It was a new beginning between them. They’d agreed to let go of all the hurt feelings of losing a baby. They’d even agreed to not getting pregnant again. They were working hard in their careers and would concentrate on their marriage.
Then she’d gotten pregnant again, without Tucker’s knowledge.
Hope clutched the edge of the sheet as she remembered how excited and scared she’d been.
After going over her choices, she’d decided not tell Tucker—not just yet. Keeping it hidden from him hadn’t been easy, but the pain of seeing him hurt again would have been too much to endure.
Three months had passed. She was almost past the first trimester, and it was time to have an ultrasound. She was hopeful that the pregnancy would be viable—they could have a child together. All of their wishes and dreams would come true.
The night before her doctor’s visit, she wanted to tell him. They’d gone to dinner together, they’d laughed and times were good again. The ocean of distance had shrunk. She couldn’t wait to tell him about the baby but had plans to tell him the right way.
They came home late and she’d gone to the bathroom to slip into something sexy. She found that she was bleeding. And she’d been to this position enough to realize it was like all of the other times.
Telling him hadn’t been an option. She’d made an excuse that she was feeling tired and she’d gone to bed. Once he’d fallen asleep, she’d done the hardest thing she’d ever had to do in her life.
Packing a small suitcase, not caring what she’d grabbed, she’d tossed her life away—but she could have never gone back to the detachment, the anger and hurt again.
After a week, he’d stopped calling. The texts became less. Two months had passed and he no longer attempted to reach her.
Talking to him would have diminished her reserve. She’d have gone back, but she believed he deserved better.
Her body wouldn’t allow her to carry a child, and he wanted a family. He’d always talked of having a son by his side on the land. And a girl he could spoil rotten—a girl like his little niece Becca.
She reminded herself that love came with sacrifices. Sometimes one person had to take the higher road to give the gift of happiness.
Tucker seemed to be standing still as life passed him by. Her plan had failed. Here they were, back in each other’s arms again.
He shifted and his hand brushed against her side, but he still slept. She didn’t want this moment to ever end, but yet she knew it would.
She’d have to leave again. She knew that he wouldn’t fight for her to stay.
And she wouldn’t allow him to convince her.
They would never see each other again after her car was fixed.
Overwhelmed with the weight of what would come, she could no longer hold her tears. They slipped from her eyes and fell to his chest.
Sacrifice was never easy.
****
Tucker awoke and he felt something warm in the crook of his arm. He inhaled sharply. Hope. She was snuggled in the curve of his shoulder, her wild hair spread across the pillow and she was lightly snoring.
He smiled.
But it soon fizzled.
His heart grew heavy.
He carefully slipped his arm out from underneath her neck, quietly getting out of bed. He scanned the room, found his jeans and yanked them on while he examined the broken lamp lying in the middle of the floor. Picking up the shards of glass, he left the room—he needed to pull himself together, put the wall back into place.
Dumping the glass into the trash, he practically ripped his hand through his hair. He didn’t care that prickles warned him he’d torn out hair at the roots. The feeling matched the one in his chest. The old roots were being tugged.
Life wasn’t always fair. Life sucked at times. He wished he could tear into his chest and rip out the source of emotions for Hope.
There was no winning here. She would leave. He’d let her. They’d part and never see each other again, because there would be no reason to.
She’d probably marry the doc and live happily ever after in a palace fit for a rich man and his wife.
Tucker’s wife.
He’d never stopped thinking of Hope in this way.
Wasn’t it enough that she’d moved on?
It was time he took a huge step in the right direction, and that meant letting go.
Why didn’t his heart agree with his mind? They seemed to be battling over right and wrong.
What if he didn’t want to let go? What if he felt the sliver of chance that they could still be in each other’s life?
He’d never been a quitter.
In the kitchen, he prepared the coffeemaker, hit start and the machine gurgled. He needed caffeine. He had to rein in control over his heart, forget the history he shared with Hope.
He’d go back to Brooke Creek and watch the Brooke brothers and their wives fall in love more and more each day. Watch their family grow as Dillon and Peyton and Dante and April welcomed their children into their lives…and soon Deckland and Elsa. She’d announced recently that they were having a baby too.
Scrubbing the layer of beard on his chin, he sighed. Hell, he didn’t think he belonged at Brooke Creek any longer. He thought of the Brooke family as his friends and he didn’t begrudge anyone’s happiness, but seeing it every day could be compared to having his face smacked with reality—a reality where he’d lost his love, his ranch and his home. He had no one to blame but himself.
Dragging a chair from the table, he took a seat.
He hadn’t tried hard enough to get Hope back. Deep in his gut he’d known she still loved him, and he’d never stopped loving her.
Later, he’d abandoned his home, Havens Ranch. A cowboy never gave up his land. And for what? Misery loomed over him like a dark cloud.
The coffeemaker beeped and he got up to pour himself a cup. His phone rang from the table and he glanced at the caller ID. Hinshaw. He picked the phone up, cradled it in his palm and started to hit talk, but his finger paused over the button. His buddy Hinshaw had made Hope’s car a priority. When Tucker had asked for the favor, he’d been sure he needed Hope out of his life, pronto. Now, he couldn’t quite shake the uneasy feeling.
