by J. Desails
For the first time I wondered if it would always be our love that conquered all, or if maybe a new love would take its place. I do believe in the proverb ,but I also believe that the only constant in this life is change, and right now I’d do anything to keep us where we are.
“It's fine Jer really, I figured one girl would eventually have something to say about us.” I felt defeated.
“Iz, she knows we’ve never done anything including kissing, she has nothing to say and if she does I’m done. I’m not dealing with it.” I saw his temper start to muster its strength.
“Speaking of our significant others, what’s the deal with yours, any word?” He was prying, and really good at it.
“I haven’t spoken to him, not yet.” I almost wished I believed myself, but I knew the conversation I would be having first thing in the morning with Bo. We would probably make up and I would feel guilty for not standing up for myself.
“Jer I have to go to sleep, I’m going to need the rest to deal with my family in the morning.” I rolled gracefully back over.
He leaned over and kissed my cheek, and turned to face the other way. I could feel his body lightly twitch and I knew he was asleep. Now that I was awake, sleep wasn’t as welcoming as it was three hours ago. I saw two messages on my phone and decided to read them rather than waiting for the morning.
The first was from Jane.
Two more days sass…can't wait to be all country with y’all!
My assumptions were that she was wasted and now passed out on my couch, scratch that bed.
The next was a little more unexpected but I was happy to see it.
Hey Lady. I can't wait to see you in the morning, I’m back in town and rumor has it you are too. If you’re free let's do dinner tomorrow at Unc’s.
I texted back immediately, without thinking my thoughts through.
Sure Todd. Sounds great. Will be good to see you too.
The biggest fault with text messaging is once it’s sent; there is no turning back. How have they not figured out a way to fix that yet? I realized when I clicked send that I would have a lot of explaining to do, not only to Jer but also Bo when we sorted things out. I turned my phone off and forced myself to fall asleep.
I woke up to the sound of a blender, and knowing what that meant I almost fell out of the bed on my way to the kitchen.
Jer was standing above a bowl licking his fingers; of what I am sure was batter for banana pancakes, my favorite. He smiled and looked a little guilty for licking the bowl. I took a deep breath in, and stared at all of the tattoos covering his chest and down his right arm. Beneath all of them was the sweet boy who used to sneak in my window. Now no one would ever guess.
“Mornin’ Iz.” He said in an exaggerated country accent. I walked up to the bowl and stole it out of his hands, his mouth dropped.
“You know raw eggs are bad for you Jer, I’m saving your life.” I dipped my finger in.
“Sometimes you drive me crazy.” He chuckled and grabbed the bowl back.
“All the time, you drive me crazy.” I whispered into his ear. He looked at me, and I knew I was in trouble.
I ran to the bedroom and tried to shut the door, too late. I saw his hand reach around, and then his head. I ran to the bed and tried to barricade myself under his covers.
“That’s it Iz, you’re trapped surrender now.”
“No way!! No tickling Jer I mean it, we are too old for this shit!” I sounded frustrated, but inside I couldn’t wait for him to get me.
I felt his hand on my foot, and I started screaming. I reached up and tickled his side. His laughter filled the room, echoing mine.
After a half an hour of wrestling and tickling, we decided we had worked up enough of an appetite to call a truce. Jer started making breakfast and I made my way to the shower. I closed my eyes as the warm water trickled over me; in this moment my only worry was what kind of shampoo Jer had stocked. I knew however that the moment I opened them, my mind would start driving me crazy again.
I slowly opened my eyes and smiled at the smell of the ocean billowing its way through the bathroom window.
By the time I had dried off, the smell was overpowered by coffee and apple pie plug ins.
“Why on earth would you have plug-ins if you have the smell of the ocean pouring through your windows?” The question seemed rhetorical to him.
“Well it's about time little miss.” Jer smiled and put the coffee cup to his lips. I snatched the paper out of his hands.
“Hmmmm….what’s the headline story for today, ahh the crops were damaged in a storm last night.” I gave him a quick roll of the eyes “I guess I’m not in Kansas anymore.”
“Iz, how soon you forget what it's like to live a normal life, and not read or hear about the 25 homicides that happened in the five hours you were asleep.”
He was right, I feel like there is so much crime in the city that I’ve become accustomed to it being the norm. Its nice to come home, refreshing to know there are still places in the world where violence isn’t an expected aspect of my morning.
We small talked our way through breakfast, and I informed him that I would be meeting Todd at the bar tonight since I knew he was working I couldn’t find a way around it. He was calmer than I expected.
“Iz, just be careful ok? Just because you grew up and got some sense doesn’t mean the rest of us did.” He gave me a hug and wished me the best with my parents and I knew I would need every bit of it.
Chapter Thirteen
I rang the doorbell knowing that my parents weren’t expecting me for another day. I never knew if dad would have the gun loaded next to the door and I didn’t want to take my chances. I nervously looked down at my phone, anticipating the non-stop calls from Bo, but so far there haven’t been any this morning.
