by A. J. Downey
“What!?” I demanded jerking the door open with a glare. It was matched by one from Evan.
“You left.” He scowled and I felt a twinge of guilt that was quickly swamped by indignation. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly and tried to get a grip. My patience firmly back in place I was calm when I spoke.
“I had things to do.” I said gently.
“Look, I uh…” He closed his eyes and palmed the back of his neck.
“What is it Evan?” I asked and let my hand slide from my door knob. I loosely crossed my arms.
“Nothing,” he said sourly, adding “Sorry I bothered you.” He turned to go and my patience tucked tail and fled.
“Really!?” I demanded.
“What?” he looked over startled, half way down the stairs.
“I don’t know, how about ‘I’m sorry for crashing in your apartment in a drunken fugue London,’ or better! ‘I’m sorry for being such a dick London, I’m going through something right now…’ God! You’re acting like you’re entitled or something. Like I’m beneath you and you can do whatever you want! I want to be your friend, I’m trying to be your friend but I’m sorry Evan!” I threw up my hands. I kept back what I wanted to finish saying, that he’d pissed me off, the look on his face was sort of heart wrenching, I’d never seen a man look like such a lost little boy before. My tone gentled.
“Look, I know what it’s like and it sucks but you can’t treat me this way. I won’t stand for it.” I looked at him, a war of emotions crossing his face, loss, anger, hurt, and finally a grim resignation settled in. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and took off down the stairs.
I sighed, the buzzer went off in my bathroom and I went back in to finish my work, Evan’s words ringing in the back of my mind, the memory of his breath, warm on the back of my neck… “I lost my best friend... He died.” I knew what that was like, I really did and I wanted to help but when it had happened to me, there wasn’t anything anyone could do to help. I’d had to do it on my own. All anyone could do was just be there and not give up on me.
Evan had been here for a few weeks by now and I couldn’t ever remember anyone stopping by. Maybe he didn’t have anyone. I had a lot on my plate, it was true, but I think this was something I could make time for.
Ugh, God.
I was such a sucker. I mean would I even be doing this if I wasn’t attracted to him?
Yes.
It was who my father had raised me to be. I picked up my camera and opened my front door, after all the photos I’d wanted to have prints of had been developed I was still short for my project. That and I needed some fresh air after all of the fumes. It had been a couple of hours since Evan had been here and I thought for a moment, hand resting on my doorknob, about going up to check on him… if he was even home. I decided against it.
When I opened my door I was halted by the sweet smell of lilies. I looked down to see a big bouquet of them in a glass vase on my doorstep. I softened a little, they had to be from Evan, who else would bring me flowers? I picked up the white blooms and looked for a card, plucking it from the plastic holder.
I’m sorry for being such a dick London. I’m going through some shit right now. –Evan
I smiled. Okay. Mind changed, I sighed and went up, rapping gently on his door after locking my own, leaving the lilies on my night table.
There was no answer.
That was okay. I went out to take my pictures feeling marginally better.
Stage 3
Bargaining
Chapter 7
It was the next week when I heard him on the stairs. He was with someone, they were making a lot of noise as they staggered up the stairs, laughing. I opened my front door as they were about to take the final flight up to Evan’s door.
“Evan?” I spoke softly into the dark.
He turned, a trashy looking blonde woman against him, both of them drunk, he blinked owlishly at me and I sighed inwardly. I’d kept telling myself not to get my hopes up but somehow they’d crept up there any way, now here they were crashing down around me.
“Evan?” the girl said and giggled like it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. If it walked like a drunk, talked like a drunk, it was a drunk.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you, we’ll be quiet. Wouldn’t want London Bridge to fall down.” He cracked up and wobbled on his feet, it did not go unnoticed by me that the red lipstick smeared across the blonde girl’s mouth was also smeared across his. I swallowed my bitter disappointment and sighed.
“I don’t get it, why is that funny?” the girl asked.
“Because she’s London.” He waved his hand dismissively in my direction and I retreated back into my apartment.
I closed the door on them and listened to them trudge up the final set of stairs. I swallowed back the bite of tears and rolled my eyes. I didn’t even know why it mattered to me. Evan was a big boy and could do whoever he wanted. Disappointment tightened my throat.
I got ready for bed and turned on some classical music to drown out the sounds coming from the apartment above me. I was a heavy sleeper, so all I needed to do was get there. I heard a loud thump, some hysterical laughter and then it got really quiet for a minute.
A cry. A moan. The sharp report of a hand connecting with flesh.
“Oh yeah! Spank that ass baby!” she screamed.
Gross.
I turned up my classical a little louder and put one of my pillows over my head to drown them out. I really didn’t want to know.
~*~
It was quiet. I woke with a start and didn’t know why I was awake. I sat up and blinked. It was dark, really dark, the deepest part of night that was four am by the clock on my bedside table. A shadow moved across my window and I shrieked.
“Shh, London, it’s just me.” I blinked.
