by Claire Adams
I went upstairs and stripped down to get in the shower. As I stepped under the spray, I closed my eyes and remembered Lexa naked there with me. Her arms were tied up, her tight nipples, hard as pebbles, tipping her soft breasts, and the perfect clef that was decorated by her trimmed tuft of hair. She was perfect. A perfect mess.
I made busy with the soap and then stood back under the spray to rinse wishing it was as easy to wash away my feelings for her. It could have been so perfect. If she had been the Lexa I thought she was, the one I’d fallen in love with.
I got out and stood in the mirror, looking at my mug. I’d shaved off my beard for court, and now I had a nice shadow as it attempted to return. I grabbed my razor and smoothed it down — no need to go back to who I had been, at least not with the beard.
I threw on some jeans and a faded tee and headed out to drown some more feelings. Despite going back to get my truck, I hadn’t managed to apologize to Glen yet, and he meant too much to me to let that go on too long. I’d been a real dick, and there was no excuse.
On my way, when I had gotten up on the interstate, I noticed a little red Camaro about three cars ahead. There was only one person it could be. My heart did a flip, and I sped up to get behind her. She had to have been headed to work, but she didn’t notice me. I wondered what it would be like if we’d never met. I only came up with two words: sad and easier.
I took the next exit, even though it wasn’t the one I needed. I knew if I didn’t, I’d follow her all the way to the hospital. She didn’t need a stalker.
Inside Jay’s Pub, people lined the walls and crowded around tables for a pool tournament, and when Glen saw me, he went the other way. I couldn’t blame him, but at least my stool was still empty. I walked across the room and parked myself in my usual spot and knocked against the counter. Glen took his time, but finally made his way over and placed my beer in front of me.
“How’s it going?” His usual enthusiasm for me was gone.
“I owe you an apology and a thank you. You’ve been a good friend, and I was an asshole. I’m sorry, and thanks for looking out for me.”
“You hear from your girl?”
I released a long breath. He didn’t have to refer to her as my girl. “She isn’t mine anymore.”
“So if I wanted to date her, you’d have no problem with that?” He gave me a wink, and I got the point.
“Nah, it’s done. And just to be sure of it, I scared her away.” At least, I had tried my damnedest.
“Yeah.” He glanced up and gave a wink to a girl at the nearest table. I recognized her, and instantly my back stiffened. The girl got up and approached as I turned and gave Glen a glare.
“I was wondering when I’d find you here.”
“And, your name was?” I wondered if she had given a fake name, as well.
“Bre Lively, at your service.” She took the stool next to me as I laughed.
“Lively, right. So that’s her game. Give her best friend’s name? Let me guess; it’s an old college trick?” The girl grinned, and I got a good look at her outfit. She was dressed down, unlike the time I’d seen her before, and I could only imagine it was to fit in better with the part of town — but then the tattoo peeking out of her bra that was already peeking out of her loose top made me wonder if she was right at home.
“Look, I came to talk. Lexa told me what happened when she gave you a ride home.” She narrowed her eyes then glanced over to the table where a guy had sat, a guy that she most likely came with.
“Your friend?” I wondered if he was supposed to intimidate me. Nice try. The guy looked like a college gamer kid someone inflated with a bicycle pump.
“Yeah, that’s my boyfriend, Daniel. I wasn’t going to show up alone in this dive.” She glanced up to Glen and seemed to breathe a sigh of relief that he hadn’t heard her.
“I get it. You’re here to tell me to stay away from her. Don’t worry; I’m moving on.” I took a long pull from my beer and then ran my finger through the ring it left on the bar.
“Actually, I’m here to encourage you to hear her out. You’ve got it all wrong about her.” I went to cut her off, but she held up a hand. “She messed up; she knows it. I even told her how fucked up it was. She was going to tell you for a while now, but she was terrified she’d lose you.”
“Yeah, well, she’ll get over it. I have.” I downed the rest of my beer, chugging it down in three long gulps, and then knocked my knuckles for another.
“Yeah, you’re looking real refreshed. Nice face, by the way. I was wondering what was hiding behind that hedge you had on your chin. Now I can see why Lexa was so attracted, though the bags you’ve got under those eyes of yours aren’t much of a turn on.”
“Are you finished?” I was growing bored with her already. “I’m trying to enjoy a drink and go on with my life.”
“You’re as fucked up as she is and you’re hurting just as much. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love her.”
I searched her eyes, and I had to admire her. She wasn’t going to shut up, and then she threw a challenge out to boot. I looked her right in the eyes and forced a smile. “It doesn’t matter if I do.”
“Yes, it does.” She shook her head and got to her feet, and then her and her boyfriend, who gave me the stink eye as he stood, walked out.
I wasn’t about to give in now. I’d told Lexa to stay away, and it was for the best. I didn’t have to admit my love to Bre. Who was she to even come here and ask me to do so? All she’d done was make me feel worse.
I didn’t like thinking about Lexa having a hard time, but she’d brought it on herself. It wasn’t like things could ever be the same again anyway.
