Jonah sighed and shifted in his chair, wincing slightly when some of his tender muscles protested the action. The shop had been dead so far, and the book he’d brought with couldn’t hold his attention. He’d woken up sore, and the shower had helped somewhat, but he could still feel it when he moved, a subtle ache that reminded him he’d been taken the night before. Maybe it was a bit sentimental, but the physical reminder made him happy. It was like a secret only he and Laurie shared.
The sound of his grandparents’ voices drew his attention to the back office. They were discussing sending a couple of the guides home early. It made sense—there weren’t very many kayak tours on the schedule—but Jonah figured they probably wouldn’t let him go any time soon, no matter how slow it’d been. Someone had to be around to ring up customers and answer phones. Normally, he didn’t mind much, but his body was hurting and all he really wanted to do was talk to Laurie. And maybe sneak in a few cuddles, too.
Jonah glanced at the clock. The next tour wasn’t set to start for another hour and a half, which meant Laurie would probably be free for nearly as long. Maybe they could head into town for lunch or something, and Jonah could bring the whole ex-boyfriend thing up sort of casually, in a “you’re gonna laugh when I tell you this” kind of way. They could have a good chuckle about it (hopefully), and then it would be over and done with.
“Hey, MawMaw?” Jonah called.
His grandmother, Eleanor, appeared in the doorway of the office and smiled at him. “What is it, sugar?”
“It’s a little early, but can I take my lunch right now?”
Eleanor looked over her shoulder when Jonah’s grandfather said something he didn’t quite catch. “Yes, I remember,” she murmured, then glanced back at Jonah. “We have to leave for an appointment in about fifteen minutes, love. You can go on a break if you want, but we’ll need you to cover the shop while we’re gone.”
Well, that was disappointing. But Jonah could work with fifteen minutes. Laurie had to be somewhere nearby. His last tour had come in only twenty minutes ago. The boathouse would be the best bet. “All right, MawMaw. I’ll be back.”
Jonah left the shop and headed toward the boathouse. He eyed the parking lot next door, searching for Travis’s car, but didn’t see it. Good. Maybe the guy was in the hospital having his nose readjusted. That or he was too embarrassed to show his face. Either way, Jonah didn’t care. He didn’t think he could stand to see Travis any time soon without hitting him again.
When he reached the entrance to the boathouse, both Laurie and Marc were just stepping out.
“Hey, kiddo,” Marc said. “What’s up?”
“Oh, um…MawMaw was asking for Laurie.”
Marc arched a brow and gave Laurie a look Jonah couldn’t read. “I see. Well, I’m going to get some food. Catch you guys later.”
As Marc wandered off, Laurie smiled slightly. “Very subtle, Jo.”
“Sorry.” Jonah laughed. “I should’ve guessed he’d be with you.”
“So, what’s really up?”
Nerves made Jonah’s stomach clench. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
Laurie’s eyes searched his face for a moment. “Sure.”
“Come on.” Jonah started down the path that led toward the docks. He stopped a few feet out onto the first one and dropped down to sit on the edge.
Laurie sat beside him, but didn’t speak, obviously waiting for Jonah to say something. When Jonah cleared his throat for the second time, Laurie glanced at him in amusement. “You got something stuck in there or what?”
That startled a laugh out of Jonah. “No, I…I’m a little nervous, but, you know, it’s actually kind of a funny story…”
“What’s kind of a funny story?” Laurie prodded, nudging Jonah with his shoulder. “How are you feeling, by the way?”
“I’m good.” Jonah smiled briefly. “I wish I could kiss you right now.”
Laurie reached out and squeezed his hand. “Later.”
“Yeah.” Jonah cleared his throat again, and tried to ignore Laurie’s chuckle. “But, anyway, you know when I told you about Dirk a couple of weeks ago?”
“Yeah?” Laurie said. The hesitancy in his voice made Jonah cringe.
“So, the thing is…I sort of made him up.”
“Sort of?”
“I did make him up. I…there is no Dirk.” Jonah risked a glance at Laurie. The expression—or, rather, non-expression—on his face was worse than anger would have been. “I just…I wanted—”
“Jonah!”
