“Anyway, I can’t afford to stay here any longer with no income, so I have to bid you adieu, although leaving you this way is tearing me apart. Please think long and hard on what I’ve said and the wonderful times we have had. There can be many more my darling. Please, Darcy, search your heart for a place for me.” He took her hands in his and pressed them to his lips.
Darcy looked into his face, so full of sweet tenderness and agony, her heart was painfully stabbed by her affection for him. Slowly lowering her hands, he reluctantly let go of them and turned as if to go. Suddenly, he turned back toward her, and before she could realize what was happening, he had whipped an arm around her waist and pressed her to his chest, as his other hand cradled her head, bringing it to his lips. He kissed her with the passion of a man who has everything to lose by walking away.
Darcy, caught up in the overwhelming, emotional moment, let him sweep her into his crushing embrace and receive his firebrand kiss, but within a moment she came to her senses and pulled against his arms. She became enraged when he refused to let her go. Her Irish temper flared, and when he released her, she slapped his face, hard!
“Don’t ever do that! I will never be held against my will again!” She turned and ran inside, slamming the door in his face before he could gasp her name. Once inside the door, Darcy leaned heavily against it, and tears once again poured from her eyes.
I do love you, Cole, but I am too afraid to let you know it. I have never loved a man before, and I am terrified of giving you my heart. I will miss you, my darling.
****
Eva was smug as she went about her duties. She had been that way ever since Darcy told her that Cole had left.
“I toll you. All men are bastards. They lead you along, and then if’n you don’t give them what they want, they disappear. He won’t be back. I toll you, Missus, but you wouldn’t listen.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter, Eva. It is not like I was madly in love with him or anything. We were just friends. He was a big help when Mary Alice and Andrew were killed.”
But Eva’s words cut deep. What if what Eva was right? She is certainly happy with the turn of events.
“You don’t need no stinkin’ man. What you need a man fer? We do fine since getting rid of Edgar. Right?”
“Eva, what do you mean ‘getting rid of Edgar’?” Darcy asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously as she studied Eva’s demeanor.
“I just mean somebody got rid of him for us, no?” Eva answered.
“Yes, that’s right.” Darcy answered, still somewhat leery of what she had heard.
Chapter Eight
Several days later, Darcy received her first letter from Cole. She laid it aside for almost two days before deciding to open and read it. She had hidden it from Eva because she had no idea what it might contain. With unsteady hands she finally tore it open and read.
My Darling Darcy,
I am aboard the Delta Queen. I believe it is a sister ship to the one where you and I met.
I hope that all is well there, and your house is being repaired to your satisfaction.
My sweet Darcy, how I hated to leave you, but I pray you understand it was not something I wanted to do, but something I had to do. I miss you terribly. Being back on a ship makes me think I will see you at the next table or coming around a corner. Unfortunately, all of these wishes are just that.
Darcy, I love you, I want you, and I need you more with every day that passes. I do not know what you endured with Edgar, but that bastard has evidently done you permanent harm concerning men. Darcy, all men are not like Edgar, so please give this one a chance to prove he is a decent guy, and only wants to be good to you and make you happy. I won’t give up, so don’t think you have gotten rid of me. My sentiments are exactly the same as when I was in New Orleans, just my location has changed. Stay well my dearest one. Until next time.
My heart belongs to you,
Cole
The words were like none she had ever heard before, except from Cole, of course. He is doing all he can to persuade me to love him, trust him, need him and want him, and although it is what I want too, God how I want to, the thought of trusting a man with my heart, and more, scares me to death. I could never, ever endure being used again.
The remainder of the year was very uneventful, punctuated only by the regular receipt of Cole’s lovingly written letters every month. Throughout October and November, they arrived like clockwork. In December, his letter was especially poignant.
Dearest Darcy,
It does not surprise me that you do not correspond with me in return. As I told you before, I have no intention of ever giving up trying to break through the formidable wall of fear and suspicion that years of your unfortunate marriage have built up within you.
I promise you I could never subject you to even a hint of what that heartless bastard must have put you through. I will continue until my dying breath to prove to you that my intentions are honest, my feelings pure, and my persistence inexhaustible. It will forever be my hope that I might see the light of love in your eyes someday, even if it is as my own close in death.
Until I can behold your beauty face to face, remember that I love you and am always here for you. If you should ever need my help, please ask for it without reservation, and I will stop whatever I am doing and come to you from wherever I am. You are the reason I draw breath, my precious Darcy, and my heart aches to be near you soon.
Whether the distance that separates us is a thousand miles or the thickness of a door, it is too far. I yearn to be in your presence once again. Until then, I wait with my heart in your hand. Your faithful servant forever.
Cole
His words, full of devotion for her and pain at her continued rebuke of the pleadings of his heart, tugged at her consternation like nothing ever had in her lifetime. What kind of monster am I to torture this man so? Surely his perseverance and proclamations of undying love should prove to me by now that every word of his is true, so why is there a little corner of my heart so bruised and beaten it refuses to heal with the passage of time and his professions of love? I do miss him so: the sound of his voice, the touch of his lips, and the warmth of his embrace. I need his wisdom and boldness. I want those black eyes shining on me with approval, his wit making me laugh, and the security of having him near me. Oh, Cole, I am so sorry.
