Particularly Anna.
Well, it was becoming pretty damn clear now.
People thought he was a complete asshole.
Great.
It was one thing for his family to think it—they still had to love him—but he was slowly beginning to find out it was a more widespread opinion. He could have handled it if it just came from someone like Bobby—he’d always hated Quinn and he was Anna’s brother; of course he was going to have issues. But Mark? That one stung a little. Mark liked everyone. Hell, Quinn had never even heard the guy say a bad thing about anyone.
Until tonight.
There was a reason he’d been avoiding going out on dates with Anna to any local place, but it had been based on his own insecurities and what he thought might happen. It was completely different when it became a reality.
He loved Anna. Loved her more than he’d thought possible. But was he being selfish? Was he banking on their years of friendship and the way she’d always felt about him to keep her in a relationship that wasn’t good for her?
Not that she’d even complain—he knew that about her. She might have been pissed at him at that moment, but Quinn knew it wouldn’t take much for her to get over it. Hell, he could have probably gone over to her house right then and sweet-talked her into forgiving him for acting so stupidly.
And that’s when he knew he had a real problem.
There comes a time when you’re forced to take a look at your life and you have to decide if you like what you see.
And Quinn didn’t.
He now realized how, even though he and Anna were friends, he had manipulated her all those years. He knew exactly how to act and exactly what to say to get her to do whatever he wanted. It was usually stupid stuff, like cook for him or, back in school, do his homework for him, and it just made him feel sick inside.
Scrubbing a hand wearily over his face, an image of his mother came to mind. How many times had he sweet-talked her to try and get himself out of trouble? It had never worked, and she’d always called him out on it, but that had never stopped him from trying.
“But Aidan and Hugh are getting to stay up late! Why can’t I?”
Lillian smiled down at him. “Because they’re older than you and this is their reward for doing well in school today.”
Eight-year-old Quinn looked up at her, and even though he was mad, he gave her his sweetest smile. “I did good in school today too! I helped Mrs. McGrath wipe down all the chalkboards, and then I got to bring the TV and VCR back to the media center all by myself.”
“You did? Well, good for you, Quinn!” She ruffled his hair and then cupped his cheek. “And I am very proud of you for it.”
“So I can stay up and watch movies too?”
She shook her head. “No can do, blue eyes. Not tonight.”
He frowned and then inspiration hit. “If I do good in school next week, can I get a special night?”
Lillian considered it. “That depends.”
“I’ll do all my homework and make my bed and help with the twins and…and…I’ll help Mrs. McGrath again, and then can I stay up late while Hugh and Aidan go to bed?”
Chuckling, she pulled him in close for a hug. “We’ll see. Why don’t you finish getting ready for bed and I’ll let you have an extra fifteen minutes so you can read your new comic book. How about that?”
It wasn’t a movie, but it was something. “Thanks, Mom,” he said. “And when it’s my special night, I’ll even let you pick the movie.”
“You will?” she said with exaggerated enthusiasm. “So if I want to watch…say…Mary Poppins, we can?”
Quinn wanted to make a gagging sound but decided against it. “If that’s what you want, then sure.” He knew he’d get her to change her mind by next week. And he could probably convince her to bake some cookies too. “You’re the best and prettiest mom in the whole wide world. I love you.”
Bending down, Lillian kissed the top of his head. “I love you too, blue eyes. Now go and see how the Amazing Spider-Man gets out of trouble this week and tell me all about it tomorrow, okay?”
And he had. And she had listened.
And she had known he was trying to con her into getting his own way.
And she had loved him anyway.
His chest felt tight, and for a minute he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. So basically he’d been manipulating people his entire life. Great. Yeah, that felt real good. A loud sigh escaped as he rubbed the place over his heart. Two of the most important women in his life, and he’d spent most of his time with them essentially conning them into doing what he wanted.
“I’m surprised there hasn’t been an angry mob after me sooner,” he muttered.
There was no way he could change the past, no matter how much he wanted to. He could apologize to Anna from now until the end of time. But unless he started making some changes now and started showing her—and everyone—how he wasn’t selfish and he was a different person, all of his apologies would mean nothing.
“No pressure,” he said into the darkness.
Now he just had to figure out how he was going to accomplish it.
* * *
“He high-fived you?”
Anna nodded. “He high-fived me.”
“Wow…just…wow.”
“Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction too.”
Zoe sat back in her seat and frowned. “I don’t even know what to say to that. Even when Aidan was being a complete jerk when we started dating, he never would have—”
“High-fived you when you were looking to hug him?”
Raising her glass of iced tea, she saluted Anna. “I give you props for not picking up a bat and slugging him.”
“It was tempting, but there were too many witnesses.”
Zoe chuckled. “So…now what? What happened when you guys got home?”
“Nothing. I came back here alone, and Quinn?” She shrugged. “I have no idea where he went. Probably to the pub with everyone.”
“You didn’t go?”
