The Idea of You

by J. Desails

  Jane gave me a thank you glance, and I could tell that she was starting to get nervous. She stood up and turned around, and even put me in awe. She had a strapless lace v-neck gown, that dipped low in the back coming into a V just above her panty line. I knew I could never pull off half of the things that she wore, but this outfit was especially made for her.

  “You ready lady?” She nodded and took a deep breath.

  “I’ll see you out there.” I hugged her and picked up baby B, who was all decked out in a dress almost as gorgeous as her Mother's.

  I walked down the aisle, which was nothing but white rose petals, down to the archway made of gardenias. The vineyard that they had chosen for their venue was stunning, and I was a little jealous that I would never be able to compete with this wedding.

  I looked over at Todd, who cleaned up better than I could have ever imagined, and right next to him stood Bo. When I made it to the end Bo winked and smiled at me, which I am sure made every other girl jealous.

  The ceremony was amazing, and the tears flowed, even though I gave Jane my word I would keep it together.

  I watched Jane and Todd take their first dance as husband and wife, while Bo sat beside me with his hand in mine. We technically hadn’t had our own first dance yet, since we were married on the island so we were patiently waiting to see what our song would be.

  I looked at the tears on Jane’s face, which mirrored mine. I would have never in a million years guessed that I would be at a wedding for these two. I was also surprised that I really didn’t know that much about their relationship. How exactly they worked, what made them click. I know that the string that tied everything together was baby B, and I was happy that she would have such amazing parents.

  An hour passed before another slow song came on, and it was perfectly fitting for Bo and I, and although at times I thought it to be quite cliché in this moment it was made for us.

  He found me through the crowd and pulled me into him as we danced to At Last by Etta James.

  “Can you believe we are here?” He said as he stared me in the eyes.

  “You mean at Todd and Jane’s wedding?” I smirked at him knowing that he was referring to us being married.

  “You’re a brat you know that right?” He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

  The entire evening flew by, and at the end we practically held a riot to have the DJ continue to play for another hour. Bo even offers to pay him double.

  Fortunately for me, he wouldn’t agree to the bidding. I was exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to get home in our bed.

  I kissed Jane and Todd goodbye, and knew that I would see them in the morning. Todd’s parents were going to keep baby B so they could spend their wedding night alone. I was sure to get text messages throughout the night from her for me to check on the baby.

  Finally with my shoes in my hands, and Bo’s jacket around my shoulders we got into the limo. My hair, which was once, and updo was now a mess of curls that poured over my shoulders.

  “We’ll be finding bobby pins for weeks….sorry.” I shrugged my shoulders at Bo.

  “You act like this would be something new.” I was pressed up against him in the back of the limo staring out into the city; the lights were so bright it hardly seemed possible for it to be the middle of the night.

  Bo leaned his head on my shoulder and I could hear the soft snore escaping his mouth. His phone was buzzing in his pocket and through the buzz that he was currently in I knew that he wouldn’t feel me slide it out of his pocket.

  I saw the name appear across the screen, and felt flashbacks from the months before when I found out that Jane had been talking to him behind my back. I swiped my finger across the phone, and heard his voice without the phone being held up to my ear. I closed my eyes tightly and ended the call. As much as my curiosity wanted to further explore Bo’s call log, I shut his phone off and slid it back into his pocket.

  I contemplated asking Bo if he had talked to Jer before, how many times, what was the reason, but none of the answers would satisfy me. I nudged Bo awake when we pulled up in front of our apartment.

  “How long have I been asleep? I drooled on your shoulder, sorry.” I laughed thinking how many girls would have this man drooling all over them. I grabbed a piece of his shirt and put it to his face to wipe the rest of it off.

  “What would I do without you, beautiful girl?”

  “You’d be a slobbering mess that’s for sure.” We climbed the stairs to our apartment; I opened the door to the wonderful familiar scent of our home. It smelled of cinnamon like my mothers cooking, mixed with holidays yet also had the calming soft scent of chamomile.

