Living For Today
By
Brenda Kennedy
***
Copyright 2016 by Brenda Kennedy
SMASHWORDS EDITION
Books One and Two end in Cliffhangers
The Forgotten Trilogy
Book Two
***
Dedicated to Diane B. Jones
We’ve joined forces as authors, but soon became friends. As you often remind me, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. But may I ask, are we almost there yet?
Cast of Characters
Ava Emerson: Heroine and lead character
Claire Richards: Ava’s mom
Marshall Richards: Ava’s dad
Connor Emerson: Ava’s dead husband
Brett and Nichole Emerson: Connor’s mom and dad
Chase Murphy: Connor’s colleague and Ava’s best male friend
Skylar Sperry: Ava’s friend and business partner
Lorraine: Connor’s paralegal
Skylar’s mom and brother: Jessica and Mark
Xander Jamison: Ava’s boyfriend, a famous author
Jami Alexander: Xander’s pen name
Drew: Xander’s identical twin brother
Daniel: Xander’s dad
Rachael: Xander’s mom
Wesley: Xander’s editor and friend
Dr. Adams: Ava’s doctor
Olivia: Battered woman
Olivia’s twin daughters: Abigail and Emily
Luke Tanner: Man who helped Olivia
Chapter One: Devastating News
Ava
“Don’t talk, Xander, it’ll be okay.” He looks around the ambulance watching the staff and then the monitors. Then he inspects his hand and follows the IV line leading from his hand to the I.V. pole. The bags of fluid are swinging from the bumpy ride and he closes his eyes. Good, maybe he’ll rest.
When he opens his eyes again, I give him my strongest smile as I gently hold his left hand.
“Ava, there’s something you need to know about me.” What could he have to tell me? He has seizures? He’s epileptic? “I was going to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”
He pauses and I say, “You had a seizure.” I’ll say something to help reduce his anxiety. “There are medications that you can take….”
“No, Ava. It’s not just the seizures.” I still, and my heart races. I wait for him to find the words he’s searching for. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to say it.”
I squeeze his hand again. “Just say it, Xander. It can’t be as bad as you think.”
“Ava.” He clears his throat. “I have cancer.”
What? Cancer? I’m a nurse, I know what cancer is, but can this be right? He seems healthy. He doesn’t appear to be sick… well, not before yesterday. “Xander, are you sure?” What a stupid thing to say. If someone has cancer, of course they’re sure. “You can beat this. There’s chemo, and radiation, and…”
“It’s too late for that.” He watches me with sad eyes.
I squeeze his hand a little tighter. “Wh… what do you mean, ‘It’s too late for that?’” I stutter. What I’m thinking can’t be right. I need to hear him say it. I need him to clarify what he means. It’s too late today or this week. What does he mean?
He turns his head so he’s facing me directly. I notice, for the first time, the dark circles under his eyes, his dry lips, and the worry lines at the outside corner of his eyes. “Ava, I’m dying.”
I just look at him without saying a word. What can I say? My eyes fill with tears as the ambulance turns a sharp corner. He’s dying. He’s talking about death. It’s permanent. What can I say to him? It’ll be all right? Don’t worry about it? It’s nothing? NO! I can’t say anything. There’s nothing for me to say. I kneel down beside him and rest my head on his chest. It’s not to comfort him; it’s to comfort myself.
We have arrived at the hospital, I can only watch in disbelief as they wheel Xander through the double doors of the emergency room and into the treatment rooms. I walk to Admissions as I call Rachael using Xander’s phone.
“Xander, how are you?”
“It’s Ava, Mrs. Jamison.”
“It’s Xander, isn’t it?”
“It is. He’s had a seizure.”
“Ava, we’ll be there as soon as we can. I need to speak to a nurse or a doctor about Xander’s medical condition.”
“Okay, let me find you one. Hold on.”