Many times she sat down at her secretary with pen and parchment before her, but she could not make the words appear on paper. Telling herself that she didn’t know if her posts would reach him was a confabulation, and she knew it. She convinced herself each passing month that he continued to correspond faithfully with her was a test of sorts. He passed with flying colors.
In January he wrote,
Dear Darcy,
I pray you are well and had a Joyeux Noel. Mine was just another day spent missing the sunshine of your smile and the radiance of your presence. I miss seeing that spectacular red hair the way the sun plays with the color of it. It is truly one of the Seven Wonders of the World, at least of my world. I love you Darcy.
It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder even though I would never have dreamed it was possible to care for you more than I already did. Your silence pains me, not that it is intentionally meant to harm, but because it tells me you still cannot see past the wall of pain and distrust. You need not be afraid to love me and be loved by me. I am nothing, I repeat nothing like that sorry excuse for a man, Edgar.
I was born to love you, and in that respect I could die happy tomorrow, but I would much rather survive to return to the battle of winning your affections in the hopes of one day being victorious.
I know how it feels to not be loved by the ones who are supposed to love you. The pain of my parents’ cold indifference and silent blame is always with me. I fail to understand how a parent can love one child so much that his death erases their feelings for the other. I can identify with how you must have felt when your parents arranged your marriage for a price. I do not know
all that your cruel Master (I refuse to honor him with the title husband) did to you, my love, but perhaps if you were to tell me about it, the pain would lessen somewhat.
I only wish there were some magic potion I could buy that would obliterate the horrors of those years, or some balm for your wounded soul. Oh, how I wish I had known you before that sick pervert destroyed the sweet, loving person you are deep down inside.
I will never stop trying to find a way to bind your wounds, erase the scars, and relieve the suffering you have endured for so long. My love is always with you, if that is of any comfort. I will hopefully be there in person before much longer, my precious girl. I love you.
Your ardent admirer,
Cole
After he posted the letter, Cole chastised himself. Why did I do that? Why did I tell her about my past? Damn! Knowing what a loveless life I’ve led, she will surely wonder how I could know the first thing about loving someone.
Aren’t we a pair? Both damaged goods. Oh, well, castoffs like us belong together. No one else could understand us or would want us broken individuals. Together perhaps we can help heal each other.
She was such a fragile thing. So cautious and fearful, startled by the slightest breech of the fortress she has built around her heart. I must convince her that she is safe outside those walls, with me! He hoped that by writing her faithfully and with time apart she would come to realize all he has to offer, and that the offer is sincere.
****
With each of Cole’s letters, Darcy’s wall of bitterness and distrust eroded ever so slightly. Then, suddenly his letters stopped. February, no word. March, nothing. Darcy was deeply concerned. Has he been killed over a card game? Has he gone overboard and drowned? Was he laying deathly ill with the fever? He could not, would not, have stopped writing his beautiful letters to her for any other reason save grave illness or death. Not unless, Eva had been right all along. Did he meet someone else, just as he had met her? Had someone else turned his head making him forget all about the woman he swore to love to his dying day? She felt sick at heart. Should she be worried that Cole had fallen prey to some foul play or dreadful accident, or should she be incensed that he had duped her just as Eva had predicted he would?
Heartsick at her foolishness, she chastised herself for having let her guard down even just a little. Men were all alike, selfish users, demons without a conscience, and heartless liars. She swore she would never, ever, for as long as she lived, give another man a second glance, listen to one word he might say, or allow him to touch her in any way. How could she have listened to Cole’s lies? How could she have allowed him to kiss her and hold her? He was probably doing that and more to someone else right now!
Darcy moved in a fog. The effort it took to talk or smile was too strenuous for her to manage as she dragged herself through one day then the next, showing no real interest in anything happening around her. Eva, to the contrary, was humming to herself as she briskly went about her daily activities, smiling all the while. Darcy noticed the change in Eva’s attitude and resented her friend callously enjoying Darcy’s emotional distress.
****
The fifth of April was a freshly-washed spring day with a powder blue, cloudless sky. Coming out of her room, Darcy heard Eva humming as she headed toward the stairs with an armful of clean linens for Darcy’s room. When the doorbell rang, Eva called out, “I’ll get it.”
Darcy stopped dead in her tracks, waiting. With Mary Alice dead, and Cole gone, there had not been any visitors for the house in months. Who was she talking to? Oh my God! Only one person has a voice that caused shivers to course through her body. It was Cole!
“Good morning, Eva. Glad to see you, too.” Cole was unaffected by the dark scowl and arrows of hatred that shot from her eyes. “Would you tell Darcy I am here to see her?”
Eva tried to slam the door in his face, but Cole’s foot quickly wedged against it.
“She does not want to see you, Monsieur. Go away.”
