“I’ll be careful.” I sink down slowly and he grabs my hips, preventing me from going all the way.
I put my hands on top of his. “I’m in control.”
I lean down to feather kisses over his face and he becomes less tense. I sink deeper before lifting my hips to slide him out. “That’s it. Just lie back and enjoy the ride.”
Four rounds of sex over six hours. The last time was a concession on Sin’s part––because I begged. He’s satiated but I’m not. My hormones are raging.
He sits on the edge of the bed to put on his prosthesis. I’ll never get him to agree to another go once he secures his leg. “One more before we have to leave?” I kiss the side of his neck to encourage an affirmative. “Please, Breck.”
“No, Bonny. We did it three times more than we should have.”
“I beg to differ.”
He twists around to kiss me. “I need to take you home. I have a meeting in an hour.”
He hasn’t mentioned a meeting. “I thought you cleared your workday for us.”
“I cleared my day at the office. I have Fellowship business to tend tonight.”
I don’t always love the affairs he’s in charge of. “I hope it’s not another meeting about a gentlemen’s club.”
“Nothing like that. A brother has asked me to meet with him at Duncan’s about a match with Lorna.”
“In the pub of the man in love with her?”
“You don’t have to tell me how fucked up it is. But maybe Leith’s eyes will be opened to see what’s right in front of him.”
I’m confused about so many things when it comes to Sin’s friendship with Leith. It’s different from his with Jamie. Something happened and I’m guessing it has everything to do with Lorna since that tends to be a sore topic between the two. “You said that there was history with you, Jamie, Leith and Lorna but you never told me what it was.”
“There’s a reason for that.”
I hug him from behind. “It can’t be so bad.”
He sighs. “You’re wrong. What we did was fucked up.”
“I can always handle the truth. The not knowing is what kills me.” I say the words but my heart pounds. He’s told me it’s bad. Do I really want to know this secret they share?
He drops his head as though he’s ashamed. I’ve never seen this reaction from him. “It isn’t pretty. I don’t want my past with Lorna to change the way you feel about me. Or her. She’s one of your best friends. You treasure that friendship, and she does as well. I don’t want to see a problem develop between you.”
“What’s passed is past.”
“You say that now.”
Okay. They’ve had sex. It happened before me so I can move beyond that. “Can’t you see that you’re choosing to be loyal to them by keeping this secret from me?”
“I’m not. I’m making the decision to shield you from something that is so very ugly. Protecting you is what I do. Never mistake that as me being loyal to someone else. My devotion belongs only to you. Always.”
That’s not how it feels. “I’m a rational adult. I swear I will not hold your past against you.”
“Leith, Jamie, and I were young and stupid. We were boys trying to be men. Lorna was starved for attention. So we gave it to her.”
“In the form of sex.”
“No. In the form of fucking. A lot.”
It’s not something I’m proud to hear but I’m not sure why he thought I couldn’t handle this. “I guessed as much judging by the things you’ve said.”
“You haven’t nearly guessed all of it. When it was happening, I wasn’t thinking of anything but the present. I never considered the possibility that I’d one day have this beautiful woman in my life that I adore. By some miracle she’d agree to be my wife and become the mother of my children. I never imagined I’d be sitting here searching for the words to explain the things I did with one of her best friends.”
I don’t know what to say to that.
He breathes in deeply and releases it slowly. “We took it much further than we should have.”
I will be sick if he’s talking about rape. “As in what?”
“We were all with Lorna at the same time.”
I need a clearer explanation. “When you say at the same time, do you mean the three of you were sleeping with her over the same period of time or do you mean she let the three of you gangbang her?”
He doesn’t answer right away. “It sounds even worse when you use that word but aye. We had lots of three-on-one sex. But it was always voluntary.”
This isn’t what I was expecting. I feel queasy.
“It was her suggestion. Of course the three of us were numpties and thought it was a fantastic idea. But it was after her parents were killed. She was hurting and looking for love and security. We used her for sex. Not my proudest moment.” He shakes his head. “If we have a daughter and any man did to her what we did with Lorna, I would kill him.”
I feel minimally better knowing it was Lorna’s idea instead of them talking her into it. “I hope you all used condoms.”
“Every time.” At least they used some intelligence.
My God. What was Lorna thinking she would accomplish by doing that?
“I don’t need details but explain how the foursome came to an end.”
“Jamie lost interest. So it was me, Leith, and Lorna. After that, the dynamics changed among the three of us.”
This is totally predictable. “Anyone knows that you put two males and one female together in a sexual situation and there’s going to be a pissing contest. It’s the nature of testosterone.”
“That sounds like a fair assessment of what happened. Leith began competing with me for Lorna. He wanted all of her attention.”
I know my husband. He doesn’t like losing. “So a rivalry was born among best friends.”
“Aye. A rivalry to see who she’d choose for sex. That’s all it was for me. Never a battle for her heart.”
“But you think it was more for him? A duel for her love?”