I search for a nurse and tell her Xander’s mother is on the phone. I try to listen, but the nurse walks away from me. With blurred vision, I watch as she writes things down at the Admissions counter. Suddenly I feel nauseated. I call Skylar from my cell phone to tell her what happened and to see if she can meet me at the hospital.
“Ava, I can’t leave. Someone has to stay here,” she says.
Shit, I forgot about that. “Can you call Steve and Lou Ann? Maybe one of them would come over?”
“I’ll see what I can do. I’ll call you back.”
“Thank you.”
I wait in the E.R. by myself for what feels like hours before I see anyone. The nurses and the doctors won’t let me go back with Xander until he’s stabilized. They come out often, wanting to see if Xander’s family has arrived. They haven’t. I wait and pace. Staring at the clock, I wonder what is taking so long. Where’s Skylar? She hasn’t called or texted me. Cancer? Can that be right? Maybe the medication they gave him to stop his seizures in the ambulance confused him?
Skylar finally arrives after an hour and I cry. I cry over what I witnessed with Xander, I cry because he’s in the emergency room alone, and I cry because he’s dying of cancer. I don’t love him, but I do like him. I don’t want him to die; I don’t want anyone to die.
“Skylar, he said he’s dying of cancer!”
“Ava, are you sure that’s what he said?”
I look at her straight in the eyes. “That’s exactly what he said.”
“I’m sorry, Ava. He just looks so healthy. Maybe he was confused.”
That’s exactly what I thought. “Maybe.”
The entrance door to the emergency room opens and in walks two men with Xander’s mom, Rachael.
“Ava, how is he?” She hugs me. Her eyes are red and swollen.
I didn’t expect to see them here until the morning. “I don’t know, I haven’t seen him. They’re waiting for you to get here.”
“Ava and Skylar, this is Xander’s father, Daniel, and his brother, Drew.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Skylar says. “How did you get here so fast?”
Drew says, “We flew in on our plane. It took a little longer than I expected because we ran into some unexpected turbulence.”
Xander’s twin brother has his pilot’s license? It dawns on me how little I know about Xander and his family. “I’m glad you’re here. We were at a festival and Xander had a seizure. I couldn’t stop them.” I cry and try to calm my nerves.
“I’ll let the nurse know we’re here.” I watch as Daniel walks out of the room.
“Let’s all sit down,” Drew says.
Daniel returns and we wait briefly before the doctor calls his family back into the exam room. Skylar and I wait.
“Should I go back to the inn?” Skylar asks.
I look dismally at Skylar. “Would you wait just a little while longer?”
“Sure.”
We both sit back and I try to relax. When it’s useless I pace, make coffee, and straighten up the magazines before deciding I need to know something. I need to see Xander.
“Skylar, go home. I think I’ll be here longer than I thought.”
“Ava, I hate to leave you here alone.”
“There’s nothing you can do. I’ll be home as soon as I see him. I just need
to make sure he’ll be all right.” At least for tonight.
She looks at the double doors. “Okay, call me as soon as you hear something. I’ll be back to get you when you’re ready.”
“What about the inn?”
“I think I can leave it unattended for half an hour or so.”
“Okay, thank you for everything.”
Skylar leaves and I wait. It isn’t until the early morning hours that Xander’s family walks out of the treatment room. They all look sad and broken. My heart stops. Did he die? I stand and wait for someone to say something… anything.
Rachael walks over and holds both of my hands. Her husband and son stand close. She looks devastated. Her face is blotchy and stained with tears. She looks older than her years. “Xander wants to see you, but they’re moving him to a room first.”
Thank God, he didn’t die. I want to ask whether he has cancer, but I can’t. I can’t say the words out loud. Not yet. Not today. “How is he?”
Rachael says, “He’s stable.”
She offers no other information about Xander or his condition. I want to ask questions. I want to know what’s wrong with him. I want to know whether he has terminal cancer.
“Let’s go up to the third floor and wait for him, shall we?” Daniel says.
