The Glamorous Life of a Mediocre Housewife

by Crissy Sharp

  “I don’t understand. Who would kill you?”

  He sighed and shook his head.

  “I’m sorry, but can you just explain what’s going on?”

  He grabbed her arm and pulled her close. Her heart stopped and she couldn’t breathe. What had she been thinking following a criminal behind the buildings? “They found me on a site.”

  “A site,” she whispered, still unable to find her voice.

  “Yes, a website. You know, an underground site.”

  “You were behind the grave robberies.”

  “That’s what I’m explaining. I wasn’t behind them. I have no idea why they needed to happen. I was selected for the job and I did it.”

  “What about the robberies and the arson?”

  “I had nothing to do with either of those. The police kept asking me that too.”

  “So you’re part of a, a what? Like an online underground...criminal network?”

  “Sure, I guess. Kind of. I need to get out of here, but j—”

  “No, please. Tell me about this site.”

  “There’s nothing much to tell. It’s disguised as an online shoe store. There are certain keywords and they’re constantly changing. Anyway, that’s not what’s important. What’s done is done. I just wanted to warn you. The night before the police brought me in I saw a post about you. It’s not good. You need to turn over the documents or you’re going to get yourself killed.”

  “What documents? Who’s they?”

  He sighed. “I’m trying to help you. You’ve got to stop acting all innocent.”

  She rubbed her face with her hands. “Why are you trying to help me?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does to me.”

  “Because I, ah.” He turned away from her. “I saw you with your kids yesterday.”

  She took a deep breath. “I still have no idea what documents we’re talking about. I’ve never owned anything so important in my life that someone would want to kill me over it.”

  He shrugged. “Okay. Well at least you were warned, right?”

  He started to slink away.

  “Hey,” she ran after him and grabbed his arm. “How can I get ahold of you?”

  “You can’t,” he said, pulling his arm free.

  “How can I find the underground site you’re talking about? Even if I can’t login, how can I access the site?”

  He stared at her, seeming to consider his options. “Do you have any paper?”

  She pulled out a wrapper from a Dumdum Ty had stuck in her pocket that morning. The kid pulled a pen from his pocket and scribbled on the wrapper as he mumbled, “You’re going to be the death of me.” Then he shoved the wrapper into her hand. “Don’t show this to the police. You can’t trust them.”

  “What? Why?”

  He was already running off.

  “Thank you,” she hollered after him. He waved her off and disappeared around the corner. Lotty pushed the wrapper into her pocket and moved swiftly in the opposite direction. She moved back toward her van before walking to LuBella’s in case anyone was watching. The bell announced her arrival. Ty and Aiden were absorbed in a show on her mom’s phone. She pointed at the stroller in fake exasperation. “It was in the bottom of the stroller the whole time. I tore that van apart trying to find it and here it was.”

  “I wondered why you were so slow,” her mom said. “Aiden doesn’t need snacks or toys. Just a good, educational show. Anyway, we have so many pieces for you to try on.” She leaned in so only Lotty could hear. “Who knew a place in Montana could have such fashionable options? But, then again, the owner is originally from L.A.”

  Lotty felt like a dress up toy for her mother and Keri, the middle-aged shop owner, who was usually very sweet. However, Doll brought out a whole new side of Keri. They threw item after item at her and spoke to one another like Lotty couldn’t hear.

  “Now that’s slimming. If she adds some Spanks underneath, you’ll barely even notice the tummy.”

  “Look at the way those layers hide inches on her hips.”

  “Oh, that is a darling dress, but not for her body type. I’m afraid she’d look a bit like a marshmallow.”

  Lotty tuned them out. She wished she were alone so she could research the website her new friend in the back alley had given her. She tried to appear calm as she considered the possibility that someone wanted her dead. Was there any way she had documents people were after? And were willing to kill for? Maybe it was something Jason had. He had all sorts of documents relating to his cases. But then why weren’t they after Jason? And who was “they”?

  “Mom, can we go? This place smells funny. Can we eat lunch?” Ty asked. Apparently his show had ended.

  Aiden yelled, “Go, go, go.”

