by Lily Zante
Without trying too hard, I can put my normal life behind me and pretend to be a different me.
I can discard the old Nina.
I can pretend to be someone else.
I can pretend that this weekend is an adventure, because my life has been anything but that.
I can live a little.
“I’m going to get ready,” says Dottie, walking away. “You should, too. I’ll come by in an hour.”
I do something which is alien to me, taking time to make myself look nice. I put on a face pack and paint my nails, then I take a shower. With my hair freshly washed, I take time blow drying it carefully, and then I apply my makeup slowly.
When I put on the dress and look in the mirror, I’m pleasantly surprised.
Okay, I lied.
I more than surprised.
I am astonished.
I twirl around, admiring my front, back and side views, and I pout and make silly faces at my reflection.
Who am I kidding?
I look fabulous.
Like a new woman.
My alter ego.
I take a selfie so that I can show Harper, but before I can send it, there’s a knock on my door. It’s not even been half an hour.
I open the door to find Callum standing there all dressed up in a tux. He is punch-to-the-gut gorgeousness. His skin glows, his eyes glitter, and his smile—it seems to be speaking directly to my heart.
My mouth falls open.
A sigh might even have escaped my lips.
I forget to swallow.
And then I notice his reaction. He looks me up and down. It’s the first time he’s ever done that, and there’s something in his gaze that I haven’t seen before, amusement, or surprise, or something else, I can’t work out what. His gaze burns through me. Goosebumps spring up along my bare arms. I fold my arms together, realizing that I’ve forgotten to put on my big chunky bracelet, and my watch. I couldn’t cover up my scars, and Harper wouldn’t let me take a dress with long sleeves, so, I had to cover up some other way.
Callum’s lips part and it looks like he’s about to say “Wow.” But he doesn’t. “I-uh…I uh… “ He looks at the floor and ruffles his hair at the same time. “I uh… so you got here okay?”
I giggle. “Yes.”
I open the door wider and tell him to come in. Callum being tongue-tied is something new to me. It suddenly feels as if I have power over him, that the way I’m dressed has rendered him speechless.
“Cool.” He nods, and gives me another slow gaze that travels down the length of me. A burst of excitement crashes through me. Have his eyes always been so shiny? Have they always been such a dark green?
His tux is slick, rich black satin and crisp white shirt. Wide-shouldered, yet tapering in slightly at the waist. It’s like he stepped out of a magazine and into my hotel room.
“This is a nice room,” I say, biting my lip. This feels strange, me and him. Both of us dressed up like this. Maybe we can both pretend to be a different version of our usual selves?
“Dottie won’t let me pay her back.”
He scratches his nose, and glances at my feet. My sandals have thin, five-inch heels. I had to walk around in my hotel room to get used to them. There’s a thin strap going around the ankles which makes them look extra strappy. Harper was going to lend me hers, but she’s a bigger size than me and they didn’t fit. I would have left it at that, but the minx went ahead and ordered me a pair. I was annoyed at first, but now I am so, so, so happy and thankful that she did. I love the effect they’re having on Callum.
“Can I pay you?” I ask him, still talking about mundane things. That black tux looks so sexy on him. His crisp white shirt makes me wonder how well it fits. And his cologne. Can I smell it? Will I get close enough to?
“Huh, no. No way. Don’t worry about stuff like that. The studio takes care of all that.”
I stare at him and have forgotten what he’s talking about. “The hotel room,” he says, because I must have a dazed expression on my face. “We bill the studio.”
“I’m not part of your entourage,” I remind him.
“Don’t worry about it.” He steals another glance at my shoes. “You look … different.”
I was hoping for something more complimentary. “Different?” And then I realize that his eyes convey something that his words don’t.
Interest.
Heated interest.
“I mean,” his voice is low. “You look breathtaking.”
A mega-watt smile lights up my face. If I didn’t know any better, it’s almost as if I’m mirroring his mega-watt smile.