Jonah jerked at the sound of his name being shouted from the direction of the shop. Shit. Has it been fifteen minutes already?
“You should go,” Laurie said flatly when Jonah’s name was called again.
Jonah bit his lip as the nervousness in his belly changed to queasiness. “Are you mad?”
“We’ll talk about it later, Jo.”
Jonah stared at him for a moment, but Laurie didn’t say anything else. Laurie’s silence, and the sound of his name being yelled for a third time, prompted him into getting up.
“I’m sorry, Laurie.” He turned and made his way back to the shop. By the time he got there, Jonah had fought off the feeling of nausea. Mostly. He apologized to his grandparents, and watched them walk out the door with a sense of relief. Trying to talk to Laurie when he had so little time had probably been a mistake. He’d have the rest of the day to agonize about whether Laurie was actually pissed or just disappointed. Worrying about it was going to drive him crazy. But, then, he had no one to blame but himself.
****
Oh, God, where is he? Is he that mad at me? Jonah looked out the window again, searching for a glimpse of headlights in the distance. Marc and Laurie had gone somewhere directly from Beckett’s, but he had no idea where. Jonah hadn’t spoken to Laurie since the few minutes they’d spent on the docks earlier. He didn’t have a clue what Laurie thought about the entire situation, and the constant anxiety had started to make him feel sick.
At first he waited in his own bedroom, but three hours later he found himself in Laurie’s room without any real memory of how it’d happened. They needed to talk. As soon as Laurie got back. There was no way Jonah could withstand an entire night of this. The very thought made him want to puke.
The appearance of headlights at the end of the long driveway half an hour later was as much a stress as a comfort. What if he breaks up with me? Not that they’d ever actually put a label on their relationship. But they were together. It wasn’t just about the sex. Jonah knew it.
In the time it took for Marc and Laurie to enter the house, Jonah had worked himself into such a state he thought he might just fall to pieces when Laurie opened the door. It didn’t happen, though. Laurie stepped into the room, and he didn’t look at all surprised to see Jonah standing there. He shut the door behind him and crossed his arms over his chest. Neither his posture nor his expression was encouraging in the slightest, but Jonah moved to stand in front of him anyway.
“Please don’t be mad!” he blurted before Laurie could say anything. “I’m really sorry, Laurie. I just…I wanted you to notice me. It was like you never saw me. You saw Jonah, Marc’s little brother, but not me. I thought if I told you I’d had a boyfriend, maybe you would be jealous, and then maybe…” Jonah’s throat felt tight. He swallowed to try to alleviate the pressure, but it got even worse as Laurie stared at him in silence. “It was a bad idea, I know. Really, I know that now. Please forgive me. I—”
“Jo,” Laurie interrupted quietly, “I already knew.”
Jonah blinked, his mouth falling open in shock. “You…you did?”
“Well, I suspected at least,” Laurie amended. “But this morning, when you confirmed it…I was more upset than I thought I’d be to find out you actually had lied about it all. That was kind of shitty of you, Jonah.”
“I know. I know. It was a dick move, and I’m—”
“But I understand why you did it.”
Jonah’s very br
ain seemed to freeze at those words. Laurie understood. So did that mean…? “You’re not going to break up with me?”
Laurie looked surprised. “No, of course not.”
Jonah kissed him. He couldn’t help it. Laurie wasn’t angry. They were still going to be together. The relief was so intense it almost made him giddy. He trembled when Laurie’s arms uncrossed and curled around his waist.
“I love you,” he murmured against Laurie’s mouth. His hand slipped between their bodies and pressed to the hard length he could feel under Laurie’s fly. “Let me show you how much.”
Laurie groaned. “Jonah, not here. I told you—”
“Just this once.” Jonah’s fingers undid the button on Laurie’s jeans and started to tug the zipper down. “Just this one time…”
Jonah knew he’d get his way when Laurie dipped his head and pressed a kiss to his collarbone. “Once,” Laurie said, his lips brushing over the soft skin there.
The exasperation in Laurie’s voice made Jonah laugh. It was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay.
