by J. L. Leslie
“Take care of yourself,” she says, breaking the kiss. “If you want to see Wes, you can. But don’t show up unannounced at our home.”
“If you think I’m done with you, you’re wrong.”
She gives me one last peck, then stands, heading to the door.
“We are done.”
ALLIE
Walking back inside the house I share with Paul feels strange, surreal. The last time I was here, I was with Hunter, and we were packing Wes’s things so he would have them at the clubhouse. I really had no idea when or if I would be returning. Had no idea what was going to happen with Paul.
And the time before that…well, Hunter had me pinned against that wall.
My cheeks flush at the memory. My core clenches. I will never walk into this house and not remember that moment. Not have my body react this way.
Pushing that memory way the hell down, I carry Wes over to the living room and help Paul inside.
“Paul,” I say, easing away from him, “I need to know what happened. Whenever you’re ready to tell me, I need to know.”
He takes my hand in his, where it has been so many times, and rubs his thumb over my skin. I sit beside him, angling my body toward his a little so I can face him and listen. I want to see his face when he talks. He reaches up and tentatively touches my cheek, his hand shaking.
“Christ, I never thought I would see you again.”
I take his wrist and slowly lower his hand. “Please tell me what happened. Everything.”
He nods. “Oh, Jane, there are some things you don’t know about me. Things I wish I would’ve told you a long time ago.”
Hearing him call me that, the name we agreed I should go by, feels so wrong now. Especially since I’ve heard Hunter groan my real name.
“Tell me now. I want to know.”
“My brother, Don…he was involved in some horrible things. We haven’t seen or spoken to each other in years. The things he did, I can’t…” his voice trails off as he shudders. “He was mixed up with some terrible people. People like the ones you left behind when you came to me.”
“Those people aren’t terrible.”
“Jane, don’t forget the condition you were in when you came to the rehab.”
“I haven’t, and I don’t need you to remind me of that.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. Those men saved me, brought me back to you and Wes. I’ll forever be grateful to them for that. I was only afraid I’d lost you to them.”
Has he? Maybe he did. Maybe he never had me to start with. I was convinced he wasn’t coming back. Prepared to figure out life without him. If Hunter hadn’t gotten shot, if I hadn’t seen him hurt, feared for his life, I would’ve stayed. In my heart, I know I would have chosen him.
“They were helping me find you. I didn’t know where you were, what happened to you. You were keeping secrets from me, and we promised each other we would never do that.”
“It was to protect you,” he says adamantly. “Those people thought I was like Don. I didn’t want you to know anything about my brother, the life he led. But they wouldn’t leave me alone. When I couldn’t do for them the things my brother did, they asked for medical help, and I thought it was better if I did that. At least I was helping people.”
“When did you help them?” I ask, my voice accusing. “I’m sorry. I want to make
sense of this.”
“I know, baby. I know. The call outs. They were for them, not the center.”
“So, why did the Eagles take you? That doesn’t make sense.”
“A woman is missing. They thought I would know where she was.”
“You’re lying. I know you’re lying to me right now.”
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not lying. When the Eagles contacted me, I thought they wanted medical help too. The money has been good. It helped me provide for you and Wes. I didn’t see anything wrong with helping. I convinced myself as long as it was just medical work, saving people, it was okay.”
“You should’ve just told me. We could’ve come up with a plan together.”
He takes my hand again. “I didn’t think it would turn out like this. I agreed to the meeting, but the moment I walked outside, they grabbed me. I didn’t think I would ever see you or Wes again.”
I know how devastating that feeling is. I felt the same way when I thought Hunter was going to die. It’s an all-consuming feeling. One that leaves you completely lost from all the horrible scenarios that run through your mind.
Paul leans forward and kisses my forehead before pulling me into his arms, whispering he loves me. That he always will.
I only feel numbness at his words.
HUNTER
I stare at the little red dot on my screen, the tracker I tagged Paul’s vehicle with indicating they’re at home. They’ve been home since they left the clubhouse. They didn’t go anywhere else, just straight home.
I imagine Allie’s reaction to walking into that house with him. Did she recall how I fucked her against their wall? How her pussy squeezed my dick?
She chose him. I remind myself of that fact. Doesn’t matter how great the sex is between us, she wants everything that’s supposed to come with it — the house, the ring, the knowledge that her ol’ man will always come back home. Things I haven’t considered ever giving or promising a woman.
When I joined the club, I figured I’d die a bachelor. A lot of guys have ol’ ladies and kids. They’re raising the future Bastards. But I didn’t see that life for myself. Not when I’ve seen how those ol’ ladies and kids are destroyed when their dads get sent off to prison or don’t come home at all. It’s a risk we all take.
But Allie is different. She’s not some outsider I would be bringing in. She knows the rules of this lifestyle. Knows what to expect. And we have a kid together. But Wes is not the only reason claiming her has crossed my mind. When we’re together, she makes me feel like I have something to lose. When I was shot, it was all I could think about. Never seeing her or Wes again.
I have always looked out for myself and my brothers. If something happens to me, sure, Skylar will be upset, and my niece will grow up without an uncle.
