Hold on to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  Alyssa felt a hot flush color her neck and cheeks at Tammy’s remark; sure, she knew they’d have to come clean now, and tell everybody they were a couple if she was going to spend time with them, but she would’ve liked to say it in a little more tactful way.

  Mrs. Maclaine turned to stare from her son to Alyssa to Tammy in turn; when her eyes finally landed on Sean, he simply shrugged.

  Tammy rolled her eyes and took both Alyssa and Sean’s hands in hers, pulling them closer.

  “Sean and Alyssa are in love!” she said triumphantly, lifting their hands like a referee would do in a boxing match. Mrs. Maclaine let out a gasp, and brought a hand to her chest. When Alyssa dared to look up at her, she could swear Sean’s mother was on the verge of tears.

  “Why did nobody care to inform me?” she asked, looking at her son with a scolding glance.

  “Because we were trying to figure out how to make this work, with two thousand miles between us. Don’t freak out now, Ma.”

  Mrs. Maclaine took a step closer and cupped Sean’s cheek in a sweet, motherly way. Alyssa’s eyes filled with tears. She wished her own mother had reacted like that when Alyssa had told her about Sean. When Mrs. Maclaine turned to look at Alyssa, she was smiling broadly; a second later, Alyssa was wrapped in a hug that smelled of baking and vanilla, nothing like the expensive perfumes her mother used.

  “I guess now I understand why Sean has been acting so strangely over the last couple of months,” she said, giggling like a girl. “He looked as if he always had his head stuck in the clouds. I’ve never seen my boy like that, not with any of the girls he dated in the past.”

  “Go ahead, Ma; thank you very much. Why don’t you go show her my baby pictures, now? I’m sure you can’t wait to embarrass me even more.”

  “I can do that, if you want,” Nick said with a cheeky grin. “I know where she keeps ‘em.”

  Sean glared at him. “Weren’t you taking a nap, Nick? Go back to your room and leave us alone now, will ya?”

  “Whoa, chill out, bro.” Nick raised his hands in a peace gesture. “Just wanted to be a good host.”

  “I’ll take care of her, don’t you worry. Now, just get out of the way. You’re getting on my nerves.”

  Nick shrugged, flashed a sexy smile complete with a wink to Alyssa and went back to his room. Alyssa chuckled. She was enjoying being part of this little family moment.

  Sean’s mother turned back to look at Alyssa, ignoring her sons’ banter; it was probably something she was well used to by now.

  “So, how long are you staying? We can have you settled in the Pine room again, if you’d like? All the rooms are empty; you can take your pick.”

  Alyssa smiled. “The Pine room would be great, thank you. I’m sorry I showed up unexpectedly; I know I should’ve called before coming here but I . . . well, I was in Cheyenne over the last few days and thought I’d—”

  “Cheyenne? What were you doing in Cheyenne?” Sean interrupted her. She gave him a sideways glance and noticed the frown on his face.

  “Um . . . yeah, well . . . I think we may have to talk about that, when you have a minute.”

  Sean’s brows came together. All of a sudden, Alyssa wondered whether this surprise had been a good idea at all.

  Mrs. Maclaine and Tammy exchanged glances. “Sean, why don’t you help Alyssa settle in and bring her suitcase to her room? I’m sure you guys will have a lot to catch up on, and Tammy and I need to get back to cooking.”

  “Oh, yeah. I bet they’re really looking forward to catching up.” Tammy giggled and deftly dodged her mother’s head slap, while running back into the kitchen.

  Sean picked up Alyssa’s suitcase and his other hand squeezed hers, leading her toward her room.

  Chapter Forty-eight

  “Okay, so, I did something crazy, and I’m not sure how you’ll react to this,” Alyssa said, once Sean had closed the door behind him. Now that they were alone and she was about to spill it, she was a little scared about how he would react.

  Sean grinned. “Well, I sure hope not in an I-enrolled-in-a-rodeo kind of crazy, ‘cause in that case I definitely wouldn’t react well.”

  A little bit of tension left Alyssa’s shoulders; he was in a good mood, so maybe he wouldn’t kick her out. She shook her head and smiled nervously.