“I do now. I think he fell in love with her and saw me as the one keeping them apart.”
Even then, Leith and Lorna knew Sin would one day be their leader. I highly doubt either of them would have told him to bow out so they could be together. “What brought it to a head?”
“Ugh,” he groans. “These aren’t things a husband is supposed to tell his wife.”
He has this wrong. “They are when you’re my husband.”
He puffs his cheeks out as he exhales. “Leith walked in on me and Lorna in the stockroom at the pub. He’d seen us have sex on many occasions so I didn’t think a thing of it. But Leith was never the same after that. Even today, it’s like we pretend to still be best mates but he hates me.”
Men are so stupid sometimes. “That’s because you were having sex with the woman he loves.”
“That was more than two years ago. Never again after that night. I swear.”
This is a damn mess. “What do you plan to do about this brother proposing a match with her?”
“I want to make this right for Leith and Lorna. I’m going to give him one final chance to do what he should’ve done years ago. If he doesn’t, then that’s on him. I can’t spend the rest of my life blaming myself because they aren’t together.”
What Sin did was wrong. No doubt about it, but he shouldn’t continue holding himself responsible for Leith and Lorna being apart. “They’re mature adults now. They can make their own decisions about what they want from one another. That’s why I’m calling her. She should know what’s happening so she can make an informed decision about her destiny. Clearly, fate shouldn’t be left solely in Leith’s hands in case he decides to fuck it up again.”
Chapter Ten
Sinclair Breckenridge
We drop Bleu at home and Sterling drives me to Duncan’s. I’m not scheduled to meet with Noah Wallace for another hour. I’m intentionally early since I have business to discuss with Leith. I’m gi
ving him another chance to claim what he wants before I move on to another suitor for Lorna.
I sit at our triad’s table. The vinyl-covered seat beneath my arse doesn’t have time to warm before Lorna plops down across from me. “Bleu called.”
“I know. She told me she would.”
“Please tell me why it is that I’ve known you my entire life but it’s your wife who calls to inform me that you have a meeting with Noah Wallace to discuss a possible match between us.”
She’s angry. I wonder if it’s because I haven’t told her about the meeting with a brother concerning her future or because it’s not Leith who has approached me.
“Noah asked to set up a meeting to discuss his interest in you. You aren’t involved with anyone so I’m obligated to hear him out.”
“You aren’t my father.”
“But I am your leader and no one has claimed you.”
Her mouth twists. “As much as I appreciate you pointing that out, I’m already quite aware.”
I’m handling this all wrong. “I wasn’t trying to be unkind. I only meant that if there’s interest in you by a brother, I have to explore it. It’s part of my duty. My father and I are accountable for securing a good match for you because you don’t have a father to do so. I think you’d prefer I make the arrangement rather than my dad.”
My father’s marriage was arranged. Although he and my mother aren’t in love, he still firmly believes in arranged marriages because they often benefit The Fellowship. If things don’t work out with Leith, at least I would try to find Lorna a match where there was some kind of affection.
“Maybe I don’t want a husband. Have you ever considered that perhaps I’m happy with the way my life is?”
She forgets she’s already confided her discontent. “But you aren’t. And I feel I’m to blame for that.”
“How could you be the cause for my unhappiness?”
It’s time to get real about what happened. “I think you and Leith fell in love after Jamie left the group, but I fucked it up by being the third wheel.”
Lorna’s eyes grow large. I’ve caught her off guard. “I loved Leith but he didn’t love me back.”
The more I learn about love from Bleu, the more I see things for how they really are. “He loved you then and I think he still does.”
She’s shaking her head. “No man would sit back and watch his best mate have sex with the woman he loves. It doesn’t work like that.”
She’s exactly right. “That’s why it all ended. He couldn’t stand it anymore.”
“Well, he’s not the only one. I couldn’t stand it anymore, either.”
She’s referring to me. “I’m sorry for everything. What we did was wrong, but I want to make it right for you now.”
Her eyes well with tears. “I disgust him. Did you know that I work with him five, sometimes six days a week and most of the time he can’t even look me in the eyes?”
I’ve never noticed Leith being that way with her.
“I’m going to give you a bit of advice, Sin. Make sure Bleu never finds out what we did because I can promise you this. You never want to see revulsion in the eyes of the person you love when they look at you.”
“Bleu knows.”
“No!” Lorna slaps her hand on the table several times. “No! How?”
“I told her.”
“No!” Her mouth gapes as she shakes her head. “Why the hell would you do that?”
Lorna doesn’t yet understand the relationship between spouses. “She knew we had history and asked me to tell her about it.”
Lorna puts her head down on the table. “That was a dumb, ignorant, stupid move.”
I disagree. It’s probably one of the best I could’ve made for my marriage. “I’m glad she knows. I never have to worry about someone else telling her.”
Lorna kicks me beneath the table––in my prosthesis. “Fuck you, Sin! Fuck you!”
I reach down to ensure it’s still in place. “Why are you so angry?”
