Passion in Portland 2016 Anthology

by Anthology

  “It’s fine. I don’t drink much. If I have anything it’s usually a beer or sometimes a Pendleton and Coke.”

  “Another thing we have in common.” I giggle.

  ***

  After we get our water and the flight is fully boarded, I begin to panic. “I hate taking off,” I say under my breath. My palms are sweating and I’m chewing my lip. Good thing it doesn’t take long to get up in the air.

  “Hey, do you want the window seat? It might make it easier seeing us rise.”

  “That won’t help. I’m not a huge fan of heights. I’ll be fine once we’re in the air, and I know we’ll be fine, but still…” I shrug.

  “If you decide you want to change places, let me know. I don’t need a window seat. I figured you wouldn’t want to be climbing over me to sit once you boarded.”

  Always the gentleman.

  Taking off wasn’t as bad as usual, and I have a feeling it had to do with Brad distracting me.

  The plane ride goes by quickly. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a five and a half hour flight that has gone by so fast. I learn that Brad’s last name is Roberts and he’s a doctor, an oncologist of all things. He’s been working for about seven years in his field and he loves working with his patients. Yes, not all of them make it, but he says it’s worth seeing the ones who do beat cancer.

  We exchange phone numbers and promise that we’ll get together soon. Brad also promises he’ll make time in his hectic schedule to see me.

  After Brad gets our luggage down he hands me mine and grabs my hand. “I’d carry your luggage for you, but since it has wheels I’d rather hold your hand instead.

  Walking off the plane, I let go of Brad’s hand so I can get my phone out of my back pocket to call my sister to come pick me up from the airport.

  “If you want I can give you a ride home. I parked my car here,” Brad says.

  “I don’t want you to go out of your way to drive me home. I’m sure you have a busy day.”

  “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to do it. Maybe I’m selfish, but I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I’m not ready to say goodbye yet. God, I know we just met, but I feel a strong connection to you. Sorry if it sounds creepy and stalkerish, but it’s true. You have captivated me with your unusual charm, Marissa Miller.”

  I don’t know if I can trust my feelings again. We just met, but there’s something about him that tells me I can trust him. That he won’t hurt me intentionally. I shouldn’t rush into this… can I trust my instincts again? He’s been nothing but sweet….

  “As long as you don’t mind, that would be great. Then I won’t have to wait on my sister who’s always late. She’s probably already forgotten that she was supposed to pick me up.”

  “Tell me where you live so I can program it into my GPS. That way you don’t have to give me directions on the way. Instead you can tell me a little more about yourself, since we mainly talked about me on the plane. I want more than your last name being Miller.”

  “I’m an open book. You can ask and I’ll answer to the best of my ability.”

  “I’ll remember that. Same goes for me. I’ll answer all your questions, too.”

  “Did you check luggage or just your carry on? I only have these bags with me,” I say, lifting the bags in my hand, hoping he didn’t check anything. I’m ready to get out of here and get home to my bed so I can sleep. I always need a day to recover when I get home from a vacation because seeing everything there is when I’m in a new place takes its toll.

  “I always try to travel with only a carry on. I hate checking bags. It seems like my luggage is always getting lost somewhere,” Brad says with a smile.

  “I can totally relate to that. Lead the way to your car.”

  We end up stopping at a little Kia Soul, which has me wondering about his taste. I was expecting something a little classier.

  “Hey, it’s not that bad of a car,” he leans in to say in my ear, causing me to jump.

  “I didn’t say it was.” Even though I’m having trouble keeping a yeah right look off my face.

  “You didn’t have too. Your face said it all.”

  “Sorry, it isn’t the type of car I was expecting you to drive. I know it's bad of me to stereotype.”

  “What kind of car did you expect me to have? Let me guess a Mercedes or perhaps a Porsche?” he asks teasingly.

  “That would be a lot closer to what I would expect.”

  “Well, do you still want a ride home? Or does my Kia not meet your expectations.”