I heard my Mother yelling at my father to get the door, and when I saw the doorknob turn my heart skipped a beat. He looked at me for less than a second and I was in his arms. He lifted me up with such ease; it was like I never grew up.
“Dad, I missed you so much I could cry.”
I normally wasn’t emotional with my parents on the phone or even through skype, but there is something about physically being near them that makes me homesick.
I heard Mom crying before I could see her, she has always been melodramatic so this was expected.
“I…I…what? How are you here already?”
You would think I wasn’t due in for another year.
“Mom, I came in a little early with Jer, I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well you did. Now let's get you inside and cleaned up, you need some product in your hair.”
Mom would probably scold me if she knew how much product it took to get my hair to look this smooth and flat. I opened the door to my room, and was relieved to know that my assumptions were correct that even though I had been gone for five years, nothing changed.
Visiting my room was not just going to a physical place, but transporting myself to another time. I fell onto my bed and inhaled the soft scent of my Mother’s laundry detergent, which also hasn’t changed. I could even assume that she probably still changes my sheets once a week.
My Mother never liked change, which is why even though I left she almost pretended I didn’t. Although I haven’t been around to witness her inability to relax I’ve got enough witnesses to know better. I heard the knock on my door and smile.
“Honey, it's Mom can I come in?”
“Yes Mom of course, this is your house you know.” I would have never thought of speaking those words if I were still seventeen.
“Well honey, I just thought we should catch up. How is that Bo boy? What a peculiar name that is. Well anyway you know Red is graduating and honey I just don’t know what to do with myself. Your father hardly eats anything, I mean who am I supposed to feed I only know how to cook for four and thank goodness your brother has been dating otherwise your food would be wasted.”
She went on and on. I glanced at my
watch and noticed that it had been well over an hour by the time we decided to make our way to the living room.
I can tell that even though she doesn’t have to work or worry, that is all that she allows herself to do at home. At least Red is still dependent enough to make her feel useful. I’ll have to remind Jer to come over more often and make sure she doesn’t lose her social skills.
I feel like my parents have been together so long that they don’t even need to actually speak to know what the other is thinking. They constantly exchange looks and then shake their heads at one another as if they were both telepathic. My father has always been the quiet one, which I am thankful for because if everyone knew how much knowledge he has to lend, I would be at the end of a very long line. I am so blessed that I have always been the first.
Even though I know my father would never breathe the words to me, his heart aches that I am not married with kids yet. I think maybe he has even given up hope on me and instead assigned that role to my brother. Which reminds me, yet another girlfriend I have yet to meet this week, and again I already can’t stand.
Red has been with this one for about a year now, and I obviously haven’t met her. I am definitely guilty of judging a book by its cover in this case, but it is my little brother I am concerned for. I’ve always wanted a sister, and since I don’t have a choice this late in life I settled for Jane. Although I have no interest in where this girl came from or what she plans on doing in life, I can bet that my mother will make sure we are best friends after this weekend.
“Honey, do you need something to eat?” Mom peeked her head into the door.
“I’m good Ma, going to Unc’s tonight.” She nodded and shut the door. Just as it was completely closed it re-opened.
“Oh and honey don’t forget tomorrow Morning we will be having brunch with Jessie, your brothers girlfriend. Oh it will be so much fun.” Her voice disappears into the hallway and I know she can visualize me rolling my eyes. Funny I even act like a teenager when I am back home, must be something about this room.
I began laying out clothing options for this evening on my bed. I was tempted to bring all my city clothes with me, but I knew I’d stick out and Jer would be making fun of me. He is aware of both sides of me, my city alter ego and the country girl from next door, and although mentally I always feel the same two pictures side by side you would think I am the separated twin from parent trap.
I had decided on a plain white t-shirt and dark denim jeans with a pair of Tory Burch flats. I had to bring a little part of the city to the south. I had texted Todd to meet me at Unc’s and Jer would already be there working so I could let him obliviously watch over me all night long.
I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in the empty recliner next to my Dad, since my Mom never found time to sit. We didn’t talk about much, which was partially because we were filling our mouths with the food I told my Mom not to make.
I imagined this is how Sundays would be if I lived at home, I would be a hundred pounds heavier, but my heart would be as full as my stomach.
Chapter Thirteen
As I pulled up to Unc’s, I smiled at the open sign, which still only lit up as pen. I saw Jer’s truck out back and decided to park next to him, I’ve acquired the skill of judging which cars to park next to from being bumped into in the city one too many times.
I walked through the back entrance and ran right into him. His crystal blue eyes lit up, seemingly in disbelief that I was actually here.
“Iz, I just made some fried tomato if you want to sneak some back here before you go out. I know you have this skinny girl rep to keep up with, wouldn’t want them to see the fatty within.”
“Is he here yet?” I asked finding myself a little nervous especially now that we are on his turf.
