by K Leigh
“Goodbye, Connor,” I call, turning away to begin the trek back to the gas station. I’m sure the clerk will let me use the store phone; no one in Branch Key wants to upset the preacher’s daughter. I can call my dad to come pick me up and I know he won’t hesitate.
My mom will be the difficult one. She’ll fuss that she and Connor’s mom had already looked at wedding venues; which is her fault, in my opinion. A promise ring is not an engagement ring. I’m sure she’ll call Connor’s mom and cry over the loss of the joining of our families.
While the sinking ship of disappointing my family lingers in my chest, another flag wavers in the distance.
A feeling of freedom—an independence I’d never experienced—hovers on the horizon. And I’m ready to jump aboard.
The gravel turns to pavement a mile away from Connor. I’m certain he’s passed out on his steering wheel by now. What a way for him to spend his last night in our hometown.
The flickering sign of the Stop & Go Market greets me, a beacon of shelter when I’m just beginning to feel like there’s no end to my journey.
The store is empty except for the clerk, a man with salt and pepper hair and a Vietnam veteran hat. He leans on the counter behind the cash register, his glasses sitting low on his nose as he does the crossword puzzle. As I approach the counter, he raises his piercing glare to see who came in, and I self-consciously tug on my hair.
“Natalie Rose Winegar, what are you doin’ out here at this time of night?” Alfred admonishes me, eyes widening. “Your daddy know you’re out here?”
“Connor and I had a date,” I say.
“Ahhh,” Alfred nods, his face softening. He’s probably witnessed lover’s quarrels before, being this close to the swimming hole. “You okay? You hurt?”
“I’m fine,” I reassure him, appreciating his gruff concern. “May I use your phone, please? My battery is dead.”
“You sure can,” Alfred says, handing me the cordless phone.
Dialing my house phone number with shaking fingers, I carefully hold the phone up without actually letting it touch my ear. Alfred has always let anyone use the phone, and I don’t want to catch any germs to top this night off.
“Winegar Residence.” My daddy’s low tone rumbles from his chest, and tears immediately pool in my eyes at his comforting voice. A small hiccup escapes me, but I’m at a loss for words. How do I begin to explain this to my dad?
“Hello?” he repeats.
“Daddy.” My voice cracks over the word. “Daddy, will you come get me?”
“Of course, sweetheart.” His automatic reply makes me sob harder. “Where are you?”
“The gas station near the swimming hole.”
“What are you doing…” he begins, but his words trail off when it dawns on him. I can practically hear the wheels spinning in his mind. “Oh. Okay,” he finally says.
He knows where the town hook up spot is; everyone does.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he reassures me before hanging up.
After giving Alfred the phone back, he smiles at me and says, “Grab you a push up while you wait. On the house.”
I match his smile and take him up on the offer. I slide the doors to the ice cream chest open, and it takes me back to a simpler time when my brother and I would ride our bicycles here for a treat after playing outside all evening.
The orange sherbet melts on my tongue, sending a pleasant shiver down my spine. The Flintstone family decorates the wrapper, and I vaguely recall watching the cartoon when I was a kid. Daddy would always pretend to drive like Fred when he’d take me to school, stomping his feet on the floorboard to make me laugh. My older brother, Teddy, and I were even Pebbles and Dino for Halloween one year.
“Have a good night, Alfred.” I nod to the clerk, and he waves.
“Take care, Natalie Rose.”
The door jingles closed behind me and I eye the old swing at the storefront cautiously.
Alfred’s store has had this wooden swing out front for as long as I can remember. When we were kids, we’d come here for a push up after church every Sunday. Daddy would sit in between my brother and me, pushing us as far back as his legs could go. We’d squeal with glee, suspended in the air with ice cream melting in our palms, until he’d let go and we’d fly through the air.
The metal springs shriek in protest as I slide onto the bench, surprising myself with a soft sigh. The adrenaline from the argument with Connor has passed, and now I’m questioning myself.