“Because Bleu’s a dear friend who now hates my guts.”
If I were married to any other woman, Lorna would probably be right. Most wives wouldn’t so easily forgive what we did. “She doesn’t hate you.”
Lorna lowers her voice to a whisper. “She just found out one of her best friends slept with multiple men at the same time and one of them was her husband. How could she not despise me?”
It indeed sounds bad when she says it like that. “You spoke to her less than an hour ago. Did she sound angry or say anything to make you believe she hated you?”
“No.”
“Because you’re a beloved friend to her. She doesn’t like the things we did but she harbors no ill feelings toward either of us about it. What has passed is past. That’s what she said.”
Lorna covers her hands with her face. “I don’t know how I’ll ever face her again.”
“You’ll act no differently because she’ll have it no other way.”
“Oh God. I hate this. I wish we’d not done any of those things.”
She isn’t the only one who wishes we could take it back. But we can’t, so we must make the best of a bad situation. “Do you still love Leith?”
She places her hand in the center of her chest. “With all of my heart and soul.”
I can work with that. “Will you let me fix this?”
“I’d love nothing more but I’m not holding my breath.”
“If it doesn’t work out, then you’re no worse off.”
“Except you will have given me hope and then yanked it out from beneath me.”
I’ll only do this if it’s what she wants. “It’s your decision.”
“What would you say to him?”
“I’m going to tell him about Noah asking to meet to discuss a match with you but that I think he would be a better fit.”
Lorna leans back and moves her hand to her stomach. “Oh God. I feel like I may throw up.”
It’s a sure sign she’s in love with him. “Is he in the office?”
“Aye. He’s closing out the books for the month.”
I get up to leave the table. Lorna looks as though she may pass out. “You might want to consider having a whisky. You look pale.”
“You would be too if you were in my shoes. My entire life is riding on what you say to Leith.”
“Trust me when I say I understand the feelings you’re having. I’m on your side. I promise I’ll do all I can to make Leith see that you belong together.”
I knock on the office door because it’s closed. And locked. “Leith.”
He calls out from the other side. “Go away.”
Leith is my best mate, but even on his best day he doesn’t get to tell me to leave him alone. I knock again much louder. “Come on, Leith. We have business to discuss and I’m running short on time.”
“Hold the fuck on.” I can hear him muttering on the other side. “Mother. Fucker.”
He yanks the door open. “What!”
I step out of the way so Greer can exit. It doesn’t escape my attention that she’s straightening her blouse as she passes through the door. “Hi, Sinclair.”
“Greer.”
Leith plops down in his office chair. “Whatever business you’re here to tend better be important. You just cost me a shag.”
“Are you in some kind of relationship with Greer?”
“No. We fuck when we feel like it. That’s all.”
He reaches for a bottle of Ballantine’s and pours a glass. “Want one?”
“Sure.”
“You said we had business to tend?”
“Aye. Noah Wallace asked me to meet with him about a potential match he has in mind.”
“Let me guess. He’s after Declan Stuart’s sister.”
He’s going to wish it were her when I tell him who it really is. “No. He’s interested in Lorna.”
He’s bringing his glass of whisky to his mouth but stops before taking a drink. “He wants to claim L
orna?”
He wouldn’t ask to meet with me if he were only interested in claiming her. He doesn’t need my permission for that. “I think he means to make her his wife. We’re meeting at nine to discuss the details so I’ll know more then.”
“You’re her leader. You have the right to refuse him on her behalf.”
“I could, but why would I if they’re both agreeable?”
He perks up. That caught his attention. “Have you asked Lorna how she feels about a match with Wallace?”
“I don’t have to because she’s in love with someone else. Has been for years.”
He tosses back his whisky and reaches to pour another. “We work together almost every day and I’ve seen nothing that suggests she’s in love with anyone. Yet you seem very clear about it.” He sounds pissed off, like he suspects I’m talking about myself.
“That’s because you’ve been blind to it.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
I’m not sure he sees what he does to her. “You keep Lorna close, yet you’re careful to maintain distance. But every once in a while when you’ve had a little too much whisky, you let down that wall that separates the two of you.”
“You’re confusing the hell out of me.”
“Lorna is in love with you. She has been for years.”
“I think you’re wrong about that.”
“I’m not.”
“Then explain this. If she was in love with me, how could she keep fucking you?”
This is so much harder than I thought it would be. “I think she realized it that night you walked in on us because it never happened again after that. I swear. And she’s been suffering in silence since.”
“Did you know Lorna and I were having one-on-ones without you?”
That’s news to me. “No.”
“I thought I had won Lorna––until I found you with her in the storage room. I was completely wrecked, so please excuse me if I’m a little insensitive to the degree of suffering she has experienced.”
“She never had one-on-ones with me until that night. It was the first and last time.”
“I don’t really want to hear this right now.”
He has to. It’s time to get it all out in the open. “Lorna hasn’t been with a man since then because she’s in love with you.”
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