“Between the high five and Mark’s comment…I just needed to get away.”
“Okay, but you’ve talked to Quinn since then, right? I mean, it was four days ago.”
Anna shook her head. “He texted me the next day and said he needed to put in some serious time on the restoration job.”
“I still can’t believe he’s doing it,” Zoe said with disgust. “After everything Jake did—”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Anna interrupted. “I told everyone I didn’t mind and I don’t. Sort of.” She cursed. “Not really.”
“Anna, come on! How can you sit here and tell me you honestly don’t care? That guy is a creep! And what he tried to do to you was criminal! How can you sit here and tell me you want to encourage Quinn to do this job? There will be other restorations! Does he really want the recognition so badly he’s willing to do a job that is nothing but a constant reminder of what Jake Tanner did?”
Anna hadn’t really thought of it that way. With a sigh, she rested her head on the back of the sofa. “He’s only doing it because I told him to. I know how important getting this restoration part of the business is to Quinn. This job was not only a big deal because of the kind of cars they are, but also because Jake had already lined up magazine interviews and deals for the big reveal. How could I take that away from him?”
“How could he not offer to?” Zoe snapped. “Honestly, out of all the Shaughnessys, Quinn really is the most clueless. And that’s saying something!”
“He did, but I talked him out of it. So I’m partially to blame. I’ll be all right,” Anna said, but she didn’t honestly believe it, and the look Zoe gave her said she wasn’t buying it either.
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t really know. We had a couple of weeks when we were ins
eparable, and that’s never happened before. I know he has a lot of work that needs his attention at the new shop, and I guess when he has the time, he’ll let me know.”
Zoe stood, clearly agitated. “You’re too good to him, too forgiving.”
“What am I supposed to do?” She paused. “And besides, I told him to leave me alone.”
“Oh, please. You were upset. Now, you’re supposed to drive over to the shop and demand he talk to you, for starters! Then, you get in his face and tell him to man up and stop hiding when things get tough! And lastly, tell him if he ever high-fives you again instead of accepting the hug you’re offering, I’ll come over there and hit him over the head with one of those giant wrenches!”
Anna chuckled. “Man…does Aidan ever win an argument with you?”
A slow smile crept across her face. “Not if he knows what’s good for him.”
Chapter 10
By the time Zoe left, Anna felt pretty riled up. Not that she hadn’t been for several days, but there was something about a good pep talk that really seemed to help. She’d been sitting at home, wavering between self-pity and being pissed off, and at that moment, all traces of pity were gone and her anger was fresh and ready to be unleashed.
“High-five me, will you?” she muttered as she grabbed her sneakers and slipped them on. “I didn’t think I was an idiot before, but if you’re going to go out of your way to make me look like one now, then be ready for my wrath!” In her mind, Quinn was right there and practically quivering from her words. Anna knew the reality was going to be very different, but right then, she pretty much had a whole “I am woman, hear me roar” thing going on.
Storming across the living room, she snatched up her purse on the way to the front door. She yanked it open and froze.
Quinn.
“Hey,” he said, almost sounding shy and uncertain of whether or not he was welcome there.
“Hey, yourself,” she replied, and a little of the fight went out of her. He was dressed in clean clothes and he’d shaved and there wasn’t a cap on his head. That told her he’d put in a bit of an effort before coming over. “I was just coming to see you. I figured you’d still be at the shop.”
“I practically slept there all weekend.”
“Oh.” They stood there in the doorway for several long moments until Anna finally took a step back. “So…um…do you want to come in?”
He nodded. “Thanks.” As Anna shut the door, Quinn walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, waiting for her.
Honestly, Anna was a little disappointed he was so mellow. Looking at him sitting so meekly on her couch took the last of the fight out of her. With a disappointed sigh, she sat down. “How’ve you been?”
He shrugged. “Busy. I put an ad out for more mechanics. I can’t believe how crazy things have been at the shop. It feels like everyone in town needs their cars looked at.”
“That’s a good thing, right?” She hated small talk. And worse, she hated forced small talk. With a steadying breath, she looked at him. “You really pissed me off Thursday night. I can’t believe you freaking pushed me away when I was trying to hug you!”
She waited for his flash of temper and for him to argue with her—which he always did in an attempt to make it seem like he hadn’t done anything wrong. She waited for it. She welcomed it.
But it never came.
“I know,” he said quietly. “And I’m sorry.”
Well, damn. Her shoulders sagged. “If you’re this uncomfortable with this relationship, Quinn, then maybe we need to…”—she swallowed hard—“just let it go. I hate feeling like you’re ashamed to be seen with me. I deserve better than that.”
His blue eyes sparked with anger when he looked at her. “You think I’m ashamed to be seen with you? What the hell, Anna?” He stood up. “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I’m ashamed of myself? That maybe it’s less than flattering to have everyone look at me like I’m some sort of loser who isn’t good enough for you?”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” she snapped. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve never given a damn about what other people say—and you’ve preached it to me plenty too! And now you’re going to stand here and tell me the reason you’ve been such a jerk is because of other people?” She snorted with disgust. “When did we start lying to each other?”
