But she wouldn’t drop them. She’d hang on and, one careful step at a time, she’d get to the other end of the tightrope, even if she couldn’t see exactly what awaited her there. A new kind of balance for her life; maybe that’s what she’d find.
She glanced at Ray. Was he alone like her? Okay, technically, she wasn’t alone. She had Fletcher. But Fletcher’s silence isolated him while it added to her guilt.
No. Don’t think about Fletcher right now. This was the one half hour a day she allowed herself not to be consumed by anxiety over his situation and her future. Think about something else. She slid another glance in Ray’s direction. He’d made himself comfortable by slouching a bit in the chair, long legs spread out before him, arms across his chest. He didn’t seem compelled to make conversation and not bothered by the lack of it.
Could he possibly be single? He wore no wedding band, but so what? A guy like him? No way was he unattached. However, she reminded herself, the last thing she needed in her life was a single man. Any man. Especially one who affected her the way he did.
Men were on her current list of no-nos. The very last thing she needed or wanted. Based on her experience with her ex-husband, she’d discovered men eventually caused nothing but heartbreak and trouble. She had a plan for her future, and she needed to stick to it. Because the other lesson she’d learned recently, and again much too late, was this—every time she deviated from her plan, her life went awry.
“Hot date?” she ventured, her curiosity overcoming her reluctance to get involved.
Ray gave a hard bark of what might have been laughter. “Dinner with my brother and his, um…” He paused, coughed, cleared his throat. “Family.”
“You find” —she mimicked his cough and throat clearing— “family gatherings uncomfortable?”
He shot her a look and she grinned.
He shrugged. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to be around people.”
“And yet, here you are.”
Ray grinned. “Let me clarify. It’s hard to be around happy people.”
Hayley was pretty sure she knew exactly what he meant. She didn’t know why that made her smile, but it did. It was good to know she hadn’t forgotten how. “That explains my appeal, doesn’t it? Misery loves company.”
The look Ray gave her sent shivers through her. “I think it might be more than that.”
No way was she going to ask him to clarify that comment.
“Dinner was excellent, however,” he informed her after a moment. He tilted his head toward the covered plate. “Homemade brownies, if you want some.”
Hayley glanced at the plate and her mouth started to water. “Homemade? I didn’t think anybody made homemade brownies. Unless you’re saying, homemade, but out of a box?”
Ray chuckled. “I’m pretty sure these didn’t come out of a box. Kaylee’s a country girl, from what I gather. A great cook, loves to bake, knows how to sew. And in her spare time, she operates a hair salon.”
“I hate her already,” Hayley chimed in.
Ray reached over and patted her knee. “Oh, now, don’t feel bad. Nobody burns frozen pizza the way you do.”
Hayley stared at his hand on her bare knee. His touch soared through every part of her. As if he, too, were aware of the effect touching her had, he drew his hand back. But she could feel him studying her in the dark. She looked away, realizing she’d forgotten to smoke any more of her cigarette. Regretfully she stubbed it out in the tiny ashtray.
Ray’s nearness unsettled her. His touch undid her. This was something she didn’t need while she was trying to create a new life for herself and for Fletcher.
She gulped down the rest of her wine and stood.
Quiet time was over.
Seconds after she closed the door, her cell phone rang. She crossed to the kitchen counter where she had it plugged into the charger and checked the caller ID before answering.
“Paige!” she answered, joy at hearing from her best friend apparent in her voice. “What’s happening, baby?”
“Excuse me, I must have the wrong number. I was trying to reach Hayley Christopher.”
“Ha ha.”
“What’s up with you? I haven’t heard you sound so upbeat in…well, never.”
“Nothing’s up. I’m just glad to hear from you is all.”
“I’m willing to bet it’s more than that,” Paige replied, “but since you’re doing wonders for my ego I’m going to let it go for now.”
Good, Hayley thought. Because she’d hate to think her recent exposure to Ray Braddock’s company had anything to do with her buoyant mood. And she’d hate to have to try to explain her reaction to him to Paige.