“I’m not used to seeing you in anything like… those…” He throws another glance at my sandals. I’m always in pumps. Boring, black, safe-as-houses pumps. Feeling brave, I shuffle, pointing my feet as I make a pathetic attempt to show off the sandals. Note to self: get some tips from Harper on how to do this properly.
He coughs lightly. “You brush up really well, Nina Cardoza.”
“And you always look good.” The new Nina doesn’t know how to hold back, how to gag her words, and the way I look at him, because of the way I’m allowing myself to see him, spills out. He can tell there’s something different about me, because there is. I feel different.
“I could walk down the red carpet with you,” he whispers.
“But you’re going with your co-star,” I remind him.
He looks at me for the longest time, his lips twisting as if he’s about to say something, only, he doesn’t.
This weekend in LA pushes back everything I know about my past. We smile at each other under this new spell of enchantment, but it is soon broken by the ringing of his cell phone.
“I’m on my way.” Disappointment clouds his face. “My limo’s here. I gotta go.” He rakes another hand through his hair. I gaze at him, at his hands, and his face, slowly savoring every beautiful inch of his face. Every day he becomes so much more dangerously handsome in my eyes.
I see now why Harper was so goo-goo ga-ga over him.
Why Elias didn’t like him at first.
Why Frankie told me to live a little.
Why Joni said someone like Callum would never be interested in someone like me.
“Come to the after party with me.” Those sparkling eyes are the ones I see when I’m balanced precariously between the edge of wakefulness and sleep.
“What?”
“Come to the after party with me.”
“Me?”
He leans closer, and I forget to breathe then, when he looks straight into my eyes, his face only an inch or two away. “Do you see me asking anyone else?”
His voice is like honey. Sweet and seductive.
“What about Alyssa?” My breasts suddenly feel heavy, and shame creeps over me.
“She’ll be there,” he whispers into my ear. His scent—sea breeze and cool mint, lingers in the air. “No reason why you can’t also come.”
Our gazes lock, and I can’t look away. Shame dissolves, heat replaces it. A tingle of desire creeps up my spine, coils between my legs. This man makes me think of things I have never let myself think of before. My heart bumps around in my ribcage. “The after party?”
I hate parties. I hate being in a place where I won’t know anyone.
“Dottie’s going. Stay close to her,” he says, as if he can sense my reluctance.
“Okay,” I hear myself say. “I’ll come.”
His lips curve up into the type of smile that does things to my insides, and when he lifts his hand and brings it close to my face, I almost miss a heartbeat. But he moves it away quickly, without it touching my skin, and I am already left feeling bereft.
“See you later,” and he disappears, while I stand there, holding my own hand against my face and wishing it were his.
Chapter Forty
CALLUM
* * *
Alyssa’s talking, but my mind isn’t on her. It’s on Nina. Something weird happened back in her hotel ro
om. She blew me away with that dress, and those heels, and the way she was.
I feel like there are so many facets to Nina, and she only reveals them when she is ready. The two of us have been dancing around one another for month. It’s a tango of sorts, us getting to know one another. We’ve spent more time doing that, getting to where we are now, than the length of time most Hollywood marriages last.
She not only looks different, she seems different. Her hesitancy has gone. I no longer feel as if I’m taking one step forward and ten steps back. She’s not pushing me away and I’m not left wondering what the hell I’ve done wrong.
This woman can be hard work, but now, she’s leaning towards me, and I’m being careful not to lean towards her so fast. I can sense the change in her as easily as the perfume I could smell on her. I’ve never smelled it before. At the diner the aroma of coffee floats around, mingling with the sticky, slightly salty whiff of fried food. The scent she wore today was flowery and sweet. I noticed it straightaway. Her hair wasn’t bunched up and away from her face the way it usually is. It was down, and soft, and flowing. She had on a touch of makeup. Dark eyes, luscious lips. The way I see them in my dreams.