  “When are we going to open these?” I snatched the red envelopes out of his hands. Bo got the first five and wasn’t sure he should tell me. They come in regularly every Monday. As badly as I want to know what is inside of them, I know that there may be a truth that I am not ready to know.

  Something that would make me feel guilty, and placing the blame on him is what helped me get through my blissful days on marriage with Bo.

  “WE are not opening anything. I may open them…..eventually.” He dropped them down, and let out a heavy sigh, I was sure that he was just as curious as I was about the contents.

  The way that things ended with Jer, I assumed that the first letter was built from anger. I should probably toss that one out, and the others probably still had some remnants of hostility subtly throughout them. I figured if I would ever sit down and read them I would start with the last one. That one would surely put a smile on my face, rather than bringing the tears to the surface.

  “When are you going to start packing?” Bo had the suitcase next to the bed for the past three days; I have been completely avoiding it. Since we decided to elope, my parents thought it was only fair that we had a small reception in my hometown. I couldn’t argue with them, because truthfully they were right, and they were paying for the whole thing.

  “I’m going to knock it out tonight, that will give me one day to think over all the things that I will second guess.” I always preferred waiting until the last minute to pack, but not because I’m a procrastinator, but because I would worry for an entire week and end up repacking five times anyway.

  Bo made his way into the shower, which gave me the perfect opportunity to hack into his phone. I went through his call logs, and saw that the call from Jer tonight had been the first in at least a week.

  I ran so many scenarios through my head for the purpose behind his call. Could he be in trouble? Why would he call Bo of all people if that were the case? Maybe he wanted to ask about me, but then again I am sure that he got word of my wedding.

  I decided right now was the time that I needed to start packing. Most of the clothes that made their way into my suitcase were casual with the exception of the two outfits that were options for the reception. Jane would be heading down a day after us, so I was more at ease about forgetting something.

  Bo decided that we should fly down rather than drive this time. I figured he might have thought about pulling his hair out after spending 13 hours in a car with me. Not that he hasn’t done it before, but I think it would be more pleasurable for both of us if we just flew.

  I also know that Bo did it to make me happy, because he has a top-secret fear of flying. He had to fly a lot for work and would never admit it to coworkers or anyone for that matter.

  I only discovered this fear when we boarded the plane for the Bahamas, and saw his leg trembling. Once I asked him, it took half a flight of denial before I was able to get him to admit to the fear, one that he kept hidden from childhood.

  I often find it’s the little things that I know about him, that no one else knows that make me feel so special. Like I am a part of a top-secret organization, and the knowledge I gain is to remain confidential.

  I had half of my suitcase filled and decided to call it quits. I lay on the bed and reached into my nightstand drawer. I heard the water still running so I knew I
was safe.

  I picked up the test and stared at the two pink lines one more time. I had only known for two days, but for those two days I decided not to tell anyone. I was pretty good at this top-secret stuff. I wanted to tell Bo so badly but I just wasn’t sure how.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off of the test as my hand subconsciously went to rest on my stomach.

  “Bells…..” I looked up to a Bo wrapped in nothing but a towel with his skin glistened with small beads of left over water. The towel dropped to the ground and I had a naked, glistening Bo on top of me.

  I quickly slid the stick back into the drawer without Bo catching a glimpse. We were still in the honeymoon phase of our marriage, but I couldn’t imagine ever being able to resist him again. My attraction to his was so much deeper than his impeccable body, or his deep seductive voice. There were often moments where I would quietly watch him doing such a simple task, like folding the laundry, or dancing around the bedroom in his underwear that would make me feel like a teenage girl again.

  We would be getting home a day before the reception, and Lauren was going to come on the day of the celebration and bring Ella. She had been so wonderful about letting her visits became more regular. I couldn’t wait to tell Bo that he would get the chance to be a parent for all of those years that he missed before.