  “No, that would be a little too crazy, although I wouldn’t mind trying it; it could actually be fun. Maybe you could help me tick it off my bucket list sometime, now that we’re going to be neighbors.”

  Sean’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened. Alyssa wondered whether his reaction was due to the fact that she wanted to enroll in a rodeo or to the word “neighbors.”

  “Excuse me?” he asked in a bewildered tone that made Alyssa’s skin crawl.

  She took a step closer to him, wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his chest. She inhaled deeply, the musky scent she’d missed so much filling her senses, and decided to say it all in one breath—get it over with, just like removing a Band-Aid.

  “I quit my job, enrolled in veterinary college in Cheyenne and packed up my whole life in a truck that will deliver everything here after the holidays.”

  Through the thick sweater she felt his heart rate pick up, and a second later his hands were on her shoulders and he pushed her slightly back to stare her straight in the eyes.

  “You did what?”

  Something inside Alyssa cracked at the tone of his voice. Stupid as it might be, she hadn’t prepared herself for this kind of reaction. She’d expected him to be happy, to kiss her, to tell her how much he loved her for doing that, but none of the different scenarios included rejection.

  Alyssa broke eye contact, and stared at her feet, unable to hold his stare a second longer. Tears had already started stinging her eyes, and the last thing she needed was for him to see her cry. She should’ve talked with him about her idea before deciding to up and leave, showing up on his doorstep totally uninvited, and maybe even unwanted.

  She’d thought he’d be happy, but maybe he’d been happy to chat with her as long as she was miles away—maybe he didn’t want a relationship, after all. Or maybe her actions had annoyed him because her family money allowed her to move wherever she pleased while he had to struggle to earn a living and couldn’t afford to leave his family behind to be with the woman he loved? She should’ve known better.

  Not wanting to hear him say the actual words, she decided to backpedal, and try to save at least a bit of her pride.

  “I . . . um . . . I spent the last few days in Cheyenne, checking out apartments but I haven’t found the right one yet, so I had to give your address to the movers. I’ll be going back after the holidays and will look at more apartments, so you don’t have to worry about me staying here forever. I mean, I know it was kind of rude of me to show up uninvited and at Christmas on top of it all; but I had to come to Cheyenne to speak to the dean and start looking for apartments last week so I thought, well, I guessed it would be useless to go back to New York and come back after the holidays. I’m sorry, I should’ve called and let you know I’d be coming. I wanted to surprise you but now I understand it might look a bit rude of me to force myself into your family, especially at Christmas.”

  She took a step back, feeling the need to put distance between the two of them. She could feel the heat coming off him, the delicious heat that had kept her warm that last night in the barn. The memory hit her hard and she realized how stupid she’d been to believe this could actually work. Maybe her mother had been right; maybe turning her whole life upside-down for a man hadn’t been a smart idea.

  “I understand you want to spend Christmas with your family, though, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll have a shower now, get changed and stay here in my room, maybe read a book or something. I’m actually quite tired and I could use a little sleep. And obviously I’ll pay for my stay; it’s not as if you need to look after me, or anything. You go ahead, have your Christmas dinner with your famil
y. I’ll make myself comfortable and stay out of your way.”

  Something resembling a light chuckle came from Sean’s chest, and when she looked up, she saw there was a half-smirk on his face. She frowned.

  “Are you finished already?” he asked, in a serious tone.

  She nodded, unable to decode the expression on his face: his lips were slightly curling but he was fighting to remain serious. She wasn’t sure whether it was a good or a bad sign.

  “Good, ‘cause I was starting to think the only way to make you shut up would be to strangle you. I didn’t really wanna do that, though.”

  Alyssa giggled despite the ugly fist of nervousness that was squeezing her stomach. Sean took her hands and pulled her a little closer, but she still wouldn’t look at him. His finger went under her chin and tilted it up.