The phone stopped ringing and the notification light blinked. Hinshaw had left a message.
Sighing, he listened to Hinshaw’s brief voice mail.
Tucker hit the off button and dropped the phone into his front pocket. Just as he’d suspected, her car was done.
He took a deep breath. It hurt to even breathe.
Could he manage to prolong the inevitable for a few days?
“Was that about my car?”
He swiveled on his heel, not realizing Hope was up and standing in the doorway, watching him. She looked sexy with her hair tousled from their lovemaking and her face flushed. And damn! She wore his shirt—his favorite one. Poison boiled through his veins. He could easily forget they were divorced.
He had to stay focused.
She’d leave and he’d be okay.
He didn’t believe it for one second.
Hiding the truth wouldn’t work either. If she wanted to leave, he had to let her.
“Yes, your car is fixed and ready to hit the road. It probably doesn’t look the best, but you can get the body fixed when you’re back in the city.” Her cheeks flamed. Was she disappointed? Hell, he was probably imagining things—seeing what he hoped to see. He could feel a crack in his heart open wider.
“Great.” Her smile looked plastic.
He teetered on insanity. His mind spun like a tornado. And then before he even debated his words, they burst forward. “I have an opportunity for you.”
Her brows curved and she wrapped her arms around her waist, sending the hem of the shirt gliding higher on her thighs. “You do?”
“Do you still want the house?” His voice shook and he hoped she didn’t catch it. Anticipation filled the narrow cave of his chest.
She blinked. “Uh…yes,
of course. Are you agreeing to give it to me?”
“Not quite. At least not yet.” He stepped across the short distance but didn’t touch her. If he did, she’d be in his arms and he’d be stripping his shirt from her beautiful body.
She nibbled her bottom lip and her gaze twinkled. “Okay, then what?”
“How about a cup of coffee and then we’ll talk?” He was stalling, but he needed a good minute or two to prepare his prospect, to make the offer sweeter.
“I could use a cup.” She went to the table and sat in his chair.
He made them each a cup, his black and hers with milk and sugar. He handed it to her and she offered him a cautious smile.
Once he was seated, half of his coffee gone, he realized she was watching him in anticipation. “I realize how much you loved the house at Havens. It must have meant a lot for you to come here, to ask for it.”
“That’s right.” She rolled her short fingernail along the rim of her cup. Her nails were a perfect shade of pink, making him wonder if she’d polished them or it was natural. She tightened her fingers around the cup, her knuckles turning white under her skin. He liked her hands, especially on his body…
He shook his head, dragging his thoughts back to the table. Just get this over with, pal.
“I’m willing to hand over the deed to the house on one condition.”
Her mouth thinned. “A condition?” Her voice quivered.
“If you agree to move into the house with me, and we live there together.”
She jerked and the coffee splashed over the rim of the cup and onto the table. “I-I…did I hear correctly?”
“Yes.” He scrubbed his jaw.
“Explain what you mean.” Her face turned pale.
“We give us another opportunity. After a period of time, if you still want to part ways, I’ll sign over the house. Free and clear.”
Time seemed to tick by at the speed of a sloth. Several expressions flitted across her face. “This would never work, Tucker.”
“Why not? If it doesn’t, what do you have to lose? Only to gain. Right?” He realized how ludicrous his plan seemed.
Her hands dropped to the table, palms flat. “This is crazy. We’re divorced. People divorce for a reason and it’s impossible to get back together.”
“How would you know?”
She shrugged, her shoulders deflated. “I guess I don’t, but it seems like a chemical warfare—we’d drive each other crazy.”
“Possible. But I remember that you and I married for that simple reason. We fought like cats and dogs, but we couldn’t live apart.”
She sighed. “I could never agree to this”
“Because of Blaise?” he asked, tightening his hands into fists.
“Because it took me a long time to recover the last time I left. I don’t want to prolong the unavoidable.”
“But what if you don’t leave? What if you decided to stay?”
“That’d never happen, Tucker. It’s a lost dream.” She threaded her fingers through her hair. It didn’t work.
“We deserve the chance to end things the right way. And if you’re so sure you will walk away, wouldn’t this be a winning situation for you?”
She opened her mouth as if to say something, but then closed it.
“Look, I don’t want to force your hand, but this is the deal. If you want the house then you need to prove to me that we are over.”
“Why, Tucker? What would this really prove?” Her soft voice sent chills racing down his spine.
He shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s worth anything. But I do understand that you’re right, someone does need to live in that house and I know I can’t live there alone. I tried and I was haunted by the ghosts of the past. If after the time is up and you’re still sure that we’re better apart, it won’t be you walking away this time, it’ll be me.”
He saw her throat move as if she had a hard time swallowing. “Let’s just say I consider this foolish scenario, just for theory’s sake, what exactly do you mean by living as a ‘couple’? And how long?”