I turned back to the bar and downed another cold one.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Lexa
I was still trying to focus on work to keep from falling apart and to make things worse, I’d been trying to keep a distance from Dr. Rob whenever possible. My luck ran out at the end of my first break when he came down the hall and cornered me.
“You look beautiful today.” I wondered if he was being serious because my eyes had been so red lately with all the crying and late nights, but he smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“Thank you.” I was a little taken aback by his proximity, but there wasn’t anyone else down the hall.
“I was wondering if you’d finally let me take you out for dinner since we both have the night off.” His smile was so sincere and sexy. I should have been moved by it. I should have been chomping at the bit to be alone with him, and I knew any other nurse I knew would be.
“Can I get back to you?” I didn’t know what else to say and needed to buy my time. He took my hand and planted a kiss on the back of it.
“Sure. You let me know something later. I’ll be around a while today. I’ve got a meeting with the administrator later, but it won’t take long.”
“Okay, I’ll let you know. Thanks.” He dropped my hand and gave me a wink then turned and strolled away.
My phone let out a sound before I knew what to think about Dr. Rob, and I glanced down to see that it was Bre. She never called me this time of day and was usually working. I answered the phone and walked further down the empty hall.
“Bre, what’s up?” I was worried there was an emergency.
“Look, I need to tell you something, but I don’t want you to get angry with me.” Those words coming from your best friend are never a good thing.
“Tell me what? Wait, what did you do?” A wave of panic flashed over me, and I held my breath to keep from biting my tongue.
“I went to Jay’s Pub last night.”
The words hung in my ear like they’d sprouted talons and were perched in my brain.
“You what? Why?” I turned and rested my head against the wall and pressed it hard to keep from banging it against it.
“I wanted to talk to him and see if he was having it just as bad.” All the anger faded as curiosity took its place on
my emotional grid.
“So tell me. Is he living it up? Or was he with someone else already?” I could see him sitting on his barstool with some short-shorts-wearing, tramp-stamped hooker on his lap.
“He’s a drunk, stubborn asshole. And yes, I think he’s as miserable as you are. He’s shaved off his beard, so I almost didn’t recognize him, and he’s got some nasty baggage he’s hauling beneath the eyes. I don’t think he’s sleeping.” Bre had always been good at sizing up the situation, but I feared he might think I’d put her up to it.
“Great, he’s going to think I’m sending in spies.” I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. My anger was returning, but I fought it off, knowing she was only doing what she thought would help.
“No, I made it clear I was there on my own, but he’s not budging. I’m sorry I interfered, but I wanted to see if there was anything I could do.”
“It’s a lost cause, isn’t it? I guess I should accept the dinner date Dr. Rob offered me and get on with my life, right?”
“He asked you out for dinner? Then you should go. It might be what you need. You know that old saying, the best way to get over one man is to get under another.” She let out an evil chuckle, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“That’s not going to happen. I’m not ready for that. But I will go. I could use a decent meal, and he’s good company.” Not to mention he was pretty to look at.
Bre and I said our goodbyes, and as soon as I returned my phone to my locker, I headed back to work and to find Rob.
He was around the corner at the X-ray lab, so I walked up next to him where the technician was out of earshot and gave him a nod. “I’ll see you then?” I lifted a brow, and he glanced over to the tech and gave me a wink.
As I walked away, a heavy weight was lifted from me. I’d taken the next step to moving on and as quick as it came, that wave of relief was replaced with sadness. It wasn’t going to be that easy to move on.
I imagined Bre in that bar talking to Aiden and could see those hard eyes glaring at her. At least she’d tried, and now I knew that while he was not happy with the situation, he was sticking to his guns.
By the end of the day, I was weary with worry over my dinner date. I had a change of clothes in my car that I kept for just such occasions, and I was able to use the shower and get myself cleaned up and smelling nice before it was time to meet Rob.
He texted me and asked that I meet him in the parking garage and I waited in my car until my friends, who had insisted on walking me out, left the lot. Then I got out of my car and went down to the doctor’s reserved area where Rob was waiting beside his car. It was no Shelby, but his decked out Land Rover was nothing to sneeze at. Aiden’s mother had a car like this, but hers wasn’t equipped with as many bells and whistles and hadn’t seen the road in over a year.
I tried to put her and Aiden out of my mind as I approached. “You look nice.” It was the first time I had seen him without his white coat or in his scrubs. This was a much nicer picture of him. He had a crisp button down with slacks that showed off his lean, muscular frame. He straightened his cuffs and opened my door.
“You look beautiful. I wasn’t sure if you’d need to go home to change. But I see you’re a lady who is prepared for anything.”
I lifted myself into the seat, and he closed me inside. I took a deep breath as he walked around the car and hoped for a nice time. I couldn’t get Aiden out of the back of my mind, but maybe I could push through. Rob was a wonderful man, serious about his work, and a true gentleman.
He drove me out to the shore to a lovely restaurant overlooking the water with a charming ambiance that seemed to compliment my mood only because it was quiet. I needed a bit of silence with all that was churning in my brain.
Rob leaned across the table after the waiter left and placed his hand on my arm. “You’d think we were in a library, it’s so quiet here.” The hushed voices of the other patrons were just as soft as his, and I smiled even though all I could think was that he was touching me. Would Aiden even care?
