Hold on to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  “I’m glad you stopped being awful to Alyssa, you know,” she said, trying to get him to talk. Yes, she definitely knew something had changed. “She’s great fun; I’m sure you’ve noticed by now. You were so wrong about her, Sean.”

  He shrugged again. He was never going to admit it in front of her.

  “I have things to do now. I don’t have time for chatting with you, Tammy.”

  She smiled smugly, as if to show him she’d always been right about Alyssa while he’d always been wrong. He walked away and heard her chuckle before she went back inside.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  The following morning Sean woke up earlier than usual and decided to get himself busy with work even before the sun was up. Work didn’t keep his mind from wandering back to Alyssa though, so he spent most of the time fighting with his inner self, trying to repress the feeling that had been growing steady and strong inside of him in the past few days.

  He could not fall in love with her; he didn’t want to get his heart broken again. Once had been enough and he did not intend to repeat the experience. He was very happy to live in his ranch, to work hard to make his business grow and let his father finally retire and enjoy life without having to worry about his family not having enough money to live a decent life with. He had his mind set on this, and he needed no distractions now, especially from a girl who would be gone in two days and could only break his heart.

  He shook his head and dug the fork hard into the haystack, leaning against its stick to pull himself together for a minute; he was sure he was losing his mind after that girl, and he couldn’t allow himself to.

  “Taking a break?”

  He gave a start and lifted his head, staring speechless at Alyssa who looked as beautiful as ever. She was smiling with the smirk she loved to put on when she wanted to tease him, and her hair was falling on her shoulders, the sunlight shining upon it and bringing out its beautiful shades of red.

  She didn’t look like the sophisticated city girl who’d arrived there three weeks before; she was wearing a pair of boot-cut dark-blue jeans, a white T-shirt underneath a plaid black-and-red flannel shirt she had bought at the country fair, and a pair of boots. She looked as if she belonged here—as if she were a real cowgirl, and the thought made him smile.

  “I’ve been up since dawn, Miss City Girl; while you were having your beauty sleep, I was already hard at work. I’m sorry if I’m starting to be a little tired now.”

  “Uh-oh . . . I see you got out of the wrong side of the bed today. Someone’s a bit grumpy here.”

  She giggled, and he couldn’t help but shake his head in resignation and smile; he would always be the grumpy one, no matter what.

  “Then why don’t you just find something to do and leave me alone?” He spoke the words but had a smirk on his face so she would understand he was just teasing to keep up the eternal fight between them.

  She hopped on the fence and sat facing him with a big smile on her face; he was sure his heart had stopped beating for a couple of seconds. “That’s why I’m here. I wanted to know if you’d take me fishing.”

  His eyes widened in surprise, and she rolled her eyes. “What now? Don’t look at me as if I’d just asked you to go rob a bank with me!”

  He shrugged, picking up the fork again and shifting hay from one side to the other just to keep himself from staring at her. “I just didn’t think you were the fishing type, that’s all.”

  “Well, yes, actually, I’ve never even seen a fishing rod in my life. But I wanted to tick another new experience off my bucket list, and I thought it would be fun. But since you don’t seem to be in the right mood, I guess I’ll have to find something else to do today,” she said with a pout and jumped off the fence.

  “You have a list?” he asked with raised eyebrows, trying not to laugh at her statement.

  “I have a list of things I want to do before I die. So what?” she said, folding her arms across her chest.

  “Sorry, it’s just . . . unusual. I don’t know anyone who has a list of things they want to do,” he said as seriously as he could, although he was fighting hard to contain the chuckle bubbling in his throat.

  “Well, I do. City Girl has dreams, big deal.” She stared at him defiantly with her fists on her hips. She looked so hot when she was mad. “Well, I’m sorry I’m wasting your time. I’ll see if your mother needs help with anything. I’m sure she won’t be gawking at me if I ask her to show me a new recipe.”

  She spun back around, ready to stomp out when Sean realized he couldn’t bear to be away from her today. She’d only be here for another two days and then she’d be out of his life forever. He wanted to cherish every single minute left, even though he knew it would only make things worse.

  “Wait, don’t be upset. I’ll take you fishing if you really want to.”

  Alyssa stopped and waited a couple of seconds before turning back, narrowing her eyes to inspect his face.

  “You will?”

  He nodded. “Heaven forbid you should go home with the regret; I would never be able to forgive myself for denying you this wonderful experience,” he said, and then he laughed. She stuck her tongue out at him and punched him lightly, wincing a little when her delicate fingers connected with his muscles.

  “Go ask my mother to make us a couple of sandwiches. I’ll finish here and get a couple of fishing rods. Does this sound okay to you, Miss?”

  She chuckled and nodded, visibly excited by the new activity she was going to experience, then she ran off and the scent of her perfume lingered for a minute. He had to force himself to look away from the image of her hair swaying freely in the wind.

  ***

  They left the ranch fifteen minutes later and took a shortcut through the fields. The spot where Sean wanted to take her was deep in the woods, and he’d warned her it would take a little walking to get there but Alyssa didn’t seem to mind. It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining bright, although it was a bit colder than it had been the day before. She’d changed into a warmer sweater upon his mother’s suggestion; the dark-green material almost matched the color of her eyes, and he had to walk at a safe distance with his hands tucked inside the pockets of his dark jeans to avoid the temptation of taking her hand.