Also a former pro cheerleader, Paige Allen had been her best friend since they’d been on the same squad at North Carolina State. She and Paige had big plans to start a business together once they’d finished college. But Hayley met Trey and dropped out of school with only a year to go. She’d learned a hard lesson about what happened when she followed her heart instead of her head. She couldn’t help but think how different her life would be today if only she’d stuck to her original plan.
Paige finished college and parlayed her cheerleader status into the kind of physical fitness empire she and Hayley had dreamt of building together. Hayley had appeared in one of the company’s early fitness videos and still received small royalty checks from it. Paige married a sports video producer she’d met when he’d needed shots of cheerleading performances for one of his productions. Six months ago, Hayley’d been all set to relocate to L.A. and take a job with Paige’s company. She and Lonny had offered her the use of their guest house for as long as she needed it. Hayley had dreams of finishing her degree, working alongside her best friend and creating a new life for herself. Then Steffie died and she’d postponed those plans. She had to rescue Fletcher and see him settled first. But this temporary bump in the road wouldn’t last forever. As soon as possible, she’d get Fletcher situated and get on with her life. She planned to put as much physical distance as she could from her past with Trey.
“So what’s going on? Anything new with Fletcher?”
Hayley sighed. “No. Not really. He still hasn’t said a word.”
“What about the foster parent thing?”
“I should be hearing from social services in the next week or so.”
“And Carlos is still behind bars, right?”
“Yes, as far as I know.”
“Good. As long as he’s locked up, he can’t get to you. Or Fletcher.”
“I like to think so.” But Hayley was far from certain of that fact. Carlos Mariano seemed to have a rather widespread network of contacts ready to obey his every command. “I don’t want to think about what might happen if he gets out any time soon.”
“You think he’ll come after you?”
“I know he will.”
“Maybe you should bring Fletcher out here. Get as far away from there as possible.”
“I can’t, Paige. Fletcher’s under the jurisdiction of the child protection authorities here. Taking him to California would be tantamount to kidnapping.”
“But getting Fletcher situated could take a while.”
“I’m afraid so. Look, Paige, don’t feel like you have to hold a job for me. I promised to be there—”
“Girl, you stop talking that way right now. As long as I own the company, there’ll be a place for you. You watch out for yourself and do what you have to do for that little boy, and we’ll figure it out when that’s done.”
Hayley’s eyes welled up. She wondered what she’d ever done to be blessed with a friend like Paige. “Okay, thanks.”
Chapter Three
Ray rolled his grocery cart around the corner to the frozen food aisle and came to an abrupt halt. There, about halfway down, was Hayley, studying a frozen food package. Fletcher perched in the kiddie seat of her cart, a beat-up stuffed animal clutched to his chest with one hand and a small race car in the other. Fletcher saw him first. He didn’t smile or w
ave. His expression changed only subtly. His features softened slightly while his gaze warmed and welcomed.
Hayley turned away. She opened the freezer compartment, replaced the package she’d been looking at and picked up a different one. She wore a blue skirt and a blue-and-white-striped top with low-heeled strappy sandals. The crutches were nowhere in sight even though her ankle was still wrapped. She looked tanned and toned and sexy as hell.
Ray pushed his cart slowly toward them, half of him wishing she didn’t turn him on and the other half looking forward to being in close proximity to her. He hadn’t seen her in days, except in passing or from his window sometimes when she left or came home. He’d been busy, getting his shop, his house, and he hoped, his life back in order.
He gently bumped his cart into hers. “Hey, buddy,” he said to Fletcher, making eye contact with the boy. Fletcher stared back at him. He flexed his grip on the stuffed animal a couple of times, almost like an acknowledgment of Ray’s greeting.
Hayley looked up. Their gazes crossed. And just like that, Ray felt as if he’d been hit with a one-two punch. His stomach clenched. His palms got sweaty. He’d felt exactly the same way at age thirteen when he was about to ask Megan Cole to the Valentine’s Day dance.
