“Yes, there is. I can hear it in your voice.”
His heart constricted and he let out a heavy breath. What would she think when he told her? How could she not think less of him? Be disappointed. “You won’t let it go until you hear the whole sordid story, will you? If you must know, I had a younger brother. Joey had asthma. My parents thought it would get better with rubs and warm weather. After a while he got worse. My parents wouldn’t take him to the doctor. Even though I thought they should I didn’t say anything. Didn’t make them take him. I was there when he drew his last wheezing breath. Now you know it all.”
For a long time all he heard was the lap of the waves against the sand and the scream of seagulls and relived the pain.
Michelle’s hand came to rest on top of his, which lay on the chair arm. She stroked his fingers until he spread his so that hers weaved between his. For once in his life he felt as if someone understood his broken heart.
“I’m sorry. Truly sorry.”
Ty turned his hand and took hers in his. “I am too.”
They sat for a long time, neither of them saying a word. There was healing to just having Michelle’s touch.
“You’re getting burnt,” Ty said. “Let’s go in.”
Michelle didn’t feel like she was but she didn’t question him. She put their leftover stuff from lunch into the cooler. Ty stood and helped her to her feet. She reached for the chair.
“Leave it. We’ll get them later.” He picked up the cooler and took her hand as they walked back to the house.
While passing through the kitchen, he placed the cooler on the island. He led Michelle into the master bathroom. She didn’t ask any questions, seeming to understand that he didn’t want to talk. He turned on the shower and guided Michelle under it. She didn’t say anything as he stripped her suit off and then his own as they rinsed. Turning off the water, he snatched a towel from the rack and dried Michelle’s hair then her body.
“There’s a robe in that closet,” he said, indicating a small door with his chin. He flipped the towel over his shoulder and pulled it across his back. Michelle put on a robe and handed him the other. He shrugged into his and followed her into the bedroom. She opened the door, letting in the breeze, and stood on the threshold. Pushing her damp hair away from her face, she looked out towards the ocean.
Ty came to stand behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against him. There was something about holding Michelle that made the sadness of his childhood disappear. That made him think that, with her, happiness might be possible.
They watched as a spring storm darkened the sky and slowly rolled towards them. As the first drop of rain hit the deck, Ty stepped backwards, taking Michelle along with him. He kept moving until the bed hit him behind the knees. Letting go of her long enough to remove her robe and his, he pulled the covers back. Slowly they sank to the bed.
* * *
Hours later Michelle lay awake curled in Ty’s arms, looking out at the ocean. His breath brushed her cheek each time he exhaled.
Their lovemaking had been extraordinary. The passion had been powerful, searing and exquisite. Ty had taken his time to bring her close to the pinnacle and had then held her there, only to let her slide down to send her upwards again. She had never felt more worshiped, cherished, as if he was making sure that she had no doubt who was loving her. Had he intended to brand her with his mark, ruining her for anyone else?
Still he whispered nothing about the future.
A few minutes later he woke up. She felt his lips on her shoulder and his length pressed against her bottom. “I have no strength where you are concerned,” he uttered in a rough, sleep-laden voice.
She smiled. There was nothing like being wanted. It was a perfect moment and she sought to capture it and never let it go but she had her heart to consider. It would burst as sure as a glass shattering on the floor but she had to know. Had to prepare.
“Ty.”
“Mmm.”
“What’re we doing?”
He kissed her earlobe. “You mean you don’t know?” His fingers trailed along the curve of her hip.
She rolled over to face him. “I mean us. Where does this go?”
His eyes flickered with something she couldn’t put a name to before he grinned.
“Ma belle, can’t we just have some fun together while I’m here? Enjoy each other. See where that leads.”
She already had an idea of where things would go. She’d be left behind to stitch up her gaping wounds while he rode off into the sunset on his motorcycle. But she couldn’t resist him. She’d learned that life was too short not to grab happiness when she could. Right now she wanted to seize that with Ty. Live a little. No, live a lot. “I guess so.”
He kissed her and made her forget about everything but the moment.
Some time later Ty said, “Why don’t we stay here tonight? My case is the late one and yours is too. We could drive back early in the morning. We could eat fresh seafood and enjoy the sunset. What do you think?”
Why not? She’d decided to live some and today she was going to do that. “Sure. That sounds like fun. But we’ll have to be on the road early.”
“Sure thing.” He had such a boyish grin on his face she was glad she’d agreed to stay. He gave her a kiss on the lips before he got out of bed. “I’ll get what we need if you want to stay here and call your mother.”
He knew her far too well. “That would be nice. I’d like to check in with her and the hospital.”
CHAPTER NINE
TY LAY IN bed with Michelle curled against him. He lightly stroked her bare hip as she slept. The last few weeks had been wonderful. The best he could remember.
They had spent every minute together outside work. A number of times they had shared dinner with Michelle’s mother at her house. The more often he sat in the cozy kitchen with the mother and daughter over a hot home-cooked meal the more those old feelings of the need to belong pulled at him.
