Catryn was still wondering what he meant by the words I will come for you as she entered her father’s home with Alwyn at her side. Her father was so obviously relieved to see them both, she was comforted enough to spend time telling him most of her adventure, carefully avoiding all hint of anything other than friendship between her and Orion. Only once did he start to ask some pointed questions but was easily diverted by the tale of Aeddon and the way Alwyn’s spirit friend had taken over Orion’s body. As she made her way to bed, she knew that would keep her father busy for a very long time as he searched his books for information on such happenings.
She settled into bed and stared up at the ceiling. I will come for you. What did Orion mean by that? Was he going to find her so that he could renew their affair, or for something more lasting? And why did he have to settle some matters before he could even come and visit her, if only to talk over the unusual happenings that ended their adventure together? Men, she decided, had no business complaining about how women made no sense; from what she could see, they did no better at making themselves understood.
All she could do now was wait to see if he really did come for her. Catryn vowed to herself as she started to go to sleep that she would not allow herself to pine for him if he did not. She had her pride after all.
Chapter Nineteen
It was not easy, but Catryn did her best to swallow a sigh. The way her father looked at her, however, told her she had not hidden it as well as she had thought. She hated how morose she had become. It was embarrassing to be behaving like some lovesick fool, but it was also difficult to throw off the sadness that swamped her from time to time, drowning all hope. So much for her pride, she thought wryly.
This day marked three full weeks since Orion had left her with a promise to return. She had received the occasional gift but no explanation as to why he himself had not brought the gift to her, or even just stopped by to have a cup of tea. He had even sent back a fully healed Sorley. Her heart wanted to believe he would return as promised, but her mind was very skilled at filling her head with doubts, questions, and fears. The worst one was a flicker of doubt concerning her trust in the man, a trust so newly recognized, which she clung to as she waited.
So now she sat in a window seat in her father’s library, staring out the window at the garden being slowly killed by approaching winter, and behaving like a heartbroken maiden in a bad play. It did not help that the garden was fading too quickly; a few bright flowers might have lightened her mood. Nor did it help that she could find no interest in the usual invitations and entertainments, despite her relief at discovering that her adventures had not been revealed to make her persona non grata in society. She wanted to see Orion. Catryn knew it was what she needed, but even as she acknowledged it, she resented the fact. A man should not be the only source of happiness for her. Unfortunately, in her current mood she could not find the strength of will to rebel.
A new concern had been added, one that she fought mightily to ignore. Her menses were late and she had felt so ill this morning she had had to remain in bed for an added hour until it eased. A small, foolish part of her was thrilled with the possibility that she was carrying Orion’s child. The sensible part of her, however, recognized the trouble she could be facing if Orion did not return. It was certainly not a good time to disappear to the Continent and then return a few months later with a baby, claiming a hasty marriage that ended too soon with the tragic loss of her husband. If nothing else, there would be people who would recall that she had disappeared from London about eight months before the baby’s birth and put that together with her trip, abrupt secret marriage, and swift trip to widowhood.
“Why do you not just write to the man?” asked her father.
“That would be too forward,” she replied, turning in her seat to look at him.
“Dear, you spent days with the man chasing Morris around the countryside, got kidnapped by that idiot, have met many members of Orion’s family who now write you regularly, discovered we have a blood connection to that fascinating family, and his son Giles is here near every day.” Her father counted each point he made on his fingers. “I do not believe he would think it forward if you wrote him a brief note. Well, not unless you tell him to come here because you sit by the window sighing like some forsaken maiden in a bad play.”
The fact that he made the same unflattering comparison about her behavior as she had irritated her and she said, “I will not write to him. He said he would return. Just because I thought he meant in a few days and not a few weeks is no reason to prod him.”
“It sounds like a very good one to me. You are going to marry him. A brief note would not be forward coming from you.”
“He has not even asked me to marry him, Father. Not even hinted at it.” And the fact that she kept dreaming of a perfect, picturesque future with Orion when he had not even spoken vaguely of love or a future was yet another thing that irritated her.
“He allows his son to come here regularly. If a man wants free of a woman, he certainly does not allow that to continue. He sends you the occasional gift, things that are not common gifts men give women. Even I can see that they are the types of gifts a man buys because he caught sight of them and thought of one particular woman.”
“Truly?” She sternly told her heart not to cling to that as a sign of hope, but it ignored her.
“Truly. A book on herbs? A scarf? Those are not ordinary gifts. I would wager you know exactly why he would think of you when he saw them and why he thought you would appreciate them.”
“I can.” She sighed and stared down at her hands. “But . . .” She fumbled for the right words.
“But what?”
“He heard everything, Da,” she said softly, falling back on the name she had called her father as a child. “He heard all about Aeddon, about Henry drugging me, about Morris. It was all so sordid. I still cringe when I think about it, even though I know I am not to blame for any of it.” She started slightly when her father sat down next to her and took her into his arms, but then sank into his comforting hold.
