by Lynn VanDorn
Tyler eyed her. “In what way? That is way too unspecific a question for me to answer.”
Sydney tapped her foot. “That man out there. The one who is crazy about you in a way so painfully obvious as to be embarrassing. The one who is apparently a fucking doctor from fucking Illinois and is a fucking friend of your fucking family. And if you aren't fucking him, I will eat every stitch of clothing I brought.”
“And your point is?” Tyler felt like tapping his own foot back at her. “Last time I checked, I hired you to make sure I looked good, not to be my moral compass.”
“Look, when Purvi told me that you'd found some sort of boyfriend for hire, I was pretty dubious, but I figured it was harmless enough, and I could see the logic behind it. But Ty, my dearest darling idiot, that man is not faking anything.”
“All he's done all day is give me shit,” Tyler said. “You heard him. He just said I looked like an elfin prostitute.”
She rolled her eyes. “He's been flirting with you and you've been flirting right back. But really, even if he'd never opened his mouth, the way he looks at you is enough. He's been eye-fucking you all morning. So, what's the plan? String him along and then break his heart?”
Tyler shrugged. “I'm supposed to be joined at the hip with him until my career either stabilizes or tanks, so who knows how long that will take. And I swear I had zero intentions of having Josh fall for me or whatever. He knew from the outset what this was. I needed him to be less jumpy around me, and then we figured sex was fine as long as it was no strings attached fuck buddy shit. But it turns out he can't sleep without pretending I'm his stuffed animal and he's got this astounding body and I actually like talking with him and I'm pretty sure I'm just a rebound fling anyway, so you could make a case that fucking me is almost therapy for him.”
Sydney gave him a skeptical look. “It's worse than I thought. You like him, don't you?”
Tyler sat on the bed with a huff. “Maybe.”
“Uh huh.”
Tyler folded his arms across his chest. “Okay, yes, I like him. He's impossible not to like. He's just so…”
“Hmm? He's a looker, that's for sure.”
“He’s… nice, and a good person. Even when I piss him off, he just closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and is all reasonable at me.”
“That monster!” Sydney exclaimed. “How dare he?”
“Shut up. I know it's only a matter of time before he snaps. That, and he’s devious. He talked me into getting naked for him. In the light.”
Sydney blinked. “No way. I dress you and I've never seen you naked. It's one of your things. I know what you're trying to hide and couldn't care less about your junk, and you still make me turn my back when you take your clothes off. And you let that man out there, your supposedly fake boyfriend, see you naked. Were you replaced by a pod person?”
“I've known Josh for over twenty years. There was also a precedent for seeing me naked. Apparently, I used to run around with no pants when I was six.”
Sydney looked appalled. “That’s disgusting.”
Tyler couldn't help but smile. “I'm guessing you don't have any younger brothers.”
“No, thank God. And all that aside, I still can't get over that you let him see you naked. Willingly. As an adult. I'm not sure whether to be proud or disturbed.”
“Feel free to experience both. God knows I am. You wanna know what he said afterward?”
“Did he say ‘ow’ because you'd just disemboweled him?”
Tyler let out a pained laugh. “Oh, no. It's way worse. I let him look his fill at all my… you know… and first he said that he was sorry, and then later he said I was beautiful. How am I supposed to cope with that shit?”
“Oh, hon.” Sydney ruffled his fairy crack whore hair. “You do realize that this is a doomed relationship, right?”
Tyler flopped backward, lying on top of his clothes. “It's not a relationship. It's all fake. Josh agreed to pretend to be my devoted boyfriend who is noble and steadfast enough to overlook the public embarrassment of having a sex tape from my adolescence be seen worldwide. Any feelings on his part are totally incidental and not my fault.”
Sydney sat down on the side of the bed and patted Tyler's leg. “What about your feelings?”
Tyler waved a hand in the air. “Immaterial,” he said.
“You’re doomed,” she repeated.