But it was her dress that surprised me the most. It wasn’t tight, and she wasn’t spilling out of it, it looked to fit a little loosely, but she seemed even sexier for it, like she didn’t even need to try. Like she doesn’t know that other side to her, the side I see at the diner, and the side I’ve seen now. Her friends at the diner have hinted that Nina gets hit on. I know why. It’s not just to do with Elias being her brother, even if that’s what her jealous friend thinks. Nina is silently seductive. Ignorantly unaware of her allure.
“Hey.” Alyssa taps my arm. “Did you even hear what I just said?”
I turn to her with what I’m sure is a blank expression. “Sorry, what?” Before she can speak, the limo comes to a halt, and we hear the raucous crowd outside Grauman’s Chinese Theater.
“Are you ready, lover boy?” Alyssa asks in an over-the-top faux sexy voice as she moves her palm over my hand.
The games Hollywood plays, with us as the pawns. The acting doesn’t stop when the director shouts ‘Cut’.
I’m used to doing these publicity stunts, and the studio needs it, for me and Alyssa to look like we’re at the start of our love story. My gut hardens at the thought of this new lie that I’m acting out.
We climb out of the limo, and instantly, we’re showered by the thousand flashes from the cameras. We hold hands, smile, and walk on the red carpet.
These photos of us will be in magazines and newspapers so fast.
I look around, wondering where Nina is and hoping that she can’t see this. Alyssa gazes lovingly at me as we walk, like star-crossed lovers, flashing vacant smiles at the paparazzi.
Journalists call out her name, a few call out mine. Alyssa’s smile becomes wider, and I follow her, still holding her hand, as she stops to answer questions about her film. She gives her smooth and practiced replies. Someone else asks a question about ‘us’, and she leans in closer to me as she answers.
It’s not just what the fans see on the silver screen that’s made up, but most of real life in Tinsel Town, too.
Hollywood owns us, and there is always a price to pay.
* * *
NINA
* * *
My mind is blown away. Grauman’s Chinese Theater looks familiar. As we walk towards it I see two huge bright red columns holding up the roof, and the dragon carving at the entrance. I’ve seen it in magazines, only now I’m walking inside, but going in through the back entrance with Dottie.
I feel my old life slip away, and excitement fizzes in my belly. This is good, I tell myself, and I wonder if it is really that easy to shake off my past.
It’s a good thing I’m not easily impressed by famous people. But even so, I still find myself sitting in my plush seat, albeit right at the back, almost hidden from view, people-watching. Harper would have loved this.
The theater fills up fast. We got here about half an hour ago and we can now see celebrities as they file in and start to take their places.
Dottie tells me that there’s a party afterwards at a club, and then someone else is having a party at his mansion. I tell her I’ll be too tired, and I want to go straight home once this is over.
“Callum’s expecting you to come to both.”
Before I can protest, the screen before me fills up and I catch sight of Callum and Alyssa walking hand-in-hand on the red carpet.
“There they are,” Dottie tells me. I hear her, but my eyes are already riveted on the screen. On his co-star. She’s beautiful. Seeing Alyssa Watts up close on the huge screen, takes my breath away. Knowing that she is holding hands with Callum hits my gut hard. The blood in my veins turns icy. Everything from that moment in the hotel earlier with me and Callum has been a dream. But so fleeting, like the feel of a silk scarf as it slips through my hands. Flimsy, and gone.
Now, seeing him with Alyssa makes me want to stick a hot poker through her.
The force of my extreme emotions scares me. My feelings for Callum scare me.
I watch as they stop to talk to a reporter. I don’t hear what they say, because there is no sound, just a visual of everything that’s going on outside. There’s noise inside the theater though; cacophony of sounds, the rumbling of chatter, the waterfall of laughter. This is the kind of place I never expected to find myself in, and I wonder what Joni and Frankie will make of it. I think of all the questions Harper will have for me when I get back.