Did I make a hasty decision ending things with him?
Or was I just following my instincts after suppressing them for so long?
Connor was my first boyfriend and my first kiss. Our families vacation together, his dad is an elder at my dad’s church, and our moms have been best friends since our first homecoming dance. Sure, we’re kind of young to be thinking long-term, but I’d never given it much thought before now. We’re only eighteen; maybe we are too young to make such a big decision.
Finally, a tan Ford pickup pulls into the parking lot, shuddering to a stop as my dad puts it in park. He watches me closely as he walks over to me, the swing creaking with his weight as he sits beside me.
“Everything all right, pumpkin?” A simple, valid question, but coming from my dad in his soft southern growl, it has me bursting into tears again. Not normal, slip-down-your-cheeks-quietly tears. These are shoulder-heaving, nose-sniffling, body-wracking sobs as he envelops me. Even in my distraught state, I notice the scent of freshly mowed grass lingering on his shirt.
“Have you been mowing?” I manage through my tears. “You’re not supposed to be mowing if Teddy’s not home to help, Dad.”
“I know, I know.” The pressure of his palm on the back of my head sends soothing waves through me. “Quit worrying about me. Right now, you’re the main concern. What’s going on?”
“I gave Connor his ring back.” I take a deep breath, sniffling into his shirt.
My dad nods, reaching into his pocket for his handkerchief. “All right. You wanna talk about that?”
Sitting back in the swing, I fold my hands in my lap, doing my best to come up with the right words to say. He obviously knows all about sex. I don’t like to think about it, but he had to have it at least twice in his life. Still, he’s never had to acknowledge the fact I know the details of the birds and the bees as well. My mom handled that conversation for both Teddy and me.
“You can talk to me about anything, you know that. But you don’t have to ‘til you’re ready.”
“He was mad I wouldn’t sleep with him tonight.” The words gush from me before I can change my mind. Once the dam bursts, there’s no stopping it. “He’s leaving tomorrow and said if I wouldn’t have sex with him tonight, then he never wants me to. So I threw the ring at him and walked here.”
When I glance over at my dad, sparks of anger flicker in his eyes. “Natalie Rose, are you serious?” The disappointment in his tone has me cringing.
“Yes, and I’m sorry. I know you guys are friends with his parents, but I’m not ready for that step.”
“I’m not angry that you threw the ring at him.” My dad’s voice rises with each syllable, palpable anger filling the air between us. “I’m furious that he treated my daughter in such a way.” He covers my hands with one of his, squeezing them as he continues. “I’m damn proud you threw the ring at him. I wish it had hit him in the forehead.”
With a small hiccup of laughter, I let my dad wrap me in his arms.
“Let’s go home, Daddy.”
“Nothing has ever sounded better, pumpkin.”
Natalie
Past
Sleep was hard to come by last night…
“Late night, little sister?” My brother winks at me from the kitchen sink as I plop down into my usual chair. Refusing to answer, I stick my tongue out at him as I reach for the pitcher of orange juice. I pour myself a heaping glass, relishing as the tangy pulp swirls around my tongue.
Teddy is the w
ild one out of the two of us; at least, before he met Vi. The idea of me being in trouble is probably a tempting morsel of teasing fodder to him.
“Oh, don’t be like that, Nat.” He’s one of the few people in this town that doesn’t call me Natalie Rose. He knows I despise it. “All jokes aside, I hope you had a great date. I’m just teasing.”
I’m not in the mood to joke with Teddy. He played football with Connor and they were always horsing around together. I want to be on a manhating spree. Except for my dad. He’s safe right now.
“What are you doing here, big brother?” I ask, patience thin.
“I gotta help Dad with the porch,” Teddy replies, just as the toaster pops up. “Dad said he was out late last night. Connor have car trouble?”
“No, we had a fight.” I sigh, deciding that he’d probably prod until I give up some of the details.
“Y’all break up?”