  I know that he's joking with me by the laughter in his voice.

  “I should probably walk since it doesn’t look like there will be room for all my bags,” I say.

  His smile turns into a frown.

  I start laughing. I can’t hold it back. I think he thought I was being serious.

  He laughs. “So you're a comedian now? Let's get on the road. I have a hot date tonight.”

  “What? And you didn’t think to tell me this earlier when I asked if you had someone waiting back home for you?” Fuck, I knew it was too good to be true.

  “No, I have a hot date with my Mastiff. Oscar’s been locked away at doggie day care and usually is rambunctious when I come home. So I always take him to the dog park so he can run off some of his energy. Then we watch Animal Planet together. I don’t know why he likes watching Animal Planet, but he does.”

  His explanation makes me happy because I don’t want to be a home wrecker. Granted, nothing but a kiss happened between us, but still I don’t swim in someone else’s pool.

  “I’ve always wanted a dog, but haven’t had the opportunity. One day I’ll get a chocolate lab.” I’m trying not to let the sadness in, but I can tell that I’m not fooling him and I’m not ready to answer questions about that, yet, so I change the subject. “So whereabouts do you live? Since you know where I live and all,” I say pointing to the GPS on the dash, “it’s only fair that I know where you live.”

  “I live in Lake Oswego. I didn’t want to live in downtown Portland. I wanted to live close enough to the city, but not right in it.”

  “So not too far away from the hustle and bustle then, huh? During rush hour, it’s a pain in the ass though. Part of the reason I live on the west side. I don’t have to deal with as much traffic and it’s close to downtown. Now, the bad part is parking sucks and the rent prices are through the roof. I’m looking into eventually buying a house somewhere a little more reasonable, but I have to find something that stands out to me. Until then, I’m not settling. I want the house I own to be the one I see myself in for a long time. I hate moving so I’d like to not have to move again,” I say, wishing that I could have kept the house I’d had with Caleb.

  “Nothing wrong with waiting for the perfect house to come along. I planned my house around a family, hoping that my future wife would love the house as much as I do. It’s big enough for kids and even has room to spare.”

  “Ah, so you’re a man on a mission? Looking for the woman to settle down with? Are you interviewing them also?” I can’t help but tease him.

  “If you're the first interviewee then hell yes I’m doing interviews.”

  I love that he’s so easy to get along with. I don’t have to worry about holding back so much. “Name the time and place and I’ll be there. Do you need any references?”

  “Nope, what I see is good enough for me. We can hold the interview now.”

  I stop him there. “No, we can’t. It needs to be done the correct way, with drinks and amazing food, not just good food. And definitely not in a Kia.”

  “Fine, I can arrange that. Tomorrow night at seven pm. I’ll pick you up.”

  “What if I have plans already?” I say just to see how he’ll respond.

  “I’d tell you to cancel them, but I don’t want to sound like a jerk. But I want to see you again, so we’ll go with what I should say, what day works best for you?”

  Oh my god I think my heart just melte
d. Who freaking says stuff like this?

  “Well it’s your lucky day, and I’ll be ready tomorrow at seven.” I say as we pull up to my place. I’m nervous about saying goodbye to him. Do I invite him in? Do I kiss him since we’ve already shared a kiss? Do I wait and see what he does? I’ve enjoyed my time with him and while I don’t want it to end, I really need to consider what I want. I’m just coming out of a bad marriage with my first and only love. Am I ready to start something so soon with a guy I just met? “This is my place. You won’t find parking so I’ll have you pull over here and let me out. Otherwise we’ll be walking for blocks to get back here.”

  “Are you sure? I feel like an ass just letting you out at the curb,” he says.

  “No, it’s all right. I don’t mind getting dropped off here. Now, tomorrow I’ll expect to be walked to the door.”

  He double-parks and puts on the hazards so he can help get my bags out of the car.

  “Thanks for letting me give you a ride home. I’ll see you tomorrow night, beautiful.” He leans in and kisses my cheek.

