by Marian Tee
She was trembling so hard now and Jason knew it was only a matter of time before she would climax. He moved his head up, tonguing her folds before he finally reached what he sought – a tiny bud of flesh that was already swollen with need for his kiss.
His lips closed over the bud, and the moment he started to suck she came apart, sobbing out his name as wave after wave of sensual bliss hit her body. Even as she begged him to stop, he kept on sucking her clit, prolonging her orgasm until her knees gave out the moment he released her.
He caught her before she fell and swung her up in his arms.
Her eyes were confused but they were also filled with love, and it shone so brightly in her silvery gaze that it made Jason swallow.
“I love you, Jason.”
He didn’t answer.
“You’ll believe me one day.” Before he could speak, she added another day, “And on that day you’ll also realize you love me, too.”
When her eyes closed, he said rawly, “You have no idea how much I want to love you, Keanne---” His arms tightened around her. “But I can’t.”
He expected her to cry at his harsh words, but instead his brave little Keanne hugged him more tightly, mirroring his action. “I don’t believe that, Jason. You’re my sun, and you can only shine for me.”
Chapter Nine
“Where are we going now?” Keanne asked the question idly as she allowed Jason to dress her. “And what about my panties?”
A wicked gleam flashed in his eyes. “I like the idea of being the only one who knows you’re not wearing panties under your dress.”
“Perv.”
“But you love it, don’t you?”
She shrugged.
He laughed. “You cannot fool me, Keanne. You’ve been staring at my cock the whole time.”
She flushed, muttering something in French under her breath.
When he was done pulling her dress down to its not-so-respectable length, he cupped her cheeks and made her look at him by saying her name softly. When she did, he kissed her.
Tender, passionate, and beautiful.
That was what this kiss was, and she so badly wanted to cry when he lifted his head to smile down at her. How could he still not know that he was beginning to fall for her – Keanne? How could he still believe that he still loved Lilac?
“I want to give you as much time as possible to think things through, ma petite.”
She frowned. “Think about what?”
“About giving your body to me---”
“I love you---”
He shook his head, immovable in his resolve. “Your virginity is precious, Keanne. Although it’s going to kill me to let you go now, I will if that’s what you eventually choose.”
She wanted to thump him. “Don’t you get it?” she demanded. “You’re done sacrificing. There’s no need to suffer for me because all I want is you!”
His face whitened at her words, and her heart broke at that because she knew even now there was a large part of Jason that did not believe he was worth loving.
Knowing he hated being weak in front of anyone – even her – she deliberately kept her voice light as she said, “I want you…and your cock.”
He grinned, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, which were filled with a quiet sense of gratitude.
“My cock does not have to go into your beautiful little pussy to please you.”
She gasped at his words, more shocked than disgusted by its crudeness. She wasn’t just shocked either, though. She was also turned on by the words, and the smirk that played on Jason’s lips told Keanne that he knew he was turning her on, too.
A thought occurred to her then, making her uneasy. Before she could stop herself, she asked, “Have you ever talked to Lilac this way?”
His face became expressionless. “We must not talk about her.”
“I’m not making you say bad stuff about her, Jason. I just…need to know.”
He said curtly, “No. I have never talked to her like this.”
She whirled around.
It stunned him, that swift arrow of pain piercing his heart when Keanne wasn’t facing him any longer. She had always meant the world to him, but not this way – not like he was feeling less than whole if she was not…
If she was not happy with him.
He had failed so many people in his life already. He did not want to fail Keanne, too, and he would do his fucking best not to hurt her like the others did.
Jason asked quietly, “Does that displease you, ma petite?”
She said in her own quiet honest tone, “I’m not sure. I suppose…it depends on why you talk to me that way and not to her.”
The silence lengthened. She thought he wouldn’t answer her when she heard him say in a low voice, “Because she is like a princess…someone fit to be placed on a pedestal.”
Oh.
His words left her even more confused. Did she want to be placed on a pedestal, too?
The answer came to her. No. She didn’t want to be placed on a pedestal. She just needed Jason to see – to really see that she was a young woman now, someone who was alive and aching to love him. She didn’t mind that he spoke crudely to her. She even loved it, because it meant that he saw her as a woman – and that he was not treating her like a child.
Jason’s arms went around her from behind. She shivered when she felt him lifting her hair up so he could kiss her nape. “Are you angry with me now, ma petite?”
She shook her head, arching her neck helplessly as his lips trailed to the front and he started to suck.
“You might leave a mark.”
“That is the point,” he murmured against her skin. “It is to make boys like your Gabriel understand that although I am letting you play with them, it does not mean you belong to them.”
“You’ll let me play with them?”
He bit her neck, making her squeal. Lifting his head, he gently turned her around so she could see his face. “I want you so much now that fucking you in every way possible is all I think about these days. But more than that, I care for you and even though I’ll fucking hate it, I want you to have the chance to find out someone better than me.”
“There is no one better than you for me.”