“You broke into my apartment!?” I cried.
“You left your window unlocked.” He said, and I stared at the shadow open mouthed as he palmed the back of his neck.
“You mean you left my window unlocked when you used the fire escape to break into your own apartment after you passed out in my bed.” I crossed my arms suddenly angry at myself as much as him for not checking the damned window.
“Yeah, that’s what I meant.” I could hear his smile but I couldn’t see it, the light coming through the window behind him as it was.
“Evan what are you doing here?” I demanded tiredly, both emotionally and physically at this point.
“I was wondering if I could sleep here, you know, next to you like I did before.” He stood stock still, head bowed; hand still holding the back of his neck. Waiting expectantly.
“What, the blonde not enough for you, figure you’d hit me up too?” my tone was caustic but I couldn’t help it, the audacity of this man!
“I kicked her out.” He said sheepishly.
“Wow. Classy.” I said.
“No, not after, before we did anything.” He sad impatiently, straightening. I snorted. He still sounded half drunk.
“Sounded like you did plenty to me.” I put on a high whiney tone, “Oh yeah spank that ass baby!”
“You were listening?” he sounded equal parts indignant, horrified and embarrassed.
“Evan, these walls are paper thin, wasn’t like I had a whole lot of choice.” I felt my shoulders drop.
“I couldn’t do it.” he blurted out.
“Do what?” I asked growing impatient, I was seriously contemplating figuring out a way to call the cops. I don’t know, maybe I was naïve, but I never once felt threatened by Evan, not even with him standing in my apartment uninvited at four in the morning.
“Her. I couldn’t do her.” He said and he sounded uncomfortable so I pushed, I was feeling catty; what can I say?
“Why?” I asked.
“Why what?” he asked.
“Don’t play dumb Evan, why couldn’t you do her?” I asked more softly, genuinely curious but half dreading his answer.
“Because she wasn’t you, and no matter how much I closed my eyes and tried to pretend she was, I couldn’t.” I felt a little thrill course through my veins at his words. Creepy? Yeah, but also incredibly… honest. He turned and dropped down, sitting heavily on the edge of the foot of my bed.
There was a long moment of silence while I fought with myself over what to do next. Finally I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.
“Okay, come on.” I said, flinging back a triangle of covers in invitation. It was official, I needed a name change from London Everleigh Greene to London Doormat Greene because it really did fit so much better.
“Really?” he asked and he sounded like a lost little boy.
“On one condition.” I said trying to save myself from feeling totally used.
“What?” he asked and it was eager apprehension that colored his voice.
“You answer a few questions.” I answered softly, adding, “About yourself.”
He stood and it seemed he was at war with himself, finally I heard his leather jacket creak and fall to the floor.
I watched his silhouette pull his shirt over his head and go for his belt.
“You had so better not be getting naked.” I said.
“No, just losing the jeans.” He said freezing in place.
“Okay.” I said finally.
He toed out of his boots and stepped out of his jeans, stripped off his socks and came around the side of the bed, getting into it. I turned to face him this time and he lay down facing me. I could see him now, the spill of light from the unobscured window falling across his fine features, turning his green eyes nearly translucent.
“Tell me about your friend.” I said softly.
“We grew up together, neighbors in a small town.” He swallowed hard.
“And?” I prompted.
“We were best friends since kindergarten, we did everything together… In high school we started a band. We were like brothers. D. was like everything I wanted to be and then some, I had the words but he… he had the voice and the knowhow and made it flow… It should have been me.” He said the last brokenly, tears glittering barely suppressed. His shoulders shook and he laid his arm across my body where my ribs dipped down before the swell of my hip.
“I would give anything to take his place.” He said, voice thick.
“It should have been me, he should still be here.” He shook, and I sighed.
I smoothed the hair back from his forehead with a gentle hand and he bent, forehead pressing to my chest above my breast. He buried his face into my chest and sobbed. I ran my fingers through his hair and made soothing noises.
“Shhh, go ahead and cry.” I told him.
“I’m here.” I said, “Just let it out.”
…and he did.
Chapter 8
Sunlight streamed through the windows. I was going to either be late to or miss class, but it was worth it to watch Evan sleep. I reached over to the bedside table and picked up my digital. I wished I could capture this on film but I would have to get up to get my AE-1, my Olympus was right there…
Evan lay on his stomach, half of his face buried in the white cloud of my pillow, the other, slack with sleep, was just brutally beautiful. His tattoos were bright against my white sheets where his shoulder lay nearest me, the expanse of his back muscled without being over developed was smooth and unmarked. His one arm, the one sleeve was his only tattoo that I could see.
I smoothed his hair gently off of his eye, and arranged it artfully along the side of his face, his long lashes a dark crescent above the sharp jut of his cheekbone. I lined up the shot, adjusted the focus… God the light was perfect. I snapped the picture. His green eye opened at the sound of the shutter, his lips curling into a smile at the corner and before I lost the opportunity I captured that as well.
