by Lily Zante
He doesn’t answer. It’s like he’s in a waking stance. His expression dazed. He looks at me, but it’s more like he’s seeing right through me. “Swain did that to you?” he asks, again, shaking his head as if that will make it not be true.
“I’m okay, now.” I force a smile as if that will help convince him. I know it won’t. This will cut deep like an axe, severing all normal thought, and logic. It will inflict pain, and damage, turn normality to something dark and ugly. It will raise the ugly past, bringing it back into his present.
It will be the last thing he needs.
“Tell me, Nina.”
I shake my head.
“Hey, Eli, let it go.”
“Tell me,” he insists.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I can’t.
“He did, didn’t he? He put his hands on you too?”
I never wanted him to know. Never. Him talking about it pins it in front of my face. “Don’t, Elias.”
“I wish the fucker wasn’t dead just so that I could be the one to finish him off now.”
“Let it go, Elias. No more hurt. No more. Let it go,” I beg, regret and shame twisting and crawling around me like creepers.
“I wish I had been the one to mutilate him. I wouldn’t have spared him any mercy.”
I shake him because I don’t want him to spend any time in the past where I think he is right now. “Elias,” I say gently, desperate to get my brother back. “Let it go.”
For a second I think he’s going to cry, but he doesn’t. It’s subtle, the way he straightens up, the way he puts himself back together again, even though I can tell he’s shattered. He says nothing.
“You were supposed to be at the gym,” Harper says, walking over to him, and putting her arms around him.
“I was. I walked in and heard you two talking.”
I never wanted this. I know the damage this can do. “It’s over now, Elias. Let it go. The past is in the past.” I want him to see that I am okay but I recall all too clearly my reaction to the news when I found out about him. It is impossible to forget the impact of something so shocking that it puts a filter over the rest of your life. It changes you forever and you are never the person you could have been.
It was easier for me to deal with my own horrors than to accept that this had also happened to my brother. If I felt powerless in the basement against that man, it was nothing compared to how utterly and wretchedly useless I felt knowing that Elias had been abused, too.
After that, I looked back on our childhood with a different filter; something darker and bleaker. Nights were the worst when those memories flashed before me. I would try to remember my moments with Elias and look for clues so that I could figure out when the janitor got a hold of Elias without me knowing. Our story of decades’ old abuse was impossible to bury, and when it reared its ugly head for the second time, I spiraled further into the abyss, feeling as helpless as I had as a young child.
That’s when the lure of the blade called to me.
“Honey,” Harper places her hand against Elias’s face, her thumb skirts over his lips. “Nina’s right. Let it go.”
He shakes his face, then pushes her hand away. He looks broken. I know what it feels like to be that broken. I can guess every single thought that is going through his head and my staying here will only make things worse. “Our past can’t touch us now, Elias,” I whisper into his ear, as I attempt to hug him, but his body is hard, and he’s still somewhere else.
I can’t reach him, and maybe that’s as well. He will need time to get over this, but he has a fight to focus on. A fight that I hope will distract him from all this, and then after, he will see me with Callum and see how happy I am, and he will forget that I ever said this. At least, that’s the hope I console myself with.
“I should go,” I say to Harper. She follows me to the door. “Look after him. He can’t let this affect him. He has to get over it.”
She looks at me with doleful eyes. “Are you okay?” Concern lines her face. “We didn’t get to finish talking.”
I force a smile. Try to make myself sound cheerful. “I’m okay. I never wanted Elias to know. I’m actually surprised at myself that I told you.”
She squeezes my arm. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”
I shrug. “It came out. I didn’t mean to say it. It came out. Callum doesn’t know. I never told him.”
She nods, as if she understands. “So that’s why you and he never … ?”
“Yeah.”
“We can talk some more, if it helps you,” she offers. “I’m worried about you.”
“It’s not me you need to be worried about.”
She stares at me with concern. “Call me anytime.”
“I’ll be fine,” I assure her.
“Will you, Nina? Or is that what you want us all to think? You’re not alone.”
“I’m on the mend,” I tell her, and I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince more, me or her. “You know I am because I did something neither you nor I thought I would ever do.” I force a harder smile, clear my throat and pray that my voice doesn’t falter. “Me and Callum Sandersby?” I say, fanning my hand across my chest, Harper-style. “Who would have thought?”
Her eyes don’t turn all mischievous, and she can’t force a smile, probably because she’s never had to. She looks sad, and worse, she seems to feel sorry for me.
“Call me,” she says.
“Take care of my brother.”
Chapter Forty-Eight
CALLUM
* * *
When I finish my workout and see eight missed calls on my phone I know something is wrong. Then when I return to my hotel suite, and see the papers which Dottie has thoughtfully left on my table, I understand the problem.
Love Cheat Callum Gets into Character
* * *
Love Rat Callum And His Mystery Woman
* * *
What Alyssa Doesn’t Know
About three minutes after that, Rudy storms in. He has a habit of walking into my hotel suite when I am least prepared. “I thought we agreed this was a one night stand,” he bellows.