Damn, he had no clue. Too short and she’d want him to leave sooner than he wanted. Too long and he could be drawing the pain out.
He wasn’t even sure what he expected from this idea, but it had seemed to come out of his mouth on its own accord—tumbling like an armload of bricks at their feet.
“A month,” he blurted. “Thirty days.”
“And during this time we’re supposed to act like husband and wife? That’s impossible.” Her bottom lip quivered.
“Well, I’m sure the rules aren’t set into place.”
“What will people think?” She shook her head.
“Who cares what people think? Aren’t you old enough to not worry about—”
“My father?” Her gaze met his, narrowed and full of doubt.
“Yes, your father particularly. I know he never liked me and I’m sure he even hates me more now, but I don’t give a shit, Hope. He might be down on his knees praying that you get back together with the hoity-toity doctor because he thinks a rancher isn’t good enough for you.” Anger sliced through his gut. Her father, JR, had always been against Hope’s relationship with Tucker. JR had filled Hope’s head with how rough life would be if she married Tucker. When that didn’t pan out and she still decided to get engaged, JR then came to Tucker and offered him a large figure to walk away.
Tucker and Hope married the following month.
When Hope was in recovery after the second miscarriage, JR had approached Tucker when Hope was asleep and dropped guilt on him, stating that if Tucker really loved Hope he’d never ask her to get pregnant again.
Tucker did love Hope, more than anything. So, he told her they shouldn’t try any longer to start a family.
They’d made an agreement.
Hope thrummed her fingers on the table, drawing his attention.
“Okay, I shouldn’t let my father’s thoughts persuade my decision. But you know he was right when he said we would grow apart.”
“Was he the one who persuaded you to leave me?” The air snapped. He could hear the birds chirping through the window.
She shook her head, sending tendrils of hair around her flushed cheeks. “No, Tucker. I wouldn’t have allowed him to make that choice for me. It was mine to make and mine alone. Just as this is between us now.”
“Then what will it be, Hope? It’s in your court, again. Will you drop the ball? Will you give me a second chance—a second hope?”
He knew he couldn’t pressure her. She had to decide what she wanted. In the end, she’d probably still want him to leave—he was pretty sure, but he had to give this a shot. He needed closure and this could be the only way he’d ever get it. And if anything, maybe it’d keep her away from the doc for a while longer and she’d see that he wasn’t the man for her.
She deserved to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.
“I need some time to think. I don’t have to give you my answer right now, do I?”
He shook his head. “I can wait. If you want to go get dressed, I’ll run you to get your car. And then you’ll have to decide.” He swallowed against the ache in his throat. The odds were against him, but it wouldn’t be the first time.
***
Hope stared out of the window of Tucker’s truck. She was in an internal tug of war—again.
Why didn’t she just tell Tucker that it wouldn’t work. She was leaving.
It would have been easier than dealing with the hell racing through her brain now.
Fact was, she couldn’t tell him no while sitting across from him. Her mind had flashed warnings, encouraging her to stand strong while her heart bled with the opportunity to be near Tucker longer.
It was possible he wanted this chance so that he could walk away, like she’d done. Everyone liked having the upper hand.
And what if she didn’t want him to leave at the end of the month?
Laying her head against the cool glass, she closed her eye
s. No, staying couldn’t happen. Nothing had changed since their marriage. She’d have another miscarriage. The odds were against her.
She’d hurt him again—hurt herself.
And he had no clue of the last miscarriage. He’d be angry that she’d kept the secret from him.
It was best he never knew about the baby, but being close to him, it’d be hard not to be honest about the past. He’d demand answers, she realized he wanted them.
How could she hurt him again…two years down the road? She’d had her grieving time, but he hadn’t been given that chance.
Opening her eyes, her vision blurred and she blinked back tears. She couldn’t cry. She couldn’t be vulnerable. Just because they’d made love, and it had been so right, didn’t mean that it could pave a bright future.
By the time they drove into the small two-store town, she knew what she had to do. She’d have to tell him she was leaving. If she didn’t leave she’d be giving up so much more of herself.
They pulled into the gravel lot and Tucker slid the gear into park. He started to open the door but she placed a hand on his arm, pausing him. “Wait. I have something to say.”
He took his hand away from the handle and turned in the seat to look at her. His expression was blank. She guessed he already knew her answer. “What is it?”
“I’ve made my decision,” she said.
He nodded. “Then what is it?”
“I can’t stay with you, Tucker.” Her tongue swelled. Her heart reflected the same feeling. “It can’t work. It won’t work. We’d only be torturing each other. What we shared last night was…well…magical, but now reality is at our door and we have to walk out into the real world. We are over, have been for a long time.” With each word that passed her lips, her heart ripped open, deeper and wider gashes.
She expected his question of why but instead he nodded and slipped out from behind the wheel.
Her heart clenched. Sickness rolled around her stomach.
Tears filled her eyes and she pushed them back. She couldn’t allow emotion to get the best of her.
Second Hope Cowboy Page 7