by Cary Hart
“Cindy, thanks for the service. I’ll talk to you soon,” I say, patting my pocket and turning to leave.
“Drew, where you going, man?”
“Home. This just isn’t my thing anymore.”
“Man, you don’t even know what your thing is anymore. Just one more drink, plus you haven’t experienced the Spotlight effect.”
He’s right. My normal routine, my thing, no longer exists. It ended the moment I walked in on my wife fucking her boss. I should have known something was up; all the signs were there, but I was so consumed with everyday life I didn’t notice. Her demand to go back to work, working late, the sudden overnight business trips. All right there in my face.
Stupidity.
Now, my thing is every other weekend and a couple nights during the week with Andie, my almost-6-year-old daughter, who is the spitting image of her mother — except for the color of her dark hair and bright eyes. Those are all mine.
“You know what? One more beer and then we will call it a night.”
“Deal.” Kyle heads away from the bar and I follow.
“So what’s this spotlight thing?” I scan the bar and that’s when I see it. A beam so hot and intense beating down at the crowd, someone famous must be down there. Maybe an impromptu concert? Leaning over the rail, my eyes focus in on the entertainment. Except it’s not a band or someone on stage.
“See that spotlight? It comes from the VIP section.”
“Who’s that?” I interrupt, and irritation masks his face.
Leaning over the rail he takes a closer look. “I dunno, but she’s been in here before talking to some hot-ass bartender chick, but she wasn’t wearing this and she definitely wasn’t doing that.” Kyle nods to the dance floor.
Not being able to help myself, I hand Kyle my beer and take the steps two at a time until I hit the dance floor. Pushing past sweaty body after sweaty body I make my way to my target.
God she’s beautiful.
I’m not one to dance. I can, I just don’t. Standing back, I watch her for a moment. Her pale skin a perfect canvas for the light show, her hair loose and carelessly flying around.
I have to feel her.
Making my way up to her, I grab her by the waist. She’s momentarily startled her but when her head turns her eyes are wide with lust. She feels it. The night, the alcohol...it’s kicking in.
Pulling her in tight, I push myself up against her, catching her rhythm, instantly hard. I lean my head down and breathe into her ear. “Feel what you do to me.”
Nothing. She doesn’t speak, she just smiles, reaching her hands up and pulling my neck down.
Kiss her.
Her red lips part, waiting, inviting, but I can’t. I can’t do this to her. To me.
The song ends, the spotlight goes off and I sneak away during the applause.
Aubrey
TODAY IS A GOOD day. At least that is what I’m trying to convince myself of. It’s hard, waking up another morning without Reece here. Adjusting to not being married is the easy part; I have always been pretty independent, but not being a family has proved to be quite difficult. The thought of losing my family and not seeing Reece daily is what kept me around.
Divorce, I didn’t take it lightly. I fought it for a few years. I tried to work it out. Go to counseling, change who I was and how I reacted. Hell, I stayed for fear that it was me and not him, but in the end I realized it wasn’t just me or him, it was us. We just couldn’t be.
His parents, Edward and Connie, contributed to the problem telling us on every occasion we were together they thought we never should have gotten married. Of course, they hated me. They worshipped Doug’s high school sweetheart, JoJo, and no one could touch what they had. They thought I was the reason they broke up and Doug let them believe that. It was easier than letting them down.
We fell fast and hard. Nothing could stop us. Getting pregnant wasn’t in the plans, contrary to what Connie believes. I’m not even sure how that happened. I was cautious.
Doug was a tad freaked when I broke the news, but took the situation and made it positive. With me he was just Doug. Around his parents he turned into Dougy “The Douche.”
Doug didn’t even tell them we were dating until I was pregnant.
Coward!
“Mommy!” Reece comes barreling through the door and runs straight to me.
Catching her mid jump, I lift her up and bring her in for a huge bear hug. “I missed you baby girl. What are you doing home so soon? I thought Daddy—”
“That’s still the plan, Aubrey.” Doug’s voice cuts through the air, bringing an edge of tension to the room. I see him pulling Putter, Reece’s dog, through the door.