Darcy saw him push past Eva who tried to block his entry with her body.
“Darcy, I am back!” he called, joy and love written all over his handsome face, a large bouquet of flowers in his hand, and looking eagerly about for the object of his affection. Darcy froze on the stairs in shock and disbelief.
“Get out of here! How dare you!” she shrieked, as she spun around, picking up her skirt and running back up the stairs as fast as she could go.
Cole’s heart fell, a tumult of crushing disappointment and utter confusion flooding over him.
“Darcy, what is it? What is wrong?” Cole called after her. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing and hearing. What had happened to her while he was gone?
“You go and not come back. Now!” Eva told him with words of steel.
What else could he do but follow her command. He slunk out the door and plodded slowly down the walk. This was such a stark contrast to what he expected of his return. What had happened while I was gone? Didn’t she receive my letters? Why has she reverted back to her distant, reclusive self? If she won’t even speak to me, how will I ever discover what is wrong?
This dilemma left him feeling hopeless and helpless, and he despised both feelings. He returned to his hotel to think of what to do now. Had he lost her completely?
Eva went to a distraught Darcy who was on her bed sobbing into her pillow.
“What in the world was he doing here? Why would he possibly just show up after no word in over two months?”
“I toll you, men are cruel, ruthless bastards. They think they have the right to do whatever they want, no matter how it hurts somebody else. They should all be shot.” Eva spat out her diatribe as if she were spitting on the entire offensive male gender.
“I can’t believe he would do this. What was he thinking? This is all so strange.” She wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her gown as Eva handed her a handkerchief to blow her nose.
“Oh, ma’ chere, you are best to just forget about him. Put him out of your mind completely. We do not need him. We do not need anyone else. We have each other.”
“I am really exhausted, Eva. I think I need a nap. Just close the door behind you, please.”
After Eva left, Darcy did not sleep, a nap being just a ploy to get Eva out of the room. Darcy lay staring at the ceiling of her bedroom trying to analyze why Cole would behave like this. Why would he assume he would be welcome? Why did he act so shocked when she refused to see him? Why did he quit writing? Or did he?
Gradually her thoughts focused on Eva. Darcy began putting pieces together, which may explain some of what had happened. She remembered Eva had been giving the mail to Darcy instead of letting her retrieve it from the slot herself. Why did Eva insist on getting the mail these past few months? Was she looking for something in particular? Perhaps something she wanted to intercept?
Darcy could not believe her lifelong friend would conceal her mail from her in an attempt to thwart her budding relationship with Cole, yet her words, ‘we don’t need anyone, we have each other’ rang in Darcy’s ears. Was Eva insuring no one would interfere with the arrangement they had now?
It was obvious Eva did not want an intruder into the life they shared. She had been against Darcy having anything to do with Cole from the beginning, and clearly considered him an unwelcome interloper. Life was too confusing. Darcy found herself faced with the difficult task of considering her longtime friend evil and deceptive, or the man she had come to care for, a heartless liar. No matter which one was true, Darcy would be deeply hurt.
She decided to watch Eva closely for clues of subterfuge. On the other hand, she felt she owed it to herself and to Cole to search deep, deep down in her heart and decide if Cole was capable of such dastardly behavior. Only then would she have peace of mind that she had come to the right conclusion.
Cole was at a loss how to proceed from here. He could not let this be the end, but to reach Darcy, he had to literally go through Eva, and she guarded her mistress every waking moment. Aha
! Perhaps that was the key. He would have to strike like a cat burglar at night, when Darcy’s guard-dog maid, would be off duty. Excited at the prospect of getting to speak to Darcy alone, he began to devise a plan to gain access to her home, and hopefully discover the reasons behind her strange behavior.
Two days later, he was ready to make his daring attempt to invade the fortress where Darcy remained cloistered. He was desperate. He could not rely on a courier or the mail because he was certain Eva would intercept them, and he could not gain entry to visit in person via the front door, so he would just have to find another entry.
In the deep of the night, he went to Darcy’s home. I know I saw a trellis right…over …there. Yes, there it is. No moon tonight means less chance of being spotted. Well, here goes. Up, up he shakily climbed on his flimsy substitute ladder, suffering rose thorn jabs along the way to the roof of the first floor. Gently stepping off the trellis and onto the roof, he crept his way along the edge of the house until he came to what he was sure was her bedroom. He had watched as she exited her room often enough to be certain of the location.
The sudden loud bark of a nearby neighbor’s mutt startled him, and he instantly froze, flattened against the wall until the dog fell silent. Then Cole carefully continued with his mission. He bent down and lightly tapped on her window. Nothing. He tapped again, slightly harder this time. That did it! He heard movement inside the room.
A lamp was lit, and he saw the silhouette of her beautiful, shapely body through her thin cotton gown. He tapped again when he saw her head for the door. She turned, obviously confused, and slowly stepped toward the window. She pressed her face against the windowpane and gasped when she saw his face on the other side. She started to turn, apparently to alarm the household, but he opened the window just a crack and croaked faintly,
A Gentleman's Game Page 12