  We boarded the plane and Bo squeezed my hand immediately after buckling us both in. I wished that I could transfer his anxiety to myself. I loved flying, and wished that I had more opportunities to travel for work. I thought about expanding my business to other locations, and upping my prices but my schedule left little time.

  The flight went so quickly it was barely enjoyable for me. I had a lot on my mind, and still hadn’t thought of the perfect idea to tell Bo he was going to be a Dad.

  It was killing me not to just spit it out, and I almost did halfway through our flight.

  When we arrived at the airport Red and a very pregnant Jess were waiting for us at the gate. She was due any day, and looked positively wonderful, although she swore she looked like a whale. I needed to remember this from my perspective now when I am 9 months pregnant.

  “Hey Sis, glad you guys made it safely!” Even though it had been forever since I felt my brother’s arms around me, it was so familiar. I rubbed Jess’s belly “Oh Gosh I am so sorry I didn’t ask. Is it ok if I touch your belly?” I remember Jane giving people nasty looks when they tried to touch her.

  “Izabella, this is your niece of course you can rub my belly!” She was so sweet, I was really happy for Red that he had her.

  “How’s the bar going?” Bo put out his hand to shake Reds. “Good man thanks for asking.” Red pulled him into a man hug. “Oh and welcome to the family bro.”

  I was so happy to see my brother being genuinely nice to Bo, and acting like such a man.

  “When did you grow up Brat?” I gave him a playful shove.

  “When you stopped being a bitch.” He taunted back at me.

  “So then shall we call you Peter Pan?” Bo thought his comment was hilarious. Red thought it was equally amusing. I sat in the back of the car with Jess and we discussed all things baby. I hoped that she would deliver before I left to go back to the city.

  “You guys going to Unc’s tonight? I’m bartending and I think you’ll have a welcoming committee there” I looked at Bo and he nodded for both of us.

  We made it to Mom’s house and she and Dad were sitting on the porch waiting for us. I could picture Bo and I like that in 30 years, but I didn’t know if he could ever get away from the city. We could always opt for a bigger place with a balcony.

  “My baby girl!” Dad scooped me up when I was barely out of the car. It was nice to have such a warm embrace. I was starting to get really excited for the weekend ahead of us.

  Bo put our belongings in my room, which my mother kept referring to the guest room even though it was my room and still decorated the same as it was 10 years ago.

  I followed him into the room, and found Bo wearing my beauty sash and tiara.

  “Bo, you look so beautiful.” I tried to hold in my laughter knowing that it just encouraged him to keep going.

  He was doing his best beauty queen wave when Red came in the room.

  “What are you doing Fancy Pants?” Bo chased after him, causing my entire family to erupt into hysterics. It was like Bo had been born into this family. I couldn’t remember it being this way in our last visit, but I guess our situation was hardly the same then anyway.

  Mom made us dinner, spaghetti that was a household favorite.

  “I haven’t had a home cooked meal in months.” Bo looked right at me.

  “Izabella! I taught you better than that!”

  “Oh for the love mom he is pulling your chain. Of course I cook for him, and rub his feet, and his back and….”

  “Alright. Alright I’m going to be sick.” Red hand his hands up in the air in surrender.

  Everyone began getting ready to go out, while I helped my mom clean up in the kitchen. She pulled me in for a hug and whispered in my ear “Does he know yet?”

  I assumed that she meant Jer and about the wedding. “I’m not sure I haven’t talked to him since right before.”

  “I mean Bo. Does he know that you’re pregnant?”

  I looked at her in complete shock. “How did you?” She smiled with satisfaction. “Your boobs have never been that big in your whole life. So when are you going to tell him?” I told her that I was waiting for the right time, the perfect moment, and looking for the best idea.

  “Izabella, the perfect time in anytime that you tell him. That man is completely infatuated with you, he will be on cloud 9 no matter the place, the time or the way that you decide to tell him.”

