by Melina Grace
He paused but continued a moment later, “entering the village after the derks had fled was so sad. It brought up all my feelings from after our village was attacked,” he said looking at her. Caris nodded in agreement, but inwardly she thought all those feelings and more. Briefly, she allowed herself to question the pictures she had had that morning of the village under attack. It was too far out of her understanding to make sense of and her grief was too deep for her to deal with it, so she forced the confusing questions away and went back to numbly staring at the water. After a while, Janen took her hand and they sat quietly in shared grief.
The next morning, the subdued company set out at dawn as usual. Caris had looked around for Janen at breakfast but he was already gone along with the other scouts: Tilda, Bek, Aliel, Dingael, Esteal, and Iri. The scouts travelled in pairs, two along the road, two on the other side of the river and two to the southeast, except for Tilda and Bek who now had Janen with them.
Janen had told Caris that they rotated their positions, giving the horses easier travel along the road every third day, and forcing them to ride all day in the hot sun only every third day. Though the road was the easiest route, Janen said he most preferred travelling on the other side of the river, as the trees were denser and the wildlife more abundant. Caris wished she could be with him as he learnt all about this part of the land and the different animals that lived in the tree line along the river. She wondered where he was scouting today.
Crispin kept the horses to a brisk walk, rather than the usual walk/canter rotation they usually employed. The horses were still tired after the previous day’s futile rush to save the village from derks. Caris looked around to the spare horses and noticed that the scouts had exchanged their mounts for the day. Prince was tossing his head and stepping high, not looking at all wearied after his exertions. He obviously didn’t like being kept to the back and as Caris watched, Bonny separated him from the other horses and, attaching his lead rein to her saddle, led him to the front where she rode beside Crispin. Prince settled in his new position and walked eagerly beside them, ears flickering attentively to every new sound around them.
Before they had travelled far, Garner moved his horse alongside Caris’. She was not feeling like much chatter and fortunately, he seemed to share her mood. She found she liked having him near and wondered whether he would become someone she called a friend. It was interesting to hear about his life in a town as a blacksmith, a world of which she had no experience. She liked his steady voice and the way he drew her out of herself in conversation, and it was good to hear about some of his previous experiences in The King’s Horse, giving her an idea of the kinds of things she might experience in the future.
Caris wondered how Kalen was faring this morning. She had been the most upset by the previous day’s tragedy. It was strange for Caris to see Kalen upset, as she normally wore a constant smile of contentment. Caris looked over at her and noticed her dismissing Jispri. He tried to tease her into allowing him to stay but, with a firm shake of her head, she nudged her horse and pulled away from him.
Caris readily identified with Kalen’s desire for solitude but wondered at the confidence that enabled her to demand it. Though Caris often desired to be left to her own thoughts, she was too afraid of offending people to ask them to leave her alone. She looked back to where she expected to see Jispri riding disconsolately and was surprised to see him chatting happily with Corin.
The morning passed surprisingly quickly for Caris. Finding that she had no desire to continue dwelling on the sorrow and confusion of the day before, she found herself initiating conversation with Garner who responded with immediate warmth. Eventually, their conversation circled around to what was foremost in their minds and they began to speak of the slaughtered village. Caris found herself cautiously telling him about what she had pictured in the morning before word had reached them of the impending attack.
She waited for Garner to laugh at her; though she would be embarrassed, part of her wanted the relief of having someone tell her she was being silly. Garner didn’t laugh at her, however. He listened closely until she had finished, as was his way. She waited for him to comment, but he just slowly nodded his head as if not at all surprised but not sure of how to respond. Finally, he asked, “Is this the first time something like this has happened to you?”
“Yes” Caris replied, shaken by how seriously he was taking it.
He nodded again and looked over at Kalen who was lost in her own thoughts. Finally, he said “Well, I’ve heard of other people having similar experiences; It’s not that unusual.” Caris stared at him in amazement.
“What other people? It’s certainly not a regular occurrence in my village!”
