His lips met mine. They were soft and warm, which was a relief because he’d been absolutely frozen when he first got home. He still tasted vaguely of the shots he’d obviously had with Harley and Alfie. How the hell could they have let him go? I’d have something to say to Alfie about that tomorrow night...
“You taste of apples and of home.” Joel mumbled, “And I love it.”
I smiled against his lips, “And you taste of Amaretto.” I whispered back to him, “Are you warmer now?”
He nodded, shifting a little, “Yeah,” he said, “I’m feeling a lot warmer now – and kind of horny.”
I wanted to laugh. He was quite clearly still a little drunk even if he had walked over a mile to get home in the freezing conditions outside. “What would you like to do about that?” I asked.
He blinked and then focused on me, fully alert. Uh-oh, now I was in trouble... “I’d like you to kiss me like you mean it – and we’ll see where it takes us.” He said.
Well, I could do that...
Joel
“Kiss me like you mean it – and we’ll see where it takes us.” My heart was in my mouth. I was brave because I’d still got the shots in my system but I knew deep down that I was pushing him too hard. He’d bolt any second, I was sure of it.
But he didn’t bolt, he smiled instead and then he leaned into me and claimed my mouth with his. His tongue brushed against mine, tentatively at first, but then he really started to get into it and was licking and tasting and fuck, he was devouring my mouth! And I was loving every dirty second of it.
But he didn’t stop there... His hands started to wander and he was pushing my towel down, exposing my chest and then my stomach. My brain was screaming out “Lower!” but thankfully I didn’t say it out loud... Or maybe I did because eventually he did go lower, but first of all he paid a whole lot of attention to my nipples...
“Fuck,” I groaned as he pinched and then nibbled with his teeth, first one and then the other of my nipples. I’d never really paid much attention to nipples before but I would now... It was like they were connected by little electrical impulses directly to my balls, “That feels incredible, Seth.”
He nodded, “I knew you’d like that.” He murmured.
“How?” I might be killing the mood with my questions, but I really wanted to know how he’d known that about me.
He leaned up and smiled, “You always have erect nipples when you’re dancing.”
I blinked, “Do I?”
He nodded and then, impulsively, he dipped his head back down and licked my nipples again.
I let out a massive, shuddery sigh. I wanted him to lick me everywhere...
He shuffled out from beside me, “May I?” He asked as he straddled me.
I nodded, feeling breathless as he loomed over me, looking absolutely fucking beautiful. He continued his trail with his tongue down my body. I sucked in my stomach and laughed as he dipped his tongue playfully in my belly button. He chuckled and then I stopped breathing altogether as his fingers found the edge of the towel that was the only thing covering my very painfully erect cock.
“May I?” He repeated.
I couldn’t speak. This was more than I could have ever imagined happening between us. I nodded dumbly.
He pulled the towel away from me and just stared at my cock. Did he like what he saw? Was I big enough? Was I too big? I was pretty well endowed but I didn’t have a whole lot of guys in my past to compare sizes with. I’d never been promiscuous. I’d been out with one guy that was bigger than me – and one that was smaller... I didn’t really care how big a guy was, just as long as he knew what he was doing with it, who cared?
“You’re beautiful,” he breathed, reaching out and stroking his fingers down the length of me.
I sucked in a sharp breath, “Oh, fuck.” I groaned, “Don’t stop.”
He shook his head, “I wasn’t planning on it.” He murmured and then he shuffled down my legs and licked me from root to tip...
“Get your cock out.” I begged. “I want to suck you too.”
He shook his head, “Later.” He murmured, “I want to make you feel good first.”
Oh, wow. He was the perfect boyfriend – and surely now we would be boyfriends... wouldn’t we?
*
I woke up the next morning alone and in my own bed, but I was feeling absolutely amazing. Last night had been fucking awesome. We’d made each other come. Seth had sucked me off and then I’d done the same for him. He’d refused to take his tee shirt off, so I wasn’t able to give his nipples any of the treatment he’d given mine, but that was okay – plenty of time for that before we went to work...
I stretched my arms above my head and wondered where he was – he’d definitely fallen asleep with me last night but obviously he’d left at some point. I couldn’t hear the shower running but he couldn’t be far away...
I got up and went looking for him. It was lovely and warm in the house but rather than walking around starkers, I pulled on a clean pair of boxers out of my drawer and then found my black jeans off the floor and grabbed my blue hoody. I poked my head around his bedroom door, fully expecting him to be in bed – but he wasn’t there either.
I frowned. Where the hell was he then?
I hurried down to the lounge wondering if he’d be there or in the kitchen. My heart plummeted when I noticed the scrawled note on the coffee table.
“Joel.
Can’t believe I did that last night – I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again. I won’t be around for a couple of days. I need to figure some stuff out.
Seth.”
Oh, fuck. I knew it had been too good to be true.
I whipped my phone out and composed a text,
“I know you’re freaking out and I’m sorry. You don’t have to feel guilty for what we did.”
But that was obviously exactly what he was feeling and I didn’t know what to do to make him feel better about himself.