“I know, trust me. When all this blows up in my face, you and my mom can throw an ‘I told you so’ pity party while I drown my sorrows in Chunky Monkey ice cream. I'm going to get so fat.”
“Don't eat so much that your ass won't fit into those new Valentino trousers we just got.”
Tyler made a face at her and Sydney gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Okay, now that we've established that you're an emotional dumbass bent on a collision course with heartbreak, let me show you your present from Purvi.”
It was a t-shirt and it was perfect. “I want to wear this tonight,” he said.
Sydney looked dubious. “Are you sure?”
“Oh, yeah. Dress it up however you like. I am your willing Ken doll, but I am wearing that shirt. Purvi deserves a raise.”
Sydney sniffed. “You wish you were Ken. You’re more like Skipper.” She started pawing through the clothes on the bed, selecting a few items and tossing others aside. “Let's try and make you not look like an elfin prostitute. I think I can manage that much, at least.”
When Tyler and Sydney left the bedroom, they found Tom and Josh looking furious and grim, respectively.
“Um… I think I'm going back to my room, okay? I'll come back when Sam gets here to cut your hair.” Sydney beat a strategic retreat.
“What happened?” Tyler asked. “What the fuck now?”
Tom flipped his laptop around and there was a picture of Tyler’s stitches. “Someone in the airport snapped this. Care to elaborate how this happened? I don't appreciate being blindsided.”
“It was an accident,” Tyler said. “I…”
Tom started reading. “‘Tyler Chadwick has been seen with a serious wound that we can't help but speculate on. No word from his camp on where it came from, and it's in an interesting location, especially when one notes the scars on his wrists, according to one source. Is Tyler feeling the pressure from a certain sex tape that surfaced recently? Our source hints at something else, that Tyler has a history of cutting himself, to the point where he has had to get stitches more than once. As our source pointed out, it's convenient for Tyler that his brother is a surgeon. For right now, all we can do is speculate on the origin of Tyler’s wound.’”
“Fuck,” Tyler said.
“Yeah, that about covers it.” Tom closed the laptop. “Now we just have to figure out how to spin this. I wish you'd said something earlier. Instead of days to think up a strategy, I've got hours.”
“Is this going to be a big problem?” Josh asked.
“It's not ideal, that's for sure. I’m going to need some time to think. Tyler, are there any more skeletons in your closet I should know about?”
Tyler thought about being told a million times to shut his mouth and say nothing. It hadn't helped in the end, though. If the past few weeks had taught him anything, it was that secrets wouldn't stay buried forever. Might as well come clean. “I got caught giving my high school guidance counselor oral sex when I was sixteen and then I tried to commit suicide.” He held up his wrists. “Poorly. That's it, I swear.”
Tom massaged his temples. “‘That’s it’, he says,” he muttered. “What about this allegation that you cut yourself? Is there anything to that?”
Tyler froze, then nodded stiffly. There was no point in continuing to deny it.
“Okay, fine. Actually, no, it's not fine. Not even a little. I'm going to my room to figure this out. I'll have something for you before the EW interview.” Tom left, closing the door behind him carefully, which was somehow worse than if he'd slammed it.
Tyler felt Josh take his hand and squeeze it. He sq
ueezed back.
“Are you okay?” Josh asked.
“No. ‘I am pretty fuckin’ far from okay.’”
“That's Pulp Fiction, right?”
“Got it in one. ‘Check out the big brain on Brad.’”
“Come here, Tyler.”
Josh tugged on his hand and dragged him into his lap, drawing Tyler’s head to his chest and resting his chin on the crown of Tyler’s head. Tyler both hated it and loved it. He hated, in fact, how much he loved it, so he snuggled into Josh and frowned while he did it, up until the girl Sydney had called came to cut his hair.
“It'll be okay, I promise,” Josh whispered into his ear before he let Tyler stand up.
Tyler didn't respond but he tried, very hard, to believe him.
Chapter 23
Purvi Watches Late Night TV
Thursday, September 22nd, 12:47 a.m.