“I don’t even know. He told me not to come tell him goodbye today.”
“Do I need to kick his ass?” Teddy sets his toast down, coming toward me with outstretched arms. As he bends over to wrap them around me, I bury my face in his shirt.
“Mom thinks we should still go see him off,” I tell him. “But I don’t want any drama.”
“Did you tell her why you all fought?” Teddy releases his grip, brushing my hair from my face after standing upright. “You know they’d understand.”
“You don’t even know why,” I scoff.
“Let me guess,” Teddy says, rubbing his chin in contemplation. “You wouldn’t sleep with him before he left for football camp.”
My mouth drops open. “How did you know?” If Teddy already knew, the whole town probably did.
“One, I used to play football with Connor, remember? He’s no virgin.”
A blush spreads across my cheeks. I’d already known that he had slept with the girlfriend he had before me, but hearing it put so bluntly makes me feel inferior. Just because I don’t want to sleep with Connor doesn’t mean I like the idea that other girls already had.
“Two, I’m a guy,” he finishes.
“That’s a stereotype,” I reply. “I refuse to believe there’s not a dude out there that can have a relationship without begging to sleep with someone.”
“Well, when you find him, let me know,” Teddy jokes, grabbing his toast from the counter and crunching into it. “I’ll congratulate him.”
“I did hear through the grapevine that you and Violet didn’t wait ‘til you were married.” I watch Teddy’s face over my glass with glee.
Teddy clears his throat, his earlobes turning red enough to match our hair. “There are some things we can’t talk about anymore, Nat,” he says, grabbing my glass from my hand. “Get dressed. You can sneak away with me before they go see Connor off.”
“No.” I sigh, wiping my sweaty palms on my pajama pants. “I’m gonna go. I might never see him again. I need to know how I really feel about him.”
“You’ll know that when you see him?”
“Yeah. I’ll follow my instincts.”
“It’s gonna be okay, Natalie Rose,” Daddy says quietly, squeezing my shoulder as I get out of the car. “Couples fight all the time. Y’all may get over it, but if you don’t, that’s your choice. Don’t let anyone guilt you into anything.”
I’m not sure that I’ll ever be over it. Did I really want to be with someone who disrespected my wishes so blatantly? Who gave me ultimatums when they were my only way home? I bet he never imagined me walking away from him like I did, and his reaction of just letting me go without much of a fight was pretty disappointing.
The high school parking lot is packed. Even though there weren’t many seniors on the football team this past year, everyone came to see our hometown heroes off. In the south, football is everything to our small communities, and cheering on our boys as they head off to their next chapter in their lives is tradition.
Many are here just to say goodbye to Connor. He’ll be playing for the state university in the fall and he’s Branch Key’s golden boy, leading our team to numerous championships and trophies over the years. No doubt, he’ll eat up all of the attention he’s about to receive.
Connor’s parents pull in next to us as my mom turns the car off. A side glance tells me it’s just the two of them in the car. I wonder why Connor hadn’t ridden with them, then shake myself. It’s not my job to worry about him anymore.
“Oh, Natalie Rose, you look like a dream,” Connor’s mom greets me after I’ve made my way over to her. She takes my hands in hers, looking over my simple spring dress and sandals with a wistful smile. Brushing my hair over my shoulder, I return her smile half-heartedly.
“Thank you, Bethany.” Ignoring my mother’s prodding looks, I greet Connor’s dad with a smile and he nods in return. As always, he’s a man of few words, but his wife does more than enough talking for the both of them. And she wastes no time getting right into things.
“Connor told me y’all had a disagreement. He gave me the promise ring to return to the jewelry store.” Her lip quivers as her palm opens to reveal the ring, no evidence of its adventure visibly evident. “I hope you might take the next few weeks to think about it, though. Maybe y’all can write while you’re at Shady Grove.
Of course he told her we had a disagreement. I have no doubts that he failed to reveal what that fight was about. Connor always portrayed this golden boy image at church and school, and his mom is just another sucker under his spell.
