“Do you mind if I ask how old are you?” I asked.
“I’m twenty-seven. I just look young. People are always telling me that,” Kim said.
I finally allowed Ben to be gently pried from my arms and handed over to Kim. As Mickey dragged me out of the nursery, I looked back and saw Ben grinning up at his new best friend and trying to grab onto the end of her long, sleek ponytail. I was completely unprepared for the shock of jealousy I felt. My son. In another woman’s arms. Smiling at her.
Maybe I should start being nicer to Aidan, I thought. I might be able to live without him, but I didn’t think I could handle his introducing a stepmother into Ben’s life.
Mickey and I retraced our steps back to the main lobby and then veered off to the left, through the open door to the women’s locker room.
Just inside, a naked woman stood at the mirrored vanity counter, blow-drying her hair. It always unnerves me how comfortable some people are with their own nudity. Even if I had a body like a supermodel, I don’t think I would ever be comfortable standing stark naked in a room full of judgmental women.
“Did you see her pubic hair?” Mickey murmured in my ear.
“No, I didn’t look down! Why?”
“She didn’t have any! I think she waxed it all off.”
We dissolved into immature giggles. I was glad to see Mickey smiling. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet ever since she’d gotten home. She was sleeping on Paige’s couch—like the rest of us, she didn’t want to deal with Mom and Dad’s rekindled romance—and Paige said that all Mickey had been doing since her arrival was lying around, watching an I Love the 80s marathon on VH-1.
“Why didn’t Nick come home with you? I thought you two were going to spend a few days here and then go camping,” I said as we stuffed our bags into a locker.
“We broke up.”
“What? When? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t feel like getting into it,” Mickey said.
“What happened?”
Mickey shrugged. “Nothing dramatic. We’ve been growing apart for a while, and we’re graduating in a few months. It was just time to move on.”
“No, you’re going to have to give me more details than that. Are you seeing someone else? Is he? Who broke up with who?”
We walked into the large room that housed the aerobic and weight machines, and each climbed on a treadmill. After first making sure that I had a good view of the front door, so I could see if anyone was trying to smuggle Ben out of the gym, I set the speed to a brisk walk. Mickey put hers on a slow jog.
“It was mutual. I think I brought it up, but he agreed with me. It wasn’t one of those awful breakups that go on for hours. Instead it was really very civilized. And no, I’m not seeing anyone else. He wasn’t while we were together, but I heard that he’s started dating someone.”
“Already?”
“It’s not a big deal. Actually, if he’s happy, I’m happy for him.”
“How can you be so magnanimous? You guys were together for years, since like the first week you got to college,” I said.
“Halloween our freshman year. We met at a costume party.”
“It’s freaking me out that you’re so calm about this. It’s like you’re channeling Paige. And that’s not a good thing,” I said.
“I was sad for a few days, but then I just mainly felt relieved. I love Nick, but I’m not in love with him anymore. And everyone seemed to think that we were going to get married, which is just insane. I’m way too young for that,” Mickey said.
This stung. Aidan and I got engaged the weekend we graduated from college, and were married a year later. We were the first of our friends to take the plunge, and the buildup to the wedding had been so exciting. I’d had four bridal showers, an engagement party, and four hundred people attended the wedding and reception at the country club. At the time, I’d felt like the fairy princess—even wearing the stupid, big puffy white dress—and now, looking back, it all seemed so ridiculous. I’d been playacting the part of Princess Di in the fairy-tale wedding, and look how it turned out for her. Besides, I was one of those people who thought that Mickey and Nick were on the cusp of announcing their engagement.
Although maybe she was right—maybe twenty-two was far too young of an age at which to select your life partner. I’d been so sure that Aidan and I were soul mates back then, and look at us now, barely able to hold a civil discussion over dinner.
“What do you think is going to happen with Mom and Dad?” Mickey asked. She turned the dial up on her treadmill and started to seriously run—arms pumping, legs churning. It didn’t seem to affect her ability to carry on a normal conversation.
“I don’t know. I don’t know why they think they can make a relationship work now, when they were so miserable at it when they were married. And it’s hard to believe that after all of the years of hostility, they can just forget it all and move on as though it never happened,” I said, the words coming out in short puffs of air as I walked.
“Paige said that she went over to Mom’s last weekend, early in the morning, and Dad was there. She thought he had slept over,” Mickey said.
“I so did not need to know that. Ew.”
“Tell me about it.”
“They’re spending too much time together. They’ll get sick of one another, or one of them will say something to piss off the other one, or they’ll start trotting out their old fights. Really, I can’t believe—” I began, but then I broke off.
Dr. Prasad—my Dr. Prasad—was on the other side of the gym, doing bicep curls with a set of hand weights. My stomach clenched and my heart started to race, the same combination of queasy excitement that would hit me when I was in high school and would see the lacrosse player I had a crush on in the cafeteria.
Should I go talk to him? Looking like this, with my hair up in a knotted ponytail and absolutely no makeup on, and wearing an old T-shirt of Aidan’s over a pair of ratty nylon shorts? But if I didn’t talk to him now, then when would I have the opportunity again? And would he even remember me? If I walked all the way over there and initiated a conversation with him, and then had to remind him who I was, I would die of mortification.