  They were walking through the woods and already halfway to the river when Alyssa stopped and grabbed his arm. He froze at the contact and his breath caught in his throat.

  “What’s that?” she asked looking up among the tree branches. Sean followed her gaze, trying to spot the thing that had caught her attention.

  “What?”

  “I think I saw something moving up there,” she said, squinting.

  Sean took a step closer and when he was just about to look up again, Alyssa squealed, making him jump.

  “There! Did you see it?” she screamed excitedly, pointing up toward one of the branches. Sean smiled when he saw a little red squirrel in its gray winter coat jumping from one branch to another. From the way she was acting, he would’ve thought she’d spotted Big Foot instead of a rodent.

  “Yeah, that’s what we call a squirrel, City Girl.”

  Alyssa’s eyes widened, and Sean’s heart swelled. She was a classy and smart woman but when things like this happened, there was something about her that reminded him of a little girl who was starting to discover the world. No wonder she’d wanted to run away from her life for a while. She’d been living in a glass cage, and the little things that Sean considered normal and almost boring to her were the most beautiful and exciting experiences.

  “Ha ha. That’s a funny one, Cowboy. I know it’s a squirrel,” she said with a sneer. “I’ve just never seen one with such long ears and fluffy tail. The ones in Central Park look nothing like that.”

  Sean shrugged. “Good. That’s another thing you can tick off your list, then.”

  “Do you think it’d come down here if I fed it?” she asked, opening the backpack she’d been carrying, and taking out one of the muffins Sean’s mo
ther had given them for lunch. Sean hung his head and shook it.

  “We’re not in a zoo, City Girl. You don’t go around feeding animals, waiting for them to do a trick or something in exchange for food. And they don’t eat muffins around here; they’re wild so they eat nuts and stuff like that, ya know?”

  Alyssa pouted, and Sean felt the insane urge to kiss the pout away. He blinked, trying to regain control of his thoughts, and took a step back.

  “How shamelessly thoughtless of me not to bring any nuts,” he said, dramatically slapping his forehead in mock desperation. Alyssa snorted but he saw the corners of her lips twitch.

  “Fine, I got it. Let’s move on,” she said, stomping ahead of him in a cute, childish way. Sean laughed and with two quick steps he caught up with her.

  “I was just teasing you, City Girl. No need to take it personally.”

  “You’re always making fun of me whenever I say or do something. I really hate you,” she said, glaring at him. He grinned.

  “You’re too easy to wind up. I just can’t help it.” He chuckled when she stuck out her tongue at him. Man, he loved when she did that.

  They walked in silence for a few minutes until they finally reached the spot where Sean and his brothers used to go fishing as kids.

  He took out the bait and laughed when he saw that she didn’t flinch at the sight of them, or that she could pick them up without even frowning, but then when it was time to put them on the hook she just couldn’t bring herself to do it, because she didn’t want to hurt them.

  They sat on the grass and he taught her how to cast her line, which she seemed to be very good at, in spite of it being her first time fishing. Then they took out the sandwiches and muffins his mother had prepared for them and had lunch while waiting for a fish to take the bait.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Sean had been quiet ever since they had finished eating and he had expertly fixed his fishing rod so that he wouldn’t have to worry too much about it. Alyssa had preferred to hold hers, saying she’d catch a fish soon enough. He had laughed, making fun of her confidence, and had lain down on the grass, his hands interlocked behind his head, his cowboy hat shading his face John Wayne-style as if he hadn’t a care in the world. She stared at him for a moment and wondered if he had fallen asleep.

  She turned back toward the river, not wanting to get caught staring at him, and watched as the small red float bobbed in the water. It was almost mesmerizing and she felt her eyelids grow heavy as she concentrated on the comforting, lulling sound of the river flowing.

  Birds were chirping in the woodland canopy and the air smelled of autumn leaves and pine trees. She inhaled deeply and her heart ached at the thought of leaving all this behind. Of leaving Sean behind. The thought startled her awake, and she fumbled with the rod as it almost fell out of her hands. She squeezed it tighter and tried to even her breath.

  After the night in the barn she hadn’t felt the same. She found herself longing to see him, to be around him as much as possible. Now that he didn’t seem to mind, it was easier for her to find an excuse to be where he was and spend time with him.

  Although she had never been an expert in love, she knew what she had started feeling for him wasn’t simple physical attraction and not even a nice friendship. Every time he smiled at her, every time he teased her, every time she met his eyes, every time she saw the muscles in his arms flexing she would feel butterflies in her stomach and a weird feeling would overcome her, as if she was floating in the air. She knew this could only mean one thing: she had fallen in love with him, with the guy who had been rough and awful to her in the first days of her vacation but who had now turned out to be one of the nicest guys she’d met in years. She was sure she had found her own Prince Charming and she wondered what was going to happen when in two days she’d leave him for good.