We wait for the elevator. The sign on the wall says, “Oncology, third floor.” I don’t think my legs will hold the weight of my body. Oh my God, Xander really has cancer? This can’t be right. He looks fine. He doesn’t look like the pictures of cancer patients I’ve seen in magazines or on television. I look at Daniel and he steps into the waiting elevator. I follow. The area is small, too small, and I feel like I’ll suffocate if I don’t get out. He pushes the third floor button. Oncology. Thankfully, the ride to the third floor doesn’t take long. The silence of Xander’s family is deafening. I look at Rachael, her lip quivers. I watch as a single tear trickles down her red cheek in slow motion. Daniel holds his wife tightly in his strong arms. Then, my eyes slowly drift to Drew. He looks so much like his brother. Dark hair, long thick eyelashes, strong jawline, tall, and very handsome. They look alike, almost identical, but I could tell them apart if they were standing side by side. It makes me sad that his brother Xander isn’t here. I remember Xander telling me they used to break up with each other’s girlfriends. How did those girls not know who was who? Xander’s nose is thinner and more pinched at the bridge, his cheekbones are slightly higher, and he has a slight dimple in his chin. If Drew walked into a room, I would know right away he wasn’t my boyfriend. Boyfriend? Is Xander my boyfriend?
“Ava, you can see him now,” Drew says.
Drew is standing in front of me, and there’s a nurse standing in the doorway so we walk in her direction. I feel like I’m entering the depths of hell. I feel like I’m going to see a sign that says, “ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE.” I have this feeling of doom weighing heavy on me. I want to see him, but then I don’t. He’ll only confirm my worst fears.
I slowly walk off the elevator and walk behind the nurse with Drew by my side. When she stops at the closed door, she says, “He’s expecting you.”
“I’ll wait for you here.” I look at Drew and he looks defeated. His twin brother is dying of cancer.
“It’s okay, Drew. I’ll be okay.” He shouldn’t be worried about me.
He nods and walks away.
I walk cautiously into the room where Xander is in the hospital bed, wearing an old faded hospital gown. He doesn’t look any different than he did yesterday. He is just as handsome as he was before the seizure. Maybe my fears are misplaced. Maybe he just had one seizure and he’s on the Oncology unit because the hospital is full. It could be an overflow unit, couldn’t it? Maybe the meds they gave him confused him.
“It looks like I owe you another date. I think I messed this one up, didn’t I?”
I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Xander is sitting up and speaking lightly about the seizure.
I ask cautiously, “How are you?” It’s too soon for me to joke about his seizure. I may never be able to speak lightly about something so frightening.
“I’m better. I’m sorry you had to witness that.” He holds my hand and strokes my knuckles.
“I wish I could have done something for you.” It was probably one of the scariest moments in my life.
“From what I understand, everything you did helped me. Thank you.”
I search his eyes. I need to see the truth when I ask the question that haunts me. “Are you going to be all right?” I really want to ask, “Are you really dying?” but I can’t say those words.
He looks away from me and says, “I think I told you in the ambulance, I have cancer.”
“You did. I was hoping it wasn’t true.” My stomach knots up in a ball. “How long have you been sick?”
He licks his dry lips. “A couple years.”
My eyes get watery. “What kind of cancer do you have?”
He pauses before answering “I have brain cancer.”
My heart breaks at the thought. “What stage is it?”
He swallows hard. “It’s in the end stage.”
Never taking my eyes off of his, I have to ask, “How long do you have?”
“A few months, maybe a year if I’m lucky.”
“What about chemo or radiation?”
“I’ve done both.”
“And surgery?”
“Ava?”
“Xander, I have to know.”
“Where the tumor is located in my brain, it’s not worth the risk.”
A tear slides down my face. I’m going to lose him; just like Connor, I’m going to lose Xander.
“Don’t cry.”
I can’t say anything. My mind won’t accept the news.