Doug and Connie thought it would be a fabulous idea if we got Reece a dog. You know, to help her adjust to the situation I put her in.
Reluctantly agreeing, I took her to a local shelter where we found The One. We think he is part Labrador, part dachshund and part who knows what. I just knew we had to get that dog. Reece fell hard for him while we were there and honestly, I thought he was a perfect dog. He was calm and just putted around the building, earning his name Putter.
I can’t help but smile on the inside. Doug is trying to get Putter in, pulling him as hard as he can by the leash, but the dog is set on staying outside. Digging in, he secures himself in place, ready for the battle.
“Daddy is going to take me swimming today at GiGi’s! He wanted to buy me a swimsuit, but I like mine.” Her tiny frame wiggles down my body toward her new bedroom.
“You need to have a talk with her. We can’t keep coming back every time she forgets something.”
Irritated, I want to spout off, tell him exactly how I feel about the whole situation, but where will that get me? Just in another pointless argument.
Picking up the bottle of water I was drinking, I down the last of it and toss it in the recycling bin. “I’ll talk to her. She is still having a hard time understanding what all this means.”
“Good, I’ll talk to Mom. Maybe she can take her shopping before you get her Sunday?”
I’m not going to feed into this conversation. Any time his mom is brought up we fight. That woman has such a hold on him and he can’t even see it.
He’s still struggling with the dog, so I decide to take matters into my own hands and put him out of his misery. “Come here Putter. Come here boy!” I bend over, clapping my hands.
Perking up his ears, Putter looks me, then Doug, then follows my command and comes straight to me. Jumping up and down, wagging his little tail, excited to see me. “That’s my boy.”
“See! The dog listens to you.” He pulls out a stool in the kitchen and sits down, making himself a little too comfortable here.
“Dogs are like babies. They can feel what you feel. So if you are a little annoyed, chances are he is going to react in a way that will annoy you even more.”
Actually, Putter doesn’t listen to anyone, but I don’t want to tell him that. If he wants to think I’m the dog whisperer then so be it. The truth is, Putter is a bad-ass dog and not in the protector of his house kind of way. He doesn’t listen. Like EVER. He fooled us that day. We thought we bought a calm dog that just puttered around. Nope! He was far from the dog we thought he was. Apparently, they had just given him a valium, to clip his nails. Wish we would have known. Putter should have been named Taz, short for Tasmanian devil, because he is the destroyer.
“Speaking of which, I need you to keep him. He is destroying the house, pissing everywhere.”
“Doug! I didn’t even want a dog. It’s bad enough I have him three-fourths of the time.”
“You are the one that got him.”
“Because you and your mom forced me to.”
“She simply suggested it. Why do you always want to blame her for everything?” He says the words he has repeated more than a million times.
“You know what? I’m not going there—”
“MOM! PUTTER HAS MY SWIMSUIT!” Reece drags Putter beh
ind her down the hall.
“Baby girl, he thinks you are playing tug-of-war with him. Drop your end.”
She’s still pulling when I hear fabric ripping.
“MOM! Look what he did!” Now she drops her end.
“Great! What a wasted trip. Come on Reece. Let’s go, we won’t have time to swim today.” Doug comes up behind us, not realizing he spoke the words that will set her off in three...two...one...
“Daddy! You promised me! You said we could go swimming all day.” She runs up to him and pulls at his shirt with sheer panic plastered on her face. “I didn’t even like that swimsuit. Let’s get a new one like you said.”
Not being able to hide my smile, I turn my head, hoping he doesn’t see.
Doug is a great dad, but he just doesn’t get to spend as much time with her as I do. He got played today as usual. She has him wrapped around her little pinky finger. Whatever she wants she usually gets.
Maybe spending all weekend with her every other one will be good for both of them and Doug will learn he can’t always be a Disney dad, that he has to say no every now and again.