The TV room in Tyler’s very nice house
Burbank, CA
Purvi sat on Tyler’s couch with her latest project, as Tyler liked to call him, curled up with his head on her lap.
Purvi’s superpower, according to her employer, was the ability to find pretty boys and convince them, after weeks to months of dating her, that they were gay. Occasionally bi, but usually gay.
It was how Purvi and Tyler had met. She was dancing with friends at a club and there'd he'd been, all shiny and irresistible. She hadn't been able to stop herself from trying to get him to leave with her. He, in turn, had started laughing so hard that he'd begun throwing up, pausing in between retching to say, “You can't be serious,” then “Maybe if you had a dick,” then “Maybe not even then,” then “There is not enough tequila in this world,” and lastly “I shouldn't have had that last drink.”
Purvi had dragged him to the ladies’ room, cleaned him up, and gotten him home without once trying to molest him. They’d soon become thick as thieves, and eventually he'd hired her to be his PA. Since she'd been running his life prior to that, it made sense to put her on the payroll. Together they'd gone through hundreds of auditions, dozens of bad dates, several boyfriends, as many breakups, gallons of ice cream, and countless text messages.
Her latest project, or Kevin, as he preferred to be called, was proving to be remarkably resistant to homosexuality. They'd been together over six months, and so far, he appeared to be some sort of miracle: adorable, smart, employed, and virtually no interest in any dick except his own. Purvi would worry that she was losing her touch if she wasn't so happy.
Kevin, a teacher who had to be up early the next day, had fallen asleep on her at some point earlier in the evening. Purvi shook him awake when it was time for Tyler to be interviewed.
He yawned and sat up with his head on her shoulder.
“He does look like a hipster elf,” Purvi said. “All he needs is a pair of fake glasses and a beard.”
“That’s not a bad style on him. I like the buzzed sides with the length on top. I could do that with my hair. I could even grow a beard. What do you think?”
Right now, Kevin’s dark blonde hair was long and held back with one of Purvi’s ponytail holders. He had fine, somewhat sharp features, green eyes with a gold ring around the iris, and a dimple in each cheek when he smiled, which was often. Every time Purvi looked at him her heart stopped. Granted, he wasn't as pretty as Tyler, but then, who was?
“I like it long,” she said, tugging on it.
Seth started by asking Tyler about The Silver Arrow. Boring. “Come on,” she said to the TV. “Get to the good stuff.”
“Nice,” Kevin commented.
“Eh. If I wasn't at least a little horrible, Ty and I wouldn't be friends.”
“Did you watch the video?”
“Hells yeah,” Purvi said. “How could I not?” She prodded him. “How about you?”
“Of course I watched it.”
“And?”
Kevin shrugged. “I don't see the point of a threesome without at least one girl. I mean, Tyler’s pretty and all, but he's still a dude.”
“I love you,” Purvi said. “Now, shush. They’re going to talk about the video.”
On the TV, Tyler explained how he'd been on vacation with his boyfriend when the video had leaked, like the champion liar that he was.
Seth gave Tyler a half-grin. “I'm sure that was a fun conversation. How did he take the news?”
“He’s been great through this whole thing. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. He’s totally been my rock.”
“What’s it like becoming notorious overnight? It must be hard, but you seem to be handling it surprisingly well. How are you coping?”
Tyler flashed Seth and the audience his killer, panty-wetting smile. “Not losing my sense of humor has helped. Something I said online the other day kind of went viral. Check out what my best friend had made for me.”
Tyler stood up, his back to the audience, and unbuttoned his blazer. Seth cracked up over what he was wearing underneath. “Can I show the people at home?” Tyler asked, his voice all flirtatious purr.
Still laughing, Seth waved his hand in a “be my guest” gesture. The shirt, which was tight enough to be indecent, said “Threesomes Are Overrated” in a looping, cursive script.
“Oh my God, Kevin. I can't believe that marvelous bastard wore my t-shirt on national television.”
“I think it's kind of brilliant,” Kevin said. “It's like a big fuck you to everyone giving him crap about this.”