“Come here.” He pulls me lightly by the hand, and I lean in and hug him. He whispers into my ear. “My only regret is, I won’t have more time with you.”
I cry. His words are the sweetest I’ve ever heard. “Don’t say that. We’ll beat this. We’ll find a way.”
When the doctor assures us that Xander is stable, we leave. I call Skylar and ask her if there’s an extra room at the inn and there is. I tell Daniel where Xander’s car is parked and we drive over to get it so it won’t be towed. I decide to ride home with Drew in Xander’s car, and Daniel and Rachael follow us to the inn in their rental car.
Drew says, “You know, Xander’s a very private person.”
“I’m learning that.” Must be why he never told me about the cancer.
“He was hoping he would never have to disclose his cancer to you, that you would never need to find out about it.”
Thinking of Xander dying and me never knowing about it hurts. A tear falls and I wipe it away.
“Why is he here in Savannah, and not with his family?”
Drew watches the road. “When he got the news that the cancer was growing, he left. He said he needed time to let it sink in, to figure it out.”
“He told me he was here to write a book.”
“If he told you that, then he probably is. Xander does his best thinking while writing; he also does his best work under stress.”
“Yeah, I can’t think of anything more stressful.” Dying of cancer, is there anything more stressful?
When we get to the inn, I show Drew Xander’s room where he’ll be staying, and I also show Daniel and Rachael their room. When they are all settled into their rooms, Skylar and I lock up.
Skylar says, “I called your mom. I figured we might need help with the inn while Xander’s in the hospital. I figured you’d want to spend some time with him.”
“Good, I’m glad you did. Is she coming to help out?” I don’t ask about my dad. I know he has work and couldn’t help out even if he wanted to.
“She’ll be here sometime tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.”
“So, does he have cancer?” she asks.
“He does. It’s just so hard to believe.” I thi
nk about the night. “We went on a date and I never imagined it would end like this.”
“How could you? It’s hard to believe.”
“It is. I’m exhausted and headed to bed. Goodnight, Skylar.”
“Goodnight, Ava.”
I shower, hoping to wash the news of the day off, but of course, it doesn’t work. I lie in bed, unable to sleep. I can’t get this nightmare out of my mind. It’s hard to believe that this man, whom I like so much, is dying. He has only one year to live at the most. I cry myself to sleep.
I reluctantly get out of bed the next morning. I pray Xander’s cancer was a nightmare and not a reality. I shower and start the day with much less enthusiasm than I usually have. Skylar also looks somber. We set the breakfast up for our guests as we normally do, but today, we forget the creamers for the coffee, and the first batch of biscuits burned. I try hard to focus on the inn, but my mind is at the hospital with Xander.
At breakfast, I learn that Xander’s mom and dad have already left for the hospital. His brother Drew joins us for a quiet meal. When Skylar realizes that I am silent, she engages in conversations around the breakfast table.
“How long have you been flying?” she asks Drew.
“Just a couple years. I don’t fly that far, just mostly along the East Coast, and it’s mostly for sport.”
“Does Xander fly, too?”
When I hear Xander’s name, I pay more attention.
“No, he was always more interested in boating. Mom always joked about buying him a houseboat, because he spent so much time on the water.”
I look at Drew; he reminds me of Xander. At breakfast, Drew stays until the last guest leaves. I thought Xander always stayed until the last guest left because he was interested in me, but maybe he did it because it’s the polite thing to do. Or maybe Drew’s interested in Skylar. When the last guest leaves, Drew says he’s heading to the hospital.
Skylar also stands and says, “We packed some food for you guys to eat while you’re there, and there’s also some soup for Xander, if he’s hungry.”
“Thank you both; that is very kind of you.”
“It’s okay,” Skylar says, handing him one of the smaller picnic baskets. “We wanted to do something, but weren’t sure what to do.”
“Sadly, there isn’t anything anyone can do. This is nice and it’s definitely appreciated. Thank you both again.”
Living for Today Page 1