  “Yeah, we’re finishing up right now,” Lotty said. Her mom stared at her.

  “Charlotte, we haven’t even started on jackets yet.”

  “Mom, the boys need a little break. Why don’t we get some lunch?”

  Doll closed her eyes and sighed, but then gave a slight nod with her chin. “I guess we do have all week.” Lotty tried to hide her shock. A week? Her mom had never visited for more than two days before. How was Lotty going to endure this for a week?

  “There’s a great little bakery next to Jason’s office. We could grab something there,” Lotty suggested. Doll was too busy showing Keri which items to wrap up to answer. “There are these amazing huckleberry cinnamon rolls. You’ll love them.”

  “Yes,” Ty yelled, jumping up. “And then we can stop and see Daddy.”

  Doll continued talking to Keri, paid for the items, and made her way to the door. “Mom, did you hear me?” Lotty asked.

  Her mom smiled and motioned for Lotty to follow her outside. Once the door to LuBella’s had closed, she finally responded, “Look, honey, I didn’t respond in there because I didn’t want to embarrass you, but I don’t think a cinnamon roll for lunch is the best idea. We don’t want your new clothes to get tight.”

  Lotty looked away. “Well I told Ty I’d get him one and then we’re going to stop and see Jason.” She pushed the stroller toward the other side of the square. “Thanks for the clothes.”

  Chapter 13

  Jason grabbed his wallet off the desk and tiptoed toward the mud room. Doll and Lotty were in the kitchen and he longed to get away before Doll caught him. He wasn’t going to spend his day off listening to her complain about Montana. He motioned to Lotty to tell her he’d be over at the Grantham’s. The tiny nod of her head told him she’d understood. She’d been little more than a ghost wandering the halls of their house the past couple of days. She hardly spoke to anyone, ate next to nothing, and always looked upset.

  “Oh, honey, you cannot wear those leggings again.” Doll’s voice scraped on Jason’s nerves as it rang through the kitchen. “They’re, I don’t know, what’s the right word? Frumpy, I guess. Besides, they’re probably dirty. I saw you wearing them a couple of days ago.”

  “Mom, no one will see me in them. I’m just getting the boys breakfast.”

  “Am I no one?”

  “Just be happy I’m wearing pants at all. At least they conceal the week-long growth of hair covering my calves.”

  “Don’t be crass, Charlotte. I’m trying to help.”

  Jason smiled at Lotty’s response. One of the first things he’d loved about her was her sense of humor. He slipped out through the plastic hanging over the burned hole to the garage.

  Brent was in his front yard pruning an apple tree. He looked up as Jason approached. “Trying to steer clear of the mother-in-law again?”

  Jason’s sigh was his only answer.

  Brent laughed. “Nikki made breakfast burritos. Want one?”

  “I would love one.”

  Brent led the way inside where Nikki was grating cheese. “Jason’s going to join us for breakfast,” he said as he kissed her on the cheek.

  “Great. Do you want to wake up the kids?”

 
“Ah, let them have their Saturday. We can reheat it later.”

  Nikki set a warm tortilla on Jason’s plate. “Mmm, thank you,” Jason said. “Doll made sure all processed food was removed from the house, as well as most carbs in general. I can’t stomach another egg white and spinach scramble.”

  “Seriously?” Nikki asked with a laugh, shoving bacon toward Jason and Brent.

  “Yeah. She was horrified that we don’t have filtered water, yelled at the clerk at the store for not having organic kelp powder, and told me my closet organization is abysmal.”

  Brent laughed while Nikki frowned.

  Jason scooped a heap of scrambled eggs onto his tortilla and balanced bacon on the top. “She’s tried to redo everyone in the family’s wardrobes and today Lotty gets to learn a new and exciting way to organize our kitchen spices.”

  “Oh, poor Lotty,” Nikki said. “She must hate this.”

  “I don’t think she minds it too much,” Jason said. “She was excited her mom was here.”

  “No, not at all.” Nikki said. She walked to a cupboard and grabbed the salt shaker. “I talked to her yesterday. She’s miserable, Jason. Was Doll right there when she told you she was excited?”