I read the message and sent it. I didn’t know what else to put. I had no idea if he’d read it because he had a different style phone to mine so all I knew was that it had been delivered. I had no idea where he was either. Fuck. I’d pushed too hard and I’d frightened him away. Great. Well done Joel, brilliant job.
I dragged myself to work and was surprised to see that Buzz was chatting to Peyton McKenzie. I’d met him a couple of times but I’d never seen him all dressed up in clubbing clothes. Looked like he and Kody were enjoying a night out. Did that mean Seth was baby-sitting around at his house? Did I dare ask? Fuck it. I was in love with the guy. If I didn’t ask, I’d just keep on worrying myself to death and I’d be really crap on my podium... The only trouble was – how did I address him? Mr McKenzie or Peyton – or just to stick with sir? Fuck...
Deciding to be brave I thought I’d go with his first name, “Peyton.” I muttered, nodding to him as I went to pass him.
He stopped. Clearly he wasn’t going to let me by without speaking to me. Ohhhh, God. “Ah,” he smiled, “Joel, isn’t it?”
I nodded, feeling like a total and utter doofus. “Uh, yeah.”
He smiled, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
I blinked, “You have?” I said, “Who from?” My heart was about thumping out of my chest. Had Seth been talking about me?
He tapped his nose, “I never reveal my sources.” He said with a grin on his smug face that I just wanted to smack.
Kody frowned at him, “Stop playing with him.” He growled. “You know you came here to talk to him about Seth. Well, here he is – so talk to him.”
Peyton rolled his eyes, “You know,” he said, “Sometimes you’re really no fun.”
Kody’s face cracked into a really quite adorable grin, “But the rest of the time you love me.” He said.
Peyton laughed, “Yes.” He said, “I do.”
I waited. He wanted to talk to me about Seth? So Seth was definitely at their house then... In the middle of a forest, hiding from me...
&
nbsp; “You and Seth have gotten close.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.
I nodded, “Yes.” I had nothing to hide. I wasn’t messing around. I wanted a future with Seth.
He ran his hand through his hair, “You know that he was really in love with Siobhan, don’t you?”
I nodded, “Yes.”
He pursed his lips, “And you know he truly believes himself to be straight.”
I rolled my eyes and nodded again, “Yes,” I said, “I know all of this – listen, what’s your point?”
Peyton smiled, “I think you’re good for him. He’s questioning everything he’s always believed about himself. You’ve disturbed his comfortable little bubble of misery and given him hope – and he doesn’t know what to do about it.”
Well, that was as maybe – but where did that leave us? “So what do I do about it?”
He shrugged, “He just needs time to work out what he’s feeling for you.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “So, you’re telling me to just get on with life and forget about him?” I’d kind of hoped that he was going to give me all the answers I needed.
He nodded, “For now. Yes.” He said, “Push him and you’ll just push him away.”
I nodded. Fair enough. I knew when to back off...
Chapter 19 – Surprise meeting in the park...
Seth
I stayed with Peyton and Kody for two days – and in that time, I had my ear chewed off for being a total dick by the pair of them – they were like a tag-team and with Will chirruping on about how cool he thought Joel was too, I was glad to get home – at least there I only had Joel himself to contend with...
Only he wasn’t there when I got back. He’d taken off to go and stay with his brother and Alfie for a few days. He’d left a note similar to mine. Getting the treatment back that I’d thought was fine to dish out made me realise what a total tit I’d been over the whole thing.
“Seth,
Gone to stay with Harley, will be back in a couple of days. Need to evaluate what I’m doing with my life.
Joel.”
It was the Easter break and even though I’d moved back home, I was still helping Peyton and Kody out with William and I was looking after him one morning, since school was out and they were both working full time. It was the least I could do on my day off. So there we were, strolling through the park and heading for the adventure playground when we spotted, up ahead of us, a guy in a bright blue bobble hat and a tight-fitting black coat with impossibly tight jeans, surrounded by his kids and pushing a double-buggy up the hill effortlessly. Wow. He had six... no, seven kids – and they all appeared to be under ten. He and his wife have been busy, I thought with some amusement as I watched him admiringly. Some people were just meant to be parents – even men in impossibly tight jeans that got my blood pumping...
Once upon a time I’d thought I was one of those men and I’d thought Siobhan and I might have a couple more kids with each other – brothers or sisters for William. I sighed, obviously it hadn’t been meant to be...
Suddenly William took off at speed after the guy with a yelled “Joel!”
Joel? That unbelievably sexy guy in his tighter than tight jeans was Joel? Fuck me. What the hell was he doing with all those kids?
I squinted into the sunshine. It was one of those perfect early spring mornings where the grass beneath my feet crunched when I walked on it and the sun was unbelievably bright with the most stunning blue sky.
Oh, my God. It really was Joel. What the hell was he doing, pushing a double buggy, with five other children surrounding him? Was he a child-minder in his spare time or something? “He’s like the fucking pied piper.” I muttered as I followed after William as quickly as my gammy leg would allow. The last person I wanted to see this morning was Joel, not least because I looked bloody awful. I’d had another nightmare in the night and Joel hadn’t been there to snuggle me back to sleep – something I’d kind of started to rely on before I fucked it all up with my stupid reaction to us getting jiggy... God, I was such a wanker. I only had to let myself be happy... It seriously couldn’t be as difficult as I was making it.