  When she thought back to the moment she had woken up in the barn and he had been the first thing she had set her eyes on, she knew it would be useless to deny her feelings. Her grandmother had always told her she would know when she found the one, that she would feel it deep down in her soul; that morning she’d been pretty sure Sean was it for her.

  Her heart started racing, and she felt uneasy. The weird silence between them wasn’t helping; she needed to think of something else to get her mind off all those silly thoughts about love and feelings. She couldn’t fall for him; she’d be gone in two days and she knew it would never work. She had to pull herself together and realize it was simply impossible, that they could never be. Besides, the fact that he was nicer to her now didn’t mean that he liked her. After what had happened with his ex-girlfriend, the chances that he would fall for another upper-class girl were next to nil.

  She shook her head and inhaled deeply, thinking of something she could say to start a conversation and steer her thoughts to some other subject.

  “So . . . um . . . did you come here often with your brothers?”

  Sean tipped his hat off his eyes, and stared at her for a moment, before sitting up and stretching. He probably wasn’t in the mood for small-talk and would rather nap, but she desperately needed to keep her mind busy or she’d start screaming.

  ***

  Sean’s mind had been racing only a few minutes before, thinking of all that Alyssa was doing to him, no doubt without even realizing. They were alone, sitting by a river with the fall foliage in the woods and the birds chirping up on the branches making it all even more romantic, and he knew he couldn’t say or do anything to show her what she meant to him. It would be weird, not to mention stupid to make a move now, knowing that she’d be gone in two days.

  But thinking he’d never see her again upset him. She was beautiful and sophisticated—that was easy for everyone to see—but what he’d gotten to see in the last few days was the beautiful person she was inside. She was funny and easygoing, smart and kind, and they had more things in common than he had thought possible.

  “We did, especially Andy and I,” he said, noticing the expectant look on her face. “We were very alike when we were little and we liked doing things together. We enjoyed playing Indiana Jones, and the woods at the time almost looked like a jungle to us. Nick joined us when he was old enough, so it became even better because we made him play the part of the bad one, while Andy and I were Indiana Jones. We would always find the treasure and he’d always be defeated, so he’d spend the whole journey home complaining about wanting to be Indiana Jones, too. Andy would always promise him he would be next time, but then he’d always find some excuse and he’d still be the bad one, only a different character.” He smiled, reminiscing. “It’s silly, I know, but at the time it was the best game ever. It was very adventurous and Andy loved teasing Nick. It was his favorite pastime.”

  She chuckled. “I’m sure you had a blast. Derek and I have never been so close. We didn’t fight or anything, we just were different. Maybe because he was a boy and I was a girl, but the only times we played together was when we were very little and our grandmother took us to the beach. But as soon as we were old enough to stop making sandcastles, we didn’t have much in common, and we grew worlds apart. I’ve always secretly wished to have a sister.”

  She shrugged and blinked a couple of times, looking away. His heart broke a little at the sadness in her tone.

  “I guess it’s a natural process; it’s part of growing up. It happened to us too, you know; we developed different interests and started hanging out with friends from school. Then Andy went off to college, and everything ended. But it wasn’t that bad: I was too old to want to play with my brothers anyway, and then Tammy started depending on me. I was her hero. She always wanted me to teach her things and help her with her homework. I’ve always been very protective of her, you know?”

  She nodded. “She’s been lucky to have you and your brothers. My brother has never been what you would call a knight in shining armor, but I guess it’s because he’s younger than me. He’s just like my father, very quiet and stern. I never kne
w what he was thinking; he has always been a mystery. He’s a real O’Riordan, you could say, just like my grandfather; that’s why they loved spending time together during summer. I was more like my granny, and my mother never really liked that.”

  He smiled, trying to picture what her childhood had been like. She had told him bits and pieces of her life, like the holidays at her grandparents’ in Ireland or the time she had decided she wanted to be a vet, but he still hadn’t been able to put all the pieces together in order to have a complete picture of it. He was tempted to start asking her questions, like why she had come all the way from New York to their ranch, or whether she had a boyfriend back home. But then he reckoned they weren’t intimate enough and he thought it was better to leave the words unspoken.

  “One thing I’ve always wanted to do was go camping,” she said out of the blue. He looked at her and frowned. “Grandma had sewn a sort of tent for me and Derek, when I was ten or so, and she let us sleep outside in the garden once. But obviously Derek couldn’t keep his mouth shut, and when my mother found out she made a scene and that was it. No more camping in the garden. I could have killed him for being such a spy, but he was only six, after all. Eventually Grandma moved the tent into my bedroom so I could sleep on the floor and Mom couldn’t object to that, even if she found out.” She chuckled, lost in the memory. When she looked back at him, he saw her eyes had taken on a veil of sadness. “That’s why I wanted so much to sleep in the barn, the other night. It sort of felt like camping to me, although I bet it must have sounded silly to you.”

  He understood now why it had meant so much to her and he felt sorry for making fun of it. All the little things he took for granted because he was so used to them were actually wonderful new experiences for her, and this was another thing he liked about her.

  “Well, I guess I could always run home and fetch a tent so you could sleep out here tonight.”