“No, no, it wouldn’t be” he replied cryptically. Caris was wondering how to pursue the conversation when he said, “I really don’t know much about it.” He glanced at Kalen again and then with a smile said, “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a bad thing.” Caris looked at him in confusion but he changed the subject and began to talk about how the horses were going to need reshoeing when they came to a town.
Finding it a subject easy to ignore, Caris rode lost in her own thoughts. She hadn’t really expected Garner to have any insight into what had happened to her, but she hadn’t really expected him to take her seriously either. She found that instead of having her worries lifted they now felt heavier and somehow more real.
She wasn’t sure even of what she was worried about. She hoped she wasn’t going mad. That would explain Garners hesitance to talk about it with her. Finally, deciding that dwelling on it wasn’t going to stop her going insane, she pushed the thoughts aside and cutting into Garner’s one sided conversation about horse shoeing expressed her curiosity about the town at the end of The King’s Road.
When the sun was halfway across the sky, Crispin called for them to stop in a cool green area under some trees. Garner quickly dismounted and again lifted Caris down from her saddle. She laughed lightly at the joke and joined the others for a quick meal of hard bread and cheese. She noticed Kalen walk over to sit next to Jispri, though still looking upset she mustered up a smile for him and a small comment too quiet for Caris to hear. It seemed enough to content Jispri and he welcomed her as warmly as ever.
After a short break, they mounted and started riding at a brisk walk. Caris was surprised to see Garner lead his horse over to her and fall in beside her again. They easily fell into conversation, disjointed as it was by the quickness of their walk. As they rode, Caris noticed that Kalen welcomed Jispri’s company and gave him her usual undivided attention.
About mid afternoon, Caris became aware of a dark smudge on the horizon in front of them. As they rode toward it, it continued to grow. So far, they had all been keeping to the left side of the road on their journey to stay under the shade of the trees lining the river, but as the afternoon progressed, the road wove in amongst the trees and the growth began to spread out farther to the east of them.
Riding amongst the trees Caris began to feel closed in. Over the last few weeks, she had seen more trees than ever before in her life, but at least they had been riding along the edge of them. Now the trees were spreading out on either side of her, blocking her view of the wide barren land that had surrounded her, her entire life. She realised with a jolt that the smudge on the horizon she had been watching earlier was actually trees. Her mind couldn’t encompass how many trees it would take to fill such an area and, with mounting fear, she realised that the road they were travelling would lead them straight into it.
Caris looked around at the rest of her companions to see if they were uneasy, but discovered they were, if anything, more relaxed and happy in the cool shade. She remembered how she had been wishing to explore amongst the trees on the opposite side of the river and realised this would be her chance to experience a new environment. If you’re going to freak out every time you have a new experience you may as well go home right now, she berated herself.
She could still see glimpses of
the wide-open land through the brush that seemed to be pushing in on either side of the road. The knowledge that openness was so close brought her some comfort as she forced herself to focus on the varied species of plant that began to introduce itself into her surroundings. As she rode, she noticed small droppings she was unfamiliar with and decided she would spend the afternoon trying to spot a new kind of animal.
When they reined in that evening, Caris discovered that, although she hadn’t had any success in her search, she felt more relaxed than she had in days. She paused on Indira’s back momentarily for one last look around in the gathering gloom; suddenly Garner was at her side once more lifting her from her saddle. She began to think the joke was getting a bit old and hoped he wouldn’t continue it much longer.
Everyone tended to their horses and set to lighting a fire much quicker than usual and Caris noticed that the shelter of the trees meant that darkness was descending on the camp much faster. As she sat down to eat, she was relieved to see that Garner didn’t sit by her but instead sought out Kalen’s company. A slight weight lifted from her shoulders and she realised it wasn’t just the trees making her feel closed in but Garners constant presence by her side.
