She also squints her eyes while looking at the clock. “Do we have guests?” She blinks fast. “Do we have to get up in the morning?”
“Nope. The house is empty.” I say with more slurring than I expected. “I’m drunk and I’m going to bed.”
“Me, too.”
In the morning I feel no better than I did when I went to bed. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, and my vision’s blurry. I remember last night and the visit with Lorraine. I remember wine, lots and lots of wine. I also remember I went to bed before Chase, Mom, and Dad got here. When I finally decide to open my eyes, Skylar is in bed with me. It’s a big bed and I didn’t even know she was there.
Running to the bathroom, I throw up the remaining stomach contents of my drunken night. If this is a sample of how my day’s going to be, I’m not impressed or excited to start my morning. Knowing I should shower, I decide coffee and Tylenol should be first on my agenda. No sooner than I leave the bathroom, Skylar runs in. I hear her dry heaving and I decide I should leave the room before I start again. I can already see the bathroom being a revolving door — the thought makes my head spin.
Drew and Chase are already up having coffee when I walk out into the living room. Chase’s blankets are folded and sitting on one end of the couch. I see three empty wine bottles still on the coffee table. Deciding they can wait, I head for the coffee pot.
“Is that my girlfriend I hear?” Drew asks.
I sure hope so. If not, it means I spent the night with a total stranger. “She might need something for a headache.” I search the cabinet for any bottle with the phrase “pain relief” written on it. I’m still not sure why or how Skylar ended up in my bed. She’s like a sister so I’m not too worried.
“A headache or a hangover?” he asks.
Licking my dry lips I say, “Same difference.” I take two Tylenol tablets and give the bottle to Drew. I down them with a glass of water. I can see Chase watching me as I make my way to the coffee pot.
“Do you know if my mom and dad are here?” I ask without looking at him.
“They are. I think they got here about 3:00.”
“Coffee?” I ask, holding up the pot.
“I’m good.”
I have a million things I want to ask him, but I can’t form a coherent thought right now. I sit across from him, cup the hot mug around my hands, and inhale. I just need to sit and collect my thoughts. I need to think about what happened last night. God, I wish I hadn’t drunk so much. The alcohol clouds my thoughts and impairs my judgment. At times, I like that feeling, but not today, not now. I need to have a clear head so I can figure this all out. I’m grateful when Mom and Dad aren’t up.
Skylar walks out of the bedroom looking like death. Drew helps her from my bedroom into hers. “Shower” is the only word that passes through his lips. She doesn’t say anything but walks slowly beside him.
When I finish my first cup of coffee, Mom and Dad walk through the living quarters. I greet them both with a kiss and a hug.
“I’m glad to see you, Chase. Let me get a coffee, then I’ll be ready to start,” Dad says, walking to the coffee pot.
”I need a shower. I really, really need a shower.”
While showering, I think about my life being an open book. I’m sure if this happened to anyone else, the problem with Lorraine would have been kept very private. Who wants to flash their dysfunctional life for everyone to see? My amnesia’s to blame. I have no secrets from anyone. The secrets I do have, I can’t remember. I’ve been fine living my life in only the present. I need to remember my past. I need to focus more on trying to remember the first 25 years of my life. If I could remember my past, maybe I wouldn’t have been so shocked when Lorraine told me my husband fathered her child. Maybe I knew about the affair. Maybe I knew he was seeing someone else and that’s when the beatings started.
Instead of sinking into a depression that threatens me, I’m determined to get the answers I need and want. I get dressed with a newfound determination. I need to remember. I need to find a way to remember my past, no matter how brutal it is. I need to research ways for me to jog my memory. Not the lame way I tried in the past. No more visiting places I’ve been to. No more searching old photos. I need something more extreme. I have an idea.