But now? I’m the one with something to lose. Wes. Allie. And she isn’t even mine.
I rack my brain, trying to figure out when this happened. When I caught these fucking feelings. What’s funny is I can pinpoint the exact moment. When Skylar and Jake returned without her. The day they were supposed to bring her home from rehab, and she didn’t come with them. It was then I knew I felt differently about her. The thought of not seeing her again disturbed me to the point that I drove myself and every damn body else crazy with my theories and research.
And my gut still tells me I’m right. This shit isn’t over. Paul may not be involved, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Skylar was taken. Owen’s niece has been taken. That shit doesn’t happen in Birmingham. Not like this.
“I think I got something,” Seth says, peeking his head into my bedroom. “You need to see this.”
I get up and follow him to Mason’s office. Seth opens his laptop and presses some buttons, his screen coming to life. He turns it to Mason and starts clicking, photos of different women flashing on the screen.
“What the fuck are we looking at?” I ask.
“All of these women were in the same rehab center Allie received her treatment at.”
“Yeah, so?”
“I cross-referenced them with your list,” he says to me. “I can’t find a trace of any one of them.”
ALLIE
I sit across from Skylar and Peppermint, a prospect for the Harlots. I still haven’t wrapped my head around the fact that there’s an all-female version of the RBMC. Or that they’re all over, just like the RBMC.
We’ve already eaten at Yo Mama’s, and now we’re just chatting. Skylar is feeding Maisy. She’s given me an update on Mason, Bishop, and Hunter. Mason is already protesting the bedrest Doc ordered.
/> Bishop is limping around but doing fine, aside from complaining about the woman he brought to the clubhouse. She’s with the Harlots until they can figure out a way to get her returned to the Eagles without getting themselves killed. She’s raising hell to go back, and everyone wants her to.
And Hunter is moodier than ever. Skylar’s words.
“I don’t think I ever thanked you for taking care of Paul that night. You had a lot
going on with the other guys, and I appreciate you taking the time to tend to his wounds.”
Skylar nods. “You’re my family, and he’s your family. There wasn’t any question about whether or not I would take care of him.”
If it hadn’t been for Skylar and Doc, I don’t know what story we would’ve given the hospital for Paul’s injuries. Aside from his broken fingers, his wounds were superficial. After a couple days at home with Wes and me, he was ready to go back to work. Get back to normal.
“So, let me get this straight,” Peppermint says. “You and this guy were engaged, and everything was peachy until he up and disappeared?”
Naturally, what happened with Paul became the topic of our discussion. I have to admit, it’s nice to have some girl talk, to be able to talk about it with someone.
“Pretty much,” I answer. “But it was all a misunderstanding, and the club helped me get him back.”
“The club your ex is in,” she deadpans.
“My brother,” Skylar adds.
I nod. “Yes, Skylar’s brother is my ex or something like that. I don’t know what category to put him in. He’s my baby daddy.”
We all giggle at that. I haven’t spoken to him since we left. Since I told him we were done. Well, he texted to set up a time to see Wes, but we haven’t spoken.
“He gives you all the feels,” Peppermint states. “But Paul doesn’t. Not really.”
“How do you know that?”
“Is it the truth?” Skylar asks.
“I care for Paul, I really do, but it’s not the same as it is with Hunter. It’s a different emotion. Paul was there for me when Hunter wasn’t. He’s taken care of me, been my rock. I don’t have that stability with Hunter.”
“How have things been between you and Paul since you got home?” Skylar questions.
“They’re good. Things have mostly gotten back to normal.”
And they have, just the way Paul said he wanted. We’ve fallen right back into our normal routine over the past week. He’s gone back to work, and I have my days with Wes. At night, we have dinner together and watch television.
The only thing we haven’t fallen back into routine with is our sex life. I can’t seem to open myself up to him to let that intimacy happen. When things heat up, I douse those growing flames with my guilt. Paul thinks it’s because I’m upset with him for not telling me everything, and I’m still traumatized over the shooting. I let him think that because the alternative — I cheated on him with Hunter and still love him — isn’t something I’m ready to do yet.
“And the sex?” Skylar asks bluntly.
I shrug. “You would ask that. It was always nice.”
“That’s good,” Peppermint says. “How was sex with Hunter?”
“No details please!” Skylar quickly says. “This is my brother we’re talking about.”
Heat comes to my cheeks at the thought of sex with Hunter. At how damn hot it is. How I want him to fuck me into a coma, it feels that damn good. Peppermint must notice my reaction because she laughs, shaking her head.
“Enough said.”
“But I didn’t say anything.”
“Exactly. We saw your face. Right, Skylar?”
“Yep. Same look I get when I think about Jake and the things he does to me.”
“Fuck, I need a man,” Peppermint mumbles. “Okay, you want my honest opinion?”
I don’t know her, not really, but if Skylar likes her, then I know I will. And we’ve been having a good time. If she wants to give me some advice, I’ll listen. Doesn’t mean I have to take it.
“Sure. Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“You already know what you want to do. You’re just being too chicken shit to do it.”