Or so he thought. Until the door flew open behind Laurie and his brother walked in. Marc was in the middle of saying something about condoms, but broke off when he spotted Jonah and Laurie locked in an embrace.
“Oh.” Marc’s eyes were huge. As Jonah watched, a slow flush crept up his neck. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t…fuck, Laurie, I thought you weren’t going to do this in the house!”
Jonah felt his own eyes widen. “You knew?” He glanced at Laurie for reassurance, but the obvious guilt on Laurie’s face spoke volumes. “You talked to him about it?”
“Jo—”
Jonah pulled out of Laurie’s arms and looked between him and his brother. “You guys…were you guys laughing at me?”
“No.” Laurie shook his head and reached for Jonah again.
Jonah stepped back, putting more distance between them. “Did you tell him about everything we’ve done?”
“No.”
“But you guys talked about me. You—”
“Jonah,” Marc interrupted in what Jonah assumed he thought was a placating tone. “Yeah, Laurie and I did talk after you asked him to…well, you know. But it’s cool. I told him I was okay with it. I told him to give you what you wanted.”
“Give me what I wanted?” Jonah echoed blankly. “You mean, you told Laurie to fuck me?”
“Well, not in those—” Marc started, but Laurie’s voice overrode his.
“It wasn’t like that, Jonah!”
“Oh, I’m sure. You guys must have really laughed it up, huh?” Jonah met Laurie’s gaze. He couldn’t even attempt to hide the pain he was feeling. “What was all this then? Pity? And you even told me you lo—”
Jonah broke off and bit his lip so hard the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth. No, he wasn’t about to say that. It would be like throwing another stick on the fire of his humiliation, and how pathetic would that be?
“Jonah.” Laurie took a step toward him. His hazel eyes were pleading. “Don’t—”
But Jonah didn’t wait around to hear what Laurie had to say. He spun on his heel and fled the room.
****
“Shit,” Marc muttered into the silence Jonah left behind. “I really fucked that up. I wasn’t even thinking.” He glanced over at Laurie. “I’ll go after him.”
Laurie shook his head in a quick, jerky movement. “No. I’ll go.”
Marc sighed. “Sorry, man.”
“God, we both handled that badly. I should’ve told him that you and I talked.” Laurie rubbed a hand over his face and groaned. “I’m gonna go.”
He was halfway down the hall when he realized his fly was still open. He paused to do it up quickly. “Christ.” Five minutes ago Jonah had been pressed against him, looking so blissfully happy Laurie had been willing to give him anything he wanted. But the expression on his face when he’d realized that Marc had known about them all along…God, that was going to stick with Laurie for a while.
****
It took him over half an hour to find Jonah. Laurie checked his bedroom first, then the guesthouse and the gazebo. He’d just started to get really worried when he saw the glow of Jonah’s white T-shirt down near the lakeshore. When he got closer he realized that what he’d seen from a distance was just a pile of Jonah’s discarded clothes.
Laurie looked out over the water, growing more and more alarmed as he searched for a sign of—there. Out on the floating swim platform in the middle of the lake, he could just barely make out Jonah’s silhouette. “Shit.” Jonah would pick the most inaccessible location on the property. Laurie sighed. The air was still warm, but he knew the water would be different story. Well, no sense in delaying the inevitable. He had two choices: go to Jonah or wait for him to come back—and Laurie wasn’t feeling patient enough for the latter.
He stripped down to his boxers and treaded into the lake without another thought. Gooseflesh broke out over his skin as the chilly water closed around him. He probably would’ve won some kind of medal for how fast he made that swim, but Jonah didn’t even look at him as he hauled himself up onto the platform.
“What do you want?” Jonah’s voice was raspy. From the sound of it, Laurie could tell he’d been crying, and it made his stomach twist with remorse.
“We have to talk, Jo.”
Jonah sighed softly and sat up. The moonlight was bright enough for Laurie to see that he wore a pair of skintight blue briefs with a red waistband and the Superman symbol on the crotch. Under different circumstances, Laurie would’ve thought it was adorable. Right then, he was too wet, too cold, and feeling too damn guilty. And the look on Jonah’s face wasn’t helping.