“Yes, there is, Keanne. I’m sure of it. I just hope to God that when you meet him, I’ll still be honorable enough to let you go.”
She beat his chest. “I hate it when you’re like this. Contrary to your beliefs, it’s not sexy to date a martyr!”
A surprised laugh escaped him, having never heard himself described as a martyr before. “A martyr? Is that how you see me?”
Slowly, she shook her head.
“Then how do you see me? As your sun?”
She forced a smile. “Something like that.” She didn’t think it was the right time to let him know that she thought of him more than a sun. In her eyes, he was the sun god, the brightest among all the stars in the sky, something so beautiful that every mortal wanted to own him.
He took her hand. “Let’s take it day by day for now, hmm?”
She nodded.
“That’s my girl.”
Her heart somersaulted at the words even though she knew he really didn’t mean it. But one day he would mean it. One day, it would happen. She just had to keep believing that day would come.
****
Jason kept her company throughout the day, attending every class with her. They invited attention wherever they went, both of them so well-known and both of them famously private about what was going on between them.
When they were done with the last class, Jason surprised Keanne by asking her if she wanted to join him and his friends for an evening out.
“Are you sure?”
The hesitation on her face made Jason frown, and he temporarily let go of the door of his car, which he had been in the act of opening for Keanne. “Why wouldn’t I be sure?”
“Because we’ve known each other for years and yet this is the first time you�
��ve invited me to meet them.”
The pain Keanne desperately tried to hide did not escape Jason, and with a muttered expletive he hauled her into his arms, uncaring that they were once again in public. If they kept this up, people would really start to believe that they were a couple.
“I’m sorry, ma petite.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything,” she rushed to say. “I just---”
“---thought I was somehow ashamed of you and thus did not want you to meet my friends?”
“No, of course not---”
“Yes, you thought that and I don’t blame you. It may seem like the only reason for my actions, but I swear to God it’s not.” With a tired sigh, he cupped her chin to make Keanne see in his eyes that he was telling her the truth.
“Years ago…most of us were in pretty bad shape. We all had our demons to face and I didn’t want you to be a part of it. You had just left an evil world behind you. What kind of a friend would I be to you if I took you into another one?”
“A-and now?”
“We’ve…settled down somewhat.”
She was quiet for a few seconds and then her eyes darted away from his. Before he could ask why, she was speaking again. “And do they all know…about how you feel for Lilac?”
He could not lie to her. “Yes.”
****
“Everyone, this is Keanne.”
Four men – she counted them carefully as she did her best not to hyperventilate – and a beautiful girl. She knew all of them by face, of course. Reid Chalkias was the so-called Prince of Darkness, just one semester away from being drafted to play in the NBA. Nathan Callis was the model, the most mysterious among them. Christien di Luca was the one who always threw parties, while Derek Christopoulos was the political heir and the only engaged man in the room.
Jaike, Derek’s fiancee, was the first one to move forward and give her a quick hug. “Hi! It’s so nice to finally meet you.”
Her eyes widened.
Jaike’s own eyes twinkled in response. “We’ve been very curious about you all these years, you know. I mean, we see you all the time being photographed with Jason but he’s never trusted the guys to behave themselves with you…well, at least not until now.”
“I…I was curious about you guys, too.” She felt so shy, so not like herself. She felt like she was being scrutinized and compared to Lilac York even though she knew she was probably imagining things.
Everyone in this room had known Nick and Lilac. They knew that Jason was still in love with Lilac. Could they guess how long she had suffered an unrequited love for Jason, too?
Soon, she found herself seated between Jaike and Jason, who was glowering at all of his friends.
“The last time I saw a photo of you was perhaps when you were just fourteen,” Derek mused. “If I remember correctly, we were in Greece then and Jason and I were---”
“Shut up if you know what’s good for you,” Jason said swiftly, having also remembered exactly where they had been when his friends first found out about Keanne. It had been at another one of Reid’s infamous house parties, which had an open-door policy for bedrooms, allowing couples to switch partners or dabble in a little bit of group play.
Jaike raised a brow. “Was it that kind of party then?”
Too late, Derek realized that by trying to get a rise out of his friend, he had landed himself in trouble as well. He cleared his throat. “Well…”
It was strange to see such a dark and powerful looking man appear so uneasy at just a few words from his girlfriend that Keanne slowly found herself relaxing, even smiling as she looked at Jason.
When she looked back at Jaike, she reassured her newfound friend, “It’s all right. I know everything about Jason’s, err, living vices.” She fluttered her lashes at Jason. “Now that I’m of legal age, though, I’ll make sure that he only has one vice to enjoy.”
Jason shook his head even as the rest of his friends grinned and laughed, relaxing at Keanne’s ability to make – and take – a joke. It was uncanny, the way Keanne and Lilac were such complete opposites of each other and yet…he had loved Lilac while he was obsessed with Keanne.
“Now that you’re in college, I will no longer be in danger of committing any kind of offense when I tell you that you’ve grown into a beautiful girl.”
