Hold on to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  “I’m not sure the real me was the person who got here.” She inhaled deeply and laid down again, searching for the right words to express her feelings. “To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever fitted in; that’s why I had to get away for a while, to leave it all behind and clear my mind. All that ‘glitter and gold’ life can become a real burden sometimes.”

  He let out a long sigh of mock despair. “Okay, your attempts to get my sympathy succeeded, City Girl. You’re making me feel like a monster for denying you this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to sleep in a barn; I couldn’t live with myself if I said no now. So . . .” He paused and sat up with a kick of his legs, then he turned to look at her. “You can sleep here if you want. I’ll bring you some blankets to make sure you’re warm enough.”

  She jerked upright, thanking him and clapping her hands as if she had just won the lottery.

  “Whoa, whoa, hold your horses, now. There’s a but.”

  “I knew there was a catch,” she grumbled and he chuckled.

  “Only a small one, though. I’m responsible for your safety, so I can’t leave you alone in here. I’ll have to sleep here, too, even though I was looking forward to relaxing in my comfortable bed after a long day babysitting at the town fair.”

  “Babysitting, huh?!” She grabbed a handful of hay and threw it at him. “I didn’t put a gun to your head. You asked me to go with you. And if you were tired, all you had to do was say it.”

  He laughed and threw a bigger quantity of hay back at her, making her giggle.

  “Man, you’re so touchy. I was only teasing. I’ll go get some blankets now. Can you try keeping yourself away from trouble while I’m gone?”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll sit here quietly and wait for you to be back, Daddy.”

  He stood up, laughing, and she slumped back down, listening to his footsteps grow more distant, and watching the blanket of stars above her with a smile of contentment.

  Chapter Twenty

  Sean woke up as the first light started to peep in through the window, knowing it was about time to start another working day. When he opened his eyes, it took him a few seconds to realize where he was and why he was there. He rolled on his side to check she was still there, and when he looked at her, something inside his chest stirred, sucking all the air from his lungs.

  She was snuggled on her right side, the blanket pulled up to her chin, her auburn hair scattered all over the place and intertwined with straw. She was stunning in her simple yet sophisticated beauty, and for a moment he longed to touch her, to trace his thumb along her face, to run his fingers through her hair and to hold her in his arms, to hold her so close he’d be able to feel her heartbeat against his chest.

  But he didn’t do any of that; he simply stared at her for what seemed like ages, wishing that moment could last forever, and that she would never leave him.

  Damn. He was in love.

  The thought hit him like a rocket, like lightning out of the blue, and he wondered how it was even possible that after disliking her so badly for so long, he could now feel so hopelessly attracted to her in a way he had never experienced before. Just thinking that she’d be gone in only a few days made him feel lost and weak; it made him want to stop the world from turning, just so that she would never have to go; it made him want to turn back the hands of time and start it all over again, so that he wouldn’t waste precious time treating her badly. If this wasn’t love, then he didn’t really know what was.

  He was still lost in contemplation when his father walked in, whistling one of his favorite country songs. When he saw them, he froze in place.

  “Sean? What are you doing here?”

  Although he was talking to Sean, his father was looking at Alyssa, probably imagining things by the way he had gone pale.

  “She wanted to sleep in the barn. Don’t ask me why, so I stayed to make sure she wouldn’t get herself into trouble.”

  The look in his father’s eyes showed he still thought something had happened between them and, before he could say anything, Sean stood up, showing him he was completely dressed.

  “Nothing happened, if that’s what you’re thinking. I slept here only because I didn’t trust her to be left alone. Take that smirk off your face, Dad.”

  His father shrugged and turned serious, starting to collect hay into a cart, and Sean decided he might as well help him while he waited for Alyssa to wake up. It took her at least ten minutes before the noise Sean and his father made woke her, and when she finally stirred, yawning and stretching her arms, Sean stopped to look at her with a smirk while he took the opportunity to admire her beauty a little longer.

  ***

  Alyssa sat up and saw Sean and his father were working a few steps away from her. She looked around to understand where she was, and the memories of the previous night came back.

  “Good morning, City Girl. It was about time you woke up. Did you sleep well?”

  Sean was stacking some hay on a cart, and when she saw him, she realized he was the one person she would want to see first thing in the morning every day of her life. The thought made her blush and she quickly stood up, fumbling with the blanket in a messy attempt to fold it.

  He smiled and stepped closer to her, making her heart speed up. When he was at arm’s length, he stopped and reached for her hair to remove a piece of straw. The close proximity twisted her stomach upside-down in a strangely pleasant way.

  “Stay away from the cows if you don’t want them to have breakfast with your hair.” He winked and she blushed. When he chuckled she wished he would lean in closer and kiss her. The thought made her blush even harder.

  “Why didn’t you wake me? What time is it?” she asked, ashamed for sleeping in while they were already busy at work.

  He leant against the stick of the fork and looked at her with an amused grin. “You were sleeping so peacefully, I couldn’t bring myself to wake you. It’s probably half past six or so; it’s not that late. I’ve only been up for like ten minutes myself, so I thought I’d keep myself busy but still keep an eye on you.”