“I’m tired of talking,” Jonah said flatly.
“Well, just listen then.” Laurie brushed sopping bangs off of his forehead and scooted a bit closer to where Jonah sat. “I know you’re upset, and I don’t blame you. I should’ve told you that I talked to Marc. But it didn’t happen the way you think it did.”
Jonah made a scornful noise.
“Look, I have too much respect for your brother—and you—to try to keep this a secret from him. He could tell something was on my mind, and when he asked me about it, I couldn’t lie to him.”
“And, so, what? He asked you to do me a favor?”
“He did tell me he wanted me to do what you asked,” Laurie admitted. “But because he trusts me, and he loves you. I know we were wrong not to tell you, but—”
“So that’s the only reason you did it?” Jonah asked thickly. “Just because he asked you to?”
“No, Jonah, I—”
“And did you lie when you said you loved me, too? Or did you just mean you love me as a friend?” Jonah’s voice rose with every word. “Did you say it back because you felt sorry for me?”
“Jonah!” Laurie gripped Jonah’s bare shoulders and shook him lightly. “Stop. You have to let me finish, okay? Don’t keep jumping to conclusions.”
Jonah’s eyes gleamed with moisture, and he looked like he wanted to say more. After a moment, though, he bit his lip and nodded.
Laurie kept their gazes locked as he said, “Your brother didn’t ask me to have sex with you as a favor to him. He asked because he could tell I wanted you too.”
Jonah blinked. “You did?”
Laurie nodded. “I did. I do. I told you not to doubt it.”
“How could I not doubt it, Laurie?” Jonah reached up and grabbed his wrists. “The way Marc said it…well, what was I supposed to think?”
“I know. It sounded bad.” Laurie sighed softly. “It was my fault for not telling you. We thought you’d be embarrassed if you knew, but that’s no excuse.”
Jonah seemed to consider his words for a moment. “Yeah, I…I probably would have been. I get your reasons, I just…” Jonah trailed off and released Laurie’s wrists. His arms wrapped around Laurie’s waist and he leaned in to rest his head on Laurie’s shoulder. “We both should’ve been more honest with each
other.”
“Yeah.” Laurie ran his hands down Jonah’s back and drew him closer. “I do love you, Jo. As a friend, yes, but more than that, too. I was thinking, when we get back to Wisconsin, maybe you can move in with me and Marc. You could share my room.”
Jonah lifted his head and looked at Laurie, surprise clearly written on his features. “You want me to move in with you? You want to be with me even when we get to school?”
Laurie laughed quietly. “Yes to both. Don’t look so shocked. Isn’t that what you want, too?”
“Of course!”
“So then move in with me. We’ll save your parents some money on room and board.”
Jonah grinned. “I bet they’ll love that.”
“It’s not going to be free, though,” Laurie said, keeping both his tone and expression serious.
“Oh, no?” Jonah’s eyebrows went up. “You’re gonna charge me?”
“Yep.”
“And what’s it gonna cost me?”
“I have an entire list of acceptable forms of payment,” Laurie answered with a smirk. “We’ll go over it when we get up there.”
Jonah burst out laughing. “You know, you still haven’t claimed your prize. Are you adding that to the list?”
Laurie grinned. “Oh, no. I’m claiming that right now.”
Jonah gave him a smile that was both nervous and excited. “Yeah? What are you going to make me do?”
“First, I’m going to make you swim back to shore because I’m freezing out here.”
Jonah nodded. “Me, too. It was kind of an impulsive decision.”
Laurie snorted. “No kidding.”
“Hey, I’m allowed a little teenage angst, right?”
Laurie rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling. “Guess so.”
“So, what are you going to make me do after we get to shore?”
Laurie leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Jonah’s mouth. “How about I tell you when we get there?”
Jonah was out of his arms and in the water in a flash. For a second, all Laurie could do was sit there and blink. Until Jonah splashed a handful of cold water in his direction and laughed.
Don't Read in the Closet volume one Page 61