“The man knows that you are not to blame, that you had no choice and no say,” Lewys said as he patted her back. “He lets his son come here whenever the boy wishes to.”
“You keep saying that.”
“It is important. And I do commend you for never pressing the boy for information.” He kissed the top of her head when she laughed.
“It has not been easy. I think that one thing which troubles me about the whole business with Henry, Aeddon, and Morris is that, quite often, I just do not care. It was sordid, wrong, and humiliating. It was a violation of the worst kind. But it all gave me Alwyn. Every time I begin to sink into shame I think of Alwyn, and it is as if the very thought of him washes it all away.”
“So it should. In your heart, you know full well that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You did not do it. It was done to you. You know that, I know that, and, trust me in this matter, Sir Orion and his relatives all know that. He will come for you. I am certain of it. Just be patient.”
Catryn just nodded. She would be patient, even though she was no longer as certain as her father appeared to be. If what she suspected was true, however, if she carried Orion’s child, then all patience would have to be cast aside. She could wait another week at the most, and then she would have to decide what to do—go to him or begin to work on an elaborate lie.
Orion waited for the butler to take his coat and hat, his stomach knotting with nerves with each passing moment. It had taken him a lot longer than he had expected to arrange his life to accommodate the step he was about to take. The captain had not been too happy about his request to step back from the amount of work he did for the country, even though the man understood that it was for the best. A man who already had three children and was planning to add a wife who would add another child to his household had too many weaknesses that an enemy could take advantage of.
There had also been his finances and his home
to tend to. Both had needed some hard work to prepare them for a family; he had been very lax in tending to them for far too long. He was far richer than he had realized, which was a relief as well as a pleasant surprise, and now the final repairs on his home were done. It was without doubt ready for a woman’s touch. If Catryn wanted a country home, he was well able to provide her with one, and that eased his mind as well. In many ways he was marrying above his station, and it had suddenly been very important to him to make absolutely certain that Catryn would never be cut by some society matron because of him.
As Eccles led him to the parlor, leaving him there to cool his heels while Catryn was informed of his visit, Orion fought to calm himself. He knew why he was nervous. He had never offered himself, all of himself, to a woman before. He had charmed, seduced, and bedded more women than he wanted to recall at the moment, but it had all been shallow, flirtatious play, and never serious. This was no game, and he realized he was terrified that Catryn would refuse him.
Thinking on all Giles had told him, Orion was able to relax a little. The boy would not lie to him, and had shown the power of his gift of knowing how a person felt often enough for it not to be doubted. Giles said she was watching for him, waiting for him. Orion could only hope that he had not left her waiting for too long.
“M’lady, Sir Orion Wherlocke is here and requests that you join him in the front parlor.”
Catryn pulled away from her father and stared at Eccles in disbelief. “Orion is here?”
Eccles nodded. “As I said, he awaits you in the front parlor.”
She looked down at the plain, serviceable gown she wore and grimaced. For a brief moment she thought of having Eccles tell the man to wait while she ran up to her bedchamber and at least changed into a prettier gown. Orion deserved to wait for her now, if only for a short time. Then she told herself not to be foolish. She had been waiting on the man for three long weeks and needed to have matters settled between them. He had also seen her in plain gowns for the whole of their time together as they had chased down Morris.
“If you could see to some refreshments, Eccles,” she began.
“They have already been seen to, m’lady, and will probably arrive about the time you do.” Eccles bowed when Catryn did not move and just stood there biting her lip. “I will wait for you at the door of the parlor.”
“Why do you hesitate?” asked her father the moment the door shut behind Eccles.
“Just nerves.”
“Do you begin to doubt that you really want this man?”
“No. You see, when Morris took me, I realized I trusted Orion as I have not trusted a man for many years. There was my faithless husband, his brother, who soon showed he could never be a worthy uncle for my son, even Grandfather, who nearly brought us to ruin.”
“And me,” her father said quietly. “I am so sorry for that, love.”
She hugged him. “No, you did nothing wrong, not like the others. It was all childish hurt over actions that were perfectly understandable. It just took me a while to accept that. Then, after I married and even more so after I was widowed, I suddenly hear all about men who betray their wives, gamble away their money and marry just to get more, and all of that. It robbed me of my trust for any man. I no longer believed, well, in finding that perfect companion, someone who would stand by me at all times, help me, and watch my back.” She stepped back and looked at her father. “And when Morris kidnapped me and Alwyn that final time, all I kept thinking was how I had to keep us alive and not give Morris what he wanted because I knew, deep down inside, that Orion was coming for us. He was watching my back.”
“A very important thing and high praise for the man.”
“Yes, so I had best go and see why my comrade-in-arms was gone for so long.”
“Do not make him suffer too much for his manly ignorance,” teased her father and he winked at her.