  Ugh. Why am I so disappointed that he kissed my cheek? “Have a good evening. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  “Until tomorrow, beautiful.” Then he gets in his car and leaves.

  Heading into my place, I have so many emotions running through me. I want to be excited, but I’m sad. I want to be angry, but I find I can’t be because everything happens for a reason. I want to be mad at myself for letting Brad in so easily after all the pain I‘ve gone through with Caleb, but I can’t because Brad could be my forever guy. He’s good looking, polite, has a stable job, doesn’t seem to drink excessively. He seems to be everything I want in my dream man.

  Not wanting to deal with anything, I hop into the shower then lay down for a much needed nap. I didn’t sleep last night or on the plane. I’ll probably end up sleeping all day and then be up all night. Or maybe I'll sleep till tomorrow. I fall asleep, thinking of Brad and how I wish he were here holding me and kissing me.

  Chapter Four

  It’s amazing what a good night of sleep can do for you. I feel refreshed and ready to move on with my life. I’m not sure what to do today, as I no longer have my job. I took the severance package right away instead of staying the last month before the full move. I figured I’d be wallowing in self-pity over the shambles my life is in, but since meeting Brad, I’ve been happy, happier than I’ve been in a really long time. If I’m being honest, I don’t know a time I’ve ever been this happy.

  Today I’m going to enjoy relaxing with a good book by one of my favorite authors and then not feel guilty about going out with Brad. I have every right to move on with my life without feeling guilty or worrying about Caleb. As I’m getting out of bed, my phone vibrates with a text.

  Brad: Good Morning Beautiful. Hope you slept well :)

  Me: I did. I ended up falling asleep for what I thought was a nap and slept the day and night away. The no sleep in Hawaii is catching up to me ;)

  What a great way to wake up. I haven’t gotten a sweet text like that ever. Caleb never did anything like that. Argh, I need to stop comparing Brad and Caleb. I need to judge Brad for who he is and what he does. I can’t keep thinking about Caleb as the bad guy. We didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean I won’t always love him even though he loved alcohol more than me.

  Brad: That means I don’t have to worry about keeping you up all night again.

  Only if it's for sex. Oh shit, did I really just think that? Brad has my hormones in overdrive.

  Me: Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Doctor :)

  I don’t know what he does to my filter, but it’s non-existent with him. Even in Hawaii I was spouting crap I normally wouldn’t.

  Brad: Oh don’t you worry, Sunshine, I won’t disappoint and I never go back on a promise ;)

  I’m going to need to relieve myself of this built up tension if he keeps this up. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a guy as much as Brad, and I just met the guy.

  Me: :)

  I need to get my mind on other things than Brad. I have to do some housework and I really want to read Demons by RJ Van Cleave. I’ve been waiting for what seems like forever to finally get this book. I’m hoping to get lost in the land of the MacLane men.

  Brad: Have a good day and I'll see you at seven. . Wear something comfortable.

  Me: You too. Thanks for the heads up on what to wear.

  Since I tend to get lost in the book world, I set the alarm on my phone because I don’t want to be late getting ready for my date. I pick up my kindle up and go to the little reading nook and get lost in my book.

  After what feels like minutes, I’m finishing the book wishing it hadn’t ended. I can’t seem to get enough of these alpha men and sassy women.

  Looking down at my phone, I realize that it’s almost time for the alarm to go off so I grab a granola bar and head for the shower. I need to make sure I smell good for my date. No one wants to be out with someone who stinks, but more importantly, I want to entice Brad, not repulse him.

  The doorbell rings right as I get out of the shower, and I wonder who it is. Brad wouldn’t show up two hours early without a message, right? Grabbing my phone to see if I missed a message during my long, hot shower, I see nothing. Well I can’t answer the door in my towel, so I quickly throw on some sweats and a sweatshirt, and head out to see who’s here.

  What the fuck is he doing here? He has no right to be here.

  I throw open the door. “What do you want?”