“She’s stunning,” I whisper.
“They’re Hollywood’s next golden couple,” Dottie answers.
Callum belongs in this world. I don’t.
“They make a lovely couple,” I reply evenly. I have no idea what Callum has told her about me coming here, but I feel as if Dottie is testing me. She knows I’m Elias’s sister, because she asked me if there’s any way she can get a ticket for her boyfriend to go and see the fight. I told her that I’d find out.
She doesn’t know where to pigeonhole me. I’m guessing that someone like Callum doesn’t have many women who are just friends. But me being Elias’s sister has, I feel, helped our situation.
But what is our situation?
Who are we to one another?
The film starts and I sit back and watch, still not believing that I’m really here. Most of all, an uneasy sensation settles in my belly because I can’t get those images of Callum with his co-star out of my head.
Hollywood’s next golden couple.
Chapter Forty-One
CALLUM
* * *
Alyssa and I walk into the film director’s Bel Air mansion for the after party holding hands and looking very much together. I crane my neck and glance around trying to find Dottie and Nina. They’re already here because Dottie called and told me.
I had to stick around with Alyssa because she wanted to change into another outfit, so we detoured a while. She spent two hours back at her hotel getting ready, while I waited at the bar.
In a few months’ time we’ll have our own film premiere for Legend. I picture walking up the red carpet with Nina, and all at once my mind tells me ‘no’. But I imagine it anyway. This time next year our film could be up for an award. Even I could be. It’s not impossible, and Rudy thinks I stand a good chance.
‘Legend’ is the closest I have come to making a film that is Oscar nomination worthy. It’s a wild thought, as wild as thinking that Nina will be on my arm as we head for the Oscars.
I had no choice but to accompany Alyssa tonight, but I’m hoping to see Nina now. Alyssa won’t mind. We’re both playing the game, only, her boyfriend is here somewhere.
“Champagne,” Alyssa announces. “I need champagne.” She tugs at my hand, and I have no choice but to follow her as she heads for the bar. This isn’t easy to do. The business of pretending to be in love with someone you have no affection for is tough. Not digging-for-coal tough, but menta
lly tough. All that posturing, and loving eye-gazing. The camera picks up everything.
The film director decided to throw the party at his place instead of at a venue and I can see why. His sprawling pad is stunning and it has everything you would expect. An infinity pool, a vineyard, pagoda and fire pit, and a mini golf course. There are plenty of other rich man’s trinkets, Alyssa has told me because she’s been here before. Still, I prefer my modest-in-comparison Hollywood Hills home.
“This is the bar I was telling you about,” she says as we walk in.
“This is the bar?” It looks like something out of a top New York hotel. Chandeliers, mirrors, dark lights and velvet sofas.
I look around, but I don’t expect to find Nina here. Alyssa hands me a glass of champagne from a passing server. I take it, even though I don’t want a drink. I get out my phone and call Dottie, but her phone is dead. I call Nina next, and I hear her phone ringing but she doesn’t answer and it goes to voicemail.
We work the room. People are congratulating her everywhere we turn. I smile perfectly, and put my arm around Alyssa’s waist every now and then.
“There you are,” Dottie exclaims, just as Alyssa starts talking to a group of people nearby.
I exhale in relief. “I called you.”
“My battery died,” Dottie explains.
“Where’s Nina?”
“Over by the door.” Dottie nods in that direction. Sure enough, Nina’s standing there, holding onto her handbag for dear life. “She seems overwhelmed. You should go rescue her.”
I don’t answer, because I’m looking straight at Nina. Wesley is talking to her, and I don’t like it. “What’s he doing?”
“Talking to her,” Dottie replies. She and Alyssa exchange pleasantries. They got to know one another well during filming. I clench my muscles, my gaze still pinned on Nina and that jerk. Wesley is a coke head. I need to rescue Nina. “Why did you leave her alone?” I say, interrupting their conversation.