“Ugh,” Taylor groaned as she began fishing the ringing phone out of her purse. “I blocked him from three numbers already. Wanna bet this is him?” Taylor huffed. “Gosh, Addison, why do the psychos always find me?”
“Because you’re hilarious when you’re annoyed, and it’s entertainment for me,” I said, as we pushed through a crowd of drunk people yelling to each other over the loud pop music in the sizeable backyard.
Long strands of Edison lights were draped around the yard, illuminating the corn hole setup and beer pong tables. I looked around, locating the walkway that led up to the huge house. It was old but expansive, and I found myself wondering how many rooms it had. Matt told me that only the seniors and a few juniors lived there, and the younger players lived on campus. It had to be on twenty acres, which wasn’t uncommon for a farming town. It was all rumors, of course, but apparently, the rugby boys made enough money from bets placed on their games and the cover charge to attend their parties to buy the farmhouse several years ago.
Taylor glared as her phone lit up again. “I’m going to break his fingers with a hammer so he can’t use a phone.” She smiled mischievously, but it quickly faded as the phone began buzzing again.
“I’m not a lawyer, but that might be a felony.” I shook my head, trying to muster a playful tone. Taylor was clearly joking, and she had no way of knowing how her reference to violence triggered me, but my stomach still flipped as her words brought up emotions I didn’t want to reveal.
“I’m going to go call the sheriff’s office and see if they have any suggestions about what I should do.” I could see the annoyance on her face as she read another message that popped through from him. “He keeps saying he’s coming to the house even though I’ve straight up told him to leave me alone.” She was already walking away when she yelled to me, “Will you be okay? I’ll be right back.”
I nodded before I was even quite sure what I wanted to do. I could go with her, which seemed like a better option than staying inside the party alone, but police cars were another one of my triggers. Our town was tiny, and there were always cruisers driving around looking for something to do. If they sent a deputy out to speak with Taylor, which they inevitably would, as soon as that police car rolled up, I knew everything from that night would come flooding back. The lights and sirens could be off; it didn’t matter. I’d lose all ability to listen or speak coherently. So I’d have to stay at the party and hope she came back quickly.
Looking around, I knew coming here was a bad decision, one I could only blame on myself this time. I wasn’t a fan of crowds, loud music, or obnoxious people drunkenly grinding on each other. I saw Nick’s bright blonde, buzzed hair first and then laid my eyes on Laney, who was hanging on his arm, craning her neck up to look at him as she chattered. He looked amused, but I could see by the souring expression on her face that she was upset. They hadn’t been dating each other for very long, and I hoped this wasn’t going to turn into one of those nights where we dragged her out of the party screaming at him and then crying all the way home.
I walked over and sat on a bale of straw by the side of the patio, away from the speakers. The glow from the Edison lights was just enough for me to people-watch, yet remain out of sight of the rest of the party.
“Double fisting. My kinda girl,” a deep male voice said from behind me. I clenched my fingers around the two bottles of beer I wouldn’t be drinking, trying to figure out my best exit strategy. I gave a polite smile to the muscular, blonde rugby player who was grinning at me like he was going to be the pain in the ass I’d heard he was. Ash. I doubted he knew who I was, despite his fling with Laney. His reputation with girls loomed around him like an ominous cloud of abs and lies. He wasn’t that tall, but his broad shoulders and bulky muscles made him seem bigger than he was. He rubbed a hand through his slicked-back hair and lingered over the ends, which he wore wadded into a bun.
“Yeah, that’s me, a raging alcoholic, apparently.” I held one of the sealed beers up in mock cheers.
He looked as though he didn’t get the joke, and I wasn’t sure if it was because he was dense or drunk, but I ultimately decided that it was probably a combination of both. He plopped down next to me, and I knew my face showed how uncomfortable I was. But he didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, he didn’t care.
“Well, I should get back to the party. My friend Taylor is probably looking all over for me,” I lied. I didn’t owe him an explanation, but I’d learned over the years that sometimes you had to tread lightly in order to avoid an explosive confrontation.