Part of me wants to refuse immediately. But hurting Connor’s parents would do nothing to make me feel better.
“I’ll think about it,” I concede. “No guarantees. And you keep the ring, please.” I push her hand away from me, and she reluctantly tucks the jewelry back into her purse.
“Sounds like a plan, then.” She gathers me in her arms, nearly crushing my chest against her. “I love you like you were my own daughter. The thought of losing you breaks my heart.”
“Mama!” At the sound of her son’s voice, Bethany releases me and turns to find him in the crowd.
Connor Tackett is beautiful. I know that’s not a word most would use to describe a male, but it’s true. Chocolate brown eyes with hair almost the same exact shade. Burly and muscular like your typical football player, and never seen publicly without a thousand-watt smile. All the girls want him. Reflecting on my conversation with my brother, I realize most of them may have already had him.
“Mr. and Mrs. Winegar,” he says, a nervous flicker in his eyes the only sign that things have changed between us. He shakes my dad’s hand and kisses my mom’s cheek. “Good to see y'all before I go!”
“Natalie Rose,” Connor turns to me, his voice shaking a bit as he says my name. Our parents start heading toward the crowd, leaving us alone to talk. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
“I wasn’t sure I would either,” I reply, lowering my voice so that only he hears me. “You did tell me not to.”
His eyes smolder with apologies that he’ll never speak. Glossing over my statement, he says, “Maybe just write to me? If you have time.”
“I’ve told your mother I’ll consider it,” I reply, wringing my hands together. Standing this close to him, I’m enveloped in the familiar scent of his deodorant and despite the fight the night before, it comforts me. When someone hurts you, feelings and emotions don’t automatically disappear.
“Just once or twice,” he pleads, reaching for my hand. This show of vulnerability isn’t like him, but I struggle to find any sympathy for him and don’t respond.
“Can I have a goodbye kiss?” Connor steps closer to me, one cautious shift of his foot.
Asking for permission is something he’s never done before. Maybe me throwing the ring at him had some affect, after all. But the idea of him touching me right now makes my skin crawl.
I shake my head no. “Have a great summer, Connor.” A simple goodbye, something one would scrawl in the yearbook of an acquaintance. Not the farewell you give t
he guy who was supposedly your first love.
“I love you, Natalie Rose,” he whispers behind my back. “I’ll wait for you.”
“Good luck, Connor.” I can’t repeat his words back to him. I won’t tell him that I’ll wait for him. I don't want to lie, and neither of those things are promises I’m willing to make.
Instead, I retreat to the car without a backward glance.
6
Lia
Despite my attempt to hide it, Natalie knows I stayed up way past my normal bedtime last night. She took one look at me at breakfast and poured me a mug of coffee. Watching her laugh at me as I doze off on the gate is worth my exhaustion. She still giggles like a teenager when she’s amused. She catches everything about me, and I’m starting to think I don’t know her at all.
The guy in the picture wasn’t Connor Tackett. I’ve seen photos of him in old albums, Natalie tucked into his side right before prom or in a homecoming photo where he’s in his football uniform. I’ve seen one with them saying goodbye before he left for football camp. And now that I know their story, I wonder if she ever saw him again. Obviously, they’re not together now, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t forgive him at some point.
Working with Natalie is one of my favorite things, but today, a shadow seemed to loom over our shoots. I keep feeling torn between guilt at invading her privacy and the desire to know more about this side of my aunt I never knew.
Our last family session wraps up close to dinnertime.
“I’ve got to run into town for a few things. Want to ride with me?” Natalie pulls her hair tie loose, red waves shaking over her shoulder.
“Yeah! Let me grab my purse.”
We meet in the driveway and I hop into the front seat of her SUV.
Natalie turns on the radio and we ride in companionable silence for a majority of the ride. I watch the fields flash by, noticing several calves at a neighboring farm.