Caris finished cleaning the plates and headed over to lay out her roll. As she passed Kalen and Garner, they glanced up at her and she heard Kalen saying softly, “I just can’t at the moment Garner. I have my own stuff to work through.” Intrigued, Caris wanted to stop, but not wanting to intrude she continued on to lay out her sleeping mat. Instead of lying down immediately, Caris cut through the trees.
This evening, she walked away from the river and headed for the tree line opening out onto the vast dry land she had always known. As she cleared the trees, the sky suddenly came alive with stars that had been blocked by overhanging branches. She found a place to sit but was disappointed to discover her view hindered by tall clumps of grass. Wearily Caris considered standing but found herself too tired. I’ve been sitting all day, she thought wryly, you’d think I’d be glad to have the chance to stand on my own two feet.
She sat for a while gazing at the stars, and comparing the prickly plant nearby to the one she was more familiar with from home. She wondered what Garner had been asking Kalen to do and what was the stuff she had to work out. It could be about her feelings for Jispri, she mused, but though Kalen was always kind to him, Caris hadn’t detected any signs of affection that she didn’t show to her other companions; in fact she was probably more restrained with him than she was with Bonny, Syngar, and Crispin.
Caris stayed a short while, then headed tiredly back to her roll. Sleep didn’t come easily though and she kept finding herself staring at the blackness of the canopy of trees above, where stars should have been.
The next morning as they rode out, Caris watched as Bridee, a handsome young soldier who was friends with Jispri and Corin, rode up to join Kalen. Kalen shook her head at him and with a quiet word nudged her horse away. He fell back dejectedly and from behind, Caris heard Jispri laugh and call out, “Told ya”. Kalen ignored them and continued to ride, staring straight ahead as if lost in another world.
Before long Garner’s horse fell naturally into step alongside Indira. “I’m trying to spot new kinds of animals,” she told him. He began to tell her about the quillet, a quick sleek animal similar to the eppet in appearance but much smaller. It sounded so beautiful Caris hoped she might see one, but Garner assured her that they were so timid they would never remain close to where the band was coming through.
The rest of the morning, whenever their pace allowed, Garner told her about the wonderful animals in the jungle they were heading toward. Caris began to look forward to entering that immense area of trees. She wondered how Garner knew so much about the animals in their surroundings. He never even really looks around, she mused. “Garner, how have you seen so many animals if they all run away from the band?”
“Oh, I haven’t seen half of them,” he laughed, “I’ve been told about them.” Caris was disappointed, and for the rest of their ride she only listened to him with half an ear, preferring to put her concentration into seeing the local scrub, animal droppings, trails, and bits of broken twigs that told of animal passing’s.
Crispin called them to a halt for a hurried meal when the sun, still visible through the ceiling of leaves, was directly above them. Seeing Garner stepping toward her Caris tried to dismount quickly. She succeeded in swinging her leg over Indira’s rump before he reached up behind her and lifted her down. Irritated she led Indira away from him down toward the nearby river. Why does he keep doing that? It’s like he thinks I’m a toddler who hasn’t yet learnt how to leap from a horse. As she walked toward the water, she brushed at the top of her hips, trying to erase the feeling of his hands resting there after he had set her down.
Bridee and Frystal quickly watered their horses, then, bread and cheese in hand, mounted up and headed out in a south and west direction. Caris had noticed them do this before, and realised with a spurt of hope, that they were relieving a team from scouting duty. She hoped it would be Janen’s team. In her excitement, she forgot all about her irritation with Garner and welcomed him with a smile when he sat down beside her to eat his lunch.
Caris was talking happily with Garner, her mood enlivened by her hope of seeing Janen, when he, Tilda, and Bek emerged from the brush to the east of them. Bek had a young dead eppet draped over his horse’s rear. “How does Bek’s horse cope with that?” she asked Garner.
“He’s a war horse, trained for battle. He can’t afford to be skittish at the smell of blood.” Seeing the fresh kill, Gemeil and Belti excitedly raced over to help skin and prepare it. Caris watched Janen dismount and go to water his horse. Remembering Kalen’s suspicions of her feelings when she was watching him in the village, she forced herself to peel her eyes away from him.