“What?”
“Huh?”
“You were in the middle of saying something, and you just stopped talking,” Mickey said.
“I can’t remember.”
“You said that you can’t believe something about Mom and Dad,” Mickey reminded me, sounding exasperated.
“Oh. I don’t know what I was going to say. Do you see that guy over there? The Indian man in the black running shorts and gray T-shirt?”
“Where? Over there by the machines? Wow, he’s hot! Do you know him?” Mickey asked, perking up.
“He’s Ben’s pediatrician. I just met him for the first time the other day. Do you think he’s cute?”
“I wouldn’t say cute, no. Puppies are cute, Ben is cute. That man is hot, sexy, and drop-dead gorgeous. Is he single?”
“I think so.”
“Want to introduce me?”
I looked at my little sister, who had at some point over the past few years blossomed into a long-legged, lithe beauty. Next to her, I looked like even more of a cow than usual. In fact, I was a cow, I was Ben’s cow. Moo.
“No,” I said firmly.
“Oh no. Don’t tell me you have the hots for him,” Mickey said much louder than necessary.
“Shhh!”
“You do! You do! How can you have a crush on your son’s doctor? I don’t think that’s even ethical,” Mickey screeched.
“Mick, so help me God, if you don’t lower your voice, I’m going to flatten you. There is nothing unethical going on. I’m not sleeping with him, he’s just Ben’s doctor, and yes, I suppose he’s attractive. I can’t exactly discriminate against him because he’s good looking. Should I only take Ben to ugly doctors?”
“Yes. You should,” Mickey said severely.
“Not everyone. You. Because you’re happily married, and yet you keep getting crushes on every cute guy you meet.”
“Name one!”
“Zack. That cute doctor. The guy who prepared your taxes,” she began listing.
“I did not have a crush on our accountant. He’s a complete dork.”
“Aha, but you do have crushes on Zack and the doctor! Gotcha!”
I turned off the treadmill and tripped as it came to an abrupt stop. I climbed off of it and snapped my towel back over my shoulder.
“Where are you going?”
“Away from you,” I said huffily.
“Don’t be that way,” Mickey called after me.
I walked over to the drinking fountain and took a long sip of cold water while I planned my next move. I could either head back to the locker room, raid my makeup bag, and repair my face as best I could with the lip balm and concealer I kept stashed there. Or I could forget the makeup, figuring that exercise was supposed to make me look healthy and flushed. No, that was crazy, I’d better freshen up. When you’re twenty years old, a scrubbed face and ponytail says Sassy Nature Girl. When you’re thirty, it just says I’m depressed and have given up on life.
I stood up and turned around, using my forearm to wipe the excess water off my upper lip, and bumped right into Dr. Prasad. I froze, arm still lifted to my lips, mortified to realize that not only had I been caught in an indelicate position, but—even worse—I’d forgotten to put on deodorant before leaving the house. I now stank.
Dr. Prasad smiled at me politely as though he recognized me, but couldn’t place me.
Unlike me, he looked great in his workout clothes. The charcoal gray V-neck T-shirt showed off his muscular shoulders and the elegant line of his neck.
“Hi,” I said, lowering my arm slowly so as not to bring quick attention to either my face-wiping or my body odor.
“Sorry, have we met?” he asked.
“Um, yes. My son—I have a baby—he’s a patient of yours. Well, not exactly yours, he’s actually a patient of Dr. Madden’s, but you saw him last week for his well-child visit. But I was thinking of changing from Dr. Madden to you, because I really liked you,” I said, while thinking, Good God, Sophie, you’re babbling. Shut the fuck up.
“Of course. I remember. How is your son?”
“He’s fine. He’s here, in the nursery. It’s the first time I’ve left him. Well, not left him alone. I mean there’s someone in the nursery watching him, of course. Do you think that’s okay? I’m worried that he’s going to pick something up in there,” I said.
There seemed to be no stopping my mouth from blurting out every thought as soon as it popped into my head. Give it long enough, and I’d be telling him that I fell asleep every night fantasizing about making out with him.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine. Children do pass things on to other children, but unless you keep your son in a bubble, he’ll be exposed to germs,” Dr. Prasad said, in his incredibly sexy English accent.
“Yeah, I guess,” I said. “So, do you come here a lot?”
“I try to work out a few times a week. Sometimes when work gets hectic, I can’t. And you?”
“I just joined, this is my first time,” I said. I was smiling so wide and hard, my cheeks felt stretched out. I wondered if it made me look crazy.
“Well, it was nice seeing you again,” Dr. Prasad said.
I could see that he was about to edge away, so I tried desperately to think of something to keep the conversation going.
“Juice?” I asked.
“Pardon?”
“Um. There’s a juice bar over there,” I said, pointing weakly. “I was wondering if you were, um . . . thirsty.”
“As much as I would love to, I’m afraid I have to get back to work. I’m the junior doctor, so I’ve been delegated to cover the hospital rounds this weekend. Perhaps another time?” he asked.