  “If you’d just let me talk, instead of rambling on like a crazy woman without even pausing to take a breath, I would’ve told you your visit here was lousy timing. You see, I have two interviews scheduled after the holidays, but I suppose I’ll have to call them off since you’ve been organizing things behind my back. There’s no reason for me to go to New Jersey now, is there?”

  Alyssa let out a gasp and Sean smiled. “New Jersey? But what . . . How . . . Why . . .?” she stammered. Sean squeezed her hands a little and pulled her closer to him; there were only mere inches between their bodies now.

  “I’ve convinced my father to hire another person even for the winter months. I was going to go to the interviews and once I got the job, I’d tell him I was leaving. I know New Jersey isn’t New York, but I figured the commute to see each other would be easier.” He shrugged, as if he’d just told her something completely unimportant, while to her this was the most romantic and selfless display of love he could’ve come up with.

  “You mean you would’ve left your family and your ranch just to be closer to me?”

  Sean smiled and shook his head lightly. “Not to be closer to you, but to be with you. To spend the weekends with you, even just watching a movie sprawled on the couch, or strolling with you in Central Park. To be your boyfriend in the actual meaning of the word, not just a virtual boyfriend you see every night on Skype. I wanted to make you happy, and if that meant leaving it all behind, I would.”

  “Sean, I . . . I . . .” Alyssa let out a sob and flung herself at him, burying her face in his warm sweater.

  Sean wrapped his arms around her and kept her close to his chest, patting her back softly. She couldn’t believe he would’ve gone that far just to make her happy, just so she wouldn’t have to leave her family and life.

  “Baby, why are you crying now?” he asked in a soft, soothing tone that caused another sob to escape her mouth.

  “Because . . . because . . .” she sniffled between sobs and felt like she was the biggest idiot that had ever existed.

  How could she have thought that he didn’t love her? She’d thought he was okay with being so far away from each other, that he didn’t want to find a solution because he didn’t really want to be in a real relationship, and here he was, planning to turn his whole life upside-down, leaving it all behind, even though he’d feel like a fish out of water in the city, just to be with her.

  “I love you, Sean. God, I love you so much. I can’t believe you’d do something so totally out of your comfort zone just for me.”

  “That’s because being apart these three months made me realize just how impossible living without you would be. Although I still can’t promise you wedding rings and happily-ever-afters, I do know that I want to make this work in any way I can.” He brushed a lock of hair off her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. The contact gave her goose bumps. “And if this means I have to move to the city, well, I’d be willing to do it. Just for you.”

  Alyssa smiled and took his face in her hands, losing herself in the blue depths of his eyes. “I don’t want to live in the city, Sean. I want to be here, with you. If you’ll have me, that is.”

  “Baby, of course I’ll have you—every inch of you,” he said in a low growl, nuzzling her nose, and placing a soft kiss on her lips. “Every inch of you,” he repeated against her mouth, before deepening the kiss in a way that made her toes curl. God, she’d missed him,

  “Will you come have dinner with us, now? Or do you still want to stay in your room and read a book?” Sean asked with his forehead against hers once they came up for air. Alyssa smiled.

  “I’ll stay in my room only if you stay with me, Cowboy.”

  Sean laughed and shook his head, squeezing her in his strong arms. “It’s very inviting, but even though my parents are quite open-minded, I doubt they’d be happy to know we’re at it like rabbits while everyone else is having dinner.” He smacked her bottom and pulled back. “Don’t you worry, though; I’ll be sneaking inside your room when everyone else’s asleep and I’ll make it up to you. Go take a shower now. I’ll see you in a while.”

  He winked and opened the door, leaving her alone in the room with a pounding heart and a silly smile on her face.

  ***

  A Maclaines’ Christmas Eve dinner had always been a happy family moment Sean loved. While Christmas lunch would be a crowded event with relatives coming over, including Andy’s in-laws, Christmas Eve was something for their family only, ever since they were kids.

  He remembered how excited they were when Santa knocked on their door a minute after midnight every year, surprising them with presents, and how hard it had been when he’d grown up and realized it was their father underneath that costume. Even so, neither he nor Andy had ever spoilt it for Nick or Tammy after they’d discovered the truth. Once Tammy was old enough to discover the trick, the suit had been stored in the closet and this year their father had informed them he’d pull it out again for the twins; Andy’s kids were old enough now to understand who Santa was and he was excited to see their reaction.