“Yeah, it’s like everyone has a secret.”
“Well, you’re in much better spirits, so that’s good to see. I was worried about you for a while there. You weren’t yourself. I’m still not sure you’re back a hundred percent.” He gave me a knowing smile, and I waved it off.
“Yeah, the lawsuit settled and with that over, I can move on.”
“I’m sorry I had to send you home the other day, Lexa. It’s just, even though I like you, I can’t let those emotions get in the way with my responsibility.”
“Think no more of it. I understand. It was totally unprofessional of me, and I’m much better now. I mean, there’s still a sting, but nothing to keep me from being focused. I won’t be turning over any carts anytime soon.” I rolled my eyes and looked away.
I was a fool to think I’d be able to get Aiden off of my mind. The whole time I talked about being reprimanded at work, I couldn’t help thinking how I’d met Aiden. I got quiet and stared down at my plate when my food was brought. How could I eat and have a good time when my heart was breaking inside? I smiled and nodded a lot and spoke when needed.
I was on my game when it came to faking things, but I still hadn’t touched my food ten minutes after its arrival.
“Is there something wrong with your food?” Rob gestured to my plate, and I took a deep breath and shook my head.
“Not at all.” I took a hearty sip of wine and a bite of my shrimp linguini. I couldn’t start falling apart now, especially when I’d tried so hard to put up a front.
“I was going to bring you to Soto’s, but I didn’t think you’d like it as much.” I remembered Aiden mentioning Soto’s and how he’d like to take my parents and me so he could meet them.
The idea of us having a nice family dinner had been a dream, one that would never come true, but I remember thinking how wonderful it would have been for us to have all sat down together as if the lawsuit had never happened. As if the accident had never happened, too. I wondered what Shawn and Allison would think of this mess. If we’d met through them instead of the way it had all turned out, would it be any different? Would we be together?
“I’ve heard of Soto’s. Aiden wanted to take me.” I don’t know why I mentioned his name but when I did, Rob’s expression fell, and then he recovered with a polite smile.
“You’re thinking of him, aren’t you?” His smile was a bit melancholy, and I felt another wave of guilt wash over me. I shouldn’t be leading him on.
“I can’t help it. Open wounds bleed, as you well know.” I twirled my noodles on my fork and took another sip of wine.
“Still fresh, then? I didn’t realize that was what was going on. I figured it was the settlement. I heard that your family didn’t get what they were asking. It was on the news, actually.” I was sure he added that last part so I wouldn’t wonder if he’d heard it through the gossip channel at work.
“Yeah, well, let’s not ruin a nice dinner going into details.”
“Agreed, but it’s not like we’re dining alone. I understand, you know. I had a tough relationship once, and I wasn’t ready to move on for a while. I’ll make a deal with you, though. When and if you’re ever ready to, you’ll let me know.” He patted my hand across the table and then took another bite.
“Deal.” I lifted my glass of wine, and he put down his fork, and we toasted. I felt a little off, but I was determined to enjoy the rest of our meal and our friendship.
“You know, I’m glad we did this.” He took another sip of wine. “It’s not often I get to sit down and eat unless I’m in the car. You know the last three meals I had I was standing up at the counter at my house.” We shared a laugh, and I knew exactly what he meant. There were times that even as a nurse I got too busy to eat and had a little sleep. It was nice talking to someone who I had something in common with.
We shared more of our quiet conversation about work, and in the end, he drove me back to my car, and we ended the night
with a friendly hug. I pulled away from that embrace knowing there was only one man for me.
I got in my car and glanced down at my phone. I hadn’t pulled it out during dinner because I thought that was the tackiest thing anyone could do and I didn’t want to make Rob feel worse about how things were going.
As the screen illuminated, I saw that Aiden had tried to call and my heart skipped a beat.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Aiden
There was one thing about me: I could sleep anywhere. As a boy, my mother would find me in a random place, under a table, behind the couch, and even up under my bed. Mom would do her best to throw a blanket over me, but she never bothered to move me.
As I felt the heavy blanket fall across my arms, I imagined her there with me again, but then the reality of her being gone hit and I opened my eyes. Shoes. Not just any shoes, but the strappy heels I’d seen Lexa wear on more than one occasion were planted inches away. I turned my head and followed her long legs up, and she stepped back as I met her eyes.
“I didn’t mean to wake you, but you looked cold.” She walked to the closest chair and lowered herself to sit as I sat up, finding that I’d been passed out in another sea of bottles beside the sofa. There was a spill on the Aubusson, and someone, probably Lexa, had thrown a paper towel over it. “The maid let me in. I saw where you called and-”
“I didn’t call.” I was certain I hadn’t drunk dialed her. I glanced around for my phone, and it wasn’t anywhere near me.
“Oh.” She stared down at her hands, which trembled. “I’m sorry, maybe you butt-dialed me. I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”
She was dressed nice, not like she’d run right over on a whim, but more like she’d been out for the evening. “You get all dressed up for me?” I narrowed my gaze as she looked away and shifted in her seat.
“I had dinner with a friend. I saw that you called and hoped you wanted to talk.”