  Jason thought back to when they’d stopped by his office and Lotty had excitedly told him her mom was here for an entire week. “Yeah, I guess she was.”

  Nikki shook her head like Jason was an idiot, filling him with guilt. Lotty was dealing with constant criticism from her mom and he’d ditched her to hang out with Brent and Nikki. He tried to rationalize it in his head. She never seemed happy to have him around and barely spoke to him.

  He’d almost convinced himself that he was totally in the right when Nikki patted his hand. “Maybe you could try to talk to her. She’s had a rough couple of days.” She looked directly at him and her honey-brown eyes softened. She continued, “Well, actually she’s had a rough year or two. She needs you.”

  “Alright, Nik,” Brent said, reaching past her for the orange juice. “Leave him alone. He came over here to get away from women offering unwanted advice.”

  “I’m not trying to—”

  “No, it’s fine,” Jason said. After seeing the disappointment on Nikki’s face, he continued, “I appreciate it. Obviously, I could use a little help.”

  “I have to run over to Dixie’s to get a new blade for my tiller,” Brent said through a mouthful of burrito. “Want to come?”

  Jason considered the offer. “Nah, I better get back home. Apparently, I should try to talk to my wife.” Jason smiled at Nikki. “Anyway, thanks for breakfast. It’s wonderful to have something with actual taste in it.”

  As he walked back to his house, Jason thought about Nikki’s words. She’s had a rough year or two. She needs you.

  A white truck pulled into his driveway. Two men wearing tool belts and construction hats got out. “Hey Jason, how are you?” asked Drew Henley. Jason had grown up with Drew. They’d ridden the same bus throughout elementary school. “This is Mike.” He pointed to the man standing next to him. Jason shook Mike’s hand. Drew continued, “You ready to have your garage back?”

  “Absolutely, but you guys have to work on a Saturday?”

  “Yeah.” Drew shrugged. “We need to get it started today. Cade insisted.”

  Jason glanced at their truck. The large WCC logo adorned the door. Warner Construction Company. Jason’s stomach turned. Of course the insurance company would choose Cade’s construction company to fix his house. “Alright, well I’ll let you guys get started. It’s good to see you, Drew. Let me know if you need anything.”

  He pulled the plastic to the side and waited in the mudroom. Silence. Where was everyone? He tried to ignore the frustration the mention of Cade’s name caused him and focus on Lotty. He could do this. He’d talked to her thousands of times, though he was definitely out of practice. He’d need a way to get her away from Doll and then he could ask her how she was doing. Simple enough.

  He walked through the kitchen and stopped by the window, focusing on the monstrosity in the backyard. Three almost straight posts and one crooked post supported several two-by-fours, nailed haphazardly together. A roll of chicken wire lay next to the eyesore. He shook his head. Lotty was determined to build a chicken coop. She’d given him several reasons why it was such a good idea. His favorite was all the fertilizer they’d have for a garden they didn’t yet own. He chuckled at the absurdity of it, but if Lotty enjoyed it, he was all for it.

  An earsplitting scream filled the silence, followed by banging. “It hurts so bad!” Ty yelled. Jason hurried upstairs to find Ty laying on the floor in the hallway, bawling and kicking. Aiden stood next to the bathroom door with a purple face, screaming.

  “Ty, what’s going on?”

  Ty writhed around on the floor. “It just hurts. I can’t wear this.”

  Aiden screamed again and pulled on the doorknob to the bathroom.

  “What hurts?” Jason asked.

  Ty sat up and threw his hands over his shoulder, trying to point to his back. Then he collapsed flat to the floor. “This dumb shirt Grandma bought me has a scratchy tag and Mom hasn’t cut it out yet.” His little body shook as he sobbed.

  Jason took a deep breath. “And what’s wrong with your brother?”

  Ty stopped crying long enough to say, “He wants Mom, but she won’t come out.” He returned to his fit.

  Jason stared at the bathroom door. A smile threatened to spread across his face. Lotty had locked herself in the bathroom. He couldn’t blame her with the scene waiting outside the door. He picked up Aiden and took him downstairs, then turned on Curious George and gave him fruit snacks. Aiden smiled. Okay, one down. He returned to the stairs as Ty crept down. “We can’t watch TV unless Mom says,” he sniffled.