  Even though he’d stopped believing in Santa Claus long ago, Sean couldn’t help thinking that he’d been granted a little Christmas miracle. Not only had Alyssa come to see him and spend Christmas with his family, but she was going to stay. Even if Cheyenne was more than three hundred miles away, she could always come home on the weekend, or he could drive down and stay with her. She wasn’t going to be two thousand miles away anymore.

  Four small hands clutching both his legs interrupted his musings, and he looked down to find two grinning devils looking up at him.

  “Hey, you,” he said, picking each of them up and tucking them under his arms. “I hear Santa’s been keeping an eye on ya, so you’d better be good tonight.”

  The twins giggled and wriggled, trying to get free. He tightened his grip and brought them toward the living room. Alyssa walked down the corridor at that same moment, and when she saw him, her face cracked into a smile. She was so beautiful he almost dropped the kids and ran toward her to crash his mouth on hers. He should definitely try to get a grip and stop acting like a hormonal teenager, especially with his whole family around. In all of his twenty-nine years he’d never felt that way.

  The kids noticed Alyssa approaching and froze, giving her a thorough look of appraisal.

  “Who’s she, Uncle Sean?” little Becky asked.

  “Yeah, who’s she?” her brother parroted, the way he always did.

  “She’s one of Santa’s elves checking on you,” Sean said, giving them both a shake. The twins giggled, and he saw Alyssa grin. She was gorgeous when she smiled.

  “No, elves are small, like children,” Becky said in a reprimanding tone and rolling her eyes.

  “Yeah, they’re small,” Jack emphasized.

  “Then she might be Mrs. Santa Claus.”

  Little Becky blew a raspberry with her lips. “Uncle Sean! Mrs. Santa Claus is oooold.”

  “Yeah, she’s oooold.”

  Sean looked at the two of them and couldn’t help smiling. They were such pests, but he loved them with all his heart. They were the most amazing kids he’d ever known.

 
; Alyssa came closer to them and crouched down to be level with the two children who were still hanging almost upside-down at Sean’s sides.

  “I’m not an elf, nor Mrs. Santa Claus, you’re right,” she said in a sweet tone he’d never heard her use before. “But I do have Santa’s number on my phone, so if you’re nice tonight I’ll tell him to stop by and bring your presents.”

  “Who are you?” Becky asked, never a shy one.

  “Yeah, who are you?” Jack asked, staring at her with his big blue eyes.

  Sean poked his nephew in the ribs, where he knew he was most ticklish. “Can’t you just stop repeating everything your sister says, Jack?”

  Jack giggled and Alyssa smiled. “I’m Alyssa. And who are you?”

  “I’m Becky, and that’s my brother, Jack. We were born on the same day, so we are twins.”

  “That’s nice,” Alyssa said, standing up and meeting Sean’s eyes. “I bet you love giving your uncle a hard time, don’t you?”

  “You have no idea,” Sean said with a roll of his eyes. Alyssa smiled sweetly at him and his heart filled with love.

  “Yeah, tell me about it, bro,” Andy said, walking out of the kitchen, and grinned when he saw the way his kids were pestering Sean as usual. “When we bring the kids here is the only time I manage to breathe. Hey, I’m Andy—the little devils’ father,” he said, extending his hand toward Alyssa. “You must be my little brother’s sweetheart, right?”

  “No, she’s Alyssa, Daddy,” Becky said, making everyone laugh.

  Alyssa took Andy’s hand and he pulled her in for a bear hug. Sean stiffened; even though it was his brother hugging her, he didn’t like the sight of another man’s arms around his girl.

  He put the twins down and took a step closer to her while the kids scurried away, screaming.

  “Welcome to the family, Alyssa,” Andy said, and released her from his grip. “I’m afraid I can’t say the usual I’ve-heard-so-much-about-you line, ‘cause my brother took great care in keeping you a secret, but it’s great to meet you all the same.”