“Kid, you’re killing me.” He bends down and hugs her. “First let’s go pick up GiGi and have her help us find you a new suit, lunch and then swimming.”
“How about you go with me to get the swimsuit...”
“I’ve done that before, doll, and we are—”
“Daddy, please?” Reece makes her best pouty face, lowering her eyes and sticking out her bottom lip.
“Fine.”
“YAY! THANKS DADDY YOU ARE THE BEST!” She smacks him on the lips. “But first let me grab a tote of things I want to take back to your place.”
“Our place.” He corrects her.
“Yes, home. I get it. I’ll hurry. I promise.”
Home.
Divorcing is never easy. Actually, it’s kind of like a death. You never get over it, you just manage to deal with it. Each day is a little easier than the last. Today is a good day. Well, it was until I heard her call his place home.
Pulling a stool out, I take a seat and start going over the list of things I need to accomplish in the next week.
“You know, she’s just like you.” Doug turns toward me and rests his elbow on the counter, giving me his million-dollar smile.
“Spoiled?”
I hated when he called me that.
“No, determined.”
He rests his hand on mine.
Our eyes meet.
Nothing.
I look down, just as he does the same.
“So, you a club whore now?”
“What the hell, Doug?” I yank my hand back, glaring at him.
“One weekend without my kid—”
“Our kid,” I correct him.
“Whatever, Aubrey. Your first free weekend and you’re out whoring around.”
“You know what?” I stand up and brace myself for a verbal smack-down. “We are not married and what I do or don’t do on my weekend is none of your business.”
“How you live your life affects our child. You need to get a grip and realize just because you wanted a divorce your responsibilities to Reece don’t become part-time.” Pushing away from the island, Doug grabs his keys, stuffs his hands in his pockets and heads for the door.
“Fuck you Doug Harris! I’m one hell of a mom and I’m not going to let you make me believe otherwise.”
“Mommy?” I turn around and see Reece standing there with her personalized rolling suitcase. Tears are streaming down her face.
Shit!
Shooting Doug a look I rush to her side. “Baby girl. Don’t cry. Mommy’s sorry.” I wipe the tears from her innocent face with my thumb.
“Mommy, are you mad at Daddy for bringing Putter back?”
“Of course not. Reece, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten mad and I certainly shouldn’t have said those bad words.” I try to explain without bringing her into this. I turn toward Doug, desperately looking for help.
“Very bad words Mommy. Did you not have your coffee today?”
Laughing I grab her sweet little cheeks. “Yes, Mommy had some coffee. Maybe I should have had more?”
“Yes, that would have been a FANTASTIC idea and remember...” She pulls away to mirror my movements, bringing my face into hers. “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all.”
“Absolutely. I’ll be better.”
“Pinky promise?” She holds out a pinky.
“Pinky promise.” I lock our fingers together in a silent agreement.
“Reece, we need to go if you want to spend all day swimming.”
“Coming Daddy!” She heads for the door, pulling her bag behind her. “And Mommy?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Don’t let Putter chew up my toys. He’s been really bad at Daddy’s.”
“On it boss.”
I wink.
She smiles.
And then they are gone. Again. Taking in a deep breath. I turn to put Putter in his kennel, but he has disappeared.
Oh shit!
“Putter? Come here boy!” I holler for him, but silence fills the air.
Walking down the hall I peak into her bedroom. Good. The toys are still intact.
“Putter? Where are you?” I call out.
I know he can’t be too far. We are living in a one bedroom pool house. Dread fills my head at the disaster that is around the corner. I’m sure toilet paper is torn up and trash is everywhere.
“Putter, you are in big trouble.” I flip on the light and the site is almost hilarious. He’s in the tub with a dirty towel draped over the side.
“Whatcha trying to say, boy?” I ask the dog who obviously can’t speak. Instead he looks at me, blinks and then looks at the faucet.
“You want a bath?” Again. He is still a dog that can’t talk.