  I nodded in agreement; I don’t know why I had been racking my brain this whole time. We finished cleaning and then all piled into the car to go to Unc’s with the exception of Jess who decided to go to bed early, and not be exposed to the smoke filled bar at 9 months pregnant.

  “It’s bad enough that I get his second hand stench when he crawls into bed at 4 am.”

  I saw red bend down and kiss her belly, then come up to kiss her cheek. “Take care of my girl, and you call me if you need anything.” It seemed like there was a magnetic force between them, and it took everything in him to pull away.

  “It’s like this every time he leaves her.” Mom looked at me and smiled.

  It warmed my heart and I nodded back to her mirroring our immense pride in him. Of course the drive to the bar was a short one. We all piled out of the car, and when I saw the amount of cars there I knew that it was more than just a regular night out to catch up.

  We walked in and a huge congratulations banner was hung above the bar. The ceiling was filled with balloons wall to wall. I was so overwhelmed and I looked over to Bo and saw that we shared the emotion.

  He pulled me into him and then dipped me and kissed me, in front of everyone. The crowd erupted in cheer. It was like we were local celebrities.

  Red came up with two glasses of champagne and we made our way to the bar. He jumped on the bar and pulled out a piece of paper. Enough to send me over the edge in tears and he hadn’t even spoken a word.

  “First of all, I want to thank you all for coming! We all know that Iz isn’t the easiest to get along with, but somehow this fool has managed to follow her around for years. Bo, thanks for making my big sister manageable to be around. Iz, I don’t say it often enough but we all know Bo is one lucky son of a bitch. I wish you both the best. All my love.” He held up his beer and everyone hollered again.

  Two hours into the night, you would have thought that this was Bo’s hometown. He had a group around him all night long, mostly of girls but I still wasn’t the slightest bit jealous. I knew that they could never offer him the things that I could, or the unbreakable bond that we had.

  I saw him glance up and head my way, and I got butterflies in my stomach. It was like a movie the way he parted through the crowd
to find me, to be near me.

  Once he reached me he whispered in my ear “I missed you.”

  Just those words brought tears to my eyes again; I realized that the hormones were probably taking over my brain.

  “Is everything ok?” He pulled away from me looking concerned. “Of course it is, I’m just really happy.”

  “Hey I want to take you somewhere, you think we can sneak out of here?”

  I pointed to the back door, and we started walking towards the water. I could hear the waves crashing on the shore before I could see it. It made my pulse quicken with excitement, and the smell filled my soul.

  Finally we made it to the beach without saying a word to one another. Bo walked me under the pier and pressed my back against the cool wood. “I just had to have you to myself for just a few minutes. I’m not used to sharing you.” He pulled me into a kiss and everything was heightened. I could smell his cologne, which seemed like heaven, I could feel his tongue slowly enter my mouth and his hand moving up and down my side.

  “We can go back now, I just needed one kiss.” He smiled and pulled my behind him back to the bar. When we snuck back in through the kitchen Red caught us. “You assholes! I’ve got shots lined up for you.”

  I nervously pushed through the crowd behind Bo. He threw back the first shot and looked over at me. I held the glass in my hand, trying to think of a way out of the shot. Problem is it was tequila, and he knew I loved it.

  “I ummm….. I don’t want to be hung over for tomorrow.” He took another shot. “One shot won't hurt you, we both know you’re a pro Bells.” I shook my head, but put the glass down.

  “No. No. No.” He looked over at the words and me got louder and louder. My stomach felt sick, all attention was now on us. I nodded again. He pulled me in and picked me off of the ground. “I’m going to be a Dad?” I nodded again, unable to verbalize any of it.

  Bo started crying, in a bar filled wall to wall of people. Something I never thought I would witness. He turned toward the crowd. “I’m going to be a Dad!” It was in that moment that I saw Jer enter the bar.