Michelle had even joined him at Buster’s when the band had played one weekend. There had been a number of curious eyes as they’d entered the bar but soon Michelle had joined the other staff members and blended in as if she had always been one of them. The two of them had even returned to the beach cottage for an entire weekend.
Michelle continued to give generously in her lovemaking and he’d rewarded her in return. The days had been nothing but pure bliss as far as he was concerned. Better than he deserved. But the nagging thought persisted that it couldn’t last. He wasn’t the guy to depend on, to trust when the going got tough. Michelle needed someone strong and sure who could be there for her no matter what came her way. She deserved that much.
“Hey, sleepyhead.” He jiggled Michelle lightly.
“Hi, there,” she muttered into his shoulder, which she was currently using as a pillow. He liked the fact she had to touch him when she slept. He found he liked a number of things about Michelle. If he had been a different man, he could be comfortable with her forever.
He’d sworn he wouldn’t allow himself to develop those feelings. He couldn’t let Michelle know how much he cared. It would only hurt her more when he left. Who was he trying to kid? It was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done to leave her. But they both knew the deal. Michelle had made her choice. He’d been nothing but up front with her.
Once during the past weeks she’d asked, “Have you thought about maybe taking a permanent job somewhere?”
“Not really.”
“What if one came open here? Would you consider staying?”
He’d kissed her and that had been the end of the conversation. She’d hinted a few additional times that she hoped he’d remain longer and he’d never made a comment one way or the other. He was dodging her questions, not wanting to take the joy out of their time together. Neither of them seemed to want to push a discussion about the future but it was racing towards them like a car at the Daytona 500 and it wouldn’t be waved off.
; “Ma belle, you know that Schwartz will be back in a week.”
“I heard,” she mumbled as she kissed the ridge of his jaw. Her hand crept lower on his middle. Her lips moved towards his mouth and that was the end of the conversation again. Maybe he’d resist longer next time.
Some time later they were sitting on the couch in Michelle’s living room when she said, “I thought you were going to teach me how to play the guitar.”
“Did I say that?” He hesitated.
She twisted toward him. “Yeah, you did. How about showing me now?”
On some level Ty wished he’d never mentioned it. The last time he’d agreed to teach anyone to play had been when Joey had asked. He’d just learned his first chord when he’d started getting so weak it had been difficult for him to practice. Still, Michelle gave Ty such an imploring look that he couldn’t bring himself to turn her down.
“Get Emily and I’ll show you a few chords,” he said.
She uncrossed her legs. “I don’t know how I feel about fetching another woman for you.”
“Jealous, are you?” Ty quipped with a smile. After he’d chiseled through that thick cover of seriousness Michelle had built around herself, he’d found below a sense of humor waiting to see the light of day.
She gave him a smirk and headed out of the room.
With encouragement, Michelle had been willing to try something new more than once in the last few weeks. They’d gone indoor rock climbing. She’d agreed to go on a short afternoon ride with him on his motorcycle after it had been repaired. Now she was asking him to teach her how to play the guitar. It was as if she was trying to get caught up on all the things she’d missed out on since her father had died.
Michelle returned with his guitar. He stood and took the case from her.
“Have a seat.” He laid the case on the low table in front of the couch and removed the instrument then came to sit beside her. Strumming the strings a couple of times and tuning it, he offered it to Michelle.
“Now, hold it this way.” He placed the guitar across her thigh and showed her where to place her hand along the neck. He moved in close, their thighs touching, and put an arm around her until he could reach the strings. The other hand he placed over hers holding the neck. “Now, place your fingertips here and here, and hold the strings down. With your thumb…” he indicated the one over the base of the guitar “…strum.”
Michelle did as he instructed then put her hand in the air and shook it. “That hurts.”
Ty’s heart constricted, forming a knot of pain in the middle of his chest. Those had been Joey’s exact words and actions the first time he’d run his finger over the taut wires. It had been so long since Ty had let himself think about Joey, really remember the hurt and desperation and bone-deep guilt that had been part of his life for so long. Why was it now festering to the surface with such persistence?
“What’re you thinking?” Michelle asked softly.
“Nothing,” he murmured, making a slight shift away from her.
“I can tell by the look on your face that something is bothering you.”
She always seemed to be able to do that. Every time he drifted into negative memories she was able to read his mood. No other woman had ever done that before. He’d never let anyone close enough that they could. Michelle had slipped past those barriers he’d carefully built and maintained like they never existed. He’d let her see things no one else had been privy to.
He looked at her. Michelle’s eyes had a resolute but uncertain look, as if she feared what he might say. “I was starting to teach Joey to play when he died. He thought it hurt when he strummed too.”
Michelle’s eyes clouded over. “We don’t have to do this.”
“No, I want to. Joey would want me to show you how to play.”
She gave him a reassuring smile. “Then I’ll do my best.”
Ty returned her smile. “Let’s try it one more time.”
The thoughts of teaching Joey had become a bitter-sweet memory. He had Michelle to thank for that.
* * *
The next afternoon the clerk called, “Dr. Ross,” as Michelle went by the OR central desk. “Dr. Marshall left a message that he’d like to speak to you when you have a minute.”
Michelle smiled and said, “Thanks for letting me know, Roger.”