“Oh. Sure. Yeah. Whatever,” I said, continuing to smile widely while I died inside.
For some unearthly reason, I had basically just asked the man out on a date (sure, it was just a trip to the juice bar, but come on, my motives must have been transparent). And he had shot me down. What was I doing? First of all, I was married, although I comforted myself with the knowledge that no one could possibly consider having a juice at the health club with your baby’s pediatrician to be an infidelity. Second, I had a baby who was his patient. Third, my body was still jiggling with so much postpartum fat that when I sat down, my belly rested on my thighs. Fourth, I was losing my looks. Obviously. And fifth . . . what else did I have going for me? I didn’t have a career or anything that would make me remotely interesting. I was just another woman on the wrong side of thirty, with a tired face and an expanding body, and nothing to talk about other than the merits of the latest Baby Einstein video.
“Are you going to be here next Saturday? I usually get here around noon, after the morning rounds, and then work out for an hour. We could catch up with one another then,” he said.
The clouds parted, the sun beamed down on me, and Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” began to play on the soundtrack of my mind. No, wait, “Like a Virgin” was actually playing on the club’s sound system.
“Yeah, I’ll probably be here. I’ll look out for you,” I said giddily.
I sashayed away, in what I hoped was a flirtatious, sexy way . . . until I caught sight of myself in the mirror and saw the pasty paleness of my skin and that my hair was frizzing up from my head. Not a pretty picture. Ugh.
“So how’s the doctor?” Mickey said, suddenly appearing beside me, radiating with disapproval.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You know why.”
“No, I don’t. I didn’t know it was a crime to talk to your child’s pediatrician,” I retorted.
“You weren’t just talking, you were flirting.”
“I was not.”
“What do you call this?” Mickey flipped her hair back over her shoulder and bared her teeth in a sharklike smile. “Ooo, Doctor, can you examine me?” she purred, cocking her hip and resting a hand on it.
“Stop it,” I hissed. “What if he hears you?”
“He’s not here. I just saw him leave,” she said.
“Thank God. And I didn’t do that. We were talking about medical stuff—whether it was safe to leave Ben in the nursery. I’m worried that he’s going to catch tuberculosis from all of the germs floating around down there.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Just forget it. Let’s just finish working out,” I said.
“Okay. But promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” Mickey said.
“Mick, you’re completely overreacting.”
“Just promise.”
“Fine. I promise I won’t do anything stupid,” I said.
Just to be contrary, I crossed my fingers behind my back as I said it.
Chapter Twenty-three
“Can you talk?” Paige asked when I answered the phone.
I considered this. I was lying in the bathtub, soaking in the hottest water I could stand, and surrounded by mounds of verbena-scented bubbles. It was the first moment of peace I’d had all day. Ben’s first tooth was coming in—months ahead of schedule—and he’d been a grouch. He wasn’t coordinated enough to hold a teething ring, so all I could do was dope him with baby medicine and rub his sore gums, and even that didn’t keep him from sobbing pitifully. When Aidan got home from work, he gave me a kiss and took over the baby duty, and I’d escaped to the bathtub with a glass of cold chardonnay.
“Mickey said you’re having a fling with Ben’s doctor,” Paige said.
“That’s a vicious lie!” I exclaimed. “I ran into him at the gym, and said hello,
and she completely overreacted.”
“Don’t forget, Mick’s sensitive when it comes to that sort of thing. First Mom and Dad divorced, and then Scott and I broke up,” Paige said.
“Well, Aidan has been annoying the crap out of me lately, but it’s nothing serious. All couples go through this after they have babies,” I said, feeling like an authority on the subject after my talk with Cora. And, of course, omitting the part where I’d been engaging in my favorite fantasy of Dr. Prasad kissing me on the neck with his fabulous, full lips right when Paige called.
“Okay, good. But anyway, that’s not the reason I called.”
“What’s up?”
“It’s Zack. He’s getting a little . . . weird on me, and I need a second opinion,” she said.
“How is he being weird?”
“I don’t know exactly. Everything’s been fine. Better than fine, it’s been wonderful. But lately, he’s just been so . . . I don’t know. I can’t explain. It’s nothing that he’s done, really, I’m just getting the feeling that he’s getting serious,” Paige said.
“That’s normal. It’s been, what, five months? And you’re not seeing anyone else,” I said.
“I think he wants to move in together,” Paige said.
“Why do you think that?”
“Because he suggested it over breakfast this morning.”
“Would that be a problem? Isn’t he always staying over at your place anyway? It seems like he’s there whenever I call,” I said.
“It’s more complicated than that. Where would we live? Sure, he could stay here, but he’s building that house out by Lake Travis. Would he want me to give up my apartment and move in with him? I love my apartment,” Paige said.
“How do you feel about Zack?”
“I . . . love him.”
“More or less than the apartment?”
“Ha-ha. I just don’t know if I’m ready to take that kind of step right now. Things are going so well, why not just leave it the way it is?”
“Because that’s what people do. They take the next step. Get married, have kids, lose all interest in one another, bicker, grow apart, and then retire to Boca. It’s the normal progression of things.”
She, Myself & I Page 16