  She grimaced, making him laugh.

  “Why don’t you guys go inside and have breakfast now? I can carry on here; you can come out and help me later, Son.”

  They both turned back to look at Mr. Maclaine, and Sean nodded. He looked at Alyssa and stretched his hand out for her to take it, but she stood up in one swift movement without needing his help. The last thing she needed now was to feel his skin on hers. She waited for him to lean the fork against a wooden beam and they walked companionably back into the house.

  ***

  After a warm shower and a huge breakfast—she couldn’t remember the last time she had been so hungry—Alyssa was finally ready to start another day full of surprising activities. She knew it sounded silly to everyone else, including Sean, but every new thing she did, even the dumbest one, made her feel as excited as a kid on Christmas day. Sometimes she felt like she was in Neverland and, just like Peter Pan, she wished she could stay here forever, never grow old and live without a single care in the world; but she knew life wasn’t a fairytale and, no matter how much she wished for it, she would eventually have to leave this wonderful place and go back to New York.

  She shook her head, determined not to let the thought spoil her last few days and walked down the five steps of the front porch and briskly towards the stables, guessing Sean and his father would probably be there.

  When she was just about to reach the building, a whistle made her turn around toward the barn.

  “What kind of new adventure are ya up to, City Girl?” Sean hollered.

  Alyssa smiled; the fact that he still called her that didn’t bother her anymore. She had learned it was simply his way of teasing her and she found it funny now. After the previous night, she felt differently about him. She knew she didn’t have to be afraid of his reactions anymore because he was so much nicer to her.

  Since that morning, though, she had started feeling something weird,
and she wasn’t sure it was a good thing. If she was falling for him, she would end up getting hurt; she would be gone in a few days and she didn’t want to make a fool of herself by telling him she liked him and being rejected. What for, then? In a few days she’d be two thousand miles away from him, and this could be nothing more than a silly crush on a handsome cowboy.

  Besides, she knew she couldn’t expect him to be in love with her, not after the way they had started off. It was good enough that he had stopped being rough; she couldn’t really ask for more.

  “I thought you might teach me something new today, or maybe I could help you with something.”

  “Aren’t people supposed to relax when they’re on holiday?” He smiled cheekily, and she shrugged.

  “I relaxed enough the first few days I was here, when I couldn’t get near you because I was afraid you’d bite my head off.”

  He laughed and shook his head. “I wouldn’t have bitten your head off. How could you think that of me? I’m such a sweet guy.”

  “Oh, yeah, sorry, you poor little angel; I must have mistaken you for someone else.”

  “Okay, okay, truce.” He threw his hands up in surrender, and she smiled. “You win. What do you want to do today?”

  “Whatever you need help with. Can I help you brush the horses?”

  “You love that, don’t ya?” He smiled a crooked smile, and she blushed. “Let me go get the brush. It’s in the stables.”

  “I’ll go, don’t worry. I know where you keep it,” she volunteered and he nodded.

  As she walked away hot flushes burned her face, and she wondered what was happening to her. She’d never felt like that before, surely not around Sean. She’d never felt her heart burning in her chest. It was weird, because for the first time she felt like she couldn’t control her emotions the way she had been used to doing all of her life, and this made her feel uneasy. She didn’t want to lose control, to look weak and fragile to him, or to anyone else for that matter; she wanted to look strong and at ease with herself, but she couldn’t do any of that if he smiled at her like he had just done. She didn’t feel like herself anymore but then again, was she sure the person she had been for twenty-six years was her real self?

  Sean’s father greeted her as he walked in while she was fumbling in a small cabinet, looking for the brush. She gave a start and spun back.

  “Sorry, dear,” he said, smiling apologetically. “Didn’t mean to frighten you.”

  “I’m looking for the horse brush, but I can’t seem to find it,” she said, almost as if to justify the reason why she was there alone and feeling as if she had been caught stealing cookies.

  “It’s in here,” he said, opening a different cupboard from where she’d seen Sean putting the brush before. She smiled and thanked him before walking out and back to where Sean was.

  She should stop letting her mind wander in that direction. Once and for all.

  ***

  “Found it?” Sean asked as soon as Alyssa approached him. She nodded, lifting it up to show him. “Go ahead. I’ll come as soon as I finish stacking the hay.”

  As Alyssa turned her back to him and walked toward the horses, he couldn’t take his eyes off her; her slim, toned legs fit perfectly in the dark-blue jeans she was wearing and her hair, pulled back in a braid, shone with a reddish glow in the sunlight. He wished so bad he could run after her and hug her, but he knew he would never do it, not in a million years.

  What he had started feeling for her would lead to no good, and he’d better stop daydreaming; she was out of his league, for one thing, and she would be gone soon, so the last thing he wanted was to open his heart to her and then have it shattered. But she was so beautiful, she really took his breath away; not that he hadn’t noticed it before—of course, he would have had to be blind not to see her beauty—but he’d never felt like this since she’d arrived. He reckoned it had to be because of the way she had opened up the previous night and how normal and defenseless she had looked. She had become a different person in his eyes, a beautiful, funny and kind girl he was falling in love with.