When Hayley didn’t say anything either, Ray didn’t feel too badly about not acknowledging her presence right away. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. That must be telling her something. The moment seemed to drag on, both of them standing there staring, a silent Fletcher caught in the middle.
“Excuse me.” An overweight, middle-aged woman elbowed her way past Hayley to get to the frozen French fries. She picked up three packages, added them to her already overflowing cart and waddled away.
Ray coughed. He seemed to do that a lot around Hayley. Maybe he was allergic to her. Maybe it would help him bring a few words up. They all seemed to be stuck in the back of his throat.
“Stocking up on pizza?” Clever, clever line, Ray congratulated himself.
Hayley showed him the box she still held. “Pizza? That’s for amateurs. I’m branching out. I’ve moved on to chicken pot pie.”
She set the box in her cart and straightened, waiting for him to hold up his end of the conversation. Was he always this awkward with women? Or was it only with her? It’d been such a long time since he’d tried, he couldn’t remember. Surely when he was younger he hadn’t had this much difficulty speaking to a member of the opposite sex.
“I see you found your way to the grocery store,” she went on when he did not. “Congratulations.” She gazed at the items he’d tossed haphazardly into his cart. Hot dogs and buns, condiments, Oreos and milk, potato chips. “Looks like you’ve got all the basic food groups there.” She grinned at him and Ray’s tongue tied itself into another knot. The same thing had happened when Megan Cole smiled at him. Great, Ray thought. I’m almost thirty-three going on thirteen.
He gave himself a mental slap upside the head and dislodged his tongue from the roof of his mouth. His gaze flickered to his cart, which indicated he also had the appetite of a thirteen-year-old. “Yeah, well. I’ve still got to get some ice cream and Gummi Bears.”
Fletcher’s gaze shifted and he made a slight noise at the back of his throat. Ray could have sworn the kid’s ears perked up at the mention of Gummi Bears. “Hey, um, actually, my niece Molly is coming over tonight. She’s almost eight. We’re going to have dinner, watch a movie. Hang out, you know. I haven’t seen her in a while. You guys want to join us? She’s a cool kid. She’ll like Fletcher.”
Again Ray had the sense that Fletcher was straining toward him, though it didn’t appear as though he’d moved a muscle.
“I don’t know,” Hayley replied. “I kind of had my heart set on an over-baked chicken pot pie. I’m not sure a hot dog’s going to satisfy me.”
Ray stared at her hard, wondering if that was some kind of sexual play on words. Was she flirting with him? No. It was the same kind of dumb banter they’d started that night with the pizza. The kind of conversation they could both manage and be comfortable with. Nothing deep. Nothing meaningful. Ray shied away from the very possibility.
“How about a steak?”
“Steak?” she echoed.
“Baked potato. Salad. Bread.”
She licked her lips. “Dessert?”
“You can have your choice. Oreos or Gummi Bears.”
“Yum.”
“So is it a date?”
Hayley tensed. Her smile disappeared. “No. It’s neighbors eating food together with a couple of kids.” Her gaze challenged him. “Right?”
Wow. And he thought he had his defense mechanisms in place. Hayley threw hers out there for the world to see and made no bones about it. Heck, it was kind of refreshing, Ray supposed. He’d never have to wonder where he stood with her. She sent him a message loud and clear—he didn’t have a chance with her. And that was good, he reminded himself. Because he was in no condition to get involved in a relationship with a woman. Especially not someone like Hayley.
“Right. Neighbors. Kids. Food. Around six work for you?”
“Six is fine. What can I bring? Liquid refreshment? Salad?”
Ray relaxed. They were back at the starting gate no worse for wear. “Both?”
“No problem. I’m good with lettuce and liquids. We’ll be there. Tell Ray goodbye, Fletch.” Hayley wheeled her cart past him and he watched her go, anticipating the evening ahead, which looked like a date and felt like a date.
But was definitely not a date.
Hayley changed clothes three times before she stopped herself from trying on yet another outfit. She stood before the mirror and gave herself the sternest look she could muster.