“I completely agree,” Skylar says.
I roll my eyes. “I’m not being chicken shit. I’m being logical.”
“Let me tell you where logical gets you, honey. Logical gets you a rundown bar, debt, bankruptcy, and a headstone with your husband’s name on it.”
“Oh, Peppermint, we’re going to make that bar into something special. You’ll see,” Skylar assures her.
“What would you have done differently?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. We didn’t do half the things we said we wanted to. Part of that was because we had Nathan, but you know, there isn’t much you can do when you get knocked up at seventeen and don’t have any money.”
“But you and his dad were happy, right?”
“Allie, the logical thing for me to do at seventeen when I found out I was pregnant was to be with the guy I was having the kid with. That was Ryan. He was all I ever knew. And when I met someone else, someone who made me feel the way this Hunter guy makes you feel…well, I was too chicken shit to do anything about it.”
“And if I hadn’t been so afraid to tell Jake how I felt years and years ago, followed him when he left, we wouldn’t have missed out on so much time together.”
“But maybe the timing wasn’t right then. Maybe you needed that time apart for it to be right,” I offer.
“And you and Hunter have spent time apart too. Maybe your timing is right now.”
I shake my head. “It’s not. I know it’s not.”
Skylar gives me a sympathetic look. “I get that Paul offers you something you haven’t had before. This stability and cocoon of safety being with my brother doesn’t. And I get that Hunter really hasn’t offered you anything and has broken your heart. But doesn’t he deserve a chance to make it right?”
“He does want to see Wes. I guess that’s something.”
And he will be at my house tonight to pick him up. He hasn’t shown up unannounced. He’s done exactly as I’ve asked. I don’t know why that gives me a twinge of disappointment. I half-expected him to show up making demands, showing me that caveman side of him. He told me he wasn’t finished with me. Looks like he changed his mind. That should make me happy, not disappointed.
“That is something. Hunter is stubborn and pigheaded, but he’s different around you.”
“It just isn’t going to work with us. We want different things. I can accept it. I need you to do the same.”
Skylar sighs. “I’ll try. You know I’m not very good at giving up.”
I may want Hunter, but I am a total chicken shit. It’s easier to convince myself it was only great sex. That it didn’t mean anything more to either of us. Then I don’t have to face the fact that it could possibly be more. That it could be every single thing I’ve ever dreamed of.
“The point is, you can be happy either way. Whether you choose Paul or Hunter,” Peppermint says. “It’s about choosing the one you won’t have any regrets with — the one you know you won’t wake up one day and wonder what life could’ve been like if you had chosen differently. That part is up to you.”
“Got a call-in order for RBMC!” the cook yells, unintentionally interrupting our conversation.
I look over, spotting Dash and Munsey at the counter. Instantly, I wonder if Hunter is with them, but I doubt he is. He wouldn’t be picking up food.
“Dash?”
He turns and flashes me a smile before walking over to our table. He speaks to Skylar, then he glances over at Peppermint, his eyes lingering a moment before focusing back on me.
“Everything good?” he asks, and Munsey joins him, bags in hand.
“Yep.”
“Thought you would’ve stayed a bit longer,” Dash comments. “Know what I mean?”
“It’s better this way.”
Both Skylar and P
eppermint shake their heads, disagreeing with me. Dash glances back over at Peppermint, a smirk on his handsome face. “Either of you buying that shit?”
“Not at all. But she’s stubborn.”
“And…well, my brother is too,” Skylar adds.
He chuckles. “All Bastards are.” He looks back at me. “That suburban life you’re trying to live is not you. I hope you realize that and come back home to your family. I’ll see you later.”
Dash considers me family. One of the Bastards.
If that’s true, then am I a Harlot too?
HUNTER
I knock on the door, taking a step back as I wait for Allie to answer. I don’t know how this shit is supposed to work. What I do know is she left a week ago, and I was the one who reached out. I was the one who contacted her. I suppose it was my place to do so. If I want to see Wes, be part of his life, then I need to grow a fucking set of balls and man up.
Besides, I got tired of sitting and watching Paul drive to the rehab center and back home. The only regular stop he ever makes is to a coffee shop and sandwich deli for lunch, sometimes a gas station to fill up. Otherwise, he’s at work or at home. With Allie and Wes.
I wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t done with her. As far as I’m concerned, I’ll never be done with her. If she needs this suburban bullshit for a little while, I can give her that. I can give her space. But she will be coming back to me. And when she does, it’ll be for good.
“Hey, sorry,” Allie says, opening the door and letting me inside. “Getting him fed and working on supper too.”
“It’s fine.”
I know from Paul’s routine he doesn’t get home until around six-thirty, so I chose to pick up Wes at six. I don’t trust myself to be around him right now. I suppose he’s a good guy since we didn’t find anything incriminating about him, but this is between Allie and me. He doesn’t have shit to do with it.
“His bag ready?”
She looks around, her eyes never meeting mine. “Oh…um, yep. It’s by the couch. I probably packed him too much, but you know, he’s never stayed away from home before. Away from me.”