“Shut up, Reid,” Jason gritted out. He didn’t care if Reid was joking. He simply did not like hearing another man taking notice of Keanne’s looks.
Nathan asked Keanne, “How do you find college so far?”
“It’s exciting…but a little terrifying too, sometimes.”
The model smiled and his intimidatingly serious face changed in that instant, turning into something almost ethereally beautiful that even Keanne was left blinking. “If you need anything---”
Seeing the wonder on Keanne’s face, Jason interrupted smoothly, “Keanne will let me know if she needs anything.” He shot his friends a warning look. “Let me say it loud and clear. Keanne is off limits.” His arm went around her waist, the possessiveness in the action unmistakable.
He expected his friends to make jokes, but instead they congratulated him and Keanne warmly.
“I’ve always known she’d make the perfect girlfriend for you when she grows up,” Jaike confided in him happily.
Fuck.
Girlfriend?
He looked at Keanne.
She was smiling, but sensing him looking at her, she met his gaze, her own eyes steady. Do what you will. I can take it. I’m a big girl.
Ah, that was his Keanne.
Brave to a fault, more so than he had taught her to be.
“We are only going out. She is not my girlfriend.”
The laughter died on an awkward note.
Keanne’s heart almost died at his words, but she kept her smile in place and her tone remained light and teasing as she said, “Don’t blame me. I’ve done my virginal best to seduce him into making me his girlfriend, but so far…” She pouted.
The atmosphere lightened again. Impossible for it not to when Keanne had said the only perfect thing to say and that was the truth – without painting Jason or her in a bad light.
And his friends got it, even though Jason’s lingering feelings for Lilac made him the only person who appeared not to have understood the message behind her words.
She was willing to wait until Jason stopped loving Lilac and allowed Keanne to take her place in his heart.
The rest of the night proceeded smoothly. When Jaike excused herself to go to the restroom, Keanne volunteered to accompany her. Inside the ladies room, Jaike smiled at her and asked simply, “What is it that you want to know?”
She turned red. “Was I that obvious?”
“Only to me, because I’m a girl. Men are a lot denser and insensitive.”
Keanne started tentatively, “I just need you to understand that I’m not expecting any answers. If you think it’s going to be like a betrayal to Jason, Nick, or Lilac---you don’t need to answer me.”
“I understand.” And, Jaike thought sadly, she probably understood this girl more than Jason did.
People like the Christakos twins – like Derek Christopoulos and the rest of their friends – people like them never understood how crippling insecurities could be. All of them had been BBFs – a term coined to describe their group and was short for boys with billionaire trust funds. As one of the much-envied BBFs, they would never truly have a taste of feeling constantly out of place and not knowing how they would fare when compared to other people.
Keanne asked painfully, “Did he really love her? You saw them together. And you’re in love. So you must know…was it truly love?”
Oh.
She had expected Keanne to ask if Lilac was more beautiful or if Lilac had truly loved Jason and not used him like many nosy people assumed. But she should have known better. Keanne was so young and yet her eyes were old. This girl knew how it was to be hurt, dreadfully, and because of that she knew how it was to love, t
ruthfully, without holding anything back.
“I’m sorry, Keanne, but yes. He did---no! Don’t lose hope!” The words came out in a rush because she saw how Keanne had lost all color. “Listen to me, Keanne. You told me I should know, and I do. Because I love Derek. And he loves me. So please, please believe me when I tell you that Jason did not love her in the way Nick loves Lilac…the way I love Derek, or…or the way you love him. He didn’t love her the way I know he can love you.”
The words gave her hope again, but there was a part of Keanne that just wanted to let go. It was so hard, fighting for the right to love him day after day in the years they had known each other. Sometimes, she wondered whether she was just being stubborn when she should have just moved on.
“Sometimes, I’m scared. So much. That one day he’d wake up and tell me he’s tried his best but he just couldn’t love me.” Keanne bit her lip hard, trying to control her tears. “That would hurt so much. Because…because I never had to try to love him. I just do.”
“Oh Keanne.” She drew the younger girl in her arms and hugged her tightly. Jaike was not the most affectionate individual, but there was something about the sincerity in Keanne’s words that called out to her. Jason had never spoken about Keanne’s past, but she and the others knew by reading between the lines that Keanne’s childhood had been less than perfect.
She had been like that, too, and for such a long time the scars had turned her into an emotional coward. But Keanne…she was different. She was like…Derek, not letting anything keep him from fighting for the person he loved.
“Derek never gave up on me, you know. I was such a bitch to him from the start, but he never gave up on me and I’ll always be thankful for that. I don’t think we’d ever be together if not for him. I think…Jason’s more like me now, so if you really love him and I know you do…you have to find a way to hang on and keep loving him until he understands that you’re not going anywhere.”
Keanne felt like a burden had been taken off her shoulders, Jaike’s words giving her a more concrete reality to dream of. If Derek and Jaike had made it against all odds, surely…surely she and Jason could make it too?