  “Well it’s nice to see you too,” he responds as he pushes his way into my house.

  “What are you doing? You have no right to come barging into my house. I don’t want you here,” I say crossing my arms over my chest after I shut the door because I don’t want anyone to hear us.

  “I wanted to talk to you.” Caleb shrugs like it’s no big deal. “I didn't want the divorce and I don’t understand why we can’t work things out.”

  Not this again. He’s like a broken record.

  “I’ve told you this already. I gave you a choice and you didn’t choose me. You chose alcohol and going out with your friends. I couldn’t deal with that. I know you’re not ready to give it up, either. You have to want to, and you don’t. You want me, so you say you’ll stop, but you’ll be right back to your old ways in a of couple months. I won’t deal with it. I’ve been dealing with it for twelve years. I’m going to enjoy my thirties, unlike my twenties. I’m not going to be worrying if my husband will make it home each night, if he’s fucking around on me or if he’s finally going to kill someone else. I won’t do it. I need you to leave.”

  “I’ve told you I haven’t had a drink in three months. I’m on the mend. I haven’t gone out with the guys in months, either. I want to be a better man for you. I never once cheated on you. I would never do that to you. I know I did a lot of other shitty things, but cheating wasn’t one of them. I can’t handle you not being in my life anymore.” He’s practically in tears as he's pleading with me.

  Too bad. Its’ too little, too late. And does he really think I’m that stupid? I can smell the stale beer on his breath. It actually permeates from his pores. That smell is ingrained after all those years of smelling it. It’s not likely something I’ll ever forget.

  “Caleb, I can’t. It’s done. We signed the papers a few days ago. I know you think that you need me, but you don’t. You’ll eventually find that someone for you. She’ll make you a better person and hopefully keep you from drinking. I don’t know what I did that pushed you into thinking you had to go out drinking every night, but I’m sorry if I put any pressure on you. I didn’t mean too. Just know that I loved you with my whole heart and would have moved heaven and earth for you, but when you chose alcohol over me, you killed a piece of me. I can’t live life in its shadows like that. I hope that you’ll eventually understand where I’m coming from. Maybe then we can be friends. I didn’t want to lose you, but I couldn’t keep you in my life when you were drin
king all the time.”

  I don’t wait for a response. Instead I grab the doorknob, pull the door open and motion for him to leave.

  “Please, Marissa,” he pleads.

  I shake my head. “Sorry, I can’t,” I whisper.

  He sighs and walks out the door.

  I shut the door and fall against it. Leaving Caleb took a lot from me. I still love him, and I probably always will. But I can’t be with a man that puts me second. I need someone who respects me and wants to put me first.

  I’m in such a shitty mood after Caleb’s impromptu visit that I’m debating canceling my date with Brad. How can I go out and enjoy myself when I feel like shit? But maybe this is the perfect segue into telling him about my divorce.

  Looking over at the clock, I see that I only have forty minutes left to get ready. Good thing I’m a casual, all natural girl because I don’t take long to get ready. I have no idea if I should tell him before we leave or after. Will clearing the air beforehand ruin the date or make it better?

  It’s not always good that I get ready so fast. Now, I have all this extra time to think and I’m nervous and worried. Normally, I’m a happy go lucky person. I hate feeling this way. Self-doubt isn’t a good trait for me.

  When the doorbell rings once again, I know I need to face my issues now rather than later. Otherwise, I’d be no fun on the date. We can’t move forward if he doesn’t know about my past.

  “Hey good looking,” I say opening the door.

  “Well good evening, beautiful. You look amazing.” Brad pulls his arm from behind his back and presents me with a gorgeous bouquet of carnations and roses. I know they are cliché, but roses are my favorite. Especially if they are freshly cut from a garden.

  “Wow, those are beautiful. Thank you. Come on in while I get these in some water.” I’m happy I have the flowers in my hands so he can’t see them shaking from nerves. “We need to have a talk. I have some things I need to tell you before anything gets too serious with us.”