Catryn headed for the parlor, reaching it just as Eccles opened the door for the maid. She was not sure she shared her father’s obvious confidence that a happy future with Orion awaited her. Despite knowing it was unwise, she had given in to a morbid curiosity during the weeks she had waited for him, and discovered some of the women his name had been linked with over the years. They had all been tall, voluptuous, fashionable, elegant women. She was none of those things.
Obeying a signal from Eccles, Catryn entered the parlor in front of the maid. It was for the best that a tray of pretty cakes and strong tea was set down on the table between the two settees. It kept her from doing something witless such as immediately demanding to know where he had been for so many days. Now, after dismissing the maid, she was able to bury that urge beneath the mundane etiquette of serving a guest some refreshment.
The intent way Orion watched her, however, began to make her nervous. His voice stroked her as it always did, even though he was uttering no more than polite words in response to her polite words. She sat back on the settee facing him, clasped her hands in her lap to hide how badly they were shaking, and finally met his gaze straight on.
“Such a proper little hostess,” he murmured and took a bite of a delicate little spiced apple cake, enjoying the way her eyes narrowed.
“One should always present one’s best manners when greeting the rare visitor to one’s home,” she said and smiled sweetly.
Orion decided that three weeks without Catryn must have disordered his mind. She looked as if she could leap across the table between them and beat him over the head with the teapot. He should be thinking of the best way to soothe her, ease any bruised feelings she might have. Instead he was fighting the urge to laugh and nudge her into a show of temper. After all, he thought, if she did leap over the table it would then be easy to get her into his arms, which was where he desperately wanted her to be.
“I had a great deal more work to do than I had anticipated,” he said.
Catryn hated how her curiosity could rule her but still heard herself ask, “Work for our government?”
“Ah no, that was but one knot that I needed to untie. I informed them that, although I would always be willing to help if I am sorely needed, I can no longer be sent hither and yon on a whim. I have responsibilities now, and what I was deeply involved in for so long can quickly turn responsibilities into weakness, vulnerabilities. What happened with Morris made me see all too well how those closest to me could be used against me, either to make me do something I have no wish to do, or just to inflict hurt on me.”
The way he was looking at her made Catryn think that he was including her in the list of those closest to him. Then she told herself not to be so vain. It was also the sort of thinking that raised her hopes, and she knew all too well how that could lead to the sharp pain of disappointment.
She nodded, silently praying that her ill-advised spurt of hope did not show on her face. “Your three sons.”
“Enough of this,” Orion said and swiftly moved to sit beside her and pull her into his arms.
Catryn heard herself squeak in surprise. She barely had time to toss her cake aside before he was holding her. It felt so good to be in his arms again that she could almost forget that he had left her alone for three long weeks. A few gifts sent with a blunt note did not make up for that. She put her hands on his chest, valiantly fought back the urge to start undoing his clothes, and met his gaze. His eyes narrowed and she knew she had to speak her mind quickly before he had the chance to weaken her resolve.
“You have been gone from my life for three weeks to the day, Orion,” she said. “Yes, you sent me a few gifts and I thank you most kindly for them. Although, I did wonder if that book on herbs was actually a gift and not, perhaps, a little slap for deceiving you that day.”
“A bit of both actually,” he said and grinned. “A reward as well. I have never been so thoroughly gulled. And I sent a note with the gift.”
That smile of his could easily break her determination to say what she needed to say, so Catryn hurried on. “Each one did have a note with it,
true enough. A very brief note. The longest was six words. You did not even come round here once, Orion. Not even to drop the gift off at the door.”
“I allowed Giles to come round here whenever he wished to.”
“Somehow I do not believe your permission was truly requested.”
He laughed. “True. I am sorry,” he said seriously, all laughter gone from his voice and expression. “I should have at least come round now and then, no matter how short a time I had to stay. I had planned to, but I had far more that needed to be done than I had thought. It embarrasses me to admit how much I had simply ignored or had left completely to others. Working just to understand the state of my own finances cost me days. And nights. But you shall be pleased to hear that I am financially well set up.”
“I never suspected otherwise, for you are far too clever for your own good at times, but I am quite pleased for you. It must be a true comfort to know that you are able to give your sons all they need.”
“And you.”
“I beg your pardon.”
Orion cursed and placed his hands over hers where they had clenched his waistcoat. “Forgive my clumsiness. I have never, not once, even considered doing what I am desperately trying to do now. I was much more erudite and calm while speaking with your father.”
“You spoke with my father? He never told me that. Whatever for?”
“I believe it is customary for a man to speak to a woman’s father before he expresses his intentions directly to her.”
As the meaning of his words settled into her mind, Catryn was surprised that the front of her gown was not bulging in and out like a bellows because her heart was pounding so fiercely. She fought to calm herself despite how easily she could see herself screaming yes and hurling herself into his arms. He had to say more, much more than simply asking for her hand in marriage. She would not lock herself into another loveless marriage.
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