William had caught Joel up by the time I rounded the corner to the children’s playground and I was amazed to see Will chatting and laughing with Joel as he unloaded the two smallest children from the buggy. The three older children had gone off to play on the swings together. One of the twins was still in the buggy and he was sitting, waiting patiently for Joel to undo the straps holding him in. The other three children were stood, holding hands and being really well behaved as he wrestled with the straps. His hands weren’t gloved and I couldn’t help noticing how red they were. Dammit, the guy really didn’t prepare himself well enough for the weather. I felt in my pockets and found the pair of gloves I’d stuffed in to them as we left home in case William got cold. I’d give them to Joel once he was done. Seriously, I couldn’t wait for the weather to warm up. Winter was relentless this year – it was April for fuck’s sake. Was the summer ever going to arrive?
Once the straps were off, the small child put his arms up for Joel to help him out of the seat and he picked him up like he’d been born to the job of dad.
My heart flip-flopped in my chest. Oh, my God, he was perfect... utterly perfect. What had I been thinking of? Of course we should be a couple – and get married and have loads of adopted kids...
William turned and beamed at me, “Joel’s got all of his nieces and nephew for the weekend.” He informed me. His three sisters and their husbands have all gone to Centerparcs together for a break.”
I nodded, “Oh, right,” I agreed, “That’s gotta be a bit challenging.”
Joel turned and eyed me. He wasn’t being exactly hostile but neither was he being particularly friendly. I guess I deserved it after the way I’d been acting around him – blowing hot and cold. It had to be confusing for him – hell, it was confusing enough for me... “I like a challenge.” He said, “It makes life more exciting.”
I didn’t really know what he was getting at, but I felt it was something more to do with me than with the kids. I held out the gloves to him, “Your hands look cold.” I said lamely.
Surprisingly, that seemed to be all in took for me to be treated to the most beautiful smile. “Thank you.” He said as he took them from me, “I forgot to grab mine on the way out – I was too busy making sure this lot were all wrapped up.” He grinned.
I raised my eyebrows, “I had no idea you had such a big family.”
He nodded, “Oh, yeah – we have three sisters – all of them have had kids. “The twins are Sabine’s – she’s Harley’s twin sister, then the three other boys belong to Juliet and the two girls are Denise’s.”
“Weren’t you and Harley and Alfie invited?” I asked. They could have all gone, couldn’t they?
He rolled his eyes, “Well, Harley and Alfie refused to go, they said that leaving me at home with all the kids was just too cruel while they all went away on a romantic weekend. I’m the only one left that isn’t married off, you see...”
I felt my face getting hot. He’d make someone a fabulous husband one day – maybe me... I nodded, “Well, that was nice of them...”
He grinned, “Yeah,” he said, “I love spending time with the kids, though – they’re so refreshingly honest and straightforward.”
Was that a bit of a dig at me? Or was I just being cranky again because I’d had so little sleep?
Joel frowned at me as he peered a little more closely at me, “You didn’t sleep last night, did you?”
I shrugged, “Not much.” I said. I didn’t want him feeling guilty for being away from home for the night. That wasn’t what I wanted at all. “I’m okay.”
He shook his head, “No, you’re not.” He said softly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Seth. I’ll be home again soon. I promise.”
A lump started to form in my throat. He was far too nice a guy for me. I was selfish and self-pitying. I needed t
o man up... “I look forward to it.” I smiled at him.
I looked around to see what William was up to. He’d gone to join the older kids on the swings. They were all happily chatting to each other. Joel smiled, “Looks like they’re all getting on well – fancy joining us for lunch? I was only gonna take them to Maccy’s.”
I nodded. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to spend the day with Joel and his many nieces and nephews. “Thanks.” I said, “That sounds amazing.”
We made our way slowly to the fast-food restaurant and once again, I went to sit down with the smaller kids and Joel headed off to the counter to order the food. I watched him as he made his way, surrounded by the older ones, all of them shouting out their order to him and I marvelled at his calm, chipper manner as he easily put in the order for us all, not forgetting one detail of any of their orders.
He came back over, “She said she’d bring everything over once it’s done.” He informed me happily as he slid into the seat next to me.
I looked up at him and smiled, “Fab,” I agreed.
All of the kids were chatting amongst themselves and I felt it was best to tell him that things could never progress between us. He needed a guy that was as capable and whole as he was. I was a bit of a broken shell. I was still in shock and grieving for Siobhan, but aside from that – I really wasn’t physically in any shape to be in a relationship with such a beautiful and able-bodied man.
Needless to say, he didn’t agree with me, “Don’t be stupid,” he said through his mouthful of cheeseburger, so it came out a bit more like, “Gon’t ge fupid.”
“I’m not being stupid.” I replied calmly, “You’re still young, you’ll meet some other guy one day,” even as the words left my mouth, the cold hand of fear gripped my heart but I had to say it. I had to set him free of me, “either at Studs,” please don’t let it be there, “or here at the park – and you’ll realise that I’m right.”
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