  His father cleared his throat behind him and Sean winced, turning back to face him, knowing he had been caught red-handed.

  “I . . . um . . . I need to bring more hay to the horses,” he said, walking away before his father could say a word. Jonah Maclaine was a quiet man who hardly ever spoke unless it was necessary, but Sean had learned that he was a smart observer. If Sean didn’t know better, he would’ve bet his father had already understood the way Sean was feeling for Alyssa. He made a mental note to be more careful when his father was around.

  When he reached her, Alyssa turned around and he choked on his tongue. She couldn’t look more beautiful with the sun shining on her face and her eyes as green as emeralds.

  “I’m finished. What should I do now?” Alyssa asked as he approached her. Sean rolled his eyes.

  “Are you ever going to just sit on the back porch and relax?” Alyssa shook her head in response, and Sean laughed. “I don’t think we’ve ever had a guest so willing to work on the ranch as you are, City Girl. You really are something different.”

  “I like it. This is so much more fun than sitting in a court among pretentious people and criminals.”

  She patted Clover, the white-and-brown horse Sean had learned was her favorite, on the snout. His heart fluttered, and he had to fight hard to resist the urge to take her in his arms. This was getting out of control. Bad, bad thing.

  “Why don’t you go fetch the water hose so we can fill their watering troughs before we move on to yet another exciting activity?”

  Alyssa glared at him when she caught the teasing in the way he’d said “exciting,” but she shook her head, as if saying he was not worth the fight, and strolled away toward the tap the hose was fixed on just outside the barn.

  Clover nuzzled his face, and Sean turned away from the breathtaking vision he’d been staring at, grateful for the distraction. Keeping his act together was going to take much more control than he believed he possessed. He’d never felt so attracted to a woman before.

  “I’m in trouble, Clover. Knee-deep.”

  The horse whinnied, and Sean smiled; he was talking to a horse now—he was definitely losing his mind.

  He didn’t have time to dwell on the thought, though, because a water jet hit him in the back, making him flinch. He spun around, and more water hit him straight in the face while Alyssa giggled, all the while directing the jet toward him.

  “You. Are. In. Trouble,” Sean said through gritted teeth, and she laughed harder.

  Although he was mad at her for the way she had sprayed him, he couldn’t help but notice once again how beautiful she was when she laughed. Not that she wasn’t beautiful when she was serious, of course, and he had to admit that she was kind of sexy when she was mad, but when she laughed . . . aw, when she laughed! Her emerald-green eyes seemed to sparkle and they creased at the corners, almost giving her an Asiatic look, and her pearly-white teeth were so perfect she could be used to advertise a brand of toothpaste.

  Stop it! his mind ordered. He felt like a teenager with his first crush whenever she was around, and he didn’t like feeling at her mercy, as if he’d be ready to jump off a cliff if she only asked him to.

  “Aw, c’mon now, it’s just a little water. It’s refreshing, and you looked like you needed it; I only wanted to do you a favor.”

  “Refreshing, huh? Now let’s see if you find it refreshing too,” he said, closing the distance between them with a few big steps. A moment later he grabbed the water hose from her hands.

  Alyssa tried to hold on to it but the hose went up, spraying her all over her face. She screamed and let go, so he snatched it and directed it at her.

  “Aw, c’mon, City Girl, it’s just a little water! Don’t you find it refreshing?” he teased, spraying her thoroughly. She ran away and, once she was sure she was at a safe distance, she spun back and stuck her tongue out at him.

  He la
ughed and turned off the tap, hanging the water hose on the hook beside it.

  “You’ve just started a war, Cowboy,” she threatened, tugging at her sweater that was now sticking to her skin. “You can bet your bottom dollar I’ll make you pay for this!”

  “Oh no, I’m so scared! What am I gonna do now?” he squealed, dramatically taking his face in his hands. “Please don’t hurt me, I’m begging you.”

  He laughed, but as soon as he turned and walked away back towards the fence, shaking his head, he felt another jet of cold water hit him.

  “Traitor,” he screamed, as the water completely soaked his sweatshirt. “Traitor and cheater. You caught me off-guard, that’s not fair!”

  He ran back toward her. She dropped the water hose and ran away toward the stables, which were far enough away that the water jet couldn’t reach her. He didn’t try to pursue her, thinking it best to leave it as it was. He knew that once he was within arm’s reach, he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from wanting to wrap her beautiful body in his arms, and that was the very last thing he should do.

  He’d let her think she’d won the battle just to give his hormones the time to slow their crazy dance inside his body.

  As soon as Alyssa was out of sight, Sean took off his sweatshirt and used it to towel-dry his chest and face while going back inside to get a dry one. After he had changed into a clean sweater, he went out again and bumped into Tammy, who had a cheeky grin on her face.

  “So, you had fun out there, didn’t you?”

  He shrugged, pretending he didn’t care about what had happened, and her grin broadened.

  “It wasn’t me who started it. It was self-defense.”

  Although he had put on his best poker face, Tammy knew him too well. He was sure she could see that he was happier than he had been in a while. His sister was a smart girl, and the last thing he needed was for her to realize how he really felt for Alyssa. He’d never hear the end of it.