The man’s eyes widened a second before he smiled. “You’re welcome.”
Roger had looked as if he was surprised that she knew his name. Had she really been so aloof? She’d noticed that after they had gone to Buster’s that there had been more camaraderie in the OR among her team. They had been good together before but now they were seamless as they worked. She had to admit that it made for better patient care. Why hadn’t she realized that sooner?
Michelle knocked on Dr. Marshall’s door and heard him call, “Enter.”
She’d not been in his office since she’d gone to complain about Ty the first day he’d been at the hospital. That seemed like a lifetime ago. Now she’d give anything for him to stay. She’d mentioned him leaving and he had too but they’d never really discussed it. Maybe if she ignored it, it wouldn’t happen.
Ty cared about her. She felt it every time he looked at her, touched her or spoke to her. When they made love the feeling was more powerful than any other time. But did he care for her the way she did him? The one thing that she was sure of was that she loved him.
She stepped through the doorway into Marshall’s office.
Dr. Marshall waved her closer. “I just wanted to run something by you before I make a decision.”
Michelle sat in one of the two chairs in front of his desk. “What’s going on?”
Dr. Marshall pulled off his silver rimmed glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Well, to start with, Schwartz isn’t returning. He’s decided to continue working with the foreign aid group. He’s going to take the director’s position. So I’m in the market for another anesthesiologist.”
“Have you thought about asking Ty Smith?”
“He turned me down, even though he’s great by all measures.”
Michelle sucked in a breath and held it. Feeling light-headed, she grasped the arm of the chair until the skin across her fingers turned white. She was bleeding emotionally. Her chest felt as if it was caving in on her.
Breathe. Breathe!
Heat swamped her and her lunch threatened to return. She squeezed her arms around her waist. Ty couldn’t have made it clearer that he didn’t love her. He’d been offered a way to stay with her and he’d refused it. And not even told her about it.
Pain so searing that it burned as hot as lava settled in her chest. She’d hurt when her father had died. She had been worried sick when her mother had been diagnosed with cancer but nothing compared to this torment.
Dr. Marshall continued, “I was wondering if you have any suggestions about who you might like to work with?”
“I’m sorry, I need to go.”
“Michelle, are you feeling okay?” Dr. Marshall asked, his forehead wrinkling.
“I’m fine.” She’d never been further from fine. “I’ll think about it and get back to you.”
Michelle didn’t wait for additional questions. She bolted for the door before she broke out in sobs. Finding the nearest private restroom, she locked herself in and let the tears flow. A quarter of an hour later she stood before the mirror, looking at her puffy eyes.
What a fool she’d been. She’d let herself hope that perhaps she and Ty were building something permanent, special. It had all been one-sided. She’d been Ty’s female distraction while he’d been in town.
That wasn’t true. He’d been up front. He’d not once said that he was going to stay. It had all been her, wishing.
Well, it was all over now.
She stood straighter and pushed her hair into some kind of order. This too she would get through. She’d survived other devastating events in her life and she’d live through this one eventually. Ty not loving her wouldn’t break her. I
t was time to call it quits between them and move on. She might as well start accepting it.
After dabbing a water-cooled paper towel around her eyes, she opened the door and headed towards her office. Thankfully her day was over. She picked up her purse and made her way out of the hospital.
* * *
Where was Michelle? Ty had looked in the OR, on the floor and had finally gone to her office. She was nowhere to be found. They didn’t check in with each other but he didn’t usually have this much trouble finding her. He finally punched in her number on his cellphone.
“Hey, where are you?” he asked when she answered.
“I’m at home,” she said in a dead voice.
What was going on? Had she heard? “I thought we had plans to try out that diner over on 60th Street tonight?”
“I’m tired. You go on without me.”
“Why don’t I get us a to-go plate and bring it by?”
“No, thanks. Look, Ty, I just want to be alone tonight.”
What wasn’t she saying? Knowing how stubborn Michelle could be, he wasn’t going to get it out of her over the phone. “Okay. See ya.”
Less than an hour later Ty stood in front of Michelle’s door. He knocked and moments later Michelle opened it. She was dressed in one of his T-shirts, a worn pair of sweat pants and a bulky sweater. Nothing about her appeared like the well put-together professional she’d worked so hard to appear for so many years. Something was wrong, badly wrong.
“What’re you doing here?” she snapped.
“Well, thanks for the warm welcome.” He lifted the two white takeout boxes. “I brought you dinner.”
“I told you that I didn’t want any.”
“And I thought you said that just so you didn’t have to see me and I’d like to know why.” He was making an effort to sound glib while inside he was tied in knots with worry that she knew the truth. He only had a little more time with Michelle and he wanted it to be happy. Her attitude implied that his wish might not be granted.
Michelle put her hands on her hips, her sweater falling open to hang loose. She wasn’t wearing a bra and her nipples pushed against the thin fabric of the T-shirt. As he watched, they pebbled. In her mind she might be mad at him but her body was still responding. She must have noticed his gaze because she pulled the sweater tight around her and crossed her arms over her chest.
The Rebel Doc Who Stole Her Heart Page 14