It had only been a day and a half since she had seen him but it felt like a moon. She forced herself to continue eating though her food was hard to swallow; she looked at everything around her, except Janen, but she could focus on nothing. Garner continued to talk beside her but she was not even aware of his presence. Every sense was trained on the young man, over her left shoulder, watering his horse down by the river.
Eventually, he came up and pulled some food from his saddlebag. Allowing herself to look at him, she realised with a sinking feeling that he didn’t intend to join her. He sat down with Tilda and didn’t even look at her. Caris watched them openly now, and took in their easy camaraderie. She watched Tilda’s short curly blonde hair bouncing as she talked energetically to Janen. He sat listening quietly as he ate his lunch. What can they have left to talk about? They’ve been together constantly for the last day and a half, thought Caris. She applied herself to finishing her lunch, then rising while Garner was mid sentence, she went over to shower some affection on Indira.
Their lunch was protracted to allow time to skin and prepare the eppet for its afternoon journey. Caris was glad when they finally regained their saddles. She thought she might ride in solitude as Kalen did of a morning. If she was going to be a spinster she might as well do it properly. She was working up her courage to turn away anyone who tried to talk to her when Janen pulled alongside. She looked past him for Tilda but she wasn’t there. Finally, Caris spotted her talking with Crispin. He’s only come to join me because she’s busy, Caris thought sourly.
“Hi,” he said with an almost shy smile. She didn’t reply immediately but just looked at him, thinking about how she had never met anyone with so many different smiles, ranging from shy, embarrassed, rueful through to cheeky, rogue, and absolutely outlandish.
“Hi,” she finally replied. Why was it she spent so much time wanting to see him and then when she did, she just wanted to cry?
Noticing her diffidence, he said hesitantly, “Sorry I didn’t come and say hi at lunch; I didn’t want to interrupt your conversation with Garner.”
“That’s okay; it looked like Tilda had a lot to tell you.”
Caris wanted to keep her defences against Janen. She knew it was wise to keep a degree of distance between them to save herself more heartache down the track, but she had been friends with him too long. It was too hard to remain aloof, and with his humour, interesting stories and amazing smile, they had not been riding long before he had won his way through again. The afternoon passed before Caris knew and it was only because Janen reined in beside her that she realised everyone else had stopped. Janen laughed at her and she laughed happily back.
She was just about to dismount when suddenly Garner was at her side again. He reached up to lift Caris from her saddle. She tried to resist him but his strong blacksmith arms picked her up easily. She turned away from him in embarrassment to see Janen walking away. Disappointed and angry with Garner for interrupting her time with Janen she hissed at him, “Stop doing that! I’m perfectly capable of getting off a horse by myself!”
Garner laughed aloud and replied with a gentle smile, “I know you are. I just like the excuse to put my arms around you.” Caris looked away in confusion to see Corin sniggering; he clapped Janen on his clenched back,
“You didn’t think you’d have no competition, did you?” Jispri, watching them, laughed. Caris had no idea what Corin was talking about but was thankful everyone’s attention had been diverted away from her embarrassment.
Caris took longer than usual watering Indira and brushing her coat by the river, hoping that Janen would join her. Eventually, running out of excuses to linger, and seeing everyone sitting down to eat, she wandered up to the camp. Janen was standing talking to Jispri and Corin. Caris got herself a plate of hot food and not having the confidence to join their circle sat down nearby to eat. Janen glanced up and made eye contact with her, then went back to talking to the others. Soon after, he excused himself and went to get some food.
Caris concentrated on eating. She was troubled by her feelings for Janen. She could not avoid the fact that she desired his company more than what was reasonable for friends. She knew he would never return her affection but she didn’t know how to stifle her own. She thought perhaps she could handle the heartbreak of him marrying another but knew that if others were aware of her true feelings she would not be able to keep a friendship with him. She sat lost in these thoughts, hoping Janen would come and join her for the evening, until Garner sitting down by her side, distracted her.