Not that shit again.
“You might have said it. I never agreed.” I wipe my hand across my face needing to take a shower.
“Elias Cardoza’s sister? That was her the other day?”
I swallow. “Yes.”
“You really did get into character,” he snipes.
I glance at the headlines. Lies covering up more lies. I’m not a love cheat. Me and Alyssa never had a thing, and Alyssa doesn’t need to know about stuff that is none of her business. “I’m going to sue these bastards.”
“You won’t have a career left after this.”
“Drop the drama, Rudy. Leave that to me.”
“You’re not even taking this seriously. You and Alyssa are supposed to be in love.”
“Well, we’re not,” I reply calmly.
“Your fans will see you as a cheat,” he says, ignoring me. “And who loves a cheat? No one, that’s who.”
“As if I care,” I toss back.
“You should. The studio is counting on you for this. You know how things work in this town.”
“This town?” I smirk, knowing full well what he means. Skimming down the newspaper my heart comes to a skidding stop when I see Nina’s name. “I’ll sue the pants off them,” I swear. They’ve picked on her probably because she’s someone. She’s Elias’s sister, instead of a faceless waitress. The papers have been careful not to say anything bad about her, probably scared that Elias will come after them.
“Are you … is this …. Are you together?” Rudy splutters to get his words out. I breathe out in annoyance. “That’s none of your business, Rudy.”
“It is my goddamn business. That’s why you hired me. To take care of your publicity. You are always my business. Your love life is my business, now more than ever. You seem to forget that the studio owns you. You go where the
studio tells you to go. You are seen with who they tell you to be seen with. You fall in love with who they tell you to fall in love—”
“No. I. Don’t.” I spit my words out slowly.
“You’re supposed to be Hollywood’s latest power couple.”
I grit my teeth. Behind his back I see Dottie hovering around, looking at me worriedly. “The public will forget, Rudy. Calm down. They don’t always fall for this shit. People aren’t that stupid.”
“The studio gave you a chance. Don’t throw this away. Your new film releases in a month,” Rudy cries. “This is the last thing we need.”
I shrug. “The studio will get over it. The people will forget.”
“I’m warning you, Callum. Don’t get too big for your boots. Don’t mess up this story just because you felt horny one night. Don’t make that mistake.”
I breath out slowly. I hate that he talks about Nina as if she’s a mistake. I hired this jackass, and he’s talking to me as if he’s in sole charge of my career. Sure, he’s the bridge between the studio and what needs to be done, but I’m not going to back down. I’m not going to forget Nina. I’m never going to forget her, as if it were that easy. “Is that a threat?”
“You already messed up on the set. You remember your little bust up when you went sightseeing late one night? You remember the delay in filming just because of that little detour that almost got you killed?”
“It did not almost get me killed.”
“I beg to differ. You were stupid and incredibly lucky.”
This man is pissing me off yet I somehow manage to hold my shit together and not explode. I could fire him. But then I’d have another asshole to deal with, and I’d rather not deal with the studio heads by myself. They piss me off more than Rudy does.
“This … waitress,” he says, wiping his fat little hand over his jaw. “Even if she’s the boxer’s sister, she’s still a waitress. That’s not the story your fans want, not if you want this film to break records. Women need the romance. How many chicks do you think are going to sit through a boxing film?”
I can feel my nostrils flaring. “She’s not just a waitress.” Not to me.
Rudy waves his hand dismissively. “I’ve known you long enough, Callum. I know you have a hard time staying away from women, but I’m telling you now, for the next few months get your shit together and act like Alyssa Watts is the center of your entire fucking world.”
“I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”
His brow furrows as if he thinks I’ve suddenly gone insane. “You will do that. If you care about your career in this town, you will. You’ll forget about the waitress the moment you leave this place.”
Dottie looks at me, her expression one of worry. “You have a meeting at the studio,” she tells Rudy. He turns to leave, but not before pointing a finger at me.
“I mean it, Callum. Don’t fuck this up. Keep those headlines out of the papers. Take Alyssa to dinner.”
“Kind of hard, given that she’s in LA.”
“Distance isn’t a problem, your current sex life is. Think of this as damage limitation. Be seen doing something romantic with Alyssa, otherwise the studio will be forced to step in.”
He slams the door behind him.
“What are you going to do?” Dottie asks. She knows me. Gets me. Understands that Nina is so much more to me than all the other women I’ve met.
I point to the door Rudy left through. “I’m not going to do that.” I’m not worried about what my fans will think, or the studio.
Screw them.
I’m worried about what Nina will think. She won’t want her love life plastered all over the papers. She won’t want her name or her photo out there. She’s a private person, and she deserves her anonymity. I haven’t worked it all out yet, how things would be, how she would handle it, if we get together. I’m sure we’ll find a way.
I need to see her and warn her about the papers. She’ll be embarrassed about these rumors. She’ll hate them.
Worse, she might even hate me.