“Really?” he asked sardonically.
“You owed me two.” I said softly and he groaned. Cue hangover misery. I thought to myself.
“What time is it?” he asked.
“Eight-thirty.” I said softly.
“Don’t you have class?” he asked.
“Some things are more important.” I said truthfully.
“You’re too good.” He stated flatly and pushed himself up and over, flopping onto his back. He stared at the ceiling for long moments.
“Don’t even think about it.” he said when I raised my camera. I laughed.
“Why not?” I asked.
“You said I owed you two.” He said holding up two fingers, “You got them.”
“You’ve been a dick more than two pictures worth.” I stated dryly and he scowled.
“I know.” He said and looked at me.
“Why do you put up with my shit?” he asked.
“Why do you keep shoveling it in my direction?” I countered.
“I don’t know.” He said and he was frowning as he thought about it.
“Me either.” I said softly and raised my eyebrows, though I had an idea... It felt like Evan Lake was testing me.
He propped himself up on one elbow and winced. I went to throw back the covers and get up but his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist to stop me. Not hard, just there. Goosebumps swept up my arm from where he touched me. I swallowed.
“Sorry. Give me a minute before you do that.” He said and swiftly let me go.
“Uh, why?” I asked.
“It’s first thing in the morning and I’m a guy.” He stated dryly.
“Oh.” I said frowning and then it dawned on me, “Oh!” he laughed.
“I like you L.B.” he said. I scowled.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“What that I like you?” he asked giving a luxurious stretch.
“No, L.B.”
“London Bridge.” He said and I frowned. He smiled.
“Not sure I like that.” I said.
“Noted.” He looked me over, really looked.
“What?” I asked.
“I know we didn’t but first thing in the morning, with your hair all like that, you’ve got that freshly fucked look.” He said calmly. I felt my eyebrows go up.
“Come again?” I said.
“That’s my fucked up way of telling you that you look beautiful.” He said and cleared his throat. I felt myself color.
“Oh. Thank you.” I said.
“One day when I’m not so fucked up in the head, I’m going to.” He said and got up. I frowned at his retreating back as he headed for my bathroom.
“Going to what?” I asked, heart in my throat.
“Kiss you at the very least.” He said and I blinked as he shut the bathroom door behind him.
Well Hell.
I pressed my thighs together around the sudden warmth at their apex. I had mixed feelings over what he’d just said and unfortunately no map with which to navigate through the tangle.
I got out of bed and when he emerged from the bathroom had it neatly made. He silently moved around the small space getting dressed. I got him a glass of water, handed him two aspirin and started the coffee.
I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything…
Chapter 9
It was a couple of days before I saw him again and when I did it happened to be as I was bolting out the door to go to work. I locked the door and spun to crash down the stairs when I crashed into Evan instead.
“Woah!” his hands went automatically to my hips to steady me.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” I blurted.
“It’s okay.” He gave me a rakish grin, “It’s just me…” his expression sobered as he took in my appearance.
“Going to work?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I said. He nodded gravely, eyes roaming me from head to toe. I wore skin tight unrelieved black. Comfortable black non-slip shoes, black leggings and a fitted black top that accentuated what cleavage I could get out of my chest. My makeup was heavier than I liked. Kohl rimmed eyes with dark shadow and clear li
p gloss. I had to stand out in the dim light and from behind the mask while I worked behind the bar at the club. No joke, we had been taught how to do our makeup for work.
“Evan.” I whispered.
“Yeah L.B.?” his voice was husky.
“I’m going to miss my bus.” I said.
“Yeah, sorry.” He swallowed and let go of my hips and I instantly missed the warmth of his hands there.
I went down the stairs and began to cross the courtyard when he called out from the open air landing…
“London!” I turned.
“Come up to my place when you get home.” He said.
“I don’t know Evan, I’m exhausted and I don’t get home until almost three thirty and that’s only if I can get a ride…”
“I’ll be up. Just… please, come up…” he said.
“Okay.” I reluctantly agreed.
I barely made my bus.
~*~
I trudged up my stairs after a long shift and stopped in front of my door. I threw back my head, shoulders drooping and groaned. I’d promised Evan, but damn was I tired. I stood still for a moment or two at war with myself before finally dragging myself up the final flight of stairs.
The door opened almost immediately upon my light knock.
“Hey.” He said, standing aside.
“Hey.” I said softly in return and brushed past him. He shut the door behind us and trudged barefoot into the apartment.
“Come on in, sit down.” He said and I did as directed realizing belatedly that there wasn’t any place really to sit.
I sat down on the edge of the futon and looked up.
“What was so important that it couldn’t wait until morning?” I asked and immediately winced. That had come out bitchier than I’d meant it to. He smirked.
“It’s okay, I know what you mean and I’m sorry, I just really wanted to do something nice for you.” He knelt by my feet and took off my shoes and socks.
“Lie back.” He ordered softly and without thinking about it I complied.