First, I need to see if Lorraine’s son is really Connor’s and if he stands to inherit half of what I own. If he does, I may be in trouble financially. I paid cash for the bed and breakfast with Skylar repaying me in payments. The inn does okay, but it’s not a goldmine by any means. I have money in saving and investments, but if I have to share my money, I won’t have the cushion I’m used to. Will the income from the inn give me enough money to make it, or would I be forced to sell the inn? What would Skylar do? She quit her job to move here with me. What would I do? Go back to work as a nurse. Would anyone hire me with amnesia? Would I be a liability to them? Yes, I would be. If something went terribly wrong, I could say, “I have amnesia, I couldn’t remember what I was supposed to do.” Of course, I would never say or do that, but an employer might think it could happen.
Drew and Skylar leave and gives us some alone time. Although my life is open for all, it’s embarrassing and I don’t want everyone knowing every dirty detail. Of course, I’ll fill Skylar in on everything when they return. She’s my best friend and she knows more about me than I do about myself. Chase, Mom, Dad, and I sit around the dining room table while I tell Mom and Dad exactly what happened when we returned home last night. They both look sad at what I tell them. Mom brings up a valid point. “Where would she get Connor’s DNA to prove that her son was his?”
My eyes get big with the possibility that maybe this won’t be true. It’s my first sign of hope. “I never thought of that.”
Mom look around the table. “They couldn’t exhume his body without Ava’s permission.”
“No one contacted me about doing such a thing. Could Brett and Nichole give permission?” I ask. “They are his parents.”
“No, he was married,” Chase says, “They would go through you first, then if they didn’t get the answers they wanted, they would try to get permission from his next of kin. Which after you, it’s them. Not unless… but that’s highly unlikely.”
What’s highly unlikely? “What is?” I want to yell it but I remain calm.
“Lorraine and Connor had a DNA test done prior to his death.”
Why would he do that?
Dad just listens. Mom says, “But she was pregnant when Connor died. Would they do it while the baby is in utero?”
“They could.” Chase looks away from me and looks at Dad. “If Connor believed in all likelihood the baby could be his, I could see him agreeing to have the DNA test done prior to delivery.”
I think I’m going to be sick.
Dad watches Chase. “But if she had proof in that paper she was waving around she got from her purse, why wouldn’t she just show it to Ava then?”
Yay, this gives me hope. I start to open my mouth and Chase says, “I think she’s bluffing.”
Do I dare hope this is a plot to extort money from me and this will all pass over? “Stop,” I say, covering my ears. “This is too much. It sounds like something I would watch on television.” I want to cry while thinking about all that is happening. “I can’t take anymore right now.” Mom pats my hand. “I can’t change the past, but I also don’t want to live in limbo. Is there anyway we can find out who her attorney is, if there even is an attorney, and start moving forward to finding out the truth?”
“I’m sorry, Ava. I can do what I can. I can ask around and see what the other attorneys are saying. Maybe they’ve heard something.”
“Thank you. I’m scared if she’ll get half, then I might have to sell the inn. If I do, I have no idea what I’ll do.”
Skylar
I went to sleep in my own bed last night until Ava woke up screaming about a baby. I went to her room and I could barely get her to stop sobbing. Drew and Chase weren’t home yet, so I deci
ded to just crawl in bed with her and sleep. I thought maybe being near her would keep her demons at bay.
After I shower and sober up, I tell Ava that Drew and I are heading out to spend some time down by Tybee Island. It was a lie. I’m a friend on a mission and thankfully, my boyfriend is on board with it.
He drove as I searched every hotel, motel, and bed and breakfast in the Savannah area. We start at the inn and then circle around it, checking places as we make bigger and bigger circles, looking for the yellow sports car that Lorraine was driving last night. When we can’t find her, Drew and I decide to drive over to Nichole’s place. I like her and I know she’s been through a lot, but so help me, if she knows something about that raggedy-ass-son of hers, I don’t know what I’ll do.
I know Connor is her son and she has that unconditional love I always read about in books, but really, can you love someone like that, even if he is your son? Yes, I guess you can. You just don’t love what they do. I get that. She can love him, but she better not be keeping anything from Ava. Would a married man confide in his parents that he may have fathered a child with another woman? I think about this carefully. Connor wouldn’t confide in Nichole, but that snake-in-the- grass would confide in his slimy-ass father.