“Of course…been looking at the door every five minutes for the past hour and a half.” He smacked my butt and pushed me toward the door.
As I walked in I saw many familiar faces with names that I couldn’t recall. I don’t think I would have a problem with anyone being able to recognize me, so I could skip over all of the reintroductions.
“There’s my girl.” I felt Todd’s hand slip around my waist.
“Hey…where’s my drink?” I suddenly felt like alcohol was a must.
I turned to the bar and saw Jer making me a Bacardi and coke and felt a little bit relieved. I was socializing with Todd, ok more like flirting with Todd and I loved it. I felt amazing that he was so into me, hanging on my every word and not taking his eyes off of me for a second.
I confessed everything to him about Bo, and he comforted me in a way that I would have thought of as taking advantage had I been sober. At least I knew that Jer wouldn’t let it get too out of hand. I looked over and saw about ten girls ordering drinks and giving him their numbers. They were clearly sloshed and out for a bachelorette party, I gathered from the penis necklaces and tiara. Jer looked like a guy that would go home with any of these women in a second, and would be out before their husbands had any suspicion. Luckily for their husbands, Jer was much better than that.
I saw the maid of honor reach over the bar and lick his face. Before I could even register what I was doing I walked behind the bar and came up behind Jer.
“Sorry Ladies, hands off he’s taken.” I turned to him and kissed him on the lips, nothing more nothing less, and turned to go back to Todd.
I heard the girls gasp and I looked back to see the smirk on Jer’s face. Todd was confused about what just happened, but as every one typically did he wrote us off as being nothing more than friends and moved on.
I actually had a great time reminiscing with friends from high school, and family friends. Todd and I were pulled in separate directions, which I didn’t mind either way.
As the liquor caught up to me, so did my courage. I joined in the country line dancing and my feet didn’t miss a beat. I was covered in sweat and hoping the night would never end.
After what felt like minutes of dancing, which I was informed was hours my eye spotted Todd saying his goodbyes. He landed a kiss on my cheek and a whisper in my ear offering me a ride. I politely declined to spend more time with Jer. Before I knew it this week would be over and it would probably be another year before I saw him.
“Hey Iz, bar is getting ready to close, how about I pack us up a few and go to the pier.” He was already packing the cooler, and already knew my answer. About an hour later after I helped him clean up the bar we got into the truck and headed to the beach. I had the window all the way down, and was singing my heart out to Miranda.
“Awe now Iz, what do you think all of your city friends would think about this behavior, you’re one breakup short of being a real life country song.”
I could see the pier and started to get butterflies in my stomach. I wished I could go back to being the teenager who would sneak down here with her best friend. The sound of the frogs mixed with crickets gave me more peace than any yoga class I could take.
I felt my feet hit the sand before the truck was completely stopped, and I could hear Jer running behind me. I ran into the crashing waves and felt him splash behind me. There was no man made light, no honking taxis, no polluted air.
My clothes were completely soaked; see through too I’m sure. I glanced over at Jer and his chiseled abs, tattooed arms, and amazing smile.
“Jer, how come it was never us?” It was too late to take it back, and I had too many drinks to care.
“I think we love each other too much.” He laid his head on my shoulder, and emotions overwhelmed me.
“I miss you Jer, every single day I miss you.” I felt the tears starting to fall, and I could tell he noticed them. He placed his hand gently on my chin.
“Izabella, you know that when you need me I am there. I have never once not been there for you, but we grew up you know? We have to be apart to make us appreciate each other more.”
“I love you Jer.” I said the words with my eyes closed, and even though I’ve said
them many times before they felt different this time. What also felt different was Jer’s lips on mine.
I felt myself kissing him back, and it was nothing like the innocent kiss from earlier tonight. I felt his tongue slip into my mouth and his arms pulling at my shirt. Although he had a number of times seen me in my bra and underwear, this time was on a whole new level. He pulled away from my lips only to take my shirt over top of my head. My pink lace boy short panties were already exposed before we went into the ocean. He knocked me off of my feet, literally.
I was laying on the sand looking up him, staring into his eyes aware that we were both intoxicated, and this may be a mistake, but simultaneously aware that we have been in this same situation fully clothed and never kissing millions of times before.
I wanted to pause this moment and overanalyze the situation. Figure out what changed between us, to make this happen now. While debating if I should stop this before we went any further I felt his lips on mine again. I felt him run his fingers through my long blonde sandy hair. He kissed me with a hand on my face, my favorite way to be kissed. He was passionate, and I matched him step for step along the way.
We had to be lying on the beach for hours, never going any further physically than kissing, but emotionally, we had gone over the edge.
“Iz, I think we need to go back to my place.” I nodded in agreement. We drove home as if nothing had happened. We laughed about the bachelorette party, after the bar closed Jer showed me a drawer full of phone numbers he had accumulated since taking over the bar.
We pulled up to his house and I ran to the door pulling out my pink key. “Honey we're home!” He jokingly shoved past me.