You are not going to date Ray Braddock. You’re not going to date anyone. You’ve got too much on your plate as it is.
She began ticking a list off on her fingers, as if she were giving a high-schooler guidance counseling.
“First of all, you’re not exactly stable. Financially. Psychologically. Emotionally.
“Then there’s Fletcher,” she told her reflection. “He needs you right now. You’ve got the Child Welfare Department breathing down your neck. You promised you’d do your best by him and that’s a promise you’ll keep. Even if your best isn’t good enough.
“Third, what about all those plans you had with Paige? Move to L.A. and work at a real job. A career. Finish school. Get your degree. Forget Trey and create a whole new life. What happened to that?”
Hayley stared at her reflection, her stern expression dissolving. She sat on the end of the bed feeling like an utter failure. Her marriage had crashed and burned. She had custody of Fletcher for the time being, but she knew she was hardly a fit mother for him. She’d managed to turn Fletcher’s father into her arch enemy. Even though he was currently behind bars, if she kept Fletcher permanently, Carlos had promised he would make her regret it. He’d make her pay for trying to help Steffie, for interfering in his life. Carlos wouldn’t care if his son—or anyone else, for that matter—got caught in the crossfire.
She was a thirty-year-old college drop-out currently employed by the local YMCA, barely surviving on the pay she earned as a part-time aerobics instructor, weight-room attendant, and all-around gopher.
For months the only thing that had kept her going was the knowledge that one day soon she’d be on a plane to start a new life far from Jacksonville and Trey and heartbreak. Social services would find a suitable family for Fletcher, and he’d have a permanent home and a stable life with people who loved him. In L.A., she had Paige and Lonny, and she’d make new friends and have a new job. Maybe, someday, once she left the past behind, she might even be happy again.
Which was why she couldn’t let Ray get to her. Even if everything inside her strained toward him, she had to keep herself in check. She couldn’t encourage him. She could maybe, and this was a big maybe, be a friendly neighbor. But anything beyond that was simply out of the question.
She sighed and stood,
certain the talking to she’d given herself had reinforced the chunk of rock encasing her heart. “I’ll be fine,” she reassured her reflection.
She turned to the door to find Fletcher watching her. She wondered how long he’d been there. One thing she knew—there was nothing wrong with his hearing.
“Hey, Fletch.” She came toward him and held him close to her without bending down. As a rule, Fletcher didn’t like constrictive affection. He would allow her to sit near him, to put an arm around him, or like now, to move close to him and pat his back or touch the top of his head. But he squirmed if he was hugged or held too tightly. Maybe, like her, he was afraid of letting anybody get too close. Maybe he was afraid to trust.
“You ready to go?”
He followed her to the kitchen, where she removed a six-pack of beer, a bottle of white zin and a bowl of salad from the refrigerator. She gave Fletcher the beer to carry, and off they went to have dinner with the next-door neighbor.
The door swung open immediately after their knock. A young girl with dark hair and dark eyes stepped back to let them in. “You must be Molly. I’m Hayley. This is Fletcher.”
“Hi.” Molly studied them for a moment before she closed the door.
The sliding glass door at the back of the living area opened, and Ray stepped inside and came toward them. “Hi guys.” He smelled like smoke, and he looked divine in black cargo shorts and a black polo shirt. He was barefoot, Hayley noticed. He had long, lean feet and well-shaped toes. “Here, let me take those.” He relieved Fletcher of the six-pack and Hayley of the wine bottle. “Come on in.”
“You want to play?” Molly said to Fletcher. Without waiting for an answer, she led Fletcher to the coffee table where a game of Candyland was already set up. “You can be red,” she told him. An animated movie played on the nearby television, the volume turned fairly low.
Hayley watched the two children for a moment, seeing how Molly was instructing Fletcher to draw a card, explaining how to move his piece along the board. Fletcher watched Molly carefully. He listened and absorbed, but as usual, did not speak.
A Forever Kind of Guy: The Braddock Brotherhood, Book 2 Page 3