday, I am going to love someone so much that I will wonder how I ever felt whole without them.”
Teresa thought about this. “I’ve never pictured myself in love at all. With anyone.”
“That’s not right,” Ellie said earnestly. “Not for you.”
“What does that mean?” Teresa tried to laugh, but couldn’t.
Ellie reached out and laid a hand on Teresa’s arm. “You have so much to offer someone. You’re kind and sensitive and caring.” Ellie stopped abruptly, pulling her hand away. She sat very still as Teresa shifted gears again.
The interior of the VW crackled with a sudden tension. Even through the layers of her coat and sweater, Teresa could have sworn she felt the heat of Ellie’s touch and she wished Ellie would put her hand back on her arm—and never let go. That fleeting thought jumped into her head, startling her with the surge of emotion that came with it. She longed to continue driving, just to keep Ellie in the car with her, but soon enough, she was pulling up outside Ellie’s apartment building.
“This was a really nice evening,” Ellie said, breaking the silence at last.
“I’m glad you could come,” Teresa said. “I’m really glad they got to meet you.” And Teresa realized she was glad about that. It made her happy that Rob and Karen had liked Ellie, not like Bernie or her mother, where she felt like Ellie was under attack.
“Well, I guess I should go up,” Ellie said, and Teresa heard the regret in her voice.
Not yet! She wanted to say it, but it was late. Ellie was probably tired.
“Would you like to come up?”
Teresa’s heart leapt at the invitation. “Yes. All right. If you don’t think it’s too late.”
Ellie smiled. “Come on.”
Teresa followed Ellie up the stairs. They could hear KC meowing as Ellie unlocked the kitchen door.
“Oh, did you think I was never coming home?” Ellie asked, picking her up. KC immediately began making a vibrating noise.
“Is she okay?” Teresa asked in alarm as she took her coat off and hung it over one of the kitchen chairs.
Ellie laughed. “Yes. That’s the sound she makes when she’s happy. You really don’t know anything about cats, do you?”
“The only person I know who has a cat is my sister, and it always hides.”
“Would you like to hold her?”
“Um, okay.”
Ellie placed KC in Teresa’s arms and took her own coat off. KC stretched up, sniffing Teresa’s face curiously. Teresa chuckled. “Her whiskers tickle.”
“Come and sit down,” Ellie said, leading the way into the living room.
Teresa set the cat down and followed Ellie to the couch. Now that she was here, she didn’t know what to say. What were you thinking, coming up here? She only knew she hadn’t wanted the time with Ellie to end.
She felt KC wind around her ankles.
“There’s this guy, a homeless man, who hangs out around our store,” Teresa said, watching KC. “He has a dog named Lucy.”
“Really?” Ellie looked at her. “How does he feed Lucy?”
Teresa thought. “I don’t know. I mean, I’ve left food out for him before, and I think he fed her some of that, but—”
“No,” Ellie said. “She really needs dog food to stay healthy. She probably means the world to him. If anything happened to her…”
Teresa pictured Dogman sheltering Lucy with him under the sleeping bag, feeding her before he fed himself, and she knew Ellie was right.
There was a sudden knock on the living room door, startling both of them. Ellie unlocked it and Sullivan bounded in.
“Hey, how was—”
He stopped abruptly when he saw Teresa sitting there.
“Oh, sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know you had anyone up here.”
“Sullivan, this is Teresa Benedetto,” Ellie said.
“Hi,” Sullivan said, bending forward to shake Teresa’s hand.
“Sullivan’s my neighbor across the hall. He’s working on his PhD at Pitt,” Ellie said.
“In what?” Teresa asked.
“Biomedical engineering,” Sullivan said.
“Whatever that is.” Ellie sat back down as Sullivan took the armchair.
“No, it’s fascinating,” Teresa said. “Things like surgical hardware and artificial joints. Synthetic ligaments.”
“Yes!” Sullivan said, leaning forward. “I have so many ideas about how joint replacements could be so much better than they are now. And we’re just starting to explore how computers and robotics—”
“Oh, don’t get him started,” Ellie said. “Talking about this stuff is like drugs for him. He won’t sleep for days. Teresa is a pharmacist.”
“So you know what I’m talking about,” Sullivan said.
“Only a little. Things I’ve read in journals.” Teresa looked at her watch. “I really should go. It’s late.” She stood. “Nice to meet you, Sullivan.”
“Likewise,” he said.
Ellie walked her back out to the kitchen. “Thanks again for asking me to go with you tonight. I had a really nice time.”
Teresa looked into her clear eyes and felt lost. She stood there, not wanting to leave, but unable to think of any reason to stay.
Suddenly, she let go and reached for the door. “I’ll see you soon,” she said and nearly ran down the stairs. By the time she got to the VW, tears were running down her cheeks.
She got into the car and turned the ignition. She started to reach for the gearshift and then put her hands over her face and cried.
Ellie looked up as KC meowed and placed a gentle paw on her knee. Wincing, she uncrossed her legs and looked around at the drawings scattered all over the living room floor. Her eyelids felt like sandpaper. She squinted, surprised to see sunlight coming in through the windows. She hadn’t meant to stay up all night.
She leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes. After Teresa left, Sullivan had shown signs of wanting to settle down for a long visit. “I’m really tired,” she’d said with a yawn, ushering him back to his own apartment as soon as she politely could. Only, once she was alone, sleep had been impossible. She was filled with a restless energy. Going to a dresser drawer, she’d dug out a drawing pad and an old cigar box filled with her charcoals, pencils and a kneaded eraser. She wasn’t even sure what it was that she was going to draw, but the sketches took shape—hands, eyes, a bowed head with dark, wavy hair. Looking at the images now, she flushed as she realized they were all images of Teresa, or at least her impressions of Teresa. She picked up a sketch of hands and remembered watching Teresa’s hands as they’d worked on the store window, fine fingers tying fishing line to the pretend-balloons. Such a contrast to the awkwardness of her large body. Last night, she’d been watching Teresa—the way she lowered her eyes when she was thinking about something, her dark lashes grazing her cheek, her strong profile with a prominent nose, something so sensuous about the curve of her lips, her hands as she twisted the stem of her wine glass. She was such a curious mixture of strong and… what? Delicate wasn’t the right word. Maybe sensitive suited her better. Ellie had looked up once to see Karen watching her watch Teresa and she had known in an instant that here was someone who saw everything, and that if she and Karen ever were to talk, it would do no good to hide or lie.
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