“I’m not lying!” he yelled. “Jeez, first I had your brother on my back, telling me I’m not good enough, then my whole family pretty much tells you how you can do better than me, and then at the game—”
She held up a hand to stop him. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. None of that stuff has ever bothered you before! And do you think it’s easy for me? You don’t think I’m afraid that when we go out people are going to look at us—and look at me!—and think ‘What the hell’s Quinn Shaughnessy doing with her?’ I mean, look at me! I’m not your usual Playboy playmate wannabe like you usually date!”
“There is not a damn thing wrong with you, and I dare anyone to try and say there is!” He walked over to her and grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a small shake. “Don’t ever think that! You’re ten times more beautiful than any of those women!”
Just the feel of his hands on her, the fierceness in his eyes, was enough to bring that sizzle of attraction to the surface. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and jump up and wrap her legs around his waist while he kissed her.
Focus!
“Oh, please,” she said with disbelief and pulled out of his grasp. “It wasn’t until I was practically naked that you even noticed I was a woman! It’s no different with every guy in this town. They look at me and they see Anna Hannigan, the tomboy, the chick who serves burgers and beers at the pub! That’s why I had to get out of there! I’m tired of people looking at me like I don’t measure up as a woman! Do you know how much it used to kill me to see you with those other girls and know that you—and everyone else—would never look at me that way?”
“Jesus, Anna…”
Tears stung her eyes and she cursed them. “I was finally starting to have a little confidence in myself and you shot it all to hell, Quinn!”
And then he pulled her into his arms and held her tight while she quietly sobbed. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so, so sorry,” he murmured as he kissed her temple and simply held her.
Anna’s hands clutched the front of his shirt as she pulled herself together. When she finally lifted her head and looked at him, the look of utter devastation on his face made her knees almost buckle. With one hand, she reached up and cupped his cheek, simply needing to touch him.
“They’re all right, you know,” he said solemnly. “You deserve better.”
She shook her head.
“It’s true,” he said. “We can go around in circles about this, but the bottom line is it’s my fault you seem to have low self-esteem, and it’s my fault you’re standing here crying right now. I can’t bear it, Anna. I never want to be the reason you cry.”
“Walking away from me isn’t the way to accomplish that,” she said quietly. “That’s something I couldn’t bear.”
He gave her a sad smile. “So what do we do? Where do we go from here?”
It may not have solved any of their problems, but Anna didn’t care. She knew what she wanted—what she needed—right then. And that was Quinn.
Straightening, she looked him in the eye. “We go to my bedroom,” she said, her hand caressing his face. “And you make love to me.”
“Anna,” he said, and it sounded like a mixture of agony and ecstasy.
“I’ve missed you so much, Quinn. And I need you. I really need you.”
He cupped her face. “Baby, I need you too. More than you’ll ever know. But…we haven’t resolved anything here.”
“There is no quick fix,” she said. “And I don’t want to fight with you. I want us to go inside
and close the door and turn out the lights and just…forget about the rest of the world for a little while. Can we do that? Please?”
He looked ready to argue but didn’t. Instead, he leaned forward and gently kissed her lips. “We can do whatever you want, Anna. Always.”
Her heart felt ready to burst with love for him. There may have been times when she didn’t like him, but in her heart, she was always going to love him.
She just wasn’t sure if that proved she was weak or if it proved she was strong.
* * *
If Quinn had to guess, he’d have said they were fine for a couple of weeks. They went back to their usual routine of him spending the night at Anna’s almost every night, but they did start going out more.
At first, it was with people he felt a little more secure with—like Aidan and Zoe—but eventually they did go back to hanging out with their friends. And, as Quinn had figured, he took a lot of ribbing about the turn in the relationship. He had laughed along with everyone, but it was slowly eating him up inside.
It was a boring Tuesday at the shop, and he couldn’t focus on anything. Deciding to just call it a day, he hopped in his truck and began to drive around aimlessly. After about an hour, he ended up at the jobsite Aidan was currently working at. He drove through the streets of the new subdivision until he spotted his brother’s truck.
He parked and climbed out, and was relieved when Aidan spotted him. “Quinn! What brings you out here? Is everything okay?”
Raking a hand through his hair, Quinn looked around a bit. “Yeah…I guess. Listen, do you have time to go and get some lunch or something?”
Aidan looked at his watch and shrugged. “Sure. Just give me a minute to wrap things up. You want to ride together or meet someplace?”
“I’ll wait and we can ride together.” One look at Aidan and Quinn knew his brother could sense something was up. He jogged off and talked to some of his crew and then came right back over. “You don’t need to rush, man. Really. If you need to talk to your guys—”
Always My Girl (The Shaughnessy Brothers) Page 20