Is this what my days are filled with now? Conversations with a dog? I bet there is a book out there about this. Found in the section between dinosaur erotica and “1,001 Ways to use a Fidget Spinner.”
“Come on Putter, time to get out. Reece can give you one tomorrow night,” I say, reaching for his collar. Except I’m met with a growl and nip.
“Fine. A quick one. Then it’s off to your kennel for the day.”
He barks.
I laugh.
Sign me up for the looney bin. I’m officially going crazy.
It was only supposed to be a quick shower, but with Reece’s new Shower Wow attachment, streams of water beating down in a lighted rhythm, my quick wash-n-go has turned into a light show party of one. Bringing back memories of the night before, making me wish this Shower Wow had a detachable wand.
Why didn’t I get his number?
Why didn’t he ask for mine?
Last night was one of the best nights I have had in a long time. Niki was right, I needed to get out of the house and just forget who I am for a while. Dinner, drinks and dancing was my cure-all.
I felt sexy, confident even. I’m not going to lie. At first when the spotlight beamed down on me, blinding me of my surroundings, I wanted to hide. Feeling out of my comfort zone, I wanted to run, but once my eyes adjusted to the column of light, I saw the eyes. They were on me. Wanting, curious to what I was going to do.
Getting out of my head and into the moment, I let myself go. Feeling the pulsating of the bass, I moved my hips, touching myself how I would want to be touched. Inviting someone to join me, replacing my hands with theirs...
Then he was there. Taking the lead, moving us to the seductive beat. Turning in his arms, I felt it. It’s everything they say it is. An electrical current pulling us together, a nervous feeling causing my instincts to kick in and run, but he notices. He sees me, pulling me in tighter, securing me to him. My arms tighten around his neck, waiting for his next move, but it doesn’t come. The music ends, the spotlight turns off and just like that he pries my arms free, his eyes speaking so much. Doubt, regret...everything I should be feeling, but don’t
.
I wanted him, but he didn’t want me.
Confidence gone.
“Screw him!” Grabbing the towel, I get out of the shower, dry myself and text Niki to see if she wants to meet for a little afternoon coffee.
Me: Hey Skank! Where did you go last night?
Me: Coffee?
Niki: How about a nooner, our spot?
Me: Perfect! See you then.
Niki: Fo-sho! <3
Screw this day! I’m taking it back. Viva-La-Vida baby.
Condensation is dripping from the mirror so I wipe it clean with my towel before securing it around myself. Then something amazing happens. My playlist rewards me with a classic girl power song, “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls.
Yo, I’ll tell ya what I want, what I really, really want.
“So, tell me what you want, what ya really, really want!” I respond, singing the lyrics.
Skipping down the hall I head to the laundry room that is hidden in a closet in the kitchen. Singing at the top of my lungs, “IF YOU WANT TO BE MY LOVAH. YOU GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIENDS...” Stopping to do a little dance here and there, I bask in the moment. Mentally forgetting everything and living the moment.
In my world, big mistake.
“Damn it dog!” Putter is licking the inside of the pizza box from two nights ago and trash is everywhere.
“I never really understood that song. Is she inviting her wannabe lover to an orgy with her friends?” The deep timbre of his voice startles me.
I scream. “OH MY GOD!”
He smirks.
The dog goes crazy, excited at seeing a stranger in the house. Running around he looks for something to play with. A present for his new wannabe friend. Jumping up and down, he begs for me to help him.
On the way down, he grabs the end of my towel, yanking with a growl.
I’m naked.
The dog wants to play and I have a stranger, who isn’t a stranger but maybe a stalker, in my kitchen.
He laughs.
The dog gives him the towel.
“GET OUT! NOW! Before I call 9-1-1!”
Drew
HER!
I never thought I would see her again, but here she is, adorably angry and embarrassed.
Quickly turning, I pretend I didn’t see every single curve of her body I had dreamt I’d seen last night. Refusing to blink, I imprint the image of her standing there naked and raw.