As I stood up, he reached out and grabbed my forearm, firmly pulling me back to sit down beside him. He didn’t loosen his grip when I yelped in surprise and dropped both glass bottles to the grass. I could feel the panic rise in my chest as I tried to pull away from him, but his grip only tightened.
“Relax. Why are you so jumpy?” His smile made me want to vomit, and I leaned as far away from him as I could. His friendly facial expression didn’t match the bite of his fingers digging into my skin. His other hand reached over to grab my jean covered thigh, trying to pull me close. “You’re gorgeous. I’m Ash, by the way. Why haven’t I seen you around?”
I gritted my teeth. He was hurting me, and I was in a place in my life now where I didn’t need to let anyone treat me this way. My anxiety was disappearing, quickly replaced with unadulterated anger.
“Get off me,” I seethed.
His grip on my thigh loosened, but he used his hand to pat the spot where he’d been holding me. “It’s your job to say no, sweetheart, and my job to convince you otherwise.” As his fingers dug into the muscle of my thigh again, I shoved him hard, but my petite frame wasn’t enough to deter him, no matter how angry I was.
Suddenly I was free, and Ash was being lifted in the air and tossed to the ground.
“What the fuck, man?” Ash sputtered the words right before Joshua was on him, his fist connecting with Ash’s jaw. The next thing I knew, they were wrestling around in the grass, punching each other like lunatics until they attracted the attention of the rest of the party. I thought I went deaf for a second when the music cut out, and there was a frenzy of people pulling out their phones to video the fight. Panic clawed at my insides and clouded my vision as I stood there frozen like I was seven years old again, unable to change what was happening around me.
The next thing I remembered was Joshua grabbing my wrist and leading me into the house.
Chapter Five
His raw knuckles left smudges of blood on my forearm, where the sleeve of my hoodie was pushed up. I felt numb as I stumbled along, trying to keep up with his long strides. I was 5’3, and I estimated he dwarfed me by an entire foot.
He must have known the layout of the house because he didn’t hesitate to head straight to the bathroom. The click of the door locking should have alarmed me, but it didn’t—I felt safe in here with him, away from the noise and the violence that triggered my panic attack. I leaned back against the door to catch my breath, and he shot me a long, searching look through the mirror before turning the water on and washing his face. He hissed when the water touched his busted lip.
“You want to tell me why you went off with that asshole?” He rasped out, the low, velvety timbre of his voice sending shivers crawling up the back of my neck and into my scalp. It was the first time I’d heard Joshua’s voice clearly, and I was surprised to find he had a faintly southern accent.
“You want to tell me why you’re always looming around giving me dirty looks?” I crossed my arms over my chest, my panic beginning to be replaced by a very different feeling. He turned to face me and leaned back against the sink, lifting his shirt to dry his face. Unabashedly, my eyes scanned the toned lines of his tattooed stomach, and the trail of dark hair disappearing beneath the band of his black underwear.
“Excuse me?” His voice lost its bite, and my eyes flashed up to his. If I wasn’t mistaken, there was a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes. I glowered at him for
making light of the serious situation.
I cleared my throat and turned away from him, toward the door. There was no legitimate reason for me to be entertaining this ridiculousness. I wasn’t safe in here with him—I needed to go home, where I was actually safe. With my hand on the doorknob, I turned back to say, “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Joshua.” I said his name like it was a curse, like it would somehow hurt him. Instead, it made his lip quirk up like he wanted to smile, but he fought against it for reasons I’d probably never know.
He pushed away from the sink and moved toward me, forcing me to press my back further against the door. “You’ve been sulking around campus, popping up everywhere, glowering at me like I’m some horrible person.” I waved my hand at him, exasperated. “You act like I lured your sweet, old grandmother out to an alligator-infested swamp and nudged her in.”
He snorted, trying not to laugh, but I could see the flash of glee in his eyes. He smiled a real smile, one that reached his eyes and stretched his cheeks, showing his straight, white teeth and hitting me right in the gut with the realization that I’d seen that smile before.