“That shirt is great. I think I want one,” Seth said.
“That can probably be arranged. I could've used something like this right after it happened.” He laughed. “Not that they would have let me wear it in school, though.”
“Yeah, this initially happened when you were in high school, right? Did it get out then? Were you bullied at all as a consequence?”
“Right after it happened my dad put me into a gay conversion therapy program for a few weeks. It was… awful. But by the time I got back to school the video was old news. I got crap from the same people who’d been giving me crap before it happened. It was worse for the other guys, though. Everyone in school already knew I was gay. No one knew about the football players. They had a much harder time than I did.”
Tyler paused, bit his lip, and projected what Purvi thought of his “earnest and adorable” look. It was like Anderson Cooper and Mr. Rogers had the world’s cutest blue-haired baby.
“Those guys are grown up and have lives that are being ruined because someone decided it would be fun to dig up ancient history and post it illegally online. People online have been hounding those guys. I just want to say that I'm sorry, and it makes me angry. This was obviously done to hurt me, and I can take it, but those guys don't deserve any of this.”
“You seem to have a good attitude about the situation.”
“I'll be honest, Seth, it's been hell. A lot of stress. I… had a rough adolescence. The whole poor little rich boy cliché with a disapproving father thrown on top. He was not happy about me being gay.”
Seth put on his serious face. “So, you didn't get much support at home?”
Tyler looked pained. “My mother did what she could, and my brothers have always accepted me, but my father was the opposite of supportive. I felt very powerless as a teen, especially when I was put in conversion therapy. I tried to commit suicide at sixteen. I cut myself, quite a lot, as a way of dealing with stress. I got help, but it's a struggle. It'll always be a struggle.” Tyler looked into the camera, brave face in place. “Because of what happened to me as a teenager, I'll always have scars.”
“Holy shit,” Purvi said. “Dude went there.”
“Shh,” said Kevin.
“Is that why you model for Hermes and not Calvin Klein?” Seth asked with a smirk.
Tyler smirked back. “I'm never going to model underwear. I'm not that kind of exhibitionist. That's why suits. Just not of the birthday variety.”
Seth laughed. “So, no nudity in future films? You know how popular showing yo
ur… um… assets is these days.”
Tyler pursed his lips. “I might consider it for the right role, but it's not something I feel comfortable with. I can act, and I would like to think I can do that without flashing my… assets.” He gave Seth a roguish look. “Besides, my face is up here.” With that, Tyler smiled and looked breathtaking.
“Wow,” Kevin said. “He is good at that.”
“I know,” agreed Purvi. “It's kinda much if you aren't used to it.”
On the TV Seth laughed. “Good point. So, Tyler, tell me about this foundation you’ve started. I understand it’s related to what you had to go through as a teen.”
Purvi perked up. “What? No one told me we were starting a foundation. Great. Like I need more work.”
“…will work on helping teens who've been put in conversion therapy and getting legislation passed to eliminate it in the US. Currently it's only banned for minors in ten states, including my home state of Illinois and California, where I live now. I'd like to see it illegal nationwide.”
“Definitely a worthy cause.” Seth reached out and shook Tyler’s hand. “Thank you so much for coming on. It was great talking with you, Tyler. I can't wait to see you in The Silver Arrow.”
“Christmas will be here before you know it. I think they've already got stuff out in Costco.”
Seth laughed. “That’s true…”
They went on for a bit longer, generally bitching about Christmas taking over the entire calendar, then there was a commercial break.
Purvi looked down at Kevin. “I think that went well,” she said.
Kevin gave her a sleepy smile. “Yep. Can we go to bed now?”
“Sure thing.”
Right as they were about to go to the room Purvi slept in when she stayed over, the home phone rang. “Dammit. I need to get that. Go. I'll be up as soon as I deal with whoever this is.”
She picked up the phone. “Hello?”
She heard breathing on the other end of the line, but no one spoke.
“Hello? Look, if this is a crank call, your technique could use work. This is pretty—”