Chapter Forty-Nine
NINA
* * *
Light. That’s how I felt as I was opening up to Harper, but then Elias walked in and my heart sank.
I’ve called him a few times, but he’s not picked up. I don’t usually call him because we see one another either at the diner or at his place. But he’s not returning my calls. Harper says his head’s not in the right place, that he’s been at the gym, training all day, and that I needn’t worry. ‘Give him time to work through it,’ she said. She’s worried, I can tell from her voice.
She asks me how I am, but of course I’m worried. Not for myself, but for Elias. He leaves for New York soon, and even though Harper wasn’t going to go until the day of the fight, she’s now going with Elias because she’s so worried about him.
When she asks me if I’m going to come, I can sense the pleading in her voice. I’ve always told her I can’t go. I won’t go. I struggle to watch Elias fight, and I don’t know how she does it, but maybe that’s what being in love is about—making yourself do the things you don’t want to do for the sake of the person you love. Being there on the night, by the ringside, I won’t be able to look away. Yet I sense she needs me there, if only for her sake. Of course I have a duty to be there for Elias, now more so than ever.
Callum turns up on my doorstep, holding something in his hand. He looks worried.
“Did you see this?” He holds up a newspaper.
“Yes.” I look away as I let him in. It was all that Joni and the other waitresses talked about the day that story broke. I close the door and walk into my living room. I know about the gossip in the papers. I know that Callum has been called many things. I know about Alyssa, and I nearly spat out my coffee when Frankie showed me a paragraph with my name in it.
She clenched her teeth before snorting with derision. “One night stand. You’re not worried?” She sounded surprised. Any other day, I would have been. I’d have been a mess. I hate my business being out there for anyone to read. But I have other things which concern me at the moment, and these gossipy journalists with their click-baity headlines are the least of my worries.
This story isn’t the one that’s kept me awake at night. It’s odd how something unexpected can blindside you to the point that the things which would have ordinarily made me hyperventilate don’t even make me blink.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want this to come out, but those goddamn paparazzi, they’re everywhere, like vampire dust mites.” He sounds worried. “I should have been more careful. I should have—” He stops, and stares at me, when he realizes I’m quiet. He takes my hands, then turns them palm side up, running his fingers lightly over my wrists. He’s checking. “What is it?” he asks, seeing that I haven’t inflicted any new damage to myself.
How do I tell him without giving up my story? “Elias isn’t in a good place.”
“He’s got a big fight ahead of him,” says Callum, scratching his jaw. I feel like he’s got something to tell me. “I’d be worried sick if I was stepping into a ring for real, but your brother’s going to be fine. Elias is a killer in the ring. He’s trained for this. Perfectly natural for him to have nerves.”
I’m not so sure. “He’s not himself. Harper’s worried.”
“About what?”
About my secret. Something I never wanted Elias to know. Words which should never have reached his ears because he’s not going to be able to unhear them. I’m worried about my brother who is about to step into the ring with “The Tank”. That guy is even hungrier for a win, to prove that he is the true champ. I’m scared that Elias won’t be at his best, and it’s all my fault. I really need to see him before he goes, but I can’t barge in on him at the gym or at his house. These days leading up to the fight are crucial, so I take my lead from Harper and stay away.
“Harper’s worried about what, Nina?” Callum’s hands slip to my shoulders and grounds me. The weight of them calm me down, and
I don’t even understand why, or how.
“About the fight.” I can’t stop thinking about Elias’s reaction to my news. It was the look on his face, the fire in his eyes, the rage inside him. I can’t get that vision out of my head. “He’s nervous, I guess.” I carefully sidestep what I know to be the real reason for Elias’s mood.
“Should we arrange to meet him?” Callum suggests. “Do dinner, or drinks, or just see him before he leaves?”
I shake my head. “It’s too close to the fight. He’s irritable and moody.” I look at Callum. “I’m going to go to the fight. Come with me.”
“To the fight?” He seems caught off guard by my suggestion.
“I need to be there for him, and I would love you to be there for me. I struggle to watch him fight and I don’t think I can do it alone.”
“Sure. Yes. I’ll be there for you.”
“Will this get you in trouble? We can sit apart. You can go in disguise.”
“Don’t you worry about that.”
But I do. I can’t help worrying about him or Elias. There is the whole media circus going on around him and his co-star, and his douchebag manager guy seems to give him a hard time. I don’t want to get him in trouble either, but I need him. “We can go for the night, watch the fight and come back the next day.”
His hands pull me towards him, and I press against his chest. Suddenly, he has become my safe haven, the place I go to when in times of trouble. He holds me, his arms firm and possessive over my back. “We’ll go. Can you get tickets?”
Of course I can get tickets. I’m Elias’s sister.
Chapter Fifty
CALLUM
* * *
“But Rudy said you can’t see her!” Dottie scurries around the room as I pack my bag.
“I’m a grown man. I can see who I want. I can do what I want. I won’t be dictated to by some big ass studio head.”