“You’re not… ” he started, and I could see the thoughtful confusion etched in his features before he finished his thought by saying, “what I expected you to be.”
“What does that even mean?” I scrunched my nose in distaste at his words, which made me feel strangely inadequate. “Do I know you?”
“Nothing,” he said distractedly, his eyes studying my face intently like he was looking for something that just wasn’t there. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured so slowly and softly that my breath hitched in my lungs, and for a moment I forgot how to expel the air I need to survive.
I started to move again, but he closed in on me—close enough that I could feel his heated breath on my cheek, his chest not quite touching mine. His palms were flat against the door on either side of my head. His fiery stare sparked my nerves, not because I was afraid of him, but because I could feel the heat spreading from my cheeks, down my neck, and to my chest.
I pushed my palms against the hard planes of his chest, but he didn’t budge. “I’m leaving,” I said, but it didn’t sound convincing, even to me.
“Are you?” He smirked, pushing closer.
“Isn’t this why you just beat up Ash? Because he was making moves on me?” I half-heartedly deflected as my hands slid down his stomach and out to his sides. I might’ve lied to Laney about not wanting to come here tonight, but I couldn’t lie to myself. I didn’t want to leave this cramped, poorly decorated bathroom. I wanted to stay here with Joshua, the only person who’d made me feel anything for as long as I could remember. My hands trembled against his sides when he pressed closer, and it didn’t escape me that his breathing quickened momentarily before he evened it back out. Stepping even closer, he pinned me to the door with his tall frame, and it was absolutely bizarre that holding onto a stranger this intimately didn’t feel foreign to me.
“I kicked his ass because I don’t want him touching you. And judging by the way you were trying to get away from him, you didn’t either.” His mouth brushed my ear when he spoke, low, demanding, and final.
I tipped my chin up to look at him, ready to argue, but my breath caught when his rough fingers gripped my jaw in what I guessed was the best approximation of a gentle movement for someone his size.
His eyes seemed to darken to electric emerald as they bounced back and forth between my eyes and my lips. I felt like I would’ve slid right down the wall into a puddle if he hadn’t been holding me up.
“Your eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue. Even when they’re sad,” he murmured, and I wondered how long he’d been watching me, observing me, to know those details.
He dipped his head, brushing his lips against mine, but just as I started to sink into the kiss he pulled back, pressing his thumb against my lower lip. His gaze flashed up to meet my eyes, and I understood the anguish I saw there. I felt the same thing, deep in my soul, and I wondered what caused his. And if I were to tell him about my past, would he understand, too?
Before I could speak, his lips were back on mine. This time the kiss was deeper, his mouth opening enough so his teeth could tug at my bottom lip. His groan rumbled against my chest when I lifted up on my toes, snaking my arms around his neck, and my fingers tunneled through the waves at the nape of his neck to pull him closer.
He pulled away slightly, and we both gasped for the oxygen we’d deprived each other of. Then his lips met mine again, and his hands were on my ribcage, sliding down to the curve of my hips and pulling me into him so hard he had to swallow my surprised gasp.
I felt his fingers sliding beneath my sweatshirt, touching the exposed skin of my torso. His fingers were impatient, needy, and all I wanted was to be closer to him. He broke our kiss to pull my sweatshirt up, and in a reflexive motion, I lifted my arms from his neck, allowing him the space to remove the unwanted layer from between us.
I’d never let anyone see me without my shirt on, but at that moment, I didn’t care. I didn’t care if Joshua saw me or if he asked questions, I just wanted to feel his skin on mine. But when his rough palm rubbed over the raised skin of the scar tissue on my stomach, it was enough to bring me back to reality. I gasped, trying to tear away from him, but he held my hip with his free hand. His eyes were on the scar, but he didn’t look disgusted or confused. He looked as though he’d been expecting exactly what he was seeing.
His hand moved up my sternum, and when I gasped again, his eyes were instantly on mine, never wavering while his thumb traced between my breasts under my bra. He rubbed over the scar I couldn’t bear to look at even all these years later.