“Let’s go home. Nichole doesn’t know anything.”
“Wait? What? How do you know? Maybe she remembered something since last night.” Drew watches the road, glancing over at me only once.
“Connor wouldn’t have confided in his mother. She would have frowned upon his actions. That piece of shit of a so-called man probably confided in his piece-of-shit father.”
Drew doesn’t turn onto Magnolia Street; he bypasses it and heads to the inn. “If his dad is anything like I hear Ava’s ex-husband is, his father might have looked at this situation proudly.”
I get sick to my stomach, thinking of those two laughing and toasting their brandy to such hideous news. “If this isn’t some hoax, then I’m sure Brett knows all about it. He probably even hired Lorraine an attorney.”
Drew smiles a wicked smile. “Shouldn’t be hard to find out who her attorney is.”
Sweet baby Jesus, my man’s not only hot, sexy, and good in bed, but he’s also a genius. When we pull up at the house, everyone but Ava is sitting in the tearoom. Claire tells me that Ava’s napping. I run through what Drew and I talked about and how we think Brett might be behind this. We tell them everything that we talked about and it’s likely that Lorraine didn’t have money for counsel so Brett might have hired an attorney for her.
Ava walks in behind me. “So you think the baby is Connor’s?”
Shit, I didn’t want her to hear any of this. “No, I never said that.”
“I heard what you said. You think that Brett hired an attorney for her.”
I look at her sympathetically. She looks like she’s been crying. “Ava, I honestly have no idea. But what I do know is that Brett is just as slimy as Connor. Maybe this is all made up. Maybe Lorraine’s looking for a quick payday. Maybe this is Brett’s way of getting back at you and Nichole.” I think for a minute and that doesn’t make sense. “Is this an example of the twisted way of how he thinks? I don’t know. But if this is for real, then yes, I would say that Brett is well aware and he would have hired his own shady attorney.” I have no idea if their attorney is shady, but in my experience, the sleaze on people like this makes them stick together.
“Why would he do that?” Ava sits down at an empty chair. “What does he have to gain from any of this?”
I don’t know. I have to think for a minute before it clicks. “He lost his only son. Maybe he wants a boy in the family to carry on his ‘legacy,’” I say, using air quotes. I personally would like to see his legacy die and never be rebirthed. “I have no idea what twisted people think about.”
Chase says, “I think you’re right about Brett and possibly hiring his attorney or one who is known to him.” He looks at Ava sadly. “We can sit and wait it out to see if this is a bluff, or go at it proactively and look for our own answers.”
“I think that’s a good idea. I need to know as soon as I can.” Ava stands and turns to face everyone. “There’s something else.” I watch Ava closely as she wrings her hands together in a nervous gesture. “I know that my past is one that should be forgotten. Some days, I wake up and I’m grateful that I can’t remember anything about it.” Her voice trails off. “Then I’m faced with something like this and I try so hard to remember. I don’t like people knowing things about my life that I should know. I don’t like the surprises that come knocking at my door, and I don’t like the nightmares that haunt me and steal my sleep almost every night.” A tear falls. “I’ve been thinking about this and I want to remember. I need to remember. No matter how bad it was, I need to remember so I can move on to a future.”
“Ava?” Claire says sweetly. “How do you plan to do this? You can’t just decide one day you’re going to remember and your memory comes back to you.”
“That’s where my family is going to come into play.” I’m confused. “I suspect that my family and some of my friends, not you, Drew,” she teases, “are keeping something from me. I don’t think you do it out of meanness, I think you’re doing it to protect me.”
“Ava, I swear I didn’t know what Connor was doing to you. I would have stopped him. I would have killed that bastard myself,” I say. She can’t think that her family and friends would have stood by and done nothing.
“Not things to that extent. Skylar, I know you would have done everything in your power to help me. I don’t ever question that. But sometimes I think that you guys know things and hide them from me. I’m strong and I can take whatever it is you’re afraid to tell me. I think if you quit trying so hard to protect me, maybe I’ll be better off in the long run.”