  “You can right now.”

  Ty rushed to the living room to join Aiden. A fight over fruit snacks would inevitably follow so Jason jogged to the pantry, grabbed Ty a bag, and gave it to him. Then he hurried upstairs. He tapped on the bathroom door. Silence. He tapped again. “Lotty, it’s me.”

  The door slowly cracked open to reveal a tear-stained Lotty. “Hey,” he said, letting himself in and sitting on the side of the tub. He motioned for her to sit next to him. She eyed him suspiciously before sitting at least three feet away. “Where’s your mom?”

  “Yoga.”

  He nodded and an awkward silence settled over the room. It shouldn’t be this difficult to talk to his wife. “You enjoying the excitement this bathroom has to offer?” She watched him closely, but didn’t answer. “Have you read the backs of all the shampoo bottles? I hear Pantene Pro-V is a must-read.”

  A tiny smile fluttered across her lips. “I just wanted to go to the bathroom without Aiden following me.” She waved her arms as she talked and let out a sigh. “But once I was in here all by myself and they were out there going crazy, I couldn’t leave.”

  He set his hand on hers and her large blue eyes widened, but she didn’t pull away. She looked down at their hands and continued, “You know, I used to be at least kind of fun. Now I spend my days arguing with miniature versions of us about things like why they should ignore scratchy tags or not throw yogurt at each other.”

  Jason laughed. “Yeah. Ty seems to think you’re putting him through a special kind of torture with that tag.”

  She shook her head. “It’s Mom and all these ridiculous clothes. It’s sweet that she’s trying to help, but Ty doesn’t need to wear a sixty-dollar shirt to play in the mud and finger-paint. Plus, ninety percent of what he eats ends up on his clothes.” Jason had to keep his smile hidden. He wasn’t happy to see her so stressed, but she was talking to him and her anger was directed at someone else. Lotty continued, “She insisted he wear that shirt and vest today. You should have seen her giving him a lecture about how casual clothes create casual people and if he didn’t respect himself enough to wear nice clothes, others wouldn’t respect him either.”

  Jason feigned seriousness. “A nece
ssary lesson for every four-year-old.”

  “Yeah, she’s been giving me a similar talk several times a day,” Lotty said. Jason was relieved to see her smiling. He hoped she was taking everything Doll said with a grain of salt.

  “You’re not letting what she says get to you, are you?”

  Lotty looked away.

  “Lotty?”

  She began fidgeting with the ends of the her long, dark hair, wrapping it around her fingers and watching it intently. “I know I don’t eat well and exercise isn’t exactly my thing,” she started. “But I’m so tired of her pointing it out. Oh, and she hates how I dress.” Lotty stood up and paced to the other side of the bathroom. “If only she knew how bad it really was. I wear work-out clothes eighty percent of the time even though I’m not working out because they’re really comfy. I even wear the same clothes several days in a row because toddlers don’t care. If there’s not poop or puke on them, they’ll work for another day.” She stopped talking, frowned, and moved back towards the bathtub.

  Jason was speechless. He wished he could convince her to ignore Doll’s snide comments, but how? Did she not realize how good she looked? It was difficult for him to imagine her feeling bad about herself when she turned so many heads. Still, she was clearly having a hard time. Without giving himself time to think about what he was doing, he stood and wrapped his arms around her. She froze. After several seconds, she relaxed and leaned into him and finally put her arms around his waist.

  “Lotty?”

  “Hm?” Her response was muffled since her face was buried in his chest.

  “You’re beautiful.” He was glad she wasn’t looking directly at him or he’d lose all courage. “Whether you’re dressed up and wearing make-up or sporting pajama pants for six days in a row, you’re beautiful.”

  She tightened her arms around him.

  “Though you may need a slightly higher benchmark for clean clothes than a lack of poop or puke.”

  She leaned back and looked up at him. “Yeah, maybe.” Her eyes sparkled and her lips broke into an irresistible grin.

  “Dad,” Ty yelled as he banged his way up the stairs. “Dad.”