“I know you,” I said, and he didn’t blink, only stared at me, almost like he was willing me to remember.
I jumped when someone began banging on the bathroom door, but Josh didn’t flinch.
“Addison! Are you being kidnapped?” Taylor yelled. “Laney is in the street crying over Nick, and Matt said he saw you run in here with rugby boy, and I’m only one person.” Her tone held humor, but I knew that was how she coped with stress, and her worry was enough to bring me out of the haze that Joshua had me under.
“Uh. I’ll be right out. I’m just cleaning up a spilled drink.” I panicked, grabbing my sweatshirt from Joshua. This wasn’t me. I didn’t sneak away with broody boys and strip my clothes off and let them touch my scars.
“Where’s Laney?” I heard her ask someone, I assumed Matt, and I was relieved someone was distracting Taylor while I could figure out this whole mess with Joshua. I knew that everything with Laney was about to spiral way out of control if her last twenty meltdowns were any indication. I started to slip my sweatshirt back on, my hands shaking as I did, but Joshua stopped me. His fingers moved from my neck to my collarbone, where several more scars marred my skin. I’d been so caught up while we were kissing that I’d forgotten about the deep punctures that had healed over but would never go away.
My eyes flashed up to see if he looked disgusted, or if he was going to ask me what happened. Surprisingly, there was no curiosity in his eyes; only sadness tinged with anger. He pulled his hand away when I made another attempt to slide my sweatshirt over my head. Hand on the doorknob, I turned back to look at Joshua. I couldn’t begin to understand the level of comfort I had with him, or the fact that I’d rather stay with him than be anywhere else.
“Thanks,” I said, and I could see the confusion cloud his features. “No, not for that.” I blushed, remembering our kiss, and then pointed at his knuckles. “For that whole thing with Ash.” Joshua’s eyes darkened when I said Ash’s name, but he didn’t bother verbalizing his obvious distaste for his teammate. “It… uh… could have been bad. So thanks.” I turned back to the door, closing my eyes in embarrassment. I was a junior in college, and here I was, acting like a giddy school girl around him.
That quickly, Joshua was behind me, pressing his hard abdomen against my back. I stilled, leaning bac
k, melting into him like it was an action I’d been born to do. He brushed my hair off of my neck and placed a soft kiss on the exposed skin.
“Josh,” he said huskily against my ear. I tipped my head back to look up at him, not understanding. “Not Joshua,” he imitated the sour tone I’d used earlier, and I couldn’t control the laugh that bubbled out of my chest.
“Okay, Josh.” I smiled genuinely. “I’ve gotta go help Taylor, Laney is a handful when she’s drinking.” I opened the door, and he took a step back, his eyes still roving over me as if he were trying to memorize every detail. Taylor had disappeared somewhere, and I craned my neck to see if I could spot her in the crush of people.
“I’ll help too,” he said, following close behind me. “We’re looking for the one with the blue hair, right?”
“Yea, but you really don’t have to; I can…” I started but trailed off when he wrapped his arm around me and navigated easily through the crowded living room.
“Do you live here?” I asked, and he was quick to shrug off the question, his eyes scanning the party for my roommate.
“I did for about three weeks. Then I got my own place because this is an everyday occurrence.” He waved his hand out in front of him to indicate the drunken college students. I couldn’t blame him for wanting to move out. I thought it was bad enough that Laney had parties every couple weeks at our house, but something of this magnitude would be unbearable.
I could feel his eyes on me as we walked around searching for my roommates, and it didn’t escape me how natural it felt to have him at my side. We found Laney on the side of the house, just shy of the entrance to the back yard, trying to yank herself out of an irritated Matt’s grasp. She was tipsy, on a mission, and I could see it was going to take a few of us to get her to the car without making more of a scene than she already had.
We got her to walk most of the way to my car, but it took Matt and Josh to wrestle her inside it.
Beautiful Legend: An Angsty College Romance Page 3