I think about what she says and the only secret I know about Ava is that Chase is in love with her. My eyes quickly dart toward him. He watches me and shakes his head slightly. I quickly look away. This is his secret and if he wants to tell her, then I’ll support that. I’m not exactly sure how that’ll jog her memory. I also see Marshall looking at Chase. Does Marshall know what I know? Chase looks away and watches Ava. I now suspect that something is up between those two. What secrets are those two keeping? I don’t know, but I intend to find out. I don’t have anything to say. I guess in a sense, I’m keeping something from her. If I say I’m not, it’ll be a lie.
Claire says, “Ava, I’ve told you everything I know.” Of course she has. She’s her mother, she wouldn’t keep anything from her daughter.
Ava
I look at each person and other than Mom and Drew, I swear they all look guilty of something. Mom was the only one who said she wasn’t keeping something from me and I believe her. Chase, Skylar, and even my dad sat there and said nothing. I would be lying if I said that didn’t hurt. “Well, if anyone has something to tell me that might help me to get my memory back, I’ll be in my room.” I turn to leave and then look back and say, “Chase, whatever you can find out about Lorraine and her lawyer, if she has one, will you keep me posted?”
He looks at Dad before answering. “I will.”
I don’t smile. I can’t. I feel deceived. “Thank you.”
I just announced to everyone that I was strong enough to hear the truth, yet I feel like I want to cry all the way to my room. I lie on the bed with my door slightly cracked. I think of Xander. I miss him. If he knew what a mess I was, would he have left and never turned back? How was he so strong? He was strong up until the day of his surgery. I never saw him when he didn’t look in total control. Does he know my problems? Can he see everything that’s unfolding in front of me? Maybe he can help me?
There’s a knock at the door and it’s Chase. He watches me as he walks in. “Hey, you don’t need to knock.” I sit up in the bed and he sits on the edge. Chase has known me a long time. Surely he knows something about my life, about my past, that could trigger a memory.
I just want to li
e in his arms and have him hold me. I just want for him to take away all this bad stuff so I can try to pick up my broken life and move toward a better future. He doesn’t say anything but opens his hands palm side up. I smile and place my hands in his. They’re warm and inviting. I get this familiar feeling that we’ve held hands before.
“Ava,” he says in a low raspy voice. “I’ve been keeping something from you.” He closes his hands and they engulf mine.
I knew it. He knows something. I don’t know whether to be mad or thrilled. I brace myself for the worst. “What is it?”
He releases my hold and runs his hand through his thick hair. “I… I’m…” He clears his throat and pins me with his gaze. “I don’t know how to tell you this.”
“Please. Chase. It’s me. You can tell me anything.”
“Not this, Ava. You won’t understand. I wanted to tell you. I should have told you sooner. But… I couldn’t find the words. Skylar told me you should know.”
“Skylar? What does Skylar have to do with this?”
He searches for eyes. “God, Ava. I don’t want you to be mad.”
“Chase, you’re frightening me. Just tell me.”
I try to hold eye contact, but Chase looks away. He releases my hand and stands. “I can’t. I can’t do this. Not now. I’m sorry.”
He starts to walk to the door. I chase after him and block the exit so he can’t leave. Whatever he has to tell me, I need to hear it. I need for him to just say it. Tears fill my eyes and spill over.
“I need to know. I need to remember my past. Please, if you know something, you need to tell me. I’m begging you, please.” I’ll get on my hands and knees if I need to. I’ll beg and plead and cry. I’ll do whatever I need to make him tell me.
He cups my face and wipes away my tears. He searches my eyes with his sad ones. “Don’t cry.” I can’t help it. Every time I blink, tears falls. “You’re so beautiful.” He knows something that could help restore my memory. Am I ready for this? Am I prepared to remember things that my mind blocked out? I am. I need to be. I can’